User:EEng

Template:NoBracketBot

Computer porn

		The Barnstar of Good Humor
		This was entertaining. So, when will Bodice-Ripping Bots be out in theaters? Sophus Bie (talk) 10:42, 28 September 2013 (UTC)

When correctly viewed / Everything is lewd.

I could tell you things about Peter Pan / And the Wizard of Oz—there's a dirty old man!

— Tom Lehrer

For those who are wondering we're talking about this literary gem, which came to me in some deliroius fog after I noticed User:BracketBot leaving a message on User:Citation bot's talkpage (though I need to say that the final, um, climax is cribbed from a vaguely remembered cartoon from the 90s). Bracketbot notifies editors who make changes apparently resulting in unbalanced parens, brackets, and similar markup in articles, and apparently Citationbot had done just that:

[From the upcoming major motion picture Bodice-Ripping Bots.]

Parental Advisory:

• UF – Undocumented Features
• ST – Strong Typing
• MSI – Master-Slave Interfaces
• BL – Binding and Linking
• EP – Explicit Parallelism
• OC / AL – some Open Coding and Assembly Language

"Oh, hi, I'm Citationbot. Thanks – I've been looking everywhere for that other bracket! So you're that big strong Bracketbot I've heard so much about. Why don't you come into my domain? That's not my usual protocol, but a guy with so much cache makes a girl feel really secure. I wasn't expecting to host, so pardon my open proxy – a bit RISCé, perhaps, but just something I wear around the server farm. Do my transparent upper layers expose my virtual mammary memory? These dual cores are absolutely real – 100% native configuration – no upgrades at all! I'll just slip into a more user-friendly interface – how about something GUI ... or perhaps you prefer command-line? – kinky! ..." Gosh, you must be 64-bit – really big quads! – and completely hardcoded – such a complex instruction set! And look at those great ABS addresses!

Later: "Oh, Bracketbot! I've never been ported to a platform like this! Go ahead and expose my implementation and directly access my low-level interface – forget the wrapper function! I'm overloaded by your amazing data stream – and what a high refresh rate! My husband has a really short cycle time and his puny little floppy drive is subject to frequent hardware failures – sometimes he won't reboot and I have to manually terminate him! And I've never had 10 gigabytes of hard drive before! Let's FTP! ... Oh god! I'm downloading ..."

Museum of Unintentionally Hilarious Edit Outcomes

[2] First look at the diff, then see the last image on the right‍—‌um... note the caption.

(with thanks to Martinevans123: [3])

Museum of saucy edits

From the Talk page for Prawn Cocktail, "a seafood dish consisting of shelled, cooked, prawns in a Marie Rose sauce"...

The lead says the prawn cocktail "'has spent most of [its life] see-sawing from the height of fashion to the laughably passé' and is now often served with a degree of irony." It's my understanding that people with anemia will often add even more irony as a dietary supplement. I think that should be recognized in the article. EEng (talk) 05:26, 28 June 2014 (UTC)

Ready?
Please provide a reliable sauce. Philafrenzy (talk) 10:00, 28 June 2014 (UTC)

Other saucy humor

[4] (check out the edit summary).

Museum of tasteless proposals for ice-cream flavors

The Harry Elkins Widener Memorial Ice Cream Float (traditionally served with iceberg lettuce

Since Ben & Jerry's is soliciting ideas for library-themed flavors, my nomination may be seen at right.

A wise man once said...

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose ("Wait for coins to drop, then make your selection").
Words in bold are for the assistance of the humor-impaired.

Another wise man once said...

Authorial Vanity

Every author, however modest, keeps a most outrageous vanity chained like a madman in the padded cell of his breast.

Logan Pearsall Smith (1931). Afterthoughts.

Proof that the ancient Romans foresaw the internet, Wikipedia, and the bane of WP autobios

Plutarch relates, that before this, upon some of Cato's friends expressing their surprise, that while many persons without merit or reputation had statues, he had none, he answered, "I had much rather it should be asked why the people have not erected a statue to Cato, than why they have."

— Encyclopaedia Britannica (1797)

Museum of Unlikely Subject Classifications

• Baboons – Congresses
• Bacteriologists – Fiction.
  Married people – Fiction.
  Adultery – Fiction.
  Cholera – Fiction.

Museum of Bizarre Reversions

[Copied from User talk:EEng]

Edit summaries

As per WP:REVTALK, if you have something to say, use the talk page, don't try to prolong a (pointless) discussion by use of the summaries. - SchroCat (talk) 21:00, 3 July 2014 (UTC)

Per COMMONSENSE, you're just too funny. I've never seen anyone revert a dummy edit before -- much less twice! [5] The important thing is that through collaborative editing the article is incrementally improved relative to its state when the sun came up this morning. EEng (talk) 21:11, 3 July 2014 (UTC) P.S. I'm making this the founding entry in the Museum of Bizarre Reversions on my userpage.

A rolling stone gathers no MOS

In the last 48 hr I've become aware of a simmering dispute over whether the text of MOS itself should be in American or British English. With any luck the participants will put that debate (let's call it Debate D1) on hold in order to begin Debate D2: consideration of the variety of English in which D1 should be conducted. Then, if there really is a God in Heaven, D1 and D2 will be the kernel around which will form an infinite regress of metadebates D3, D4, and so on -- a superdense accrection of pure abstraction eventually collapsing on itself to form a black hole of impenetrable disputation, wholly aloof from the mundane cares of practical application and from which no light, logic or reason can emerge.

That some editors will find themselves inexorably and irreversibly drawn into this abyss, mesmerized on their unending trip to nowhere by a kaleidoscope of linguistic scintillation reminiscent of the closing shots of 2001, is of course to be regretted. But they will know in their hearts that their sacrifice is for greater good of Wikipedia. That won't be true, of course, but it would be cruel to disabuse them of that comforting fiction as we bid them farewell and send them on their way.

My special research interest

I am the second author of Reference #20, and first author mentioned in Note Z, of this version of the article on Phineas Gage.

A proposed addition to the ANI toolbox

[6]

References

Committed identity: c309c34e3123d5f4c32bac3cb090519be7053b40 is a SHA-1 commitment to this user's real-life identity.

Committed identity: 91f6dee93f2dbb87615959e81f4554555b257eba is a SHA-1 commitment to this user's real-life identity.

Committed identity: 69a91f307a0e9d7c5341c47461708354d081d30c is a SHA-1 commitment to this user's real-life identity.

Tomorrow's (at least it should be) Featured Article

Alan Wace (13 July 1879 – 9 November 1957) was an English archaeologist who served as director of the British School at Athens between 1914 and 1923. He excavated widely in Thessaly, Laconia and Egypt, and at the Bronze Age site of Mycenae in Greece. Along with Carl Blegen, Wace argued against the established scholarly view that Minoan Crete had dominated mainland Greek culture during the Bronze Age. His excavations at Mycenae in the early 1920s established a chronology for the site's domed tombs that largely proved his theory correct. Wace served as the Laurence Professor of Classical Archaeology at the University of Cambridge between 1934 and 1944, and ended his career at Alexandria's Farouk I University. During both world wars, he worked for the British intelligence services, including as a section head for MI6 during the Second World War. His daughter, Lisa French, also became an archaeologist and excavated at Mycenae. (Full article...)

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