Wikipedia:Requests for feedback

"WP:FEED" redirects here. For the essay on vandalism, see Wikipedia:Deny recognition. For RSS and Atom feeds, see Wikipedia:Syndication. For the page rating system, see Wikipedia:Article Feedback Tool.

Requests for Feedback

This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed. This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions. If you are seeking an outside opinion about a dispute, please follow the steps in Wikipedia:Dispute resolution. Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

Before you request feedback

There are certain things which come up again and again so it may help if you deal with them before requesting feedback: Does your article have reliable sources? These are important in terms of both verifiability and notability. Do you have a conflict of interest that may harm your ability to produce a neutral article? If you would like a beginner's guide to these sorts of issues, take a look at the article wizard. If you are unsure about how to edit Wikipedia articles, take a look at this tutorial. For a more general discussion of writing your first article, see "Your first article".

How to post a request

Place a Wikilink, with the title of the page inside [[ and ]] - for example, [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] - in the box below. Click Click To Add Request In the new article, Write a brief summary of your work or what in particular you need help with, but do not post the whole article here. If you have rewritten an existing article, you may wish to provide a diff link from that article's history that shows your changes. Check regularly for responses to your request; they will most often be made here. ↓ Post your request using the box below. Replace "Untitled" with a wikilink to your article - e.g. [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] ↓

After Receiving Feedback

Check back here often, as you will receive a response here. Respond to the feedback, either with a simple thank you, to ask for help with anything mentioned, or, after you've made some of the improvements, what they think of them. Consider helping out here in the future - anyone can read up on what articles should be like and provide constructive criticism.

Are you providing feedback?

Please consider notifying the user whose article you are providing feedback for by placing a message on their talk page, so they will be able to read it in a timely manner and reply if necessary. You can use.. {{Feedbackreply-sm}} A template asking the user to check back here and consider responding {{Feedbackreply-alt}} A more personal version of the first offering your help with developing, moving to mainspace, etc.

(For help, see Wikipedia:Purge)

The previous few days of requests are transcluded below. The pages for the past 20 days are: ()

• October 9
• October 10
• October 11
• October 12
• October 13
• October 14
• October 15
• October 16
• October 17
• October 18
• October 19
• October 20
• October 21
• October 22
• October 23
• October 24
• October 25
• October 26
• October 27
• October 28

Index of all requests for feedback

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Agvorob/Grigory_Vorobiev

All,

Looking for some comments and suggestions on my first article on Wikipadia.

Thanks, --Agvorob (talk) 18:38, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

• I think you're off to a pretty good start. The key thing that's missing is reliable, third-party sources, for now don't worry about whether they're in English or Russian (although since this is the English Wikipedia, English is preferred when available). I suggest that you could go ahead and move it to articlespace and continue working on it there. cmadler (talk) 19:34, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Mount Hope Estate

I'm still working on it, but I think it's almost stable. In addition to general feedback and criticism, is there anything noticably missing from this coverage? Are any points unclear? Thanks, cmadler (talk) 18:05, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Looks great to me. I fixed a couple typos, that was it. I'm not a fan of adding a footnote to a heading, but I've done it when I couldn't avoid it, and I don't see it discouraged in wp:cite. Two of the three pictures are almost identical, and the first is visually marred by the building or wall on the right. Consider cropping the first. Consider not having two images so similar.--SPhilbrickT 17:00, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Please review - LMT Communications

Please review this article for posting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Eirinidlm

thanks, Eirinidlm (talk) 15:19, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, but it comes across as a little too PRish for me.
Some peacock phrasing (Recognizing a strong need).
Listing the goal isn't really appropriate. Rather than

"The goal of the company was to create an business strategies magazine"

be more more straightforward:

"The company publishes a business strategies magazine"

I don't know enough about the industry to know how a circulation of 19k ranks, so I don't know whether this publication is notable.

Please look at wp:cite. You need references in reliable sources, linked to the text. The guideline will help you.--SPhilbrickT 17:14, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Dada Gujar

I had created an article on Dada Gujar. It was deleted stating that it was a copyright infringement and advertising. Please have a look at the article here: User:Hadapsar/Dada_Gujar and give me some feedback. Please see the talk page of the article to get my exchanges with the editors. Thanks. [[[User:Hadapsar|Hadapsar]] (talk) 04:10, 28 August 2009 (UTC)]

The other editors who left comments on the talk page are correct. In general, anything that anyone has written is copyrighted. (See WP:COPYVIO) Also, it is not written in a manner appropriate for an encyclopedia. (See WP:NPOV) cmadler (talk) 14:14, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

profanity in William Wundt article

Please remove the "masterbating" (sic) sentence several paragraphs from the top in the William Wundt posting.

Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Myquestforknowledge90210 (talk • contribs) 23:35, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Kent Plantation House

Hello. I have created the Kent Plantation House article. Right now, I am editing it on my user pages. Please tell me what you think. Click here to go to my article.  Btilm  00:06, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Could use some better prose but otherwise looks nice. You may want to consider a WP:DYK nom. -- œ^™ 04:14, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

The only thing that I think looks out of place is the price of admission and opening times - that has a tone of advertising! -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 00:18, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

In re: Gill

This is an article about a case currently pending before the Florida Third Circuit Court of Appeal which could overturn Florida's 31-year-old ban on adoption by gay men and lesbians, the only ban of its kind in the U.S. The trial court judge struck down the ban, but the state has appealed. The adoption ban has received wide-spread attention over the years, due to Anita Bryant's original campaign to pass it, Rosie O'Donnell's use of her talk show to try to have it repealed, and its inclusion as a major plot point in the movie Milk.

I'm looking for suggestions both to improve the article and general suggestions on writing better articles on court cases, as I want to expand the number of articles on landmark gay rights cases in Wikipedia. Viciouslies (talk) 16:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Someone at WikiProject Law can probably help you with general advice on writing articles about court cases. cmadler (talk) 16:46, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. I haven't found a lot of useful information there (or even a good way to ask for it) but I'll keep looking. Any suggestions for improving this specific article are definitely appreciated. Viciouslies (talk) 03:20, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

Mistress Absolutes Entry

Hello, I've tried to create this entry a few times so have set it up on my user page so that I can iron the details and issues with the article. I am very new to Wiki so sorry for any caused so far.

The page in question is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Malstrome/Mistress_Absolute would it possible for it be reviewed and feedback given? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Malstrome (talk • contribs) 20:33, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

In theory, this is the right place to ask, but this site isn’t staffed as well as I would like. I’ll offer a couple comments, but I don’t want you to conclude that addressing my comments would be sufficient. You should look at some article for similar people to get a sense of style and requirements.

The second sentence “She is well known and revered worldwide’ is problematic. On one hand, it is important to establish notability early on, but on the other hand, it cannot simply be asserted, it needs to be sourced.

A slight complication is that it is desirable to write the opening section (Lead) as a summary of key points listed below. So points made in the lead don’t have to be directly sourced, as long as they are a summary of points made later in the article which are sourced.

Don’t simply say she is well-known. Cite references to support the statement.

Don’t say she is revered, she may be but that’s a conclusion an editor should not be making. if you want to use the word, find a quote from a reliable source.

Please read wp:Cite. While you have included some citations, they are not in the correct format. The guideline will help, and you can look at other articles for examples.

I saw a number of spelling and grammatical errors. One or two I would just correct, but there are quite a few, so I think you should do a read-through first.

I think you deliberately capitalized “Her” and “Herself”. That may be her preference, but it is not encyclopedic style.SPhilbrickT 13:09, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

My user page

Hi,

I'm trying to make a short information about Embedded Artists in the same way as has been made for IAR Systems. What am I doing wrong? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Hallmaria (talk • contribs) 12:28, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

I responded to this user at his/her talk page. ceranthor 13:02, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AmaruKR/Sandbox David Newman Biography

Hello,

I'm new at Wikipedia and ready to post my first article, on Kirtan artist David Newman.

In the interest of disclosure, the subject is a client of mine (I maintain his website). I am aware of Wikipedia's policies on this so I have tried to maintain a neutral pov but would like to know if anyone sees anything that would be considered non-neutral. I wouldn't write an article about any client, in fact I've refused to do so before, however this particular person has colleagues and contemporaries on Wikipedia as well as a large and growing fan base so I do think he belongs here. Any help getting this article up would be appreciated.

Thank you! —Preceding unsigned comment added by AmaruKR (talk • contribs) 15:59, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

I'd suggest that he doesn't presently meet Wikipedia:Notability (music), though if his new CD is released on Nettwerk, he would then meet criterion 5 for musicians and ensembles. You might want to keep this in userspace until then. Also, since the "Musical Style" section is sourced only to his website, you should probably strengthen the attribution. Try something like "He describes his music as [insert direct quote]." cmadler (talk) 17:35, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

First thank you for creating this in a sandbox instead of creating it in the main space and then insisting that it not be deleted. I would agree with Cmadler, not quite notable enough yet. It could also use some cleanup which I would be happy to help with after we can establish a firmer notability. Tiggerjay (talk) 03:49, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

User:Mhughes2k/WEST (brewery)

Looking for a bit of feedback about an article regarding the WEST Brewery in Glasgow! --Mhughes2k (talk) 11:17, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

I think the awards, plus being the only Reinheitsgebot-compliant brewery in the UK establish notability, but this article needs better sourcing. Find some reviews of their beer, media coverage of the awards, etc. and the article would be much improved. You may want to add an explanation of how the brewery was "founded" in 2003 but didn't open until 2006. A few photos illustrating the outside of the building, the inside, the restaurant, etc. would also help. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 12:58, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

Please provide feedback and formatting suggestions

Hello--

I hope this is the right place/method to get feedback on an article in development. It can be found here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Johncmorley/Camerado

Thanks for any feedback,

Johncmorley (talk) 11:38, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

This article has a number of issues:

• It lacks reliable third-party sources (with the possible exception of IMDb, the reliability of which is debated).
• Much of the article is contradicted by one source (After mentioning a brief stop in Cambodia in 2003, and his arrival in January 2005, Rosette writes, "As I've spent more time in Cambodia, I've se up my own film company called Camerado, which makes documentaries for NGOs that are active in the region.").
• As currently presented in the article, Camerado may not meet Wikipedia's notability guideline. Note that, per WP:MOVIE, "listings in comprehensive film guides such as... the Internet Movie Database" are considered trivial coverage, which can be used to cite facts, but do not establish notability.

Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:34, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

---

Thanks for the feedback -- that particular ("contradicting") article does appear to contain factual errors though, since the Camerado title "BookWars" can be verifiably referenced to a year 2000 release. The article appears to mis-quote Camerado founder Jason Rosette, attributing an incorrect date to the start of Camerado's operations. So: I assume that source should not be used?

Johncmorley (talk) 04:38, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

PLEASE....... PLEASE AND AGAIN PLEASE TO REMOVE IT

first of all i would like to say hi to every members of wekipedia

As we all Muslims have requesed you before to remove our PROPHET'S PICTURE (PBUH) FROM THIS SITE AND ITS SEEM

THAT NO ONE IS RESPONDING TO OUR REQUEST so we once again reuqest you to remove it as soon as possible . It is a

very serius thing .....please...please and please.

here is the link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Maome.jpghttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Maome.jpg

or

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mcrop.JPGhttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mcrop.JPG —Preceding unsigned comment added by 77.31.41.98 (talk) 14:46, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

We understand your concern, and we understand your religious views. However you must understand that Wikipedia is not censored and that not everyone subscribes to your views/faith. You may, if you wish, disable images in your web browser, if you do not want to see the images. Please read the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) near the top of the page here. ƒ(Δ)² 17:46, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

However, I do not understand your concern, and I do not understand your personal religious views. I have read the Qur'an and it does not prohibit depictions of Mohammed. You do have the right to politely ask for removal, but as such removal would be contrary to our principles, I politely decline. However, this is not even the forum to present such a request, it is the forum for feedback on existing articles you have written.--SPhilbrickT 01:07, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

principle of no-work-no-pay (dies non)

I have created this article about unauthorised absence of workers. Kindly send your valuable feedbacks on it.Anandkharebsnl (talk) 11:57, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

• Please look at wp:cite. While you have provided some references, the reference style could be improved.
• You need to establish {wp:n|Notability]]. I did a quick google search which convinced me that the phrase is common, even though I hadn't heard it before. However, whether I had heard of it or not, you need to establish that "no-work-no-pay" is notable - you have emphasized the references to "dies non", you need to add some for "no-work-no-pay".
• In your second section, you assert, without qualification "The doctrine of "no-work-no-pay" is a fundamental axiom in industrial relations." I don't believe this is universally true. Addling references will probably help you determine where and when the statement is valid.
• "When a person is employed, he is expected to carry out the work assigned to him." Please see if this can be written in a gender neutral fashion.
• "Even die-hard trade union leaders respect this principle of equity and natural justice." I don't believe this is universally true. Again, adding proper references will probably help you understand when and where it is true.
• In the fourth section, you are discussing the contents of a book. This is not a book review. It is good to have a reference to support the statements, but the statements should be written as statements about the concept in the banking industry, not statements about a book covering the industry.
• The fifth section just appears to be a cite from a law, not put into context. I can guess why you think it is relevant, but the reader shouldn't have to guess.
• The sixth section is a reference to a judgment, but the reference isn't properly formed, more importantly, there is no hint to the reader what was concluded and why it is relevant to this article.--SPhilbrickT 22:12, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

Re: Sphilbrick's comment about gender-neutral language: I have reworded the sentence (and the following one) so that it is gender-neutral. I agree with the other points Sphilbrick has made, plus would add the following point:

• In several places, the article mentions practises in India - although the lead section does not mention that the article is about India specifically. The references also refer to Indian publications. As Wikipedia is a world-wide encyclopedia, I would suggest that either it is made explicit that this article refers to an Indian legality, or (far more preferable in my opinion) a search for references in other parts of the world (including, by by no means limited to, the UK, the US, the European Union, etc). I have placed a globalize tag on the page with this in mind, and will leave a message on the article's talk page about this. -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 21:17, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

About elizabeth II

in the section about elizabeth II 1080's about when she was shot at by blank bullets you forgot to say that canada offerd the queen a home for her family to say so that she could be better protected —Preceding unsigned comment added by 142.177.60.71 (talk) 03:22, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Task Force for International Cooperation on Holocaust Education, Remembrance and Research

Hello, I recently created my first wiki article, Task Force for International Cooperation on Holocaust Education, Remembrance, and Research, and have been gradually trying to improve it. Any feedback would be very useful - in particular in relation to tone, which seems to be a problem. Thanks --Kameyer (talk) 19:54, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Bible translations by language

I just (roughly) completed a merge on this page, and it still needs a significant amount of editing to maintain its B class. Before I start on the detailing though, I would appreciate some high level perspective on the goals and format of this article. Specifically:

• This article was moved from List of Bible translations two years ago. Given its massive scope, it is only possible to provide a very brief treatment of every language in one article and I think it might be better to return to the previous name. Thoughts?
• The lead uses a non standard list format in lieu of a TOC. If this article is being transformed to a true list, should we remove the list from the lede and restore the TOC?
• Is it acceptable to footnote the external links (currently broken up by section) so they all appear in one section?
• What portions of this article's content are good candidates for splitting/deletion to reduce the article's size?
• Finally, there is an old suggestion on the talk page about converting this list into a sortable table. I like the idea. Does anyone have suggestions as to the appropriateness and feasibility of this suggestion? Jminthorne (talk) 21:53, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Small add - as I look back at the page, I was mistaken about the B class statement; it is list class. Jminthorne (talk) 21:56, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

• First the article name: I don't think "list of Bible translations" is the right place. I'd go with "list of Bible translations by language" - that's what you really have. There's no problem with a list article having a substantial amount of non-list text also.
• I would remove the current list from the lede and replace it with a table of contents; however, it appears that some of the languages listed in the lede link directly to other articles rather than to sections of this one. You will want to make sure that each of these has a section in this article (even if the section consists only of a "see...") so they all show up in your new TOC.
• It is certainly acceptable to combine all the external links in a single section at the end; in fact, that's the normal practice. But that might not work well for this article given the size and the intent to gradually spin off sections as their own articles.
• In thinking about whether a section is big enough to stand on its own, I'd look at three factors. First, how much content is already written. The Cherokee section could probably be split off as a non-stub article as is. Second, how much could be written. There is probably not much that could ever be written about translations into Pipil, for example (unless a Bible translation helps revitalize the language). Finally, consider sources. If you don't have a source you can't write about it.
• I would not convert this into a sortable table. I just don't see how to make that work well.
• Do consider other ways to organize this information. For example, rather than listing alphabetically by language (which creates obvious problems for the table of contents), consider organizing them by language family (see List of language families). Then your top-level headings would be: Indo-European, Sino-Tibetan, Niger-Congo, Afro-Asiatic, Austronesian, Dravidian, Altaic, Austro-Asiatic, Tai-Kadai, Japonic, and Other (isolates, mixed languages, unclassified, etc.). If you brainstorm on it, I'm sure you can come up with other ways to organize that make more sense than "A-F", "G-L", etc. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:39, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

Parent Company Guarantee

Embarrassed when I received a late night text from my boss mentioning a PCG and I had to ask him what it stood for I was forced into my first Wikipedia article. Does it cut the mustard? Improvement welcomed. DrJock (talk) 17:26, 8 September 2009 (UTC)

The article needs a lot more context and explanation. Is this a legal principle or requirement, or is it an option that such a parent company can choose to offer? Both sources are in the UK, is this UK-specific or international? If the former, why, and if the latter, how does it vary from country to country? Are there any noteworthy examples of this? Related terms/principles? What is the history of this, both in practice and of the specific term? When and where did it originate? How common/widespread is it? Thanks, cmadler (talk) 15:01, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

I know the term as "parental guarantee" although a quick search doesn't indicate that this is a more common term. It may be worth noting that there are alternatives— something like "also known as "parental guarantee". (adding to cmadler's point, it is highly likely that the phrasing varies from legal jurisdiction to legal jurisdiction, so it may be worth checking a bit to see when each option is used.)I think the reference to contractor makes the concept too narrow. It is not uncommon for the parent of an insurance company to have to make a parental guarantee—specifically that the parent would pay obligations associated with insurance policies issued by the subsidiary. I see this as a classic example, but it isn't really a contractor relationship.--SPhilbrickT 23:28, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

Okay now to remove the BLP banner on the Robert Conley page?

I added more references to the Robert Conley Wikipedia page. They are primary source material from highly credible sources (The New York Times Archives, NBC News Archives, NPR online, Carnegie Foundation), fully supporting the who what, where, and when of the simple, factual claims made on the page. I think the page looks well referenced and ready for normal treatment. May I ask you to sanction the removal of the "additional references needed" banner?

Also, after one of the redesigns by one of the Wikipedia editors, where he/she collapsed four sections into one, there are four, relic, "section edit" boxes all in a row now, three of which should probably be deleted now, no?

Sincerely, Sinequaoui (talk) 13:53, 9 September 2009 (UTC)

One thing we don't do a good job of is explaining that anyone can remove the notice if they feel they have complied. That said, if someone added such a notice to an article I had worked on, I would want them to agree it is now OK. Looks to me like you did a great job, so go ahead and remove it. As to the multiple "edit" boxes, that's a glitch created by the fact that there are several images on the right side. WP:BUNCH addresses the issue, but I confess I haven't tried it myself, and I've seen other report that it works sometimes but not others. You might try putting one or more of the images on the left (but not the first).--SPhilbrickT 23:38, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

William Stanley (Victorian inventor)

I have created the above page of a very well known person in the South Norwood and Croydon areas of South London.

I have all the information there, all cited (using books, websites and newspaper articles - both online and offline).

All I need now is advice on how to tidy it up!

This is the first time that I have created a new article about a person in detail.

Any advice would be gratefully received! Thanks. -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 23:54, 9 September 2009 (UTC)

Starting points would be:

• You have two different sets of footnotes that could probably be merged together. Also, I can't find any full citation for "Akpan", what is it?
• Take a look at the Manual of Style for biographies. Particular items that jump out at me include:
  • The alphabet soup of terms after his name in the lead, for which I can't find an explanation in the article.
  • The lead should give more context. What are one or two specific things for which he is best known?
• Consider rewriting the "Personal life and education" and "Work" sections. These seem to be a recitation of facts about him which jump around topically, and in many cases are single-sentance paragraphs.
• Consider changing the "Legacy" section from a bullet-pointed list to paragraphs.
• Several sections of the article are long lists, such as "Selected works". Consider moving these to the end of the article, after all the text, but still before the citations.
• At the end of the "References" section, you have some additional listings, which it appears were not used in this article. Consider putting those in a separate section or sub-section, such as "Further reading".
• For more detailed biography-specific advice, consider also asking for help at WikiProject Biography.

Good luck! cmadler (talk) 14:38, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for you feedback, cmadler. A couple of responses from me about them, as they are very helpful! (I'm going to print this off, along with the MOS entry, to refer to when working on the article)

1. The "Akpan" is refering the the book I used by Eloise Akpan, which was in the reference list, just after the citations list! I have moved it to be with the Notes section.
2. I will remove the letters after his name, as they are not required - they show the societies that he was a fellow of, but they could be removed with no loss!
3. The layout and re-writing advise you have given is invaluable - I will spend some time working on this (I started re-writing it as it was a whole lot of "In 1865, he ..." followed by the next paragraph "In 1867, he...", etc - it looked more like a diary than anything else!)
4. I will move the extra references into a separate section, as you advise.

I will do some more work on it over the next fews days (kids allowing!) and leave a message back here when I would appreciate further input (from you or others!) I will also leave a message at WP Biog when I do that

Once again, thanks for your invaluable constructive criticism, which is really helpful. -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 15:12, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

I have restructured the Notes/References section (merging into a Notes and References section), with the Akpan references listed after the citation for the book. I have also put the others in a "Further Reading". I'll do more work on this tonight (hopefully) and during the next few days. -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 15:21, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

Schloss Eggenberg (Graz)

This article deals with the history and construction of Schloss Eggenberg in Graz. It draws on a number of sources including original Joanneum website information. I would like feedback on the article in every form to improve not only this article but others that I may wish to write dealing with the principle actors surrounding Schloss Eggenberg and the House of Eggenberg.

Oops, didn't properly link in the last post :-)

Thank you Smf77 (talk) 10:30, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

• I wouldn't be too concerned about the use of the Joanneum website for citing facts, but value judgements such as the first sentance of the article need indepenant sourcing.
• Five of the external links all go to the Joanneum museum website, unless these subpages are difficult to find it would probably be better just to give one main link for that site.
• If it were me, I'd restructure the "Further Information" and "Notes and References" sections. Consider giving the full listings for all cited works once, in one place, using shorter listings for the footnotes, and only listing works that are not cited nor used as references for this article as "Further reading".
• In section titles, only the first word and proper nouns should be capitalized. ("The Construction History of the Palace" should be "The construction history of the palace".) Likewise, be careful not to capitalize common nouns in the text. See Noun#Proper_nouns_and_common_nouns.
• There are a number of statements in the article that really need citations, which you may be able to provide from the currently referenced works. (Examples: "In addition, three exquisite East Asian cabinets were integrated into the sequence of rooms." "From the early modern era there is only 1 view of Osaka (unfortunately in a poor condition), so these works are especially noteworthy.")

I hope this helps some. cmadler (talk) 14:03, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

Draft article for Lake Erie Transit

I have a good basic article on Lake Erie Transit, a public bus service in SE Michigan. Saw that Toledo's TARTA has one, read some neat green features for LET and so drafted something. Found some good newspapers articles too. I used the helpme feature and received some help.

If anyone has time, would appreciate any other feedback. The article is on my special userpage http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Glasscity09/Lake_Erie_Transit

--Glasscity09 (talk) 17:00, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

That article is definitely off to a good start. I'd suggest that you go ahead and move it to Lake Erie Transit - go to the current location of the article, click the "Move" tab near the top of the screen, and put the new article name in the box when prompted.

Some other suggestions:

• It looks like one of your references is cited twice. Instead of giving a full second citation, consider naming the reference so it can be used more than once.
• Make sure to give the correct article title in each of your references. When using the citation template, the "title" is the title of the specific article cited, not the larger work.
• The first mention of the subject of the article is always bolded.
• Consider uploading a photo or two. Search for appropriately licensed images on Flickr, ask friends, or take some photos yourself.

Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:58, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

My article on Mscore has no feedback and is still sitting in my contributions

When will this be reviewed and possibly made a live page for people to find?

Thanks! Dstokey —Preceding unsigned comment added by Dstokey (talk • contribs) 17:19, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

I think you misunderstand how the feedback requests work. Articles (especially those in user space such as your one User:Dstokey/Mscore) are not automatically reviewed. You need to make a request for it to be reviewed, by placing an entry on this page. To do this, go to the top of this page and read How to post a request and following the instructions there -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 17:39, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

This article is not appropriately written, and may not be an appropriate topic for Wikipedia. It is written like a press release or advertisement, does not give a good explanation of the significance of Mscore, and does not cite any reliable, third party sources. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:42, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

(edit conflict) A very quick (and I mean quick, as I've got to go offline in a minute) shows no references to independent sources (see WP:RELIABLE_SOURCES, and no specific indication of notability. However, if I get a chance to look at it later, I will - but no promises! -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 17:43, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

George Tsimbidaros-Fteris

Hello, I recently published an article I wrote about George Fteris, a famous Greek writer who wrote a song which had an impact on the Greks in WWII. It was rated as a "start class" article, and I am having troubles getting peer review to work. So, I would like feedback and suggestions for the article. Thanks a lot, --Iliada 13:31, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

I haven't looked at the article in depth, but two impressions came across:

1. although there are 4 references, there seemed a lot of parts of the article that weren't referenced, so they would benefit with more referencing
2. the final reference (Βενιζελέας, Γ.Η.. "ΓΕΩΡΓΙΟΣ ΦΤΕΡΗΣ") - if Google Translate is to be believed, this would be Venizelea, G.I.. "GEORGE FTERIS" - May I suggest that it be cited as Βενιζελέας, Γ.Η. (Venizelea, G.I). "ΓΕΩΡΓΙΟΣ ΦΤΕΡΗΣ" ("George Fteris") (in Greek) or even Venizelea, G.I. "ΓΕΩΡΓΙΟΣ ΦΤΕΡΗΣ" ("George Fteris") (in Greek)? Personally, I'd go for the latter, as this is the English-language wikipedia!

If I get a chance to, I'll look at it in more detail later -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 14:45, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

I agree with the first suggestion on the second point. I believe the guideline is that names should be given in their original language, and that when it uses a different alphabet, a transliteration should also be given. There's a policy or guideline on this somewhere, I've seen it within the last two days, but I can't find it at the moment. cmadler (talk) 15:16, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

I thought I'd seen it before, but what I found is Wikipedia:Verifiability#Non-English_sources which states that any quotations should be transliterated. Of course, if an English-language edition of the book was ever published, this would be the preferable source, but my searches didn't find any. Also, looking at the source for that citation [1], it says at the bottom of the page Δημοσίευση στη μηνιαία εικονογραφημένη επιθεώρηση «ΤΑΫΓΕΤΟΣ ΚΑΙ ΜΑΝΙΑΤΕΣ» του εκδότη Παν. Πετροπουλέα, Τ. 4 Μάιος 1978., which Google Translate renders as Published in monthly illustrated review «TAYGETOS AND MANIATES» issuer Univ. Petropoulos, T. 4 May 1978. - I couldn't find a reference to the book there. A Google search of the site reveals a few references to Βενιζελέας, Γ.Η/Γιώργου Η. Βενιζελέα (Venizelea George H) on various pages, as an illustrator. I think we need a fluent English/Greek editor to look at this in more detail - I think the citation should either be as a {{cite web}} one for that website, or as a {{cite news}} for Taygetos and Maniates - although I think that particular site is more to do with the third reference. *sigh* I wish I could read Greek myself -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 15:56, 11 September 2009 (UTC)

Ian Miller (illustrator), John Blanche, Confounding Factor (games company)

Hello. The title includes three article pages, which are the only ones I have started myself. The first two are fairly old now, although I have been doing some heavy editing on them in recent days, the third is a new page. I was looking around Wiki at help pages, etc., and found this page, so I thought I would seek some feedback as I have been working on each page as sole creator and editor. Any feedback and suggestions ould be appreciated. Thanks in advance. LSmok3 (talk) 12:51, 12 September 2009 (UTC)