Sid the Sexist: Difference between revisions
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[[Image:Simon Donald 001.jpg|thumb|right|250px|[[Simon Donald]] drawing Sid the Sexist in a copy of his book, ''Him off the Viz'', in November 2010]] |
[[Image:Simon Donald 001.jpg|thumb|right|250px|[[Simon Donald]] drawing Sid the Sexist in a copy of his book, ''Him off the Viz'', in November 2010 yesterday]] |
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{{multiple issues|unreferenced =May 2007|original research =September 2007}} |
{{multiple issues|unreferenced =May 2007|original research =September 2007}} |
Revision as of 07:15, 19 April 2011
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Sid the Sexist (real name Sidney Aloysius Smutt) is a character from the English comic book Viz. The strip was created and mostly drawn by Simon Donald until he left the magazine in 2003, when Paul Palmer took over as artist. The character was based in part on a friend of Viz editor Chris Donald[citation needed].
Character
While Sid and his mates Baz, Bob and Joe, who are all Geordies, brag continually about their sexual prowess, each strip centres around his struggle to lose his virginity. He still lives with his mother. He is a desperate 30 year-old, unable or unwilling to use any kind of decorum when approaching women, using outrageously crude lines. Sid seems under-educated and knows little of the world outside Newcastle. It is even claimed at one point that he is unable to read. He is physically very unfit, has a prominent beer belly, drinks heavily, always has a cigarette in his mouth and is cowardly despite his macho pretensions, always coming off the worse in a fight. He is also in denial: despite the misfortunes that befall him he continues to display a blind faith in his crude attitude towards women and, when rejected, often tries to pass the blame for his failure on to the woman in question or somebody else.
The recurrent format of Sid's adventures is that he believes he has found a new approach to women that will secure him a ('This time... this time! It HAS to be this time!!') and invariably ends up being humiliated, often painfully. His attempts have also unintentionally led to several homosexual encounters which reveal his homophobia or, perhaps, latent homosexuality.
In an early issue of Viz, Sid approaches a woman with; 'How, pet, my name's Sid. D'ya fancy a fuck?' When answered with a definite 'No!', he continues: 'Well, would you mind lying down while I have one?' In another episode he attempts to pick up a woman by telling her that he works as 'an assistant to a well-established provider of goods to the younger end of the market'; despite being exposed as an elf in Santa's grotto in a local department store' by his derisive mates, he still attempts to keep up the pretence that his job brings him success with women--'Y'see lasses fancy summat [something] a bit special'. Although Sid's three companions do sometimes succeed with women, they are much like him in their yobbish, misogynistic, homophobic and racist outlook, never marry or expand their stagnant social circle.
Mates
- Bob: a short man with a wide, flat head, a crooked nose and a crew-cut whose outfit of choice is jeans and a hooded sweater. Bob thinks most highly of Sid, is often in awe of him and his alleged power over women, is normally the first to encourage Sid in the his disastrous attempts at womanising and usually believes all but the most feeble of Sid's excuses for his failures.
- Joe is the tough guy of the group due to his strength, large size and limited intelligence but is a rather peaceful person, often the one who tries to break up the fights and disputes that break out between Sid, Bob and Baz.
- Baz is the most successful of Sid's friends, often seen wearing a suit or jacket with parted hair and a moustache. Baz is much more openly sceptical about Sid's abilities with women than Bob and Joe, once referring to Sid as being "all talk and no tackle". He is the only one of Sid's friends who comes close to seeing through his hollow bragging and is not afraid to suggest to Sid's face that he is still a virgin, often resulting in the two falling out or fighting.
Storylines
- The lads realise that they could stand to lose some weight and go to the recreation centre to swim. Sid stuffs socks in his bathing suit to give the impression he has large genitals in order to impress the female lifeguard but reveals that he cannot swim and so cannot enter the deep end with his friends but has to go splash around the area reserved for the "bairns". After being caught urinating in the pool ("Missus! That man's havvin' a wee!"), Sid is warned by the female lifeguard. True to form, Sid tells his friends that he's "well in". Challenged by his friends to impress her he jumps into the deep end of the pool "dive bomber" style, panics and forces the lifeguard to save him, causing the socks to spill out of his bathing suit.
- The lads go out for Sid's cousin's stag night in Blackpool. Everyone gets progressively more drunk and at the end of the evening Sid storms off to find a woman while his cousin is handcuffed, naked and protesting, to a street lamp. The next day Baz reads a newspaper with the headline "Youth Dies of Exposure in Blackpool". Sid, meanwhile, wakes up with a hangover and sees a head of curly blonde hair in the bed next to him. Thinking he has finally "pulled", he asks his "date" if she fancies another ride and is terrified when the owner of the blonde hair is a rather large man, who calls him "Sidney, my love" and tells him to "roll over".
- The lads are puzzled by Sid's refusal to drink his usual bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale, instead ordering orange squash. Sid finally reveals his reason for abstaining: he has driven his recently purchased car to the pub. His friends insist on him giving them a ride but Sid promptly crashes into a police car. The officer is a policewoman, which prompts Sid to state that he's got the matter handled, whereby he proceeds to relate a rather crude joke about how female officers part their hair. The last panel features another police officer telling Sid "your mates reckon they're gonna kill you", so "for his own safety" he is placed in a cell with a violent sexual offender who has pictures of naked men taped to his cell wall.
- Going horse riding in the belief that women become aroused by being rubbed by their saddle, an upper-class looking woman offers Sid a roll in the hay, but when Sid cries out with excitement a horse kicks him in the crotch, sending him to hospital.
- Sid buys a self-help book purporting to teach success with women and brags to his friends that he will reveal the amazing secrets it contains, 'only when me cock's fallen off!' Sid's attempt at using the method in the book and a vile-smelling pheromone spray supplied with it results rejection. Later that night, Bob, Baz and Joe have all found girls but poor Sid wanders home alone, miserable and still smelling foul.
- Sid makes a £1000 bet with his friend Baz that he can seduce a woman within a week. He attempts hypnosis on a nun, who kicks him in his genitals, buys another pheromone spray (Pig Piss) which only attracts a blind woman's guide dog and makes a desperate approach to Millie Tant, who repays him with yet another vicious kick. The final frame has Sid begging his mother for £1000 to pay his debt.
- Going to Barcelona, for Joe's brother's stag night, Sid, the best man, demands to go to a sex show and pays all the entrance fees. At the show, a beautiful woman wants a volunteer for a 'strip' - Sid instantly jumps on the stage. The woman blindfolds him, asks him to bend over and a man dressed in a gorilla suit takes him from behind.
- Sid and his friends travel to Bangkok after hearing that prostitutes there will sell themselves for as little as a pound. Sid is robbed at gun point by one of these ladies after being tied to the bedpost. The final scene shows Sid trying to earn his flight home by working as a homosexual prostitute.
- During a drinking session with Baz, Bob and Joe, Sid hears about the myth that you get a prostitute sent up to your hotel room if you call reception and ask for "an extra pillow". He dismisses the idea as ridiculous in front of his friends but, sure enough, books himself into a cheap Travelodge hotel later on and calls reception, asking for an "extra pillow". The hotel reception sends a maid up to his room with an actual extra pillow. Sid mistakes the maid for a prostitute and takes his clothes off in front of her, resulting in him being hospitalised after a serious beating. Later the doctor asks Sid if he would like "an extra pillow" to make him feel better. Sid takes the offer literally and accepts, only for the doctor to return with a prostitute.
- Joe points out that Sid, if he had a new wardrobe and hairstyle, bears an uncanny resemblance to a pop star and girls flock to him after being made to look like the artist in question. So he goes along with this deception to pull women and invites them back to his house for a "rock'n'rurl orgy", only for it to be announced that the pop star in question has come out in the press as gay. The girls are disgusted, only for Sid's homophobia to be exposed when he's chased by gay men who fancy him (Or rather, the pop star he's mistaken for).
- Sid is introduced to the friend of one of his mates' girlfriends, an attractive dark-haired woman who offers sexual innuendos ("a brandy would make me randy"). At the end of the evening, Sid has taken the lady back to his place, where she has proceeded to strip off and awaits him in bed completely nude. Sid strips (thinking "This is it!"), and admonishes his date to keep quiet (as he's afraid her now-blatant sexual banter will awaken his mother). Unfortunately for Sid, that's exactly what happens, as his mum walks in carrying a tray with snacks, stating she heard him "bring in a friend" who "mustn't stay long, mind."
- While in the pub with his mates, Baz mentions to Sid how all librarians are 'dorty' and sex-mad, using the rather flimsy reasoning that they're surrounded by erotica and dictionaries full of 'naughty words' all day. Later on, an excited Sid goes to the library and after some harmless innuendo from the female librarian ("I've got to go and deal with a gentleman who's been stood with a hard one in his hands for ages") he exposes himself on the counter, and is later charged in court with indecent exposure.
- Sid and the lads once went down to London to go to some strip clubs in Soho, only to hire a taxi operated by fellow Viz character Cockney Wanker, who takes them on a detour via Brighton and cons them out of all their money. Left with only £10 the lads decide to at least have a drink before going home, and get lured into a clip joint by a man promising a free sex show. The owner attempts to charge them £1,400 for four pints of lager. Bob, Baz and Joe agree to go to a cash point and get the money, while leaving Sid as "security," but hop back on the train to Newcastle at the first available chance. The last panel of the story sees Sid badly bruised, in his underwear and attempting to hitch-hike on the M1.
Television
Sid also starred in a spinoff animated cartoon in 1992 (also called Sid the Sexist) which was aired on Channel 4. The video was released in 1992 by Polygram Video, and the DVD was released in 2004. The DVD contained all five episodes. The running time of the DVD is approximately 45 minutes.
Oot On The Tap (13:30)
The lads begin at the pub, where Sid receives a black eye from a woman after a crude attempt to chat her up. In another bar, Sid, Baz and Bob disagree over the reasons behind the rejection. Joe warns them not to fight, but they end up fighting and are thrown out. This is followed by a meal at an Indian restaurant where they order the hottest curry dishes. Everyone else proclaims that the food is so hot it's inedible; Sid denounces them as "homs" just before discovering just how hot the dish actually is. The four of them then go out to a nightclub where Sid suffers a string of failed chat-up attempts that get worse as he gets more and more drunk, eventually resulting in him being thrown out for indecent exposure. Finally at the end of the night, Sid vomits outside a kebab shop as Joe places their orders and Bob urinates up a lamp post, Baz comforting Sid by stating "It just shows ye had a good night" and Sid claiming he wants "plenty onions" on his kebab in between heaves.
Euro Sidney (11:12)
Sid and the lads decide go on holiday to Spain following an argument in the pub over where to go, resulting in Joe giving Sid a black eye for calling him a "fat git". On the plane things instantly go bad for Sid after an air stewardess on the plane "accidentally" spills hot coffee on his crotch. Once they arrive Sid instantly begins abusing the locals and other tourists, embarrassing the others and earning himself another punch in the face for his trouble. Later on whilst out by the pool Sid refuses to put on sunscreen as he believes that as it's the same sun as the one in Newcastle, it can't do him any harm. As the sun quickly goes to Sid's head he tries it on with a Swiss woman before mistaking her and her partner for Germans, mouthing off very loudly about the 1966 World Cup. The police arrive and try to calm him down and get him out of the sun but he continues to hurl abuse at them, resulting in him being beaten up, arrested and deported. Baz, Bob and Joe see out their holiday on the beach with girls they have pulled whilst a heavily-bandaged Sid tries and fails to chat up a woman on a bench in a rain-soaked Whitley Bay.
Sid's Ship Comes In (3:24)
Sid and his mates are in the pub as normal. Bob tells Sid that he, Baz and Joe don't want to hang around with Sid anymore. Sid realizes what Bob is saying, and walks away saying: "Whahey, here I come!" Later, Sid is in the nightclub where he and his mates were in the first episode. He sees a woman in a red dress, and she takes Sid back to her house.
Sid has finally scored with a woman at last until suddenly, he discovers a white patch on his bed sheet (he has had a wet dream.) He hears his mother calling him and realizes it was all a dream. He gives a sad groan, and goes back to sleep.
Sid's Blind Date (14:05)
Sid is home with his mother watching Blind Date. He decides to go on the show in an attempt to meet a woman. After going on the show he invites the oblivious Joe, Bob and Baz round to his house to watch the episode in which Sid goes up against a slow-witted Brummie and a swaggering Londoner to win a date with a posh but naive woman. Despite Sid being his usual obnoxious self, the woman mistakes his crudeness for some kind of likeable northern sense of humour. The woman chooses Sid as her date, much to the surprise of everyone watching. After the episode goes out, Sid suddenly finds himself being very popular.
Later on, Sid's mother and his mates go to London to see him and the woman discuss their date on the following episode. But at the BBC Television Centre, Baz causes trouble when he calls the security guard a "cheeky Cockney twat" after being told that they should have gone to the London Weekend Television studios instead. They finally get to the right place but during the show it is discovered that Sid's date had not gone so well due his misapprehension that sex would be involved. Afterwards Sid asks the lady if they would like to make out in the dressing room. The lady finally snaps and punches him in the testicles. Later in hospital, Baz tells Sid he was doing fine until the lady punched him in his plums. The doctor appears and tells Sid one of his testicles will emerge within a couple of years. Sid gives a horrified gulp.
The Big Pull (3:55)
Sid is in the local Newsagent looking for some dirty magazines. He buys one and hides it in a newspaper. When he bumps into a lady, she discovers the dirty magazine he was hiding in his newspaper. Sid tells her he was going to buy one called Mammoth Melons, but he picked up the wrong one. The woman gives him a cross look and he sighs.
Later, Sid is still outside the Newsagent smoking a cigarette. A boy comes along and Sid gives him some money to buy a dirty magazine for him. The woman comes along, and Sid apologizes for what happened earlier. The boy returns and tells Sid: "Mister, I can not reach Mammoth Melons. Will Gigantic Jugs Of Joy do?". Sid gulps, and the woman walks crossly away. Later at Sid's house, his friends call for him. His mother opens the door, and tells them he is in his room. As they open the door, they find Sid masturbating over some dirty magazines. He looks up at his friends and goes red in the face.