Karl Pilkington

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Karl Pilkington, from the Ricky Gervais Live: Politics DVD Interview.

Karl Pilkington (born September 23, 1972 in Manchester, England) is an English radio producer previously best known for producing The Ricky Gervais Show on the radio station Xfm. After leaving Xfm, Pilkington has reached an international audience through his appearances with Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant on The Ricky Gervais Show podcast.

Gervais has repeatedly denied suggestions that Pilkington is an invented character, claiming that Karl's unique qualities are beyond his powers of imagination. Pilkington's remark "I could eat a knob at night" (made during a conversation about the 'bush tucker trials' in I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!, in which a celebrity was forced to digest a kangaroo phallus) has spawned much internet interest, as well as merchandise and music. His comic style depends on a completely deadpan delivery coupled with a surreal and ill-conceived view of the world.

Biography

Childhood

Karl lived in Manchester for most of his life. His descriptions of his childhood suggest that his was an unconventional upbringing. Growing up on a council estate, he was educated at Ashton-on-Mersey School, but was regularly absent due to family holidays. These were arranged by his parents during term-time (when it was cheaper to do so). He claims that during his school years, he was given two attendance awards in an attempt to persuade him to remain in school. This strategy failed, and Karl continued his absenteeism. He now contends that he was never encouraged by his teachers, and that they said he would "never be a high flyer." Moreover, he disliked school because all of his teachers were 'profiting' from his education, and complains that in class he was regularly given menial and pointless tasks, such as attaching as many stickers to Thomson brochures as possible in 30 minutes.

A highlight from his school days was when he was chosen to serve biscuits to the residents of a local an old people's home. He was selected because of his nice (finger)nails and "went down a storm" as he was "into biscuits".

For a short time Pilkington kept a pet magpie, named Maggie, which sometimes pecked at his head and at the tyres on his bicycle. When Karl took Maggie to school to show his class it flew away and never returned. The family also went through several cats, because they lived on a main road. One of these cats was prone to sickness and Karl's mother, tired of having to clean it all the time, decided the best course of action was to shave it. Karl notes that he normally likes cats but after being shaved it was 'too weird'.

Karl told Russell Brand during their limited stint on BBC radio that he has been diagnosed with restless leg syndrome due to eating too much ice cream as a kid.

Adolescence

Pilkington left school without collecting his exam results - live on air (on Xfm) Ricky Gervais revealed that he had attained a single "E" GCSE grade in History. This came as something of a surprise to Karl as he had no recollection of actually taking the exam. The excitement of this news was tempered somewhat by the discovery that he had not received grades for any of the GCSEs he actually does remember sitting as unfortunately he never registered for the exams.

Pilkington went through a number of jobs, his favourite being his paper round. Karl's school and its catchment area were near a power plant. This could explain his inherent fascination with 'freaks' ("I just like odd stuff"), as the school contained a couple of (unrelated) pupils who had "big heads", webbed hands and feet, together with a boy with a 'pigeon chest'.

Apparently Karl's neighbourhood contained other strange and eccentric personalities, such as a woman who rode around on a tricycle with her husband sitting in a basket attached to the end of it, a family who kept a horse in their front room, an elderly witch with a penchant for dishwashers and a woman who pushed a pram around a council estate - the pram contained a bucket with a face drawn on it, instead of a real baby.

Karl had a variety of hobbies as a young man and spent a lot of time using a CB radio. His favourite CB speak includes "what's your twenty", "how many candles are you burning", "what am I burning" and "side-on". Karl also bought himself a go-kart and "kept himself occupied with that" after discovering that Twiggys, the local dance school, had closed down and was being used to store toilet rolls. This meant he was unable to practice his "Robotics, body-poppin' an' that". He also ran a mobile disco with friend Colin Makin called "Pilkie's Makin Music". In addition to playing records he would also offer prizes to the audience, such as cigars or a pair of tights - basically whatever he could find in his parents' dressing table.

Adulthood

Pilkington was initially an off-air producer of the show, which was broadcast on Xfm, but his antics and opinions soon led to him joining Merchant and Gervais on-air. Some of Pilkington's most popular contributions to the show include "Monkey News" (news which is supposed to be about monkeys, but is almost always about chimpanzees), "Rockbusters" (which is nothing like 1980s game show Blockbusters, despite punning on its title) and "Knob News" (a spin off of Monkey News, with the feature containing "knob-related news", such as "a man who grew a knob on his arm"). Other features normally tie in with Karl's eccentric interests and theories, such as "Do We Need Them?", normally about Karl's dislike of animals deemed to be irrelevant (see 'Views, beliefs and philosophies'); "Cheeky Freak of the Week", (a rundown of Karl's favourite freaks); and "Songs With A Story" (Karl only likes songs "with a little story goin' on and that", such as Eric Clapton's Wonderful Tonight, which is supposedly about "a little fella in a wheelchair"), to name a few. The evidence that Wonderful Tonight is about a "little fella in a wheelchair" according to Karl is because of the lyrics "We go to a party/and everyone turns to see/this beautiful lady/walking around with me" meaning that "she's walking 'round pushing him". Also the line about "She helps me to bed" meaning that she is helping him get out the wheelchair.

During his stint at Xfm, both Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant mocked his professionalism, due to the fact that prizes, and the quizzes themselves were poorly made, albeit because Karl made them during his few days present at the station. This was also pointed at by Gervais, who claimed that Karl had ruined a man's career due to his laziness. Despite these criticisms, Karl continued to work for Xfm despite the fact he had left for a 4 week hiatus.

Pilkington's baldness is a regular comic theme in his dialogues with Gervais and Merchant. He attributes this to the stress of living in London, knowing too much (Pilkington is notable for denouncing knowledge as "hassle") and putting up with Gervais' constant bullying, which involved constant berating and unstoppable head-squeezing. Gervais claims that he cannot help squeezing Pilkington's head, as it is "perfectly round" - however, Pilkington insists that he "doesn't like having [his] head squoze".

Aside from his constant "stressed out" status, Pilkington also claims that he suffers from a bad back that - it was revealed in a recent podcast diary entry - was a consequence of trying to "kick me height" (Pilkington landed on his back, damaging it).

Future career

In December 2005, Karl left his producing job at Xfm after 10 years of loyal service. When asked by his colleagues what he would like for a leaving gift, Karl requested a digital camera. When he was presented with the gift at his leaving party, he refused to open the gift-wrapped box as he intended to give the camera to his girlfriend of eleven years, Susanne, for Christmas. Karl is considering two prospective offers of employment - a paper round and dog walking (only if it doesn't rain). They may not pay as much money as working as Head of Production at Xfm, but Karl has said that he prefers being happy over having more money.

Personality

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Karl getting his head squeezed; albeit with much annoyance

Karl's anecdotes about his family are often a source of much amusement to Stephen Merchant and Ricky Gervais. His father once crashed a train into Manchester Central Station; as mentioned previously, his mother shaved one of their cats after it kept being sick, his uncle slept in a rubber dinghy instead of a bed (he also used two televisions: one with no sound, the other with no picture), and his uncle "Tattoo Stan" tattooed his own arms, resulting in very good tattoos on his left arm, but the ones on his right arm were "rubbish" (due to his being right-handed). He claims his auntie Nora's feminine parts were "like a ripped tennis ball" after a young Karl inadvertently looked up her dress and also that his brother Mark was thrown out of the Army for driving to the shops in a tank to buy a packet of cigarettes.

Pilkington is sometimes mentioned in Ricky Gervais interviews, and is often on the receiving end of Gervais's practical jokes. When asked who was the funniest person he knew, Gervais said Karl Pilkington, whom he mentioned was "the funniest man alive in Britain today". In addition, Pilkington appears in a twenty minute interview on Ricky Gervais's live stand-up comedy DVD, Politics.

Karl believes most of his stories to be fact, despite seeing them on the Internet and only reading the headlines, not the whole article. He always forgets important details, substitutes dates with phrases such as "In the olden days, right, there was a short hairy fella..." Ricky and Steve insult and enjoy Karl with equal vigour, mainly for his earnest conviction while telling his far-fetched stories and spurious theories as though they are fact. Ricky often talks of Pilkington's mental "filter", from which sensible information goes in and complete rubbish comes out. It has even been described by Gervais as "discordant piano" or "Those Czech cartoons from the 50's with people hitting woks for sound effects". This is why some, possibly many, of Pilkington's beliefs can start sensibly enough or with some seed of logic, but as they go on become completely nonsensical. He often uses large, unexplained leaps of faith in his reasoning as well.

Karl recently reached new heights of fame by commenting that he could "eat a knob at night" during a discussion on the podcast about a British reality TV show in which contestants had to eat a kangaroo's penis. Karl stated that, whilst in the morning he would be unable to face the appendage due to having a weak stomach, he would more than likely be able to stomach it in the evening. His phrase "I could eat a knob at night" has since spawned dance music remixes, T-shirts and other merchandise, as well as discussion on many websites and thousands of search engine hits.

Pilkington doesn't laugh. Ever.

Professed opinions

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Joseph Merrick aka "The Elephant Man", Karl's favourite 'freak'

Karl has expressed several opinions which most people would find unusual (and sometimes offensive). These include:

• He learnt at school that Jaffa cakes go some way to cure cancer (not fully).
• If you eat seven bananas in a row (but not if they're all spaced out over the day) it will kill you
• Squoze is the past tense form of squeeze. Karl has also used grippage (for walls or surfaces with a lot of grip,) wroted (the past tense form of the verb to write) and the phrase bungled in which means to bundle multiple items/people into one pile. It is assumed he meant to say bundled in.
• Fascinated with freaks and a supplement from FHM that contains "the 50 best freaks ever". Featured are a pillow man (i.e without arms or legs), a three legged juggler (not using the gift he has been given), a bloke with a tiny head that ages fast (he has a birthday every other week. See Progeria) and the hairy Chinese kid.
• Karl also feels that when you die (at 78), you should have "something" injected into your temple, which will then, somehow, bring you back to life. Additionally, when you've been resurrected by this miracle cure injection you then begin to get younger. So, by the time you're 9 months, people won't be "sad and that" by the fact you're going to die and in turn, you won't be depressed because you're too young to realise your imminent death. This theory was elaborated from his theory that all people should automatically die at 78 and a small person, or baby, should then be born at the moment they die to prevent over population, similar to reincarnation but physically. Karls main concern if we dont control the population well enough is that "rents just gonna keep going up".
• Karl had an idea about a watch that counts down your life. If it had three days left on it you could "go to the doctor's". When questioned as to how exactly this would work he explained quite simply "you just pop it on your wrist".
• "You never see a homeless Chinese person". Karl also believes that Chinese people "age worse" than other races.
• Homosexuals are "always tired" as they "stay out late".
• British judges wear wigs to conceal their identity.
• Karl isn't a huge fan of charities after being misled about helping the aged. He initially thought he was assisting an old lady called Edna by sending her donations for her heating bill. A few months later, Karl received a letter from Edna with an attached photograph revealing that she had a sun tan.

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Karl and his treasured FHM supplement of the "World's Top 50 Freaks"

• "You'll never see an old person eating a Twix, but they always buy ornaments".
• Karl also has a fear of doctors and a hatred of nudists. It should be said that this hatred of nudists did not prevent Karl from "showin' a bit of arse-cheek" whilst doing the washing-up to a woman Karl saw nude in order to "give a bit back" from the kitchen window. His fear of doctors is based on the assertion that "they're bound to find something wrong with you" and, more specifically, the need for a doctor to insert a finger up a rectum to check for prostate cancer.
• Scientists spend too much time "messin' about with things we don't need," and that when it comes to modern science, there is "a lot of faffing." Karl cites the attempt by scientists to piece together a mammoth as potentially dangerous, because the planet is running out of space to accommodate such creatures; "Elephants are good enough in my eyes."
• Some bacteria have better lives than Inuits.
• The legendary Christmas Day football match on no-man's land during World War I never happened, primarily because the situation raises the question of why they brought a football with them into battle.
• There is too much choice in "toffee shops", and two types of toffee are probably enough.
• If Karl could be anyone in the world, he would be Bruce Willis.
• If Karl could have one superpower it would be invisibility so he could sneak into HMV before it shut and then sneak back out once the shop opened again in the morning.
• His least favourite noise is the sound of a fire engine siren - "it's a bit un-necessary"
• The Biblical account of Noah's Ark is probably true, since "it's out there in book form". Though Noah did double up some animals, and should have had a "clear-out."
• Karl once mentions 'footage' exists of cave-men wearing underwear, also called "bear pants".
• Snails can sleep for thirteen years, although "only the tired ones".
• If we didn't invent the aeroplane "we'd probably have grown wings by now".
• Mars would be a bad planet to live on because it is a "tip". This is evidenced by the fact that "scientists" found a dishwasher on Mars.
• Karl's parenting advice is to "sort of look after it [the child], feed it, make sure it's got shoes and that, but let it roam about".
• If Karl turned into a slug, he would throw himself into the salt pot to end it all.
• He would be able to know if anyone was a nudist, because if they were going on holiday, they would not have much luggage.
• He once read a book which had its chapters arranged in the wrong order. He stopped reading it after he ended up at chapter 1.
• According to Karl, fish have more rights than humans because there are more of them.
• He would not like to meet his doppelganger because "how would I know which one I was?".
• Has stated that cameras shouldn't have been invented if we have realistic paintings; "One or the other", "Stop looking at the walls and look out the window".
• He thought the diaries of Anne Frank were "an Adrian Mole sort of thing".
• That there are too many words and too many animals; "Do we need 'em?".
• Karl believes that autism should not be considered a mental illness, but a super power instead, because they can remember everything.
• If vampires have no reflection in a mirror, why is Dracula's centre-parting always so neat?
• Karl believes that because jellyfish are 97% water, we should "give 'em another three percent and make 'em water - it's more useful".
• Had an uncle growing up named Tattoo Stan, who did all of his own tattoos himself. Consequently, because he was right handed, all of the tattoos on his left arm were brilliant. The ones on his right...rubbish.
• Karl Pilkington doesn't know why we've got beetles.
• With identical twins, there is always "a little snidey one".
• We are going backwards as a people, mainly because people spend time in the sea, where we came from, and the Gadget Shop now sells a clock powered by a potato.
• There are dogs which have been trained to sense when their owner is about to have a fit. The dog will then wrap itself around the owner's head as protection should he or she fall during the fit. It should be noted that the dogs are "the right size for the job, not Alsations or anything like that".
• Seals would probably not be missed if they became extinct, because they are "already between a fish and a dog". He also fails to see why seals continue to "hang about" in the Arctic - "Why aren't seals going 'Do you know what - it's cold, I'm sick of it here, it's windy all the time and whathaveyou... and I'm getting a club on the head'?".
• Believes dinosaurs and man must have co-existed.
• Pavlov used to keep hitting his dog on the head with a stick until one day, the dog said "I'm sick of this" and left.
• Karl thinks the human digestive system should go "from the throat, to the belly, straight line down, out me arse", and believes the intestines are "miles long" because ages ago we were eating dinosaur meat which is quite tough. Now we are eating yoghurt, so don't need them.
• Karl would give the following advice to chameleons: "Stay green, stay in the woods, stay safe."
• Old people wouldn't be happy if they had to move to Mars because they're already "set in their ways".
• Karl believes global warming is just a case of the Earth getting older and going bald; "treat the Earth like a head..."

Fictional character?

Chris Campling, a journalist writing for the The Times has speculated that Karl Pilkington is not a real person, but an actor portraying the role of a scripted character created by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. Campling pointed towards the fact that Pilkington's views on Chinese people had been stated on Gervais' radio show, before he stated the same thing on his interview with Gervais, on the Politics DVD, which Campling found suspicious. Other evidence has since been put forward, such as Pilkington discussing his boredom in an Edinburgh hotel room on the XFM show, but then later professing in a later podcast that he hasn't "even been to Scotland yet".

Merchant and Gervais have denied claims that Pilkington is a creation of theirs, claiming that Gervais encouraged him to bring up his view on Chinese people because it has comedic value. Merchant also stated that he would be ashamed if the radio show was scripted. Ricky agreed, stating, "We spend 3 months on a half-hour script, how could we script a two-hour show every week?" Merchant added: "If we came up with a character as good as Karl, we would never use him on a poxy little radio station like this one (Xfm London)".

External links

Fan Sites

• Karl Pilkington fansite, www.karl-pilkington.com
• Karl Pilkington (a fan site, including downloads and Rockbusters clues)
• Site detailing songs played and discussion of shows on XFM going back to 2001
• XFM profile

Message Boards

• The Karl Pilkington Forums
• The Ricky Gervais Show Podcast Forum!
• The Karl Pilkington Show

Audio

• Matt Mix
• DJ Ropey Mix
• Nathan Mix
• Confusioning Mix
• Fintan Stack's Erectioneering Mix
• Rohan Lilley Mix
• Aidan O'Halloran Mix
• Mr. Zystem Mix
• DJ Frankie Pigeon Mix
• Andrew Brady Mix
• Cyn Mix
• Ricky, Steve and Karl in The Ricky Gervais Podcast
• Xfm archive of the radio show
• Hydroflare's Prophetic Pilkington

Video

• Meet Karl Pilkington (from Politics DVD)
• Karl Pilkington At Work (from Animals DVD)
• Karl Pilkington's Fridge

Animations

• Monkey News Animations
• Marty The Monkey

Games

• "Rockbusters Online" - Play Rockbusters Online with XFM
• "Evil Chimps Ate My Brain" - Karl goes head-to-head with Invading Chimps
• "The Pilkathon" - Shoot at Karl's balloon shaped head!