Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/James Bryant Conant

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Promoted EyeSerene^talk 09:15, 19 July 2012 (UTC)

James Bryant Conant

Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk)

James B. Conant was a chemist, educational administrator, government official and diplomat. What brings him here is his role as an administrator of the Manhattan Project Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:46, 12 June 2012 (UTC)

Comments

• Page for FN 63?
  • Added URL Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:39, 12 June 2012 (UTC)
• Publisher for FN 47?
  • Added publisher. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:39, 12 June 2012 (UTC)
• "One of the contributing causes was Conant's faulty test procedures" - can you explain a bit more?
  • All I have is what Conant says: "The account Loomis gave me of what had actually happened showed that the procedure had been formulated erroneously, which was no one's fault except my own." (p. 45)
• "He went to work...where he worked", "OSRD handed over the atomic bomb project...over to the Army" - repetitive
  • Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:39, 12 June 2012 (UTC)
• Do we know why the sons didn't have his surname?
  • Because I left them out. Added. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:39, 12 June 2012 (UTC)
• "unlike some other Universities" - why the caps?
  • Typo. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:39, 12 June 2012 (UTC)
• "It diminished further" - why?
  • Added a bit more. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:39, 12 June 2012 (UTC)

Nikkimaria (talk) 13:55, 12 June 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:39, 12 June 2012 (UTC)

• Support: looks good overall. I made a number of minor tweaks. I have the following suggestions/comments:
  • the duplicate link checker reveals a number of examples of possible overlink: Harvard Medical School, Roger Adams, Columbia University, National Academy of Sciences, Harry S. Truman, United States Atomic Energy Commission,
    • Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:30, 8 July 2012 (UTC)
  • "Hershberg 1993, pp. 50–43" --> "Hershberg 1993, pp. 50–53"?
    • Yes. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:30, 8 July 2012 (UTC)
  • inconsistent caps: "awarded honorary degrees" v "an Honorary degree on Conant";
    • Used lower case consistently. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:30, 8 July 2012 (UTC)
  • "With L. K. Nash, eds. Harvard Case Histories in Experimental Science". Is this the title, or should it just be "Harvard Case Histories in Experimental Science"? AustralianRupert (talk) 10:00, 8 July 2012 (UTC)
    • The latter. Corrected. Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:30, 8 July 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for your review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:30, 8 July 2012 (UTC)

Support, with minor comments below:

• "The first part, supervised by Richards, was about "The Electrochemical Behavior of Liquid Sodium Amalgams"" - "concerned" vice "about"? Also, the MOS would allow a lower case "The" if you wanted it, to smooth the flow.
  • Changed the wording, but kept "The". Have your say on this important issue here; I'm not touching it because I'm already over my wiki-drama quota for this month. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:42, 10 July 2012 (UTC)

Subtly different parts of the MOS... I'd go out on a limb over Liquid Sodium Amalgams, but no number of barnstars would cause me to venture into the correct use of the definite article with music groups... :) Hchc2009 (talk) 16:47, 11 July 2012 (UTC)

• "Their marriage produced two sons..." To me this felt a little archaic as a formulation; could it run on from the previous sentence instead? "They were married in the Appleton Chapel at Harvard on April 17, 1920, and had two sons..."?
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:42, 10 July 2012 (UTC)
• "He supported the "meatballs" as lower class students were called." I'd have gone for a comma after meatballs.
  • Me too. Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:42, 10 July 2012 (UTC)
• "Conant did so as member of the Educational Policies Commission..." did what? I wasn't sure if this was his calling for a ban in the previous but one sentence or not.Hchc2009 (talk) 17:18, 10 July 2012 (UTC)
  • Re-worded. Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:42, 10 July 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for your review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 21:42, 10 July 2012 (UTC)

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. Please check the edit summaries. - Dank (push to talk)

• "A graduate of Harvard, which awarded him his Doctor of Philosophy degree in 1916": Graduating Harvard with a Doctor of Philosophy degree in 1916
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:54, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
    • My mistake, Garner's likes "Graduating from Harvard", I'll fix it. - Dank (push to talk) 21:02, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
• "James Bryant Conant (March 26, 1893 – February 11, 1978) was a chemist, educational administrator, government official and diplomat. As the President of Harvard University he reformed it as a research institution. A graduate of Harvard ...": I understand you want to get the important stuff in first, but I'm not on board here. How about this? "James Bryant Conant (March 26, 1893 – February 11, 1978) was a chemist, a transformative president of Harvard University, and the first U.S. Ambassador to West Germany. Graduating Harvard ..."
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:53, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
• "bomb, and, as part of the Interim Committee advised President Harry S. Truman to use atomic bombs on Japan.": needs a second comma after "Committee", but that's a lot of commas. How about this? "bomb, and was on the Interim Committee that advised President Harry S. Truman to use atomic bombs on Japan."
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:53, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
• "After the war, he served on the influential General Advisory Committee (GAC) of the Atomic Energy Commission (AEC), and the Joint Research and Development Board (JRDC), which was established to coordinate defense research.": Here's one way to deal with the problem of "which was" in a compound object (considered redundant by some and necessary by others), namely: "After the war, he served on the Joint Research and Development Board (JRDC), established to coordinate defense research, and on the influential General Advisory Committee (GAC) of the Atomic Energy Commission (AEC)." Does that work here?
  • Sounds good. Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:53, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
• "during which time he oversaw": overseeing
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:53, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
• "He then became the first United States Ambassador to West Germany, serving until 1957.": If you take my suggestion for the first sentence, you can get away with less here. - Dank (push to talk) 16:43, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
  • Done. Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:53, 11 July 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:53, 11 July 2012 (UTC)

• Sure. I removed "educational administrator, government official", since that's implied by "president of Harvard University, and the first U.S. Ambassador to West Germany". - Dank (push to talk) 21:10, 11 July 2012 (UTC)
• So far so good on prose per standard disclaimer, down to where I stopped, at James_Bryant_Conant#Chemistry professor. These are my edits. (The toolserver may need a few days before my recent edits show up.) - Dank (push to talk) 00:04, 12 July 2012 (UTC)
  • Thanks for your review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:48, 15 July 2012 (UTC)

• Support
  • No dab links [1] (no action required)
  • External links all check out [2] (no action required).
  • Images lack Alt Text so you might consider adding it [3] (suggestion only - not an ACR criteria).
  • The Citation Check Tool reveals no errors with reference consolidation (no action required).
  • Images are all PD and seem appropriate for article.
  • Is there a missing word here: "An incident took place during 1941 Harvard–Navy lacrosse game...", specifically would this work better: "An incident took place during the 1941 Harvard–Navy lacrosse game..." Anotherclown (talk) 04:23, 15 July 2012 (UTC)
    • Added missing word. Well spotted. Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:46, 15 July 2012 (UTC)
    • Thanks for your review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 12:48, 15 July 2012 (UTC)

• Support - This is an excellent article, an example of our best work. I couldn't find anything to comment on, or any improvements to suggest. Great work. Parsecboy (talk) 17:24, 16 July 2012 (UTC)

  Thanks for your review! Hawkeye7 (talk) 20:43, 16 July 2012 (UTC)

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The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page, such as the current discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.