Talk:Jase Bolger: Difference between revisions
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I am not a user here, but this entire page reads like an advertisement. I am sure nobody has the time or desire to edit this page, but the entire thing should be scrutinized |
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== Mild puffery removed == |
== Mild puffery removed == |
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Revision as of 03:01, 9 December 2014
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I am not a user here, but this entire page reads like an advertisement. I am sure nobody has the time or desire to edit this page, but the entire thing should be scrutinized
Mild puffery removed
Bolger is certainly a notable person. Puffery, peacock terms and resume-like phraseology are not needed or appropriate per Wikipedia's Manual of Style, Words to Watch WP:WORDS. I have removed these terms in one edit, as shown in this diff, while preserving the sourced content and facts about his life.KeptSouth (talk) 11:39, 9 December 2011 (UTC)
- The language is still problematic. One example: the "Right to work" section implies that legislation enacted under him led to the creation of 60,000 new jobs. However, all that is shown in the source is that 60,000 jobs were added since the legislation passed, not causality. Analysis of the impact of the legislation should be cited, not original research done. Hekerui (talk) 15:11, 8 December 2014 (UTC)
Close paraphrasing issues
It looks like the page was built on his biography. Then individual facts were cited while the citation of the bio disappeared. Phrases from the bio are still found all over the article, though. Hekerui (talk) 15:15, 8 December 2014 (UTC)