Wikipedia:Requests for feedback

"WP:FEED" redirects here. For the essay on vandalism, see Wikipedia:Deny recognition. For RSS and Atom feeds, see Wikipedia:Syndication. For the page rating system, see Wikipedia:Article Feedback Tool.

Requests for Feedback

This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed. This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions. If you are seeking an outside opinion about a dispute, please follow the steps in Wikipedia:Dispute resolution. Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

Before you request feedback

There are certain things which come up again and again so it may help if you deal with them before requesting feedback: Does your article have reliable sources? These are important in terms of both verifiability and notability. Do you have a conflict of interest that may harm your ability to produce a neutral article? If you would like a beginner's guide to these sorts of issues, take a look at the article wizard. If you are unsure about how to edit Wikipedia articles, take a look at this tutorial. For a more general discussion of writing your first article, see "Your first article".

How to post a request

Place a Wikilink, with the title of the page inside [[ and ]] - for example, [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] - in the box below. Click Click To Add Request In the new article, Write a brief summary of your work or what in particular you need help with, but do not post the whole article here. If you have rewritten an existing article, you may wish to provide a diff link from that article's history that shows your changes. Check regularly for responses to your request; they will most often be made here. ↓ Post your request using the box below. Replace "Untitled" with a wikilink to your article - e.g. [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] ↓

After Receiving Feedback

Check back here often, as you will receive a response here. Respond to the feedback, either with a simple thank you, to ask for help with anything mentioned, or, after you've made some of the improvements, what they think of them. Consider helping out here in the future - anyone can read up on what articles should be like and provide constructive criticism.

Are you providing feedback?

Please consider notifying the user whose article you are providing feedback for by placing a message on their talk page, so they will be able to read it in a timely manner and reply if necessary. You can use.. {{Feedbackreply-sm}} A template asking the user to check back here and consider responding {{Feedbackreply-alt}} A more personal version of the first offering your help with developing, moving to mainspace, etc.

(For help, see Wikipedia:Purge)

The previous few days of requests are transcluded below. The pages for the past 20 days are: ()

• August 28
• August 29
• August 30
• August 31
• September 1
• September 2
• September 3
• September 4
• September 5
• September 6
• September 7
• September 8
• September 9
• September 10
• September 11
• September 12
• September 13
• September 14
• September 15
• September 16

Index of all requests for feedback

Draft article for Lake Erie Transit

I have a good basic article on Lake Erie Transit, a public bus service in SE Michigan. Saw that Toledo's TARTA has one, read some neat green features for LET and so drafted something. Found some good newspapers articles too. I used the helpme feature and received some help.

If anyone has time, would appreciate any other feedback. The article is on my special userpage http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Glasscity09/Lake_Erie_Transit

--Glasscity09 (talk) 17:00, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

That article is definitely off to a good start. I'd suggest that you go ahead and move it to Lake Erie Transit - go to the current location of the article, click the "Move" tab near the top of the screen, and put the new article name in the box when prompted.

Some other suggestions:

• It looks like one of your references is cited twice. Instead of giving a full second citation, consider naming the reference so it can be used more than once.
• Make sure to give the correct article title in each of your references. When using the citation template, the "title" is the title of the specific article cited, not the larger work.
• The first mention of the subject of the article is always bolded.
• Consider uploading a photo or two. Search for appropriately licensed images on Flickr, ask friends, or take some photos yourself.

Thanks, cmadler (talk) 17:58, 10 September 2009 (UTC)

I realized there was wrong info on the Lake Erie Transit Bus Transit info box. The original has a place for daily ridership. I have only found annual ridership (of about 400k). But, I don't know how to change the default Daily ridership to Annual??? Any suggestions? For now, I simply left that area blank. Thanks. --Glasscity09 (talk) 03:05, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Wikipedia allows routine arithmetic calculations, including division. Assuming a 365-day operating year, 400,000 annual riders is approximately 1,096 daily riders, though since the initial figure is approximate, it might be better to say "about 1,100 daily riders" to avoid false precision. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:06, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

[[1]]

I have written an article on Dale Graybill who is notable due to his being involved in a Ponzi type of scheme which affected many people around the U.S.A.

He bilked investors to what amounted to over 10$ Million USD. The references or citations are department of Justice, FBI and IRS news release Documents. Also from newspapers in the local connecticut area. If you could please review the article and let me know if any changes need to be made I would greatly appreciate it. Expiditer (talk) 05:12, 14 September 2009 (UTC)

First, you are to be commended for starting this in a sandbox. I wish more people would follow your lead.

However, there are a number of problems with the article as it currently exists.

There are general layout issues - please take a look at WP:LAYOUT for some useful advice.

Specifically, it is important to have a WP:LEAD section establishing notability.

I don't know whether this person will meet the Notability threshold. While his Ponzi-scheme might, that does not automatically make the rest of his life (spouse, her career, his religion) notable. I hope someone more conversant in this issue will weigh in—I'd hate to encourage you to work on making this better if it is not going to meet the threshold.

Your need more references to the event in reliable sources. Yes, you do have some references, but where is the evidence this was discussed widely in the press?

Please make sure to review WP:CITE to see how to cite sources.

Sorry, I wish I could be more positive. Writing an article as your first contribution to Wikipedia is harder than some people realize. Consider making edits to other existing article to get a feel for how articles are structured.--SPhilbrickT 12:53, 14 September 2009 (UTC)

Please also take a look at the policy on biographies of living people, which applies in this case. It needs to be very carefully written and very well sourced to reliable sources. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:53, 14 September 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for your contributions, I appreciate the help, I do have a question however. If someone is notable, because of a deed or deeds that they do, doesn't that make them as a person, a notable person? Expiditer (talk) 03:18, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Not necessarily. See "people notable only for one event" for a thorough explanation with examples. cmadler (talk) 12:57, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

I'm just trying to give you a heads up that notability for a deed does not automatically create notability for the people involved. (I wrote this before Cmadler weighed in with similar point) While it will often be the case, it doesn't always follow, so you will want to make sure there are reliable sources discussing the person, not just the event. An alternative would be to write an article about the Graybill Ponzi case (or something similar) and write it from the point of view of the incident, rather than as a biography. That would allow you to concentrate on sourcing the incident, and not have to deal with the fact that sourcing other details about the person are extremely thin.--SPhilbrickT 17:29, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Marlene Tseng Yu

Hello, Wiki Editors!
I have created my first article in my userspace: Marlene Tseng Yu. Please help me to edit it and move it to articlespace, as I am not sure of the technical procedure to move it to articlespace (please advise). I will wait 4-5 days and make (10?) necessary changes in the meantime. Any feedback or changes are welcomed. Thanks!
Anav7043 (talk) 17:59, 15 September 2009 (UTC)

Thank you for creating this page in your userspace! I think this article is suitable for articlespace, and you can find full instructions on how to move a page at Help:Moving a page#How to move a page. If you have trouble with this, let me know and I can help you. One particular part of the article that could probably use a little cleaning up is the "External links" section, which strikes me as fairly long. Take a look at Wikipedia's external links guideline, and you may find that some of the links you've given should probably be removed. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 18:59, 15 September 2009 (UTC)

Thank you very much for your help! I appreciate it, and will make some changes. If I may post another question here, I would like to ask, how about "Categories"? Is that section automatically generated based on content? I know I am doing something wrong, as I tried to insert into the article the following, and it didn't work:

Categories: 1937 births Categories: Abstract expressionist artists Categories: American painters Categories: Asian Americans Categories: Chinese Americans Categories: Living People Categories: Modern painters Categories: University of Colorado alumni Categories: Women artists
Anav7043 (talk) 13:37, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

You're close. I see that you used the DEFAULTSORT template, which is good, it ensures that the article is listed under the person's last name. To put an article in (for example) the category called "1937 births", you would type [[Category:1937 Births]]. Also, since the category "Chinese Americans" is a subcategory of "Asian Americans", you would only want to include her in the former, not the latter. See Wikipedia:Categorization for more details. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:43, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Also, keep in mind that it's best to make the categories as specific as possible, so instead of "Women artists", you might use "American women artists". cmadler (talk) 13:51, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Excellent feedback! Thank you for all of your helpful advice. I have removed almost all of the external links as per the guideline, added categories, and specified the categories further as advised. Now I am waiting for the "move" button to appear. Does the ten required edits only apply to articles or can they also be changes to posts such as this one? If the ten edits only apply to articles, are they applied only towards articles in articlespace or can they apply towards articles I have in my userspace? I'm not sure what else to edit in the article I currently have in my userspace during the next couple of days. I am grateful for any suggestions. Perhaps I will try adding a photo.
Anav7043 (talk) 19:15, 18 September 2009 (UTC)

The move button appeared. The article in my userspace has been moved to article namespace.

Anav7043 (talk) 03:45, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Article for review, Dale Graybill

Hello, I have made and article to the best of my ability as a noob, I would like to have a peer review. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Expiditer/Sandbox 01:38, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Sorry I did the article below as well, but i messed it up Expiditer (talk) 01:38, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

I have some thoughts on your article:

1. When writing an article it's best to establish why the topic of your article is important in the first sentence (see 1st sentence format here). Just being convicted of tax evasion doesn't establish notability itself b/c many people have been convicted of the same thing. Also, since you're article is about a person you should also establish who he is in the first sentence, i.e. full name and birth date if known. Here's a good example of another article about someone else convicted of the same crime. In all wikipedia articles, the topic (in your case Dale Graybill) should always in bold font in the first sentence.
2. Because your article is small I only think the lead needs to be one paragraph. The 2nd and 3rd paragraphs sound like they should be in the body of you article MOS:BEGIN.
3. I really think you should wikilink Ponzi scheme in your article. What a ponzi scheme is, is not described in your article and I had no idea what it was until I searched for it on wikipedia. I would suggest giving a basic, textbook definition of what a ponzi scheme is to clarify what kind of crime you're describing and also wikilinking it so that people who want to learn more can go to the full article.
4. Your table of contents is a little odd to me. I don't think the "conviction" and "sentencing" section should be under "born". I also don't think you need that many sections because it makes your article appear choppy. It doesn't flow as smoothly because most of your prose is broken up into very small sections. I would suggest changing the born section into "early life" and putting "religion" and "marriage" within that section. I don't think there's a wikipedia policy on how TOC should be, this was just my opinion based on what I've seen. Here's a list of other articles about people convicted of tax evasion. Look at some of those and you can get a better idea of how to format your T.O.C.
5. You've provided good references but they need to be formatted correctly. Here's a list of citation templates. At minimum, it's most important to give retrieval dates for when you accessed a website. That way people who want to fact check you can use the wayback machine to do so.

If you like, You visit the wikipedia page on 1st articles for other guidelines WP:1ST. Hope this helps // Gbern3 (talk) 18:51, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

As I noted above, an alternative would be to rewrite the article about the Graybill Ponzi case (or something similar); writing it from the point of view of the incident, rather than as a biography. That would allow you to concentrate on sourcing the incident, and not have to deal with the fact that sourcing other details about the person are extremely thin.--SPhilbrickT 17:31, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Article

One Dale Graybill who has been convicted of a ponzi scheme (hence notablility) has affected the retirements of people around the United States . You or someone you know may have been affected by his actions. The Dollar amount is over $10,000,000.00 (10 mill. USD.)

I need to move it to articlespace and make it public , Your reviews and comments are appreciated. Expiditer (talk) 01:35, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

User:Ifokkema/LOVD_(Leiden_Open_Variation_Database)

Hi guys, This is my first article in which I found myself struggling between making it clearly notable without using terms like "most popular" or "most used". I would appreciate any comments you may have, before I move it to the articlespace. Thanks! Ifokkema (talk) 09:22, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

If it is the most popular or the most used, the article should say that, but it needs to be cited. The other suggestion that immediately occured to me is that when you move it to articlespace, you should put it at Leiden Open Variation Database with a redirect from LOVD, and switch the beginning of the article to read "The Leiden Open Variation Database (LOVD) is..." Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:37, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Thank you very much for your time and your suggestions! I have made the corrections and will now move the article to the location you suggested. Ifokkema (talk) 11:23, 17 September 2009 (UTC)

Hip hop dance

I posted this article for peer review here and sent out some invitations to specific users to try and generate feedback but no one has commented so far. Since it's been almost a week, I thought I would request feedback here. Just so you're aware, this is a long article (77KB) but it was necessary to bring it to this level in order to present the history of the dance and to meet Featured article criteria of being well-researched and comprehensive. It wasn't developed enough before and at times presented some misleading information so I feel the length is justified. I would appreciate any comments. // Gbern3 (talk) 17:49, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

After your peer review (if you ever get one - the backlog there is very long) you might consider a Good Article Nomination before you go for Featured Article. cmadler (talk) 19:22, 16 September 2009 (UTC)

Sounds like a good idea. Thanks for the advice. // Gbern3 (talk) 17:30, 17 September 2009 (UTC)

I would just list it at WP:GAN immediately if I were you. It's not unusual for articles to go unreviewed there for over a month. Regards, decltype (talk) 01:13, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

I actually ended up getting one from user:Finetooth. Not sure if they saw the request posted here or on the Arts peer review page but they were nice enough to read my big long article and respond. I'm going list it at WP:GAN now. Thanks for the advice. // Gbern3 (talk) 17:34, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

I need feedback about this article's references. I have two peer reviews now and both Finetooth and Piano found fault with my sources. I'm at a loss as to why. I have 108 inline citations and they're all formatted correctly. I think their issue is how the sources are used but I'm not even sure about that. Please read the peer review page here. Feel free to comment and clarify. I would appreciate it. // Gbern3 (talk) 22:19, 24 September 2009 (UTC)

askwomen

the page keeps getting blocked and ready for deletion ? — Preceding unsigned comment added by Leroysushi (talk • contribs) 01:52, 17 September 2009 (UTC)

Please do not use {{helpme}} in pages other than your user talk page. The page Askwomen has been deleted on grounds of A1 and A3. Though I, as a non-administrator, cannot see the page, my knowledge of WP:CSD tells me that it was because the article was either so short as not to provide any context whatsoever (i.e., he is nice. he drives a fast car), or composed of rubbish text (i.e., adkfha;lkghsfkghskjh). All articles need to comply with article guidelines. See WP:FIRST for more details. Intelligentsium 02:15, 18 September 2009 (UTC)

You seem to be a bit confused about what Wikipedia is, and equally important, what Wikipedia is not. The page you created did not really resemble an encyclopedic article. I recommend checking out some of the links posted by Intelligentsium above. Regards, decltype (talk) 01:22, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Annuity Leads

Need someone to review my post on Annuity Leads so it can be published — Preceding unsigned comment added by Wikilogin1 (talk • contribs)

Megaregions

Feedback requested for userspace draft at User:IrvingPlNYC/megaregions.

This is either WP:OR or needs major work with Citations. If this response is too cryptic, let me know and I'll expand.--SPhilbrickT 17:40, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Coproduction of public services by service users and communities

This page reflects a major new movement in public policy, which has already been widely written up in the academic literature. It is intended to signpost Wikipedia readers to the growing literature on the subject. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Tony Bovaird (talk • contribs)

While you have a lot of references, you haven't cited a single one of them. Please take a look at WP:LAYOUT and in particular, the Notes and References section, which directs you to WP:CITE--SPhilbrickT 17:50, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Blatant fork. Coproduction (social science) is currently lacking any external links so there is plenty of scope for Tony to create links there. — [[::User:RHaworth|RHaworth]] (talk · contribs) 22:15, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Jamaica Society of Energy Engineers Article

This page gives a brief outline of the Jamaica Society of Energy Engineers and how it was established. See article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jamaica_Society_of_Energy_Engineers

Great article!!

Mddwilliams (talk) 22:47, 18 September 2009 (UTC)

Great start! Please take a look at WP:FOOTNOTES. You are providing citations, but it is desirable to add access dates to web cites. Also, I find it very useful to use the cite tool, which you can enable by going to user preferences, then Gadgets, and selecting "reftools" in the Editing Gadgets section. This makes it easy to do citations.--SPhilbrickT 17:58, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

New page Industry (Irish band)

Hi, recently saved my first new page to wikipedia (see above title). provided references for all info within article. tried to layout the page as per other articles. Could you take a look/clean up/improve layout if not up to standard.

Kind regards,

Bryan (basedshift09)

Good start! Please take a look at WP:FOOTNOTES. You are providing citations, but it is desirable to add access dates to web cites. Also, I find it very useful to use the cite tool, which you can enable by going to user preferences, then Gadgets, and selecting "reftools" in the Editing Gadgets section. This makes it easy to do citations. Also, check out WP:LDR for a new (this week) method of doing references, which leaves the main page a little less messy. --SPhilbrickT 19:00, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vicente_Villarin

Hi,

I am writing about an up and coming fashion line, Vicente Villarin. First time using Wikipedia and would like to have this reviewed.

Thanks

I guess I'm too late, as it has been deleted. Don't forget, if you had content you think could be expanded into an acceptable article, ask for Usification--SPhilbrickT 19:02, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Please Review

Please review HARTFORD MOTORCYCLES TAIWAN for cleanup.

Thanks!

Where? Or if you don't know how to do that, tell me who you are and I'll find it.--SPhilbrickT 19:04, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

This question was posted by Atreyue (talk · contribs) 04:51, 19 September 2009, and presumably concerns the article Hartford Motorcycles Taiwan, which was deleted because it was considered unambiguous advertising.

Atreyue, I cannot 'see' the deleted article, but I suggest that you read the business FAQ; Wikipedia is not a place to post advertisements.  Chzz  ►  00:40, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Vanished (Bakluon)

Any general feeback would be appreciated?

Are the citations acceptable in the External Links section?

Matthew Robinson Executive Producer Khmr Mekong Films

There is no reason to duplicate the references in the external links section. I'll see if I can improve it in any other way. decltype (talk) 19:24, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Bacalar Chico National Park and Marine Reserve

I have just written an article on a national park and UNESCO World Heritage Site in Ambergris Caye, Belize. It outlines the history, governance, and natural features of the park. This is my first article for Wikipedia, so any help would be greatly appreciated.

Muidergracht (talk) 11:30, 19 September 2009 (UTC)Muidergract

Please take a look at WP:FOOTNOTES. You are proving references, but you haven't tied them back to the main text material. Your sourcing style doesn't fit any of the Wikipedia options, but take a look at a new option WP:LDR, which you can use to adapt your style to relatively easily. Consider paragraph breaks, your sections are long single paragraphs.--SPhilbrickT 19:12, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

Sol B River

I have written an entry for the writer Sol B River, if anyone would be kind enough to feedback ... I can be contacted on <<redacted>>

Please take a look at WP:LAYOUT and in particular, the Notes and References section, which directs you to WP:CITE. Please sign talk pages (but not article pages) by typing four tildes ~~~~ at the end.--SPhilbrickT 19:16, 19 September 2009 (UTC)

I've edited the article quite a lot, changing the inappropriate external links to Wikilinks and references as appropriate; I've tagged the article regarding further areas of concern.  Chzz  ►  01:52, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Satya Portal Pack

Please review the article Satya Portal Pack and give your feedback.

I see that you are trying to add references—see WP:CITE for help. However, as noted on the page, it reads like an advertisement, and doesn't assert notability. Those templates on the page have links to guidelines, which should help explain the problems. Sorry I can't give you more specific suggestions, but I think it requires a fundamental rewrite, not just minor tweaks.--SPhilbrickT 13:23, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

hamburgerz

please review this article

Sorry, looks like it will go away per speedy delete. There are templates on the page pointing out some of the problems. For example, there's nothing on the page to explain why this company is notable.--SPhilbrickT 13:26, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Morris Katz

This is the first page I've created. I think I overused the inline citations. Is there a way to simply say "ibid." or something like that? (I just cut and pasted formats from other pages.)

Please, if you know about artist Morris Katz (King of Toilet Paper Art, fastest painter in the world, etc.), add to this page. Dcs002 (talk) 09:22, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

WP:CITE will explain citation style; I fixed seven of the refs, so you can see how to do it.--SPhilbrickT 13:11, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

please review the article

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mickola_Vorokhta

I fixed the references problem, although the references are still not in the preferred style. See wp:cite for examples. More importantly, you need to assert Notability. If you can do that, then WP:Layout will help you structure the article.--SPhilbrickT 13:32, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Requests for clean up and edits

For those of you familiar with these programs we invite edits and comments to improve and provide depth.

Sorry, it looks like Systemic and Integrative Approaches to Addiction and Co Occuring Disorders Treatment will be deleted shortly for reasons explained on the article.--SPhilbrickT 13:34, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Larry D. Thomas

This is a new article on 2008 Texas Poet Laureate Larry D. Thomas. StevenSchroeder (talk) 16:45, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

• All correctly referenced, categorized etc and notability established. I have removed the review tag and saw no need to add any others. I42 (talk) 16:52, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

Alice Halstead

New article to reference BBC Radio 2 Young Chorister of the Year 2008. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Awhalstead (talk • contribs)

Sorry, I don't see it anywhere.--SPhilbrickT 23:30, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Irene Radford

Simple article on author, Irene Radford. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Radconbob (talk • contribs)

Needs reliable sources showing notability. Rd232 ^talk 14:34, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Review my article

please review my article about this school. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 1anonymous (talk • contribs)

The British Academy of Port of Spain speedy deleted as A7 and G11. Rd232 ^talk 14:12, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Dudley Guice Jr.

Please review this new article about Dudley Guice Jr.. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Rdstephens (talk • contribs)

Pretty good start. You had one claim about impressing scouts that I didn't think was supported by the reference—I changed it to a claim that can be supported.

The sections are quite thin - one or two sentences each, but nice organization, nice referencing, and nice infobox.--SPhilbrickT 00:57, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Hello Time Bomb

Hey there, could someone assess "Hello Time Bomb"; the page I created? Thanks :) --Addihockey ^(t/c 21:07, 20 September 2009 (UTC)

1. I think you could summarize the paragraph on how Good composed the song. Too much detail of this type can make a page look like a fansite.
2. You need to back up some of the claims, specifically the bit about being a signature song, can you reference that in a review or something? Link to where you got the chart info., Juno award info. and compilation album info.
3. Try to find a different name for the Trivia section. What you're really doing establishing notability here and without notability you won't have an article, so it's not really trivial. How about calling it "Awards and recognition" or something similar. What's going to make or break an article like this is notability so try to find more material like this.

Overall it looks like a good start.--RDBury (talk) 19:20, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Pitsford Home Guard

Would someone be kind enough to have a look at this page pse?

We have created it to mirror the growing activities of a living history unit in Northamptonshire which is run by us.

it follows on from links in the Home Guard article.

pse be patient!

This is our first listing!

Yours aye — Preceding unsigned comment added by Scrimnet (talk • contribs)

At first glance it looks like you need a lot more to establish notability. See WP:ORG for specific guidelines.--RDBury (talk) 18:57, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Laura Jansen

Could someone look over my new page?

For Singer/Songwriter Laura Jansen Thanks!

Brookifyd (talk) 02:11, 21 September 2009 (UTC)brookifyd

It looks good. I think it just use 1 or 2 more reliable sources, if possible. Right now you're referencing Myspace, which isn't too reliable (the person could say whatever they want to say). Newspaper or magazine articles (online or offline) would be great to add as references at this point. Killiondude (talk) 03:10, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Sam Pate

This is my first article for wikipedia. Please let me know if there are any changes I should make. — Preceding unsigned comment added by RosalynCostanzo (talk • contribs)

The parts which weren't copy-pasted from here were unsourced and not very encyclopedic. Also there don't appear to be reliable sources showing Pate is notable (the obituary seems to be a paid insert, not content provided by the newspaper). Rd232 ^talk 14:23, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

ARUNIM_-_Association_for_Rehabilitation_Under_National_Trust_Initiative_of_Marketing

Request review of the article about a significant new co-operative movement in India initiated by the Government, to empower persons with disabilities. A similar co-operative movement in the sevnties led to the empowerment of fragmented dairy owners and a massive organization of the milk and dairy products market in India under the name of Amul

You say it's significant but there are no reliable sources to show that. It's parent body, the National Trust of India, doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry; I'd suggest starting there. Rd232 ^talk 14:27, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

LocateMeGhana.com

Please help, i want my page to go up. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Locateme (talk • contribs)

LocateMeGhana.com nominated for speedy deletion G11. Rd232 ^talk 14:30, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Jay Armstrong Johnson

please review

I confess to not knowledgeable enough on theatre to know whether he is notable. However, it is import to assert notability, and it should be asserted in the opening section. Whether the items mentioned in the theatre section are sufficient to qualify is for others to judge, but the notability assertion needs to be up front.

It is generally well-structured,especially for what I assume is a new editor, but thin on content.

1. The infobox has a link to an image that doesn't exist. Is there an image but the name is wrong? Is this a placeholder for an image you plan to upload?
2. Some of the claims (e.g. in Chorus Line, in Hair) need to be referenced. You've provided a list of references at the end, but the claims need to be "tied" tot he respective references. Take a look at WP:CITE for guidance, and WP:LDR for a new, and possibly easier way to do citations.
3. "Johnson is pursuing current film endeavors currently." Encyclopedias do not generally talk about future plans (with some exceptions, for example, the Olympics in 2012 are pretty much a certainly.)
4. "His talent was realized at a young age while performing at local theaters and church" this tone isn't encyclopedic.

Sorry if this comes across as negative, but if you can establish notability, the rest is details, which mean you'll be better off than 90% of new articles.--SPhilbrickT 23:30, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

KEYWORD ANALYSIS

Keyword analysis has been redirected to Search engine optimization methods. Rd232 ^talk 14:29, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

All-Party Parliamentary Group for the Prevention of Genocide and Other Crimes Against Humanity

Hello,

I need feedback on the article for the All-Party Parliamentary Group for the Prevention of Genocide and Other Crimes Against Humanity

wiki link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All-Party_Parliamentary_Group_for_the_Prevention_of_Genocide_and_Other_Crimes_Against_Humanity

Thank you,

Mallory Mroz Prev-gen (talk) 16:14, 21 September 2009 (UTC)September 21, 2009

This first thing I saw was that you still need evidence of notability. The links you have all point to the organization's website and you should have independent sources listed as well. It looks like the specific guideline you should look at is WP:ORG. Ideally, find an article in The Globe and Mail or another national media outlet that describes the organization. (Doen't have to English so Le Monde would work also.) Two articles are better than one and the wider the audience the better. If the article has just a brief mention then you should try to find something better.

The second issue is that you need to establish context in the lead paragraph. I had to read all the way to paragraph three in order to to find out that it's a Canadian organization. Keep in mind also that this article may be read by someone who is unfamiliar with the Canadian system of government.

Third, you should add categories to your article, The easiest way to do that is to find an existing article about a similar subject, copy the category tags at the bottom and paste them into your article, making the appropriate changes.

Fourth, a big feature of Wikipedia is that it's web based so you can link to an from other articles. Not having these links will probably be noticed. Update the articles that might have the links to the organization, such that the MP's who are in it. It looks like Paul Dewar already has one so you can copy and paste from that article into the other ones. You should go into the article itself and look for proper nouns that might be turned into links.

Finally, I don't think there needs to be a paragraph to convince people that genocide is bad. It's off topic for the article and is technically POV. Not that anyone is going to disagree but I think you can assume that people reading the article already know genocide is bad and so you don't need to tell them.

Overall it looks like a worthy subject for an article and a good start.--RDBury (talk) 18:39, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

PS. A couple of formatting issues. 1) You don't need to repeat the article name as a section header. The leader section usually will not have a section header. 2) You have the name of the article in the lead sentence, that's good but it's the custom to put in bold face.--RDBury (talk) 19:47, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

• I addressed the format issues suggested by RDBury.
  
• I made a few other changes, but did them in a way they can be reverted if you don't like them.
  
• I changed the reference style to a better option.
  
• Consider adding references to outside sources to show that this is being discussed elsewhere--SPhilbrickT 00:40, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

RAM superchargers

Hello, I recently created my first wiki article, Ram supercharger, and have been/will be gradually trying to improve it. Any feedback would be very useful. Thanks --RPinney331 (talk) 11:31, 21 September 2009 (CST)

Partnership for AiR Transportation Noise and Emissions Reduction

Partnership for AiR Transportation Noise and Emissions Reduction Wlitant (talk) 19:14, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

Be At TV

Be At TV

thanks in advance! Ali.gunning (talk) 21:50, 21 September 2009 (UTC)

This article definitely has potential. There are a few issues though. I've gone through and fixed most of the major ones, such as external links in place of references, and I have removed your signature from the article. At Wikipedia, no one owns articles, and besides, it does not make too much sense to the casual reader when s/he sees something like: Example (talk) 11:13, 16 September 2024 (UTC) in the middle of an article. Remember that not everyone is familiar with the inner workings of Wikipedia. I do not feel I can formally review this article, though, as I am not a regular here and I am only here due to a request at the helpdesk. Intelligentsium 00:11, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Mikhail Shufutinsky

I know a little about this singer Mikhail Shufutinsky - probably the most popular artist in the Russian chanson style - but I'm by no means well-placed to write an authoritative article.

Thought it would be useful to get one started and allow experts to amend.

Deepak Singh

Deepak Singh Deepak Singh

Birrguu Matya (Australian Aboriginal Bush Game)

Would like a review and any feedback on this article - It is my first.

Birrguu Matya (Australian Aboriginal Bush Game) [[2]]

(Davidtrounce (talk) 07:02, 22 September 2009 (UTC))

You have no sources whatsover for the game itself. (And the National Trust source backing up something about the Wiradjuri territory just goes to the front page of their website - you need a lot more specific.) And really, does this one thing merit an article when Wiradjuri has so little in it? It could be a paragraph there, at least for now - if you find appropriate sources. Rd232 ^talk 13:30, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Marek Losey

Request for feedback on this page Marek Losey. Thank you.Sophieusiskin (talk) 08:32, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

University Church, Freiburg

The article is University Church, Freiburg. Could someone official have a look at this newly created, therefore underdeveloped article, and give it the initial 'thumbs up'? Welshentag (talk) 15:14, 22 September 2009 (UTC), 22/09/2009.

Nice start. You might check WP:Layout, I think the first image should be on the right, not the left. That guideline is here.

I looked to see what the guidelines were for Notability of churches or buildings in general, but I didn't see specific advice. You may need to beef up the notability claim, but I don't have a specific suggestion.

Some evidence of discussion of the church in Reliable Sources would be helpful.--SPhilbrickT 16:26, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Bait & Tackle Ad Company

Article content

New article name is Bait & Tackle Ad Company. Bait & Tackle Ad Company is a hybrid production company and ad agency (1) based in Gloucester, Massachusetts. In 2004, after moving from Hollywood where he created visual effects for "Godzilla," "Dr. Dolittle" and the "Matrix" trilogy (2), Carlberg founded the agency. Current and former clients include Newbury Comics, the Lyon-Waugh Auto Group, Hampton Ford, BBN Technologies, Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, National Lumber and Kitchen Views (2). He describes it as an agency that goes “to bat for people who wouldn't otherwise have good creative and thoughtful agency work. (2)" In 2009, Bait & Tackle launched Production Blue, a sister company that focuses on high-end/documentary production. References (1)http://www.bizjournals.com/boston/stories/2008/07/07/story6.html (2)http://www.bizjournals.com/boston/stories/2008/03/24/story12.html External Links [3] [4]

--Kaigilsey (talk) 15:34, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

It appears it has already been deleted. If you would like to work on it in a user subpage, you can copy the material from here to a user subpage - if you don't know how to do that, let me know and I'll try. (I've never done it, but I think I can figure it out.)--SPhilbrickT 16:16, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

Narayanacharya

Narayanacharya

Bssunil74 (talk) 17:38, 22 September 2009 (UTC)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Hearted_Hero

Hello, and thanks for taking the time to read this and help with editing. This is about a band I first saw on Vans Warped Tour, and having been following since. They have had great success including major radio play across the US, so I thought a little write up would be a good idea. Let me know your thoughts, thanksWikipedia Link

Band Myspace Major Radio Station Link

Mikita Brottman

I'd like you to review my Wikipedia entry on the cultural critic Mikita Brottman Many thanks, DeniseFranklin (talk) 03:53, 23 September 2009 (UTC)Denise Franklin, September 23, 2009.

I think it's a great start for your very first article DeniseFranklin! I cleaned it up a little for you so that it conforms with some manual of style guidelines. The only thing I can suggest is maybe some better references from reliable third-party sources, this being a WP:BLP and all. -- œ^™ 04:46, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

George Brumder

I just wrote my first Wikipedia entry on George Brumder (my great-great-grandfather and a very influential German-American U.S. citizen) and would love someone to review it. George R. Brumder (talk) 05:20, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Nice start. Please check out WP:LAYOUT. You have everything in a single section, it would be better to have a clear Wikipedia:Layout#Lead_section, then a section break where appropriate.

Looks like you've started a decent job with references; just glancing through I'm sure we'll want a reference showing he owned the Red Sox. Should be easy to find.

Notability is often an issue—it looks like that will be easy to establish, but note we desire the notability to be in the lead.--SPhilbrickT 21:01, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Please also check out WP:COI. I don't think it should be a major problem, given the "distance", but be aware that if there are disagreements over content, you should make your points on the talk page and let disinterested editors make the call.--SPhilbrickT 21:04, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ArchitectsAlliance

please review this new article

feedback on user page and suggestions to move to normal article space. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Technexion

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Technexion

move to : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Technexion

I created this page since there is a list of documentated computer manufacturers already present on wikipedia but TechNexion is missing.

I took a look at similar companies and created a page that is in the same line and direction as that. (gumstix, asus, gigabyte, quanta, to name a few).

Please advise how to go ahead.

Thank you.

Looks like we were too late. If you think it can be salvaged, you can ask User:Orangemike to usify the page for you. Please take a look at WP:OTHERSTUFF. Even if there are other articles just like yours, if true, those articles may get deleted when someone checks them out, or maybe there's a difference that is important. I didn't see your article, so I'm only commenting generally.--SPhilbrickT 21:34, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Carmen Reinhart

Carmen Reinhart http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carmen_Reinhart I'd like to know if this article meets the requirements because yesterday my page was deleted. And if it doesn't, please let me know how I can improve it. Thanks a lot.

Littlegirl1225 (talk) 14:46, 23 September 2009 (UTC)Rong (littlegirl1225) 9/24/09

At first glance, it looks like it has promise. You said it was deleted, did it look just like this? If so what was the reason? Note there is a possible problem with the picture (click on it to see). More later.--SPhilbrickT 21:38, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Wikipedia:Embedded citations are "not particularly recommended". I'll see if I can fix the examples.--SPhilbrickT 22:09, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Fixed the embedded cites.

This sentence begs for references:

• She has written and published on a variety of topics in macroeconomics and international finance including: international capital flows, capital controls, inflation and commodity prices, banking and sovereign debt crises, currency crashes, and contagion.

This sentence begs for deletion:

• Winston R. (a basset hound) is part of the Reinhart family--SPhilbrickT 22:23, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

ETEDA

East Tennessee Economic Development Agency (ETEDA) is a regional marketing and business recruitment organization that provides site location information and assistance. ETEDA helps facilitate the site selection process with its co-located partners, The State of Tennessee Department of Economic and Community Development and the Tennessee Valley Authority (TVA). The three organizations work together as one business recruitment team, which provides a single point of contact for the 15-county Knoxville-Oak Ridge Region of East Tennessee.

www.eteda.org

This isn't a place to write an article, it is a place to ask for feedback on an article written elsewhere--SPhilbrickT 23:15, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Multidisciplinary science

Multidisciplinary science This is the first article I've written, and I'm afraid it's not particularly good and would greatly benefit from some input from others! Science2010 (talk) 16:15, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Someone's already made some comments. It either needs major expansion, which sounds onerous to me, or shorten it and move to Wiktionary here.--SPhilbrickT 23:12, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Mads Tolling

Greetings!

I am new to Wikipedia and just created my first post yesterday on violinist Mads Tolling. I would appreciate it if you would take the time to review said posting, then remove the "this is a new, unreviewed article."

I own a music public relations firm in the San Francisco Bay Area, and I plan to create more posts about local artists who meet the requirements for wiki postings as noteworthy musicians.

Thank you in advance for your time and consideration.

Best,

Musicpr (talk) 18:09, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Someone beat me to it and removed the template, but it still needs work. You done a decent job finding a lot of links, but it needs more.

• Awards should be referenced.
• The reference style could be improved, see WP:Citations

--SPhilbrickT 23:07, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

Core Measures

Hello,

I am new to writing articles. I saved one as one to be edited I think. Anyway, I could use the feedback. I had included the article in this text initially, because I hadn't seen what other people were doing. It's titled Core Measures and was written today.

Thanks for your help!

Angelaca (talk) 19:13, 23 September 2009 (UTC)Angela Calery 9/23/09

Angelaca, I don't see any evidence of an article. You've only made two edits, both to this page. I hid your three references in a collapsed box above.--SPhilbrickT 22:56, 23 September 2009 (UTC)

O'Connell &Goldberg Creative Public Relations

I uploaded O'Connell &Goldberg Creative Public Relations and somehow ended up with a sandbox on top of the article. This is my first article and I am not sure what I did and how to make it sound less like an advertisement.(Kdennis1 (talk) 20:30, 23 September 2009 (UTC))

Hot deployment

Hot deployment - [[5]]

Sfbayman5 (talk) 06:05, 24 September 2009 (UTC)sfbayman5, 09/24/2009

Hans Ball

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Ball

ball

Has been deleted, so no feedback possible--SPhilbrickT 14:20, 25 September 2009 (UTC)

CHEMWOROR

CHEMWOROR

KOBIL DIVISION: It is the new created division in the new marakwet east district.It has a total population of 6000 people.The people in this region speak "marakweta' language.Many persons in this place are educated compared to the other divisions.The infrastructure is good and the road has been tamarked. Kobil division has many schools like;Chemworor primary school,Chorwo Academy and Chemworor high school.The facilities in this area have been improving radically for example;the presence of a dispensary,installation of electricity,piped water and developed centres like Top centre-Chemworor,kachelayar,kokworemit,chorwo and many others

This isn't a place to write an article, it is a place to ask for feedback on an article written elsewhere--SPhilbrickT 14:27, 25 September 2009 (UTC)

The Wall Street Transcript

The Wall Street Transcript

Hello,

I just wrote and published an article on The Wall Street Transcript, a financial publication that has been publishing for almost 40 years in New York City.

Please advise.

Thanks ahead of time!

TWST48 (talk) 21:07, 24 September 2009 (UTC)

Writing an article

I need help writing an article. Wondering if someone can help me?

It's my own personal opinion that starting out by writing an article is not the best course of action. Articles written by editors with no other editing experience get deleted in most cases. This would be discouraging. A better approach is to identify some articles in a subject area you know, and make some improvements to those articles. That will help you get a feel for the place, and get you better ready to write an acceptable article.

If you don't like that advise, and want to try anyway, include the general idea of your article in a user subpage, where it is less likely to get removed quickly, then visit a project page appropriate for the subject matter, and let them know about your idea on the project talk page. Someone there may be willing to lend a hand to help you improve your start.

You can use Wikipedia:Article wizard 2.0 to create your starting page, just make sure to select the option near the end to put it in a user subpage.

If you don't know how to find the relevant project page, let me know. If I didn't answer your question, please try again.--SPhilbrickT 14:19, 26 September 2009 (UTC)

User:Ussee/Tania Doko

User:Ussee/Tania Doko

Dear Editor:

Please review this page and then inform me as to how to take this page from sandbox to be included to the actual Wikipedia website.

I have included missing references and made the page non-biased.

I was directed by another editor to include this article for your review before posting.

Here is the link to my sandbox page and the article.(Sorry, I do not understand the instructions on linking from sandbox to you.)

User:Ussee/Tania Doko

I am in hopes all is correct and that you can either place the article where it goes in Wikipedia or please give me (novice) brief instructions on how to place the article on Wikipedia myself.

Sincerely, --Ussee (talk) 22:50, 25 September 2009 (UTC)

One of the key issues for artists is establing notability. The guidelines are here. Note that it is not enough to view the guidelines and agree that she meets the guideline, it must be affirmatively expressed in the lead paragraph.

Other than that, looks like a decent start. I'd prefer a more formal citation style, but that's a suggestion, I don't believe it is a requirement.--SPhilbrickT 14:29, 26 September 2009 (UTC)

When you think it is ready, you can use the "move" tab to move it to mainspace. If you look for that tab now, you won't see it, but after you make three more edits, it will appear. --SPhilbrickT 14:31, 26 September 2009 (UTC)

Fourth Thai-Lao Friendship Bridge

Fourth Thai-Lao Friendship Bridge

Akkamaru (talk) 07:03, 26 September 2009 (UTC)

CCE Magazine

Hi Wikipedia!

I've just posted an entry of a new magazine that I have developed for a client. As this is the first article I've posted, I don't want to make too much of a mess, but in the same respect, I would also like to become more active in Wikipedia and assist where possible with generating new articles as well as updating existing ones.

I've started CCE Magazine article, but I want to make sure that I've followed all the right protocols. As I'm the founding editor of the magazine, this article is being created from the "horse's mouth", and I'm happy to keep it as factually accurate, without overendorsing the brand.

The magazine is now had it's 2nd edition published, and at 10,000 copies per edition, I feel that it deserves a Wiki entry.

If someone is happy to assist in setting up of this entry, I'm happy to also put in as much time to make sure that the entry is updated and as accurate as possible.

Kind Regards

Jomar Reyes

Wertheim & Co.

Wertheim & Co. Stanleywmorten (talk) 22:53, 27 September 2009 (UTC)

Rose Iverley

I need feedback on a page about a book I have recently just written. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated.

she_(band)

she_(band) Bynight (talk) 01:05, 28 September 2009 (UTC)