Talk:Masrour Barzani
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Proposed changes to lead
![]() | It is requested that edits be made to the following semi-protected pages:
This template must be followed by a complete and specific description of the request, that is, specify what text should be removed and a verbatim copy of the text that should replace it. "Please change X" is not acceptable and will be rejected; the request must be of the form "please change X to Y".
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Hi, I’m replacing my original post here to try to make it clearer.
I've drafted a proposed updated lead in my sandbox. The changes I'm proposing are to:
- Start with his role as Prime Minister rather than his Kurdistan Democratic Party membership
- Include the terms "autonomous federal" to describe the Kurdistan Region, as designated by the 2005 Iraqi constitution – see timeline at the bottom of this BBC article
- Correct "former Chancellor of the Kurdistan Region Security Council" – he's still the Chancellor of the KRSC (see this Kurdistan 24 article)
- Correct the June 2019 vote count, which was 87 not 88 (see same K24 article above)
- Correct "President Masoud Barzani" – Masoud Barzani is the former President
- Include a short career summary sentence – Peshmerga, UK and US education, return to the Kurdistan Region
Let me know if these suggestions are acceptable. Thank you. Halgurd1 (talk) 10:49, 4 December 2019 (UTC)
Reply 04-DEC-2019
- Thank you for your request. Unfortunately, needed information is missing from the request. In particular, the exact verbatim description of the text and/or references to be removed (if any) needs to be given.[1]
- Reasons should also be provided for each change — particularly, for numbers #1 and #6 from your proposal.[2]
- In the section of text below titled Sample edit request, I've shown how one example sentence should be requested to be removed and replaced with its successor:
Sample edit request
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- Kindly open a new edit request at your earliest convenience when ready to proceed with the missing elements of your request. Thank you!
Regards, Spintendo 11:05, 4 December 2019 (UTC)
References
- ^ "Template:Request edit". Wikipedia. 15 September 2018.
Instructions for Submitters: "This includes an explicit description of any wording to be removed, including removal for any substitution.
- ^ "Template:Request edit". Wikipedia. 15 September 2018.
Instructions for Submitters: "If the rationale for a change is not obvious (particularly for proposed deletions), explain.
Proposed changes to lead – updated request
![]() | It is requested that an edit be made to the semi-protected article at Masrour Barzani. (edit · history · last · links · protection log)
This template must be followed by a complete and specific description of the request, that is, specify what text should be removed and a verbatim copy of the text that should replace it. "Please change X" is not acceptable and will be rejected; the request must be of the form "please change X to Y".
The edit may be made by any autoconfirmed user. Remember to change the |
@Spintendo: Hi and thanks for your reply – here’s a new request in the recommended format:
- Change the current first sentence:
- Please remove from the current first sentence “is a member of the Kurdistan Democratic Party leadership, son of Kurdistan Region President Masoud Barzani, and former Chancellor of the Kurdistan Region Security Council in Kurdistan Region.[1]”
- And replace with: “is a Kurdish politician who has served as Prime Minister of the Kurdistan Regional Government (KRG), the official ruling body of the autonomous federal Kurdistan Region[2], since June 2019.”
- References:
- Ali, Sangar (11 June 2019). "Parliament names Masrour Barzani as new Prime Minister of Kurdistan". Kurdistan 24. Retrieved 24 October 2019.
- "Iraqi Kurdistan profile". BBC. 25 April 2018. Retrieved 4 December 2019.
- Reasons:
- Prime Minister is his primary political role and therefore the first one which should be stated. First sentences in other articles on prime ministers (e.g. Justin Trudeau, Boris Johnson, Scott Morrison) typically follow this sequence i.e. [name] is a [nationality] politician who has served as Prime Minister of [country] since [date].
- A concise description of the KRG and status of the Kurdistan Region is useful for readers here in my view.
- The secondary political roles removed from this first sentence can then be stated in a second sentence (see below).
- Add a new second sentence:
- Please add a new second sentence: “He is also the Chancellor of the Kurdistan Region Security Council and a leading member of the Kurdistan Democratic Party.”
- Reference: Ali, Sangar (11 June 2019). "Parliament names Masrour Barzani as new Prime Minister of Kurdistan". Kurdistan 24. Retrieved 24 October 2019.
- Reasons:
- These two political roles are secondary in importance to his role as Prime Minister, so it makes sense for them to be together in a second sentence.
- He is still the Chancellor of the Kurdistan Regional Security Council (the Kurdistan 24 article calls him the ‘incumbent’).
- Add a new third sentence:
- Please add a new third sentence summarizing his early career and education: “A Peshmerga soldier at the age of 16, he studied in the UK and the US before returning to the Kurdistan Region to enter politics.”
- Reference: Ali, Sangar (11 June 2019). "Parliament names Masrour Barzani as new Prime Minister of Kurdistan". Kurdistan 24. Retrieved 24 October 2019.
- Reason: A lead should ideally include some kind of summary of an article’s most important contents (MOS:LEAD). A short sentence like this, briefly charting his career trajectory, seems a reasonable way to follow that convention in a BLP of this size.
- Change the current second sentence:
- In the current second sentence, please
- Replace “On 10 July 2019, he sworn in as Prime Minister of Kurdistan Regional Government (KRG) 9th cabinet” with “He was sworn in as Prime Minister of the KRG’s ninth cabinet on 10 July 2019,”
- Replace “by 88 votes out of 97 legislators in the Kurdistan Parliament.[3]” with “after receiving 87 votes out of 97 legislators in the Kurdistan Parliament.[4][5]”
- References:
- Ali, Sangar (11 June 2019). "Parliament names Masrour Barzani as new Prime Minister of Kurdistan". Kurdistan 24. Retrieved 24 October 2019.
- "Parliament confirms Masrour Barzani as new KRG prime minister". Rudaw.
- Reasons:
- Fix typos: “He sworn in”, “of Kurdistan Regional Government (KRG) 9th cabinet”.
- The previous mention of the Kurdistan Regional Government and its abbreviation means just “KRG“ on its own is needed here.
- It flows better from the proposed career summary sentence to have the date in the middle of this sentence rather than the start.
- “after receiving” is a more accurate use of language than “by”.
- The correct vote count is 87, as per the Kurdistan 24 article.
- The existing Jerusalem Post source is from December 2018, so it cannot be a source for his inauguration in June 2019.
- In the current second sentence, please
- Add a new fifth sentence:
- Please add a new fifth sentence: “He is the son of former President of the Kurdistan Region Masoud Barzani.”
- Reasons:
- Stating this family relationship in a standalone sentence rather than together with his roles as in the current first sentence.
- Clarifying that Masoud Barzani is the former President.
- In case it’s useful, the whole lead as I’m proposing it here is also in my sandbox (note the Kurdistan 24 article is the source for each of sentences 1–4, but I've included it as a single citation at the end of the fourth sentence here and in my sandbox.) Halgurd1 (talk) 17:36, 4 December 2019 (UTC)
References
- ^ "President Barzani Inaugurates the Security Council of the Kurdistan Region". KRP.org. 7 August 2012. Retrieved 21 October 2014.
- ^ "Iraqi Kurdistan profile". BBC. 25 April 2018. Retrieved 4 December 2019.
- ^ "Masrour Barzani set to be next prime minister of Kurdish region in Iraq - Middle East - Jerusalem Post". www.jpost.com.
- ^ Ali, Sangar (11 June 2019). "Parliament names Masrour Barzani as new Prime Minister of Kurdistan". Kurdistan 24. Retrieved 24 October 2019.
- ^ "Parliament confirms Masrour Barzani as new KRG prime minister". Rudaw.