Talk:Pushpay

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Untitled

Thanks for the suggestions to improve the page. I have added a number of categories to help address the deficiency in that area, plus have also linked Pushpay to other related pages on Wikipedia. However, I am a bit confused as to why DGG feels the page reads like an advertisement. I would welcome thoughts on how the body text might be re-written to sound less like an advert, but I thought the content plus links to support the statements therein were fairly comprehensive. VCandPEInvestor (talk) 01:33, 30 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

For one thing, "Fqast easy and secure" is pure puffery. Any article starting with that in the first sentence will impress any reader as being an advertisement. Amiong other similr phrases "Pushpay was founded by Chris Heaslip and Eliot Crowther after they found that giving based solutions for the faith based and charities sector were outdated and slow, and they decided to create a modern [SAAS] payment product." is the sort of founder story that characterizes press releases--besides itself being puffery, due to the implicit claim that the service is faster etc. than others.

In terms of content, you cant say "Pushpay also offers a number of other solutions to the faith sector including customised mobile phone apps with payment functionality" unless you have a reference. And you should avoid the word "solution" unless you are discussing chemistry. It's jargon, and the best equiveleent is usually "product". Strictly speaking, you can't even say "the product was conceived by the founders Chris Heaslip and Eliot Crowther in 2011 " unless you have a third party reference that they in fact did personally conceive the product; if its not third party, you ideally still need a reference but have to word it that they say they conceived, or claim, etc. but we're not usually so strict unless it actually is controversial, like a disputed patent. .

Incidentally, do not use pseudo-links like [http://www.christopherandbanks.co.nz Christopher and Banks Ltd]-- they imply we have an article on that firm. Write it as Christopher and Banks Ltd with an actual reference. You have a number of these. In terms of style it might be a cgood idea to use the firm name less frequently in the article: good substatiutes are "the firm", "the company", or "it"

Ive made a few sample adjustments along these lines to a few other of your articles, but I made no attempt to fix everything that needed fixing. DGG ( talk ) 05:14, 31 December 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the feedback - appreciate the constructive criticism. I have attempted to amend and improve as you have suggested, and welcome any further improvements you might suggest. PragmaticOutcome (talk) 06:14, 3 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

A Commons file used on this page or its Wikidata item has been nominated for deletion

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Participate in the deletion discussion at the nomination page. —Community Tech bot (talk) 20:50, 28 February 2021 (UTC)[reply]