Talk:Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)/GA1
Hi! Here's what I think needs to be done with the article; I've organized it by section for your ease of use. I've watchlisted this page, so if you have any questions or if you disagree with what I've suggested, you can poke me here or on my talk page. Nice work! I'm impressed. Keilana|Parlez ici 01:05, 30 May 2012 (UTC)
- There should be an "and" before "Greg Kurstin". You could change the comma to a semicolon and say "it was produced by Kurstin" or something to that effect.
- No comma necessary after "RCA Records".
- Put "a" before "vibrant beat".
- The sentence "The song is considered as an anthem for recovery after the end of a bad relationship" sits funny with me, perhaps you could reword it as "The song has been received as an anthem for recovery after the end of a bad relationship" or something.
- In "it became her third song", I would change "her" to "Clarkson" and change "making Clarkson the first" to "making her the first". That way, the antecedent is the most clear.
- "the theme of a global flash mob which features worldwide fan involvement" is redundant.
- "positive receptions" should be singular.
- Can an impact really be joyful and fun? Consider rewording.
- "in several live appearances" should be something like "during several live appearances"
Background and release
- You need an "and" before "Greg Kurstin".
- "coronation" is too lionizing for my taste.
- The sentence beginning "The song was inspired" needs a rewrite.
- Ditto with the one beginning "In July 2011".
- "the song's empowerment and uplifting theme" should be rewritten, something like "the song's uplifting theme of empowerment"
- The phrase "officially impacted" is a little PR-y, maybe "officially released to" instead.
- "where Clarkson's vocals" doesn't make sense, this should be something like "and Clarkson's vocals" or "; Clarkson's vocals"
- "rumbling guitar" and "shimmering synth" - these should be in quotations.
- "which narrates an anthem of personal reinvention, and dancing". This doesn't make sense to me.
- "vibrant beat" is repeated again here and I feel like it's a little much. Ditto with "pulsating".
- "display" should be "displays".
- "ginormous chorus" needs to be in quotes if it's a quotation from the source, or reworded. It's not encyclopedic as it stands.
- "Lyrically, the song is about moving on from a nasty ex who won't leave you alone." needs to be rewritten in a more formal style and in the third person.
- Who considers it "an anthem for recovery after the end of a bad relationship" and why?
- The sentence beginning "According to Clarkson..." needs a rewrite.
- In the second sentence of Grady Smith's review, the song title should be in single quotes.
- "Glenn Gamboa from Newsday" should be "Glenn Gamboa of Newsday".
- Please don't call her "Kelly", change any instances of that to "Clarkson" or "her".
- "Otherwise the majority of the critics" doesn't make sense.
- There should not be "a" before "tailor-made".
- You need a "the" before "Billboard Hot 100".
- "It also becomes Clarkson's first song" should be "It also became Clarkson's first song".
- "has peaked" should be just "peaked".
- Is there a citation for it being number 8 for 3 consecutive weeks?
- "it has peaked at number 18" should be "it peaked at number 18".
- "The scenes are shown alternately for about half way through with a variety of montage that show people from various places performing the same dance routine." and "The final scene shows Clarkson and the crowd disperse as the song comes to an end." need to be rewritten.
- "Critical receptions toward the music video have been positive" should be "critical reception towards the music video has been positive".
- "She loved the video's different approach" - make this more formal.
- "Leah Collins of The Vancouver Sun interpreted that the video depicts Clarkson who develops strength and endurance as well as the ability to lead a large-scale dance routine after surviving a trauma" is very clunky.
- "gave a positive response towards the video" should be "had a positive response to the video".
- "the overall impact of the music video was joyful fun" - this doesn't make sense to me.
Live performances and usage in media
- "special concert at The Troubador in Los Angeles on October 19, 2011 to promote the album." is clunky, please rewrite.
- " on Z100's annual Jingle Ball concert " should be "at Z100's..."
- "Dancing with the Stars on May 22, 2012" should only have "Dancing with the Stars" italicized.
- "the 2012 Toyota" should be "a 2012 Toyota"
- You need a comma after "Andrew Zimmern", "Joshua Ledet", and "Naya Rivera" if you prefer the Oxford comma. I do, but if you don't, it's no big deal.
- "together with the Troubletones" breaks the sentence up weirdly. Consider moving it or transitioning differently.
- You start two sentences with "the song", maybe change one of them.
- Should "dancing the song" be "dancing to the song"?
- "The video a viral hit" should be "the video was a viral hit"
- You need a "the" before "Finnish television series".
- "it was then performed" - "then" is unnecessary here
- "danced the song" should be "danced to the song".
That's all I have, I'll check back with you if you have questions or take care of all this. Thanks for your time!