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Parents play an important role in how children learn to lie. Parents tell their children to hold back when children's honesty may be offensive, e.g. "That woman is so fat!" Children also observe their parents tell little white lies and think that it's alright to tell lies of convenience

Stages of Lying

The development of "lying" occurs in three stages:

Stage 1: Tall Tales

Before the age of 2, children do not understand that their thought is different from that of their parents. This developmental achievement comes around 2 to 4 years when they start to discover that their mind is separate from their parents . During this stage, it is impossible for children to lie because they cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imaginary. This is the time when children start telling intricate, imaginary tales. Children usually grow out of this .

Stage 2: The Social experiment

Sometime between the ages of 2 to 4, children will tell lies to test people's response. At this stage, children know that the imaginary stories that they tell are untrue, as opposed to a distorted reality. They exaggerate to make themselves seem more important or to impress friends. This helps them boost their self-esteem, which is at a fragile stage, so that they can remain the center of attention. Children may even lie to their parents to gain their approval. This behavior usually will only continue if they are awarded or given attention when doing this .

Stage 3: Lying to avoid punishment

After the age of 4, children may tell a lie if they believe that doing so will save them from undesirable consequences, especially when they know that they have done something they should not have done . So if a child breaks a vase and is punished by not being allowed to play outside for a week, the next time they break something they may lie about the act. Children may continue lying more efficiently if this behavior is not noticed and actively discouraged . Children also lie at this age to demonstrate their own power or and protect friends .

Ways to Discourage Lying

There are many ways to discourage lying from the preschool age. The best way to correct this behavior is to firmly, calmly, and patiently explain to preschoolers how lying is not acceptable and that it can be hurtful . It's important to stay calm in order to properly communicate to children . Stories like The Boy Who Cried Wolf are good ways to show examples of how telling lies can be dangerous. Parents should make sure to reiterate that they love their children while correcting the behavior and make sure not to ridicule or shame them. Shaming may promote more lying . Parents should also consider the reason for the lie and discuss it with their children .

Parents also must practice what they preach. If parents tell their children not to lie, but do it themselves, then children may be confused and come to the conclusion that it is alright to lie when it is convenient. If they see adults lying successfully, then they may think of it as a good thing .

At the pre-operational stage, punishment for lying is not very effective. If parents feel that they need to give some sort of punishment, then it is important that the punishment be age appropriate. If the punishment is too severe, then children may lie to avoid the punishment . Punishment is best if it promotes the development of conscience, such as taking responsibility for their actions . If a child lies to a neighbor, their punishment may be to tell the neighbor the truth and apologize. Parents may consider rewarding children when they tell the truth to reinforce that behavior .

Links

• Piaget's theory of cognitive development
• Lying
• Moral development of the child
• Moral development
• Developmental impact of child neglect