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About Me:
Crystal Clear app ksmiletris.png This user finds that comedy is the best way to communicate.
SU This user is a fan of Stand-up comedy.
he or she
This user considers the singular they to be substandard English usage.
T This user is a fan of topical comedy and satire.
Pizza.svg This user loves to eat pizza.
Asahiflex600.jpg This user enjoys photography.
Swedishfish.jpg This user eats Swedish Fish.
Letter Pi.svg Pi ≈ 3.1415926535897932384626
BS-2 This user is able to contribute with an intermediate level of Bullshit.
Modern Pentathlon 2004 Olympics.jpg This user is a cross country runner.
Naisten 400 m aidat.jpg This user is a track runner.
A coloured voting box.svg This user is interested in politics.
Koebel.jpg This user advocates the use of more cowbell.
Legobrick.png This user is a Lego enthusiast


NCIS This user deserves a smack upside the head.
Scrubs This user's inner monologue is tired of being called a girl's name.

Not TV:

Corvus corax (Pcb21).jpg Quoth this user, "Nevermore"
Crystal package.png This user needs more userboxes. MORE, I tell you, more!!! Muhahaha!

I am the world's forgotten boy. The one who searches and destroys.

I'm an engine driver on a long run, on long run.

Don't be afraid; I'm the world's most giant doctor.

News Feed[edit]

Quote of the Week[edit]

Now updated whenever I feel like it.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut


Confide...'cause I'll be on your side. You know I will, you know I will.

  • Piemaster1139 is cool because we have the same shoes. He's also my driving buddy.
  • Romuluscrohns refers to himself in the third person. RC is currently helping me uncover the mystery that surrounds S&T Bank and Zach Braff.

The Celebrity Conspiracy[edit]

Zach Braff[edit]

It is my theory that Zach Braff is the most powerful Jew in the world. We shouldn't be worried about terrorists; Zach Braff is the real enemy.

With his writing and directorial debut of Garden State it began. He won a Grammy for compiling the soundtrack. The film also has won the Academy Award for Best Picture two years in a row. This has led me and my associates to believe that The Academy is secretly controlled by Braff. More recently, The Last Kiss, which Braff starred in won this year's Best Picture Oscar.

The conspiracy goes deeper: Zach Braff's comedy show Scrubs is in constant reruns on various channels with new episodes still being made. With these episodes Braff is conditioning those who watch into a constant state of J.D. like day dream. Once this takes full effect Braff will take over the world. Braff is causing us to let our guard down even further with the voiceovers he does for Cottonelle brand toilet paper as that cute puppy. Braff also has done a voice over for Wendy's commercials.

Iggy Pop/Anthony Kiedis[edit]

I have reason to believe that the front man for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Anthony Kiedis, is actually a younger and less leathery clone of aging punk artist Iggy Pop. Further evidence: both Pop and Kiedis were born in Michigan.


Crystal Clear app kguitar.svg This user enjoys rock music.
Anti-iPod.png This user does not like iPods.
RHCP This user can't stop.

I enjoy music very much, and I like a wide range of genres.

Favorite Artists[edit]

My Top 5 favorite artists are as followed:

  1. Red Hot Chili Peppers
  2. Incubus
  3. The Beatles
  4. The Decemberists
  5. Bloc Party

Favorite Songs[edit]

My ten favorite songs are as followed:

  1. Don't Forget Me - Red Hot Chili Peppers
  2. Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
  3. Come Together - The Beatles
  4. Good Riddance - Green Day
  5. Can't Stop - Red Hot Chili Peppers
  6. Rock and Roll - Led Zeppelin
  7. Another Drinkin' Song - The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
  8. We Will Rock You - Queen
  9. Satisfaction - The Rolling Stones
  10. The Chain - Fleetwood Mac


Movies I like
Bat balloon.png This user is a fan of the Batman.
Red lightsaber.png
This user is interested in
The Sith Order.
If only you knew the power
of the Dark Side.

I have been in several home-made movies, directed by my friends. I am also writing my own movies.

The Legend of Seth[edit]

I have played the Link on three different occasions. My character has been infamously known for short screen time. Ironically, I had the longest monologue in Ganondork Strikes Back. I also played Link's twin brother, Dink, in The Seth Hits the Fan. I have played various extras in the first and third installments of the series. The creator of the series asked the cast members to write some sort of spin-off. I chose to write a script entitled, "The Search for Link's Hat." As the title states Link loses his hat and has to find it. There's a dance-off, that's all you need to know.

LoS This user is Link.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Formerly known as Prince[edit]

This movie is a spoof of the sixth Harry Potter book; I am playing Harry. It was written by fellow Wikipedian Romuluscrohns, who is an avid Harry Potter Fan. It's actually coming along after a year.

The Chronicles of Jeff[edit]

Although the mythology that I've created for it is somewhat cliché, I think it will work. The story has become more of a satire of the Legend of Seth series.

In the newly revised script, our hero Jeff must prevent the evil Vandarex and his sidekick, Morvask, from gaining the magical Amulet of Orion. Along the way he is aided by the warrior Ari and the wise man Dragodion. Am I good at making up names or what?

Scale of 'Epicness'[edit]

I have given a few examples that qualify for each rank. 10 being the highest, 1 being the lowest. I'm no sure how to go from 10 to 1, but when I figure it out I'll reverse the order.

  1. Epic Movie
  2. Eragon
  3. Any Sci-Fi Channel Movie
  4. The Incredibles
  5. V for Vendetta
  6. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
    Donnie Darko
  7. Batman Begins
    The Matrix
  8. Spiderman
    Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
  9. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
    Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
  10. Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
    Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
    Star Wars Episode III

Black Holes[edit]

I have a black hole in my basement that is contained by a magnetic field. I am studying its properties to hopefully build a black hole generator. Which I will use to take over the world.

I recently discovered a network of black hole generating stations disguised as banks. I theorize that the network is being used for instantaneous travel. I have yet to figure out what else they are being used for. I recently tapped the network and sent a tracking device into the black hole. The device ended up in Russia.

The black hole in my basement periodically causes a riff in space/time. This causes my basement to become a microverse. There are two doors to exit the basement. If I am in the basement, and I were to try to exit through one door, I would come in through the other. Likewise with the two windows. The same goes if I try to enter the basement after a riff.

I am currently being pursued by former KGB agents because of my activities.

Recently, my black hole was open and connected to the S&T network, then weapons grade plutonium came through. This led me to believe S&T is planning a nuclear war. I can only assume the plutonium was sent to me by mistake or purposfully. If the latter is the case, then my black hole has been discovered. Either way it's only a matter of time before the location of the generator is uncovered.

Since the generator is now operational, I feel I should divulge how it works. Plus, no one can stop me now. First, I use a particle accelerator to launch a hydrogen atom towards the main generator. At the center of generator is an ununoctium atom. Two gravity generators, of my own design, are also at the center of the generator. At the point of collision of the two atoms the gravity generators are activated. This causes the small fusion reaction to collapse in on itself. That in turn creates a black hole.

I have reason to believe that black hole generators are going to be used in the construction of my high school's new gymnasium complex. They are used to create a building that is larger on the inside than on the outside. Also, a single door will be constructed that can lead to a multitude of different rooms. Using a combination of time travel and wormholes the doors will exist before the formation of the earth. The rooms are in a rotation based on day and time when they are open. I hope to use my generator to access these rooms without the door. I especially want to see the Light Speed Room, where one is matter and energy at the same time! Baffling.

Useless Holidays[edit]

This is a list of holidays I have found to be useless and have no real significance. They are in no particular order. With a brief description as to why they are useless.


  • The section "Black Holes" is entirely fictional.
  • The section on Zach Braff is partially fictional. It is in no way meant to be antisemitic.
  • I do not endorse the use of the singular they in my userboxes.
  • I would like to thank anyone who has ever contributed to Wikiquote. It has been a great help in my Quote of the Week.