User talk:Patelcamps4608

This user is a student editor in Wikipedia:Wiki_Ed/Carleton_University/Analyzing_Cinema,_Gender,_and_Sexuality_(Fall_2019) .

Welcome!

Hello, Patelcamps4608, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:06, 19 September 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Your submission at Articles for creation: sandbox (October 12)

Your recent article submission to Articles for Creation has been reviewed! Unfortunately, it has not been accepted at this time. The reason left by Theroadislong was:

Thank you for your submission, but the subject of this article already exists in Wikipedia. You can find it and improve it at Alison Maclean instead.

Please check the submission for any additional comments left by the reviewer. You are encouraged to edit the submission to address the issues raised and resubmit when they have been resolved.

If you would like to continue working on the submission, go to User:Patelcamps4608/sandbox and click on the "Edit" tab at the top of the window.
If you now believe the draft cannot meet Wikipedia's standards or do not wish to progress it further, you may request deletion. Please go to User:Patelcamps4608/sandbox, click on the "Edit" tab at the top of the window, add "{{db-self}}" at the top of the draft text and click the blue "publish changes" button to save this edit.
If you do not make any further changes to your draft, in 6 months, it will be considered abandoned and may be deleted.
If you need any assistance, you can ask for help at the Articles for creation help desk, on the reviewer's talk page or use Wikipedia's real-time chat help from experienced editors.

Theroadislong (talk) 09:07, 12 October 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, Patelcamps4608! Having an article declined at Articles for Creation can be disappointing. If you are wondering why your article submission was declined, please post a question at the Articles for creation help desk. If you have any other questions about your editing experience, we'd love to help you at the Teahouse, a friendly space on Wikipedia where experienced editors lend a hand to help new editors like yourself! See you there! Theroadislong (talk) 09:07, 12 October 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Notes

Hi! It looks like you accidentally submitted your content to the Articles for Creation process, which is why you received the decline notice. In any case, here are some notes on your draft:

Be careful of tone and wording. It's easy for some things to be seen as a subjective statement rather than a neutral statement. For example, the statement " continually pays particular attention to communication, gender roles, and power structures" would likely be seen as a point of view statement because of "continually pays particular attention", as these put a large emphasis on the themes that others may not otherwise place on them. It would be better to rephrase this as:

Maclean typically utilizes themes of communication, gender roles, and power structures in her directorial and filmmaking roles.

This isn't perfect, but it removes the usage of continually and particular. Essentially, we want to avoid it coming across like Wikipedia has a specific opinion.

On a side note, I would the sentence about the themes from the rest of the sentence, as otherwise it's a bit odd sounding as a sentence to go between two somewhat different subjects.

Some of the sentences in the career sentence are a little choppy, particularly at the beginning of the sentence.

Make sure that you attribute content that is an opinion or interpretation of something, as otherwise this can be seen as original research. For example, the statement "The film’s highlighting of female violence, irredeemable friendship, and homosexual desire[6] contrast the conventional expectations of women" can be seen as an interpretation of the film, so this needs to be attributed to the person making the statement in the source.

If by chance this isn't mentioned in the source, keep in mind that we can only summarize what others have said - we can't create our own research or conclusions. Other content that needs to be attributed are as follows:

Maclean’s cinematic adaptation surrounds questions of privacy and publicity, love and emotions, all while figuring out where the line between real life and stage should be drawn[8]. The film, more so than Catton’s novel, also calls upon the nature of drama and theatre – its ability to enchant but to also divide successes and losses, truth and imagination[8].

This is somewhat related to tone, but I wanted to mention that you should make sure to stick to a formal writing style- it's easy to fall into an academic or scholarly style and embellish, so just be careful. For example, the word "conjures" doesn't fit Wikipedia's writing style - although it does look lovely in a sentence. I've changed up this sentence, since it also needed attribution for the claims further in the sentence.

Your sources are largely good, however avoid using IMDb as a source. It can be edited by pretty much any user and the site isn't careful about really fact checking anything, so it's easy for the site to contain false or partially incorrect information.

Other than this I think you're on the right track here and a lot of this can be solved by some light editing and attribution. Let me know if you need any help moving anything live. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:53, 18 October 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Alison Maclean

Minor revisions needed.

Great sources, well-written overall!
Is all the information in the first sentence of the Early Life and Education section from the same source? If so, the citation should go on the end of the sentence.
Ensure that any factual statements are supported by a citation, i.e. “Kitchen Sink, 12 minutes of surreal suburban nightmare […]”, “After her success with the 1989 short film, Kitchen Sink, Maclean was noticed by Touchstone Pictures,”etc.
Ensure that the tone remains clear and formal throughout, i.e. “she got her second feature film”, “its ability to enchant but to also divide successes and losses, truth and imagination.”

CropMilk (talk) 14:22, 23 October 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Your draft article, User:Patelcamps4608/sandbox

Hello, Patelcamps4608. It has been over six months since you last edited the Articles for Creation submission or Draft page you started, "sandbox".

In accordance with our policy that Wikipedia is not for the indefinite hosting of material deemed unsuitable for the encyclopedia mainspace, the draft has been nominated for deletion. If you plan on working on it further, or editing it to address the issues raised if it was declined, simply edit the submission and remove the {{db-afc}}, {{db-draft}}, or {{db-g13}} code.

If your submission has already been deleted by the time you get there, and you wish to retrieve it, you can request its undeletion by following the instructions at this link. An administrator will, in most cases, restore the submission so you can continue to work on it.

Thank you for your submission to Wikipedia! UnitedStatesian (talk) 23:58, 10 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]