Wikipedia:Peer review/Descent (unreleased video game)/archive1

Descent (unreleased video game)

Per this discussion, I have decided to request a peer review for this article. It is hard to tell whether the game will get released, but I am hoping that I could at least get this article to GA standards so that I can get all Descent-related articles to pass as a good topic. Thanks, FreeMediaKid$ 03:17, 25 July 2021 (UTC)

Comments from IceWelder

Seeing as though there have been no comments in the last month, here are some from me:

Infobox

• The caption is self-evident and therefore superfluous.
• "OS X" should be "macOS" (announced/to-be-released after September 2016) and the platforms should be in alphabetical order (Linux -> macOS -> Microsoft Windows).
• There is not Descent series article (yet?); the infobox guideline stipulates that only linkable series should be included.
• Is "shoot 'em up" the correct genre? I am under the impression that shmups are top-down, whereas this game is not. It also appears nowhere else in the article.

Lead

• Stylistic choice, but I would recommend the former name to be in parentheses instead of commas for better reading flow.
• "the fourth installment ..." should be a separate sentence.
• "Early Access" -> "early access" and link early access (or Steam Early Access).
• "but Little Orbit sued the company" – "the company" -> "the developer" for clarity.
• "and said that it was impossible" – "said" is ambiguous but also redundant because both statements are covered by the "alleged"
• "to implement features suggested by Little Orbit" – "Little Orbit" -> "the publisher" to avoid duplication.

Gameplay

• "Descent is a first-person shooter six-degrees-of-freedom game" – Remove "six-degrees-of-freedom" and instead place it as a link under "move and rotate in any direction" in the next sentence.
• "and is bound by zero gravity" -> "and is not bound by gravity" and link gravity.
• In "The game includes four multiplayer modes, some in which players fight one another or work together in single-player missions.", link multiplayer, player versus player, and cooperative video game at the respective parts.

Development

• Where does the "November 2014" and the dates with Interplay meetings come from? The adjacent sources do not cover such.
• Consider adding the "STFU" short name, as it appears to be part of the joke behind the name.
• "The company struck a deal with Interplay Entertainment, who approached it the next month and granted it a license to the Descent trademark." – This reads poorly and lacks some details. Consider: "The company was approached by a shareholder of Interplay Entertainment, the owner of the Descent intellectual property, who suggested that STFU should become a Descent game. After a series of meetings with the publisher's chief executive officer, Interplay granted Descendent Studios a license for the Descent name."
• "Descendent Studios unveiled a Kickstarter campaign" – "unveiled" sounds like they merely announced it; use something like "started" or "launched".
• Link Kickstarter.
• "a new prequel using Interplay's existing trademark rights to the Descent franchise" -> "a prequel using Interplay's license" to avoid repetitions and redundancies.
• "after the Kickstarter campaign successfully funded" – I think a "was" is missing and repeating "Kickstarter" is unnecessary here.
• "Descendent Studios first showcased Descent as an early demo at" -> "Descendent Studios showcased an early demo of Descent at".
• "the game was well-received" – "well-received" -> "well received" (not used as a compound modifier).
• "which is powered by Unreal Engine 4" – This does not fit with the rest of the sentence. Can it be moved higher up?
• "On October 22, Descendent Studios released an Early Access" -> "On October 22, 2015, the company released an early access".
• Link Steam (service).
• "after the Early Access phase" -> "after the early access phase"
• "who pre-ordered it then or had crowdfunded it or purchased it while the game was in Early Access on Steam" -> "who pre-ordered, crowdfunded, or purchased the game during its early access phase".
• Link beta test.
• Link legal terms like breach of contract, etc.
• "Little Orbit later stated that Kickstarter funds could not be refunded to backers, preorders made with Little Orbit were being refunded, and that the studio had stopped all development, but that the publisher was hopeful the franchise could be revived." – A rather long run-on sentence. Can it be split up in two?
• In the latter two usages of "US$", the "US" can be removed as the type of dollar had already been introduced.

Sources

• Ref #1 is dead. Can it be replaced with a written source?
• Some sources are in Polish or German. Add |language= and |trans-title= appropriatly.
• The References section still uses the archaic "30em" parameter. This has ben superseded by an internal calculation and can be removed.

• The Descent: Underground logo in the Development section does not appear to be NFCC-compliant; it is not subject to any commentary and not critical for identification.
• The use of Oxford commas is not consistent.
• Is "gamersfirst.com" really the official website of the game?

Regards, IceWelder [✉] 10:46, 30 August 2021 (UTC)

Customary ping @FreeMediaKid! in case they aren't watching. I'll also note here that I would gladly do a GA review for this. The topic is eligible for GA as the game appears to have ceased development (per Little Orbit's statement), even if it eventually becomes a Metroid Dread situation. IceWelder [✉] 12:06, 1 September 2021 (UTC)