Wikipedia:Peer review/Doug Anthony All Stars/archive1

Doug Anthony All Stars[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for December 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd love to get feedback on how I could improve it further with a view to eventually seeing it brought up to GA-quality.

Thanks, Shoemoney2night (talk) 07:01, 8 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Generally well done, here are some suggestions for improvement, mostly nitpicks. *

There are several direct quotes without a ref directly following as required per WP:MOSQUOTE. For example Ferguson recalls: "Richard was playing the guitar—something from Cat Stevens—one day and I walked up to him and we did 'Wild Thing'. I sang a few lyrics and jumped about like a mad thing. Lo and behold we made a stack of money in ten minutes." needs a ref at the end.
Not too many errors, but I did see a few places that could benefit from a copyedit - one example I recall is Fidler says that in their earlier performances, busking and performing in clubs, ... shouldn't this be Fidler said?
Per WP:NFCC I am not sure what the second fair use image adds to the article - what does it show that the other images do not?
A few places could provide context for the reader better - for example, former Australian politician Doug Anthony, was a much-loved Prime Minister of Australia who had been assassinated on November 11, 1975, by right wing extremists - could explain that he was never PM, was still alive in 1975, and my guess is he might not be much loved, but this could be clearer. See WP:PCR
This is unclear to me Book sold 30,000 copies in England within the first two weeks of publication before being censored. When DAAS refused to release an edited version of the book or permit a warning sticker on the cover, the issue was taken to court where the censorship was overturned.[13][14] Usually when something is censored it is published with part removed or blacked out. Was it banned (could not be sold)?

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 02:39, 21 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks so much for the PR, your comments are always extremely helpful. I'm working through addressing the issues you've brought up now.

The second fair use image was intended as an example of the group's involvement of the audience and invasion of people's personal space, which was fairly unique at the time (the image shows Paul McDermott with an audience member's shoe shoved down his pants). But I'm beginning to think that's not shown clearly enough in the image I've used. I think there was one sketch they did in which they held guns to an audience members head (these were innocent times :P)... would that be a better example? Otherwise I'll just remove the image entirely.

Cheers, -Shoemoney2night (talk) 03:05, 21 December 2008 (UTC)[reply]