Wikipedia:Peer review/Duquesne University/archive1

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Duquesne University[edit]

I've listed this article for peer review because I've significantly expanded it within the past month. It's currently rated at B-class, but I believe the actual rating could be higher. I'd also like to get a feel for where the article should go next, if it's not basically complete as it is. One possible short section I see at the moment is "Academics". Since I was the primary contributor over the past month and affected all changes and revisions on my own initiatives, I'd really appreciate some outside opinion on the quality of the article.

Thanks,

Alekjds talk 21:36, 7 October 2007 (UTC)

  • Please see automated peer review suggestions here. Thanks, APR t 12:50, 9 October 2007 (UTC)
    • Thank you. All of these suggestions have been addressed except two (I will need some help copyediting). Alekjds talk 20:33, 9 October 2007 (UTC)

From User:Midnightdreary Greetings! First off, great work on this article and thanks for putting so much focus on it. If you don't mind, I have some suggestions...

  • Intro: I wonder if "U.S.A." is needed here. Do similar articles carry it as well? I wouldn't italicize its former name in this 'graph either. By the way, what's "Spiritan"? A wikilink here would help. In the second 'graph, the hyphen before 81 percent of Duquesne students... is a bit awkward. Maybe a comma with the word "with"? In the next 'graph, I wonder if Duquesne University can count at all, considering it's just brick and mortar. Oh, and I always like to remind people to visit WP:LEAD.
It will seem pretty robotic, but I'll respond to each of these comments in order. There is precedent for "USA". I have unitalicized the former title. Spiritan refers to "Congregation of the Holy Spirit," mentioned earlier in the paragraph (although not completely clear, it is rather intuitive); I'm not sure if another wikilink to the article for Holy Ghost Fathers would be warranted. I've attempted to fix that "81 percent" awkwardness. As for the issue of Duquesne University being able to count... it's the institution which counts the alumni. There's no other name for the entity other than "Duquesne University," which refers to the institution rather than the buildings anyway.
  • History: You are using European style of dates here (i.e. 1 October 1878). As far as I know, Pittsburgh is not European; can this be swapped? I'm confused that the school was founded in 1878 but did not offer instruction until 1881. Oh, and don't capitalize the C in "the college." "Duquesne established itself at its current campus" might be better as "current location." The third paragraph of "Early history" is an awkward run-on sentence; consider re-writing into two sentences. You need more citations under "Recent history." I would move the Forbes Ave. expansion project as a sub-sub-heading under this part, rather than saying "See below" or whatever it says. :)
It's a personal bias of mine to use European dating (I think it's clearer). I suppose it could be swapped, but I would want to see some sort of Wikipedia policy that states that date notation should adhere to regional standards first. After all, I maintain the practice consistently throughout the article. As for the "did not offer instruction until 1881" issue, I've rechecked my primary sources, and can't find a mention of that. I'll just remove it, since it doesn't make that much sense. I think I've cleared up the confusion in "Early history", but as for the citations in "Recent", I'll need to look back to where I found that information to properly cite it. I think the entire history section could use some work. I skipped the years between 1911-1950 out of convenience, but it seems like a conspicuous absence.
  • Campus: I'd suggest moving one of the images to the left side of the page so it's not so right-heavy throughout. Your first sentence here about tripling in size should have a citation. This paragraph could also be expanded; I always recommend at least three sentences per paragraph. Why is Canevin Hall notable, and according to whom? That could potentially be labeled original research. The article also uses the term "scenic," which needs a source or it breaks NPOV. Really, this whole section needs lots of in-line citations. Also, I wonder if "Italian campus" is a preferable subheading to "Rome campus." Is that a colloquial term for it? Either way, I'd combine the two paragraphs into one.
Image moved. Campus expansion cited. I can't think of a sentence to add to that first paragraph off the bat, but I will give it some thought. I've reworded the mention of Canevin Hall so it doesn't include a value claim, and removed the qualifier "scenic" (how would I state something like that and it not be NPOV?). More citations will be forthcoming. What do you mean by "combining the two paragraphs into one"? Which two paragraphs? I think it might be a good idea to group the Capital region and Italian campuses into one header, since they don't really fit into the "Campus" header.
  • Academics: Source the enrollment figures.
Cited.
  • Jumping ahead to Student Life: That image looks like it's a little crooked; if you have Photoshop or similar image editing program, consider fixing that tile. Under "Student groups," is it an active Greek life or just active Greek life? The word active, by the way, may need to be sourced or it's another NPOV and/or OR problem. I'd also italicize "The Duquesne Duke" as its a title. "Performance art" needs more sources too, especially that very first line about them being the oldest whatever it is... :) And if you introduce those three groups in a certain order, it makes sense to describe them in that order too.
I'll see what I can do about the image. I suppose you mean the Towers picture? I've reworded the Greek life thing. Duke is italicized. Performance art better cited. Order fixed.
  • Athletics: Great job keeping this concise and to the point if there is a forked article. What's here should still be sourced, though.
Cited.
  • Notable alumni: Though it's a forked article, there should be some summary here to entice readers to read further. Try getting a short representation. I wonder if it's also worth repeating the number of alumni that was mentioned in the intro.
Summary created; I did repeat the number of alumni. I modeled the section off of FA University of Michigan's, which doesn't cite for every individual alumnus.
  • References: No need for that image there. I know you're probably trying to make a boring section look pretty; it's not worth it. :)
Image removed.

Overall, a great article. I'd consider trying to find more sources, though, besides those hosted or endorsed by Duquesne itself. I'm sure the local Borders has a "Local interest" section with some books on Duquesne. Without more unbiased sources, some of this info is easily challenged in a good article review. You may want to also look over the article guidelines suggested by Wikipedia:WikiProject Universities. I hope you don't mind my focus on minute details here; as a former resident of the PGH area for a few years, I thought I'd lend a more thorough review than usual. Best of luck with this! --Midnightdreary 23:04, 15 October 2007 (UTC)

Thanks for all your honest criticism! The main thing I feel I need to do now is complete citation, and expand the Campus and History sections. Alekjds talk 20:49, 16 October 2007 (UTC)
I like what you did with the Notable alumni section. Keep up the great work! --Midnightdreary 00:48, 17 October 2007 (UTC)