Wikipedia:Peer review/Hina Rabbani Khar/archive1
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This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to promote it to FA. Please help me out.
Thanks, RRD13 দেবজ্যোতি (talk) 19:23, 7 April 2015 (UTC)
- Comments by Ugog Nizdast
Hmm, so we meet again after those two GA noms of yours. Surprised to see you, you're really doing a lot of work lately. Check the "Peer reviewer" tool on the toolbox, there are some useful suggestions. Let's begin.
- The first thing what strikes me is the prose. I don't think it's bad per se, but for a FA, the standards are very high. Consider getting it copy edited at the WP:GOCER. Besides this, I'll try to point out instances where you can improve it.
- Another one of the criteria is the coverage. Are you 100% sure everything is covered about her? Are you able to obtain any good biographies on her? Those can improve the coverage unlike news sources which give bits and pieces.
- Check the criteria regarding reference formatting and arrangement. I'm not familiar with it so just makes sure if there's any work left regarding that.
- Lead could do with expansion, see WP:LEADLENGTH. If unsure on what part to expand, I'll see if I can mention it here.
- There is one image on the left which sandwiches text with the infobox, don't let that happen. WP:IMGLOC.
- This: "Khar is co-owner of..." doesn't belong to "Early life", move to Personal.
- "Early life and Family" should be "Early life and family"; MOS:HEADER. There'll be more comments if possible, -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 10:45, 24 April 2015 (UTC)
- Here are those instances, "formerly served as a member" -> "is a former member" - 'served' is idiomatic, I think, a general copy edit would usually replace it
- "... a Pakistani stateswoman and economist who was the 26th Foreign Minister of Pakistan." -> "... a Pakistani stateswoman, economist and 26th Foreign Minister of Pakistan." - the sentence flows better now.
- Why is an external link there for Abdus Salam Institute of Physics? 'Dr' Abdus Salam should also be removed per WP:HONORIFIC.
- You've added "Main articles: Pakistani general elections, 2002 and Shaukat Aziz" and "Cabinet of Pakistan and Pakistani parliamentary election, 2008" but they aren't main articles of those sections, see WP:SS.
- "reports surfaced in several media that Khar", again 'surfaced' is an idiom, redundant, 'several media' sounds incomplete, better is "there were reports that...". The following sentence just repeats ("Khar is already married...") what is already mentioned, about Bilawal is not necessary, in my opinion.
- The See also link Economy of Pakistan seems to be shoehorned there, remember if you can't think of any relevant link...there is no need for that section. Usually Biographies are like this. -Ugog Nizdast (talk) 11:01, 27 April 2015 (UTC)