Wikipedia:Peer review/Jochen Rindt/archive1

Jochen Rindt

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

I've listed this article for peer review because I want to bring it to FA. I am grateful for every pointer on what needs to be improved to achieve this rating. I know that I need to bring the Motor Sport magazine references in order, we are currently debating which is the best template for that (web or magazine).

Thanks, Zwerg Nase (talk) 10:56, 22 January 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Ugog Nizdast

Not much experience with FAs, but will do my best.

The lead needs some expansion given the articles size. Four-five sentences ought to do. WP:LEADLENGTH. Try to give weight to each major section of the article.
Early life and family
- "Jochen Rindt was born in Mainz, Germany.." Ahem, where's the DOB?
- "the young Rindt has been described..." I'm not sure about the encyclopaedic nature of this statement. Is it really relevant?
- I found a couple of mistakes so far, I think it would be good if you make a request at WP:GOCE.
Beginnings
- "Rindt entered several rallies... almost all the races he entered.", this sentence is so long, it can be chopped into three smaller ones.
- "...driving to races...", what do you mean here? racing together and just driving to the race?
- "While most drivers slowed for the incoming ambulance, he raced ahead between straw bales and the ambulance to take the lead. " something grammatically wrong with this part. I'm not sure what is meant here. Ugog Nizdast (talk) 06:25, 27 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]
"from both heats." is there something that can be linked here?
"championship, handing the title..." reword to "and the title went"
"Rindt entered his vehicle with a forward roll ", what's a forward roll?
"Rindt was able to force Parkes to brake earlier than him...", isn't that cheating? how did he manage to do this?
"He spun multiple times on the wet track and suffered from a limited-slip differential,", any thing to link here? He spun multiple times and yet kept his lead? put an inline cite here.
" that many felt could have killed either driver." weasel wording isn't needed usually, if multiple sources says so, it can be stated as fact.
link "suspension mounted wings" Ugog Nizdast (talk) 12:53, 15 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Let me know if I should continue, Ugog Nizdast (talk) 06:25, 27 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Z105space
General

You may want to consider adding alt text to images per WP:ALT.

Early life

"While on skiing vacation," - You're missing the "a" inbetween "on" and "skiing".
I assume this article should be written in British English as per WP:F1 guidelines? If so "vacation" should be replaced with "holiday".
"he got kicked out of schools more than once." - Kicked out is informal, please reword this sentence.

Team Lotus (1969−1970)

" Rindt's friend/manager" - Its better to reword this to "Rindt's friend and manager".
"Organizers" should be spelt as "Organisers".

Death and legacy

Milano should be in its English name Milan.

Personal life

You don't need to spell out the Grand Prix Drivers Association since it is mentioned beforehand.

That's all I could find. I will read this article again and further comments may appear. Z105space (talk) 11:18, 29 February 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Z105space: @Ugog Nizdast: Thank you for your input! I will implement the changes shortly! Zwerg Nase (talk) 10:14, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]

@Ugog Nizdast: It would be great if you could give more feedback. Maybe you can find and correct the mistakes you found? Zwerg Nase (talk) 10:20, 11 March 2016 (UTC)[reply]