Wikipedia:Peer review/Learie Constantine/archive1
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I am hoping to take this to FAC. As usual, any comments on the prose and comprehensibility to non-cricketers would be much appreciated. Also, any thoughts on whether the balance between cricket/other is right.
Thoughts: I would like to do Learie; a very interesting character with a range well beyond the cricket field. A couple of things bother me, though:
- The article is formidably long and I might lack the stamina for a detailed review.
- Maybe you would benefit from the views of someone other than me? I don't think there are many cricket editors about at present, but you could ask The Rambling Man. He did the featured article on Agnew, and has been very active peer-reviewing recently.
Initial comment: I haven't finished reading it yet, but I do get a distinct impression of wordiness and overdetailing, and am inclined to think the text could be reduced by perhaps 25 to 30 percent without loss of quality. As an experiment I have redrafted the lead, here, reducing it from 590 to 360 words. The present lead is somewhat overdetailed and repetitive, and I think my reduced version fulfils WP:LEAD in providing a fully adequate summary. See what you think. I will provide futher suggestions for cuts over the next few days. Brianboulton (talk) 15:10, 23 July 2012 (UTC)
- I've unashamedly copied the lead from your sandbox, and I'm very open to further suggestions of cuts. Sarastro1 (talk) 18:44, 23 July 2012 (UTC)
- I'm continuing to do what I started with the lead, and have now copyedited and trimmed the "Early life" section and the whole of "Cricket career". I have not been so free with the blue pencil as I was with the lead, but have still lost around 700 words. The slimmed down version of these sections is in my sandbox. Please look these over; you may want to put a few things back, or rephrase here and there - it's up to you. I'll give you a day or two consider, before tackling the rest. It's a rattling good article, by the way. Brianboulton (talk) 19:29, 24 July 2012 (UTC)
Update: I have copyedited the "Life in England" section, reducing it by around 400 words. This time I posted it into the article rather than leaving it in the sandbox, but you can always change bits you don't like. I have a couple of specific points:
- "five guineas": You need to add a footnote explaining that this is a sum slightly in excess of £5, and that it was the legal custom of the time to announce such awards in the obsolete currency of guineas.
- The only problem is that this requires a source, and I've not got anything which gives this information. Any suggestions? Sarastro1 (talk) 17:05, 31 July 2012 (UTC)
- "In later years, Constantine was remembered as much for this case as for his cricketing achievements." No, he wasn't; the source is talking rubbish, or at least a gross overstatement of realities. I strongly advise dropping this sentence.
- I have copyedited the remaining sections and I think my work is done. You'd better check it for typos, though. The wordcount is down to about 8800 which, although still long, is probably OK for a character who was rather more than a cricketer. Ping me if you have any comments/queries. Brianboulton (talk) 16:28, 3 August 2012 (UTC)