Wikipedia:Peer review/Sarah Geronimo/archive3

Sarah Geronimo

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This peer review discussion is closed.

This article has been listed here for this reason: I have given this article a major rewrite/overhaul, much that I wanted the article to have it nominated for a good article or a featured article in a couple months. I have talked to a Wikipedia editor who helped in promoting articles about Filipino entertainers like Regine Velasquez and Judy Ann Santos to featured articles. I saw the article's lead being expanded in September 2023 (see also the article's page history), as did the article's "Legacy" section. Since it's too soon for Geronimo to have a Legacy section, I merged it with the "Artistry" section and named it as "Reception and artistry". I have started the overhaul in September 2023, and continued much of it into the first weeks of 2024. Although I still have a hard time with the "Artistry" section, I still find rewriting the article good, and I removed much of the peacock language on the article, and I think it's written in a neutral point of view. Hope to address your feedback, comments, and suggestions on this article, and best of luck!

Regards, RMXY (talk • contribs) 11:40, 28 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Drive-by comments

This looks better than its previous form, although it runs a little short on content considering Geronimo's career spans 20+ years. I'm still noticing significant stylistic issues. I see this listed on WP:GOCE/REQ so a thorough copy-editing to catch grammatical errors and improve flow would be very helpful.

Her next two albums, Becoming (2006) and Taking Flight (2007) marked her transition towards adulthood -- What does this mean? It is rather clunky and awkward. What about the albums? Is it the themes of her music or her image that identify with this musical growth? It reads as though you're attributing her transition solely to the albums.
For her performance as a young version of an elderly woman -- some issue with how this is worded, wasn't she trapped in a young woman's body or something.
Geronimo received a PMPC Star Award for Best Actress -- won the Star Award ...
After signing a television contract with ABS-CBN -- I don't think television contracts are relevant in any actor or singer articles
The subsection titles are too long, narrow it down to at least two
the third of fourth children -- the third of four children
She began singing at age two;[5] during her childhood, she performed in various singing competitions. -- maybe some context on how she became interested in singing aside from what is stated.. the flow is quite off too.
She later successfully auditioned for different roles in the youth-oriented series -- If she was already in the shows, wouldn't that mean she successfully auditioned? I think that can dropped.
After signing with Viva Records -- you don't need to repeat this, since it's mentioned in the previous section.
her cinema debut with a supporting role in the film -- film debut or acting debut
I also noticed the sections come across as listing dates and events, which is generally discouraged, with each paragraph with 2-3 sentences only.

I'll stop here for now as this is not a full review. Perhaps I'll wait for the copyedit to be completed and see the changes made. Although I'll let other reviewers weigh in as well. Pseud 14 (talk) 01:35, 30 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

More:

Lead

She followed this up with her second album - followed this with
She expanded her career into reality television talent shows as a judge on -- should be coach not judge
The infobox image is grainy and low quality, there's at least a few others that can be used.

Life and career

playing a friend of Camille Prats.[6] - this should be specified that it is Prats' character to avoid confusion
was awarded a quintuple platinum award -- award is repetitive, this should be certified 5x
as the love interest of Mark Bautista.[20] -- Bautista's character or something along those lines
Nestor Torre of the Philippine Daily Inquirer described the album as "her album transition from teen icon to young adult".[22] The album included the single "I Still Believe in Loving You", which was written by Jimmy Borja -- this needs rewording, album is mentioned three times and how the quote is structured needs a bit of precision in terms of flow
That same year, she sang the national anthem of the Philippines at the professional boxing match -- instead of using that same year, later that year, or the following year, I suggest adding some variety and improving the flow on the prose. This one as an example can be worded as At the Manny Pacquiao vs. Erik Morales boxing match on .. (which fight? both boxers met three times, linking to the wiki article would help provide context) ... Geronimo sang the Philippine National Anthem
Since Geronimo has starred in one of the most notable film franchises in the Philippines, I think that merits a bit of discussion in the article, i.e. how she got the role, preparations (if any), how she collaborated with the director on playing the part, a balance of positive/negative/mixed reviews (which is missing). I'm sure there has been coverage of that.

Reception and artistry

I'd remove the image per WP:UNDUE. I don't think that adds any value to this section.
This section also falls a bit short on discussing Geronimo's artistry. This would encompass musical style, themes, songwriting (if she's written a few). You stated in the lead that she is known for her musical versatility and performances, but it doesn't mention or discuss any of those, which performances in particular, choreographies, etc? She's done multiple arena shows and I'm sure it has been covered or reviewed, that should be included here
There is no transition between the discussion on her voice to her public image, I think that should be highlighted.
According to Joy Belmonte - I'm not sure why a politician's perspective is needed here, there are plenty of other attributions from other notable individuals that could support or provide context about her public image I would think.

Sources

Citations seem fine and properly formatted. I have not done spot-checks.

There's a lot of work needed to get this ready to at least GA. While you've done a great deal of editing, I think the main issue is the article's prose and the coverage of Geronimo's career. It tends to be very list-y, which would likely fail criteria 1a and 1b (well-written and in compliance with MoS). You'll also need to work on criteria 3a (broad in its coverage), there are some key aspects in her career that need expansion. Pseud 14 (talk) 15:24, 30 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@Pseud 14: I consider splitting "Reception and artistry" into two different sections titled "Artistry" and "Reception and public image". I am having a hard time researching for Geronimo's artistry, voice, musical style and themes; and what can I do? Can you also help me out too? RMXY (talk • contribs) 23:54, 30 January 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Unfortunately, I won't have capacity to assist. But as a suggestion, read through your citations. I noticed this source for example, in citing The Great Unknown, [1]. This was only used to reference this line in the article: "Later that year, she released her studio album The Great Unknown". But if you read through the source this is in fact a review of the album. This could have been used to elaborate on the overarching theme of the album "catchy, upbeat modern pop tunes", midtempo upbeat tracks, etc, which could be written as part of her "themes" subsection. I'm absolutely sure there are tons of sources online if you look hard enough. Pseud 14 (talk) 02:55, 1 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Another example is the citation used for Beyonce being an influence [2]. It was written as "Geronimo also cited Beyoncé as an influence". If you read through the article, there's plenty of information that could be written from here for the influence section. Something like, she has often been compared or likened to American entertainer Beyoncé for her stage presence and live performances, and whose songs she has frequently performed. Pseud 14 (talk) 02:55, 1 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Z1720

Comments after a quick skim:

"Sarah Geronimo has received awards and recognition in the entertainment industry (music, film, and television) and from other organizations including different international award-giving bodies such as 17 Awit Awards, 8 Aliw Awards, 28 Myx Music Awards, and a FAMAS Golden Artist Award." Needs a citation
"Filmography" and "Concerts" sections need citations.
"Geronimo is currently working on a film which she will co-star alongside John Lloyd Cruz," Avoid statements like "currently" as it will become outdated. See MOS:CURRENT.

That's all I got. Z1720 (talk) 14:56, 15 February 2024 (UTC)[reply]