Wikipedia:Requests for feedback/2010 October 7

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Heidolph user page[edit]

So I am about done wrapping up my under construction page and I wanted it to be reviewed first. Am I ready to go live and how do I do that? Thank you Evaporation Expert (talk) 14:10, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Presumably User:Evaporation Expert/Heidolph.  Chzz  ►  22:14, 7 October 2010 (UTC)
It is not ready to go live, because it looks like an advert; it does not have any inline references, and it only has two independent references. YouTube is not appropriate as a reference.
Please review WP:NPOV. Statements such as significantly contributing to the improvement in the quality of people’s lives all over the world are not appropriate.
See also WP:BFAQ.  Chzz  ►  05:57, 8 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Guinunez/Huarpe[edit]

Article about an extinct indigenous group, there is already an article on Spanish, Portuguese and French but not in English.

I am not sure if the article is too short, I based this article on a similar group called Puelche and add it a little more based on the Spanish version


Guinunez (talk) 06:31, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

It has no references to reliable sources. Those are essential. See WP:VRS and WP:CITE, and WP:FIRST. Wikipedia (any language) is not a reliable source.  Chzz  ►  05:06, 8 October 2010 (UTC)


Thanks Chzz for your feedback

I have added several more sources now, most of them are printed books published on google, I'm not sure if it is better to link them there (I did that), and if it is better to link the specific page. Guinunez (talk) 18:06, 8 October 2010 (UTC)

Syren_Band [edit]

This article is about the band Syren who are made up of ex-members of the band Rockbitch.

Erinbeyer87 (talk) 09:58, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

There are problems with the references. The idea of refs is, so that the person reading the article can 'check the facts'. So, the first one quotes from a newspaper; instead, you need to give details of the paper - the title of the article, the page number, author, publisher, location.
The second reference, "in an interview on Radio Beverwijk" is probably unverifiable, cannot be used.
Same for the third.
4 is another Wikipedia article; that is not appropriate, Wikipedia itself cannot be used as a reference.
5 does not seem to mention Syren at all
6 says "DDA Agency, Purple Dragon Productions" and I do not know what this is, where I can check it.
7 (starfarer)...maybe OK, but probably isn't really a reliable source.
8 is a quote from a blog, and that definitely is not a reliable source.
9 and 10 are the bands website; such primary sources can be used, but only with care, for simple neutral facts; they cannot be used for e.g. booked to play over 13 shows across Holland or With this instant fan base Syren received much press. See also WP:NPOV
11 looks OK (as far as I can tell; I do not speak Dutch)
12 is again using the bands own website for a claim, "a 3 page article in Holland's Gitaar Plus Magazine" - if it was in the magazine, fine, then reference that - give date of publication, publisher, etc.
13 - facebook - definitely not appropriate
14 is RTV again; probably OK

Overall, this needs a lot of fixing. Mostly, it is not verifiable.

For these reasons, the article does not necessarily pass the notability guidelines; see also WP:GNG and WP:BAND.

I'll copy this message to the article talk page.  Chzz  ►  05:16, 8 October 2010 (UTC)

New unreviewed article/Duane Hopkins[edit]

I'm hoping this article is ok to go live soon, i'd appreciate some feedback to let me know how it's looking. Thanks.


Northandy (talk) 10:27, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Actually, that was already in the live articles area - just with the name ""New unreviewed article/Duane Hopkins". An article in userspace has your user name as a prefix - for example, User:Chzz/test. You can make such pages using WP:USERSPACEDRAFT.
I moved the page to just Duane Hopkins.
Overall, it looks OK; certainly better than most new articles.
Hopkins' second feature film, Bypass, is currently in pre-production and scheduled to shoot in 2011. lacks a reference, and so sounds a bit promotional.
There are too many external links. Probably, just one link to the 'official site' is appropriate. External links should not be used unless they provide info that cannot otherwise be included; see WP:EL.
This reference link does not seem to work.
Also http://www.thirdfilms.co.uk/ just gives a 'holding page'.
It would be better if you could add {{citation}} templates, to give more reference details - the website name, author, date, and so on.
I've removed the 'unreviewed' tag. See WP:DEVELOP, and maybe ask for a peer review, after addressing the concerns above.  Chzz  ►  22:24, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vatel_International_Hospitality_School#History[edit]

The article has been cleaned of key statements which point it be an advert. As this is my first article i was unaware of using id for a group. Thus i am using ID now. This entity or company is a worldwide entity.

Manojk297 (talk) 10:35, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

It still seems quite promotional, because it contains non-neutral claims that are unreferenced, is largely referenced to 'campusfrance.org' which does not seem independent, and contains some unencyclopaedic information - see WP:NOT.
The external links to the worldwide sites are not appropriate, see WP:EL.
Examples of unreferenced claims include global entity with more than 24 campuses in 14 countries, most of 'History' e.g.

In 1995, Vatel started expansion to Asia and Latin America[citation needed] and in the year 1997 two new Schools were opened in Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia.[citation needed] This was done through franchise,[citation needed] but the concept of education, the training methods and teaching materials remain the same throughout every school even today.[citation needed] With such rapid expansion[neutrality is disputed] Liaison offices were created in Shanghai (1997)[citation needed] and New Delhi (1998).[citation needed] They represent ‘Vatel Asia’ and fostered relationships with local universities[citation needed] and also facilitated student exchanges.[citation needed] Thereafter Vatel joins CampusFrance,[citation needed] an agency created by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs and National Education which is responsible for promoting French higher education in the world.[citation needed]

 Chzz  ►  22:31, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Pahaquarry Copper Mine[edit]

Created new entry for this historic mine. Plan to add links back from several other articles after review.


Zeete (talk) 13:07, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

A couple of formatting things which I have fixed;
  • Refs should appear directly after punctuation, no space. E.g. born in 1901.<ref>... not born in 1901. <ref>...
  • 1650's should be just 1650s

Mostly, it looks OK, just be careful of seemingly unreferenced sections, for example The land was then purchased by the United States Army Corps of Engineering in preparation for the building of the Tocks Island Dam. has no reference.

Also "Geology" has just one reference at the end - maybe that covers the facts, but if so, that can be confusing if later someone adds in the middle. So it's best to add a reference at the end of every sentence.

I noticed that you use a source, ""Pahaquarry Copper Mine, Final Cultural Landscape Report", several times - but different pages. That's all fine, but if you wanted to avoid the duplication, you might be interested in 'Harvard-style referencing'; see User:Chzz/help/harvard.

"Books and articles" should probably be a section headed == Further reading ==. It'd be neater with bullet-points at the start of each, using an asterisk *. And you might want to make them into the same 'style' as the references, by putting {{refbegin}} at the start and {{refend}} at the end.
I removed the 'unreviewed' tag.  Chzz  ►  22:54, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave%27s_One_Night_Stand[edit]

Hello. I just want to check that the page that has been created is ok to use? It is for a new comedy show on the Dave TV channel starting this Sunday. I will add some reviews of the show when they appear online to provide confirmation of its notability.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dave%27s_One_Night_Stand

I would like to add an image to the page too. What is the best way of doing this? Can I link to an image elsewhere?

Many thanks for your time

Westerveld

Westerveld (talk) 15:34, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Dave's One Night Stand was deleted as G11: Unambiguous advertising or promotion, so I can't see it. Speak to the admin who deleted it, if you wish, User talk:Eagles247.  Chzz  ►  23:14, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Computation of radiowave attenuation in the atmosphere[edit]

I need some specialist in Applied Mathematics specialized in Electromagnetic Wave Propagation to review the short article Computation of radiowave attenuation in the atmosphere


Many thanks.

Thuytnguyen48 (talk) 15:37, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Derivation of the Optical Invariant
As a non-specialist, and indeed non-mathematician, I can at least provide some feedback;
  • You don't need an == Introduction == heading. Articles should always start, with no heading, with a paragraph or two describing the topic, with the name in bold. So,

Computation of radiowave attenuation in the atmosphere is the....whatever on Earth it is

  • The pictures should be 'thumbnailed' - ie [[File:Optinv.png|thumb|Derivation of the Optical Invariant]], which puts it into a nice little box, to the right, with a caption (as shown right here). The size of the thumbnails is then set by users reading it, in their preferences; this is the correct way to do things. Don't force huge images on people - they can always click for bigger.
  • Don't over-capitalize words, for example;

One of the causes of attenuation of Radio propagation is the absorption by the Atmosphere

Wikilinks don't care if they are initial-caps; [[Sausage]] and [[sausage]] work just the same: Sausage and sausage.
If you need to link from one word to another, it's e.g. I am a [[Dentistry|dentist]]. - makes: I am a dentist.
  • Do not write it in 'lecture form' - just state the facts. So, for example, change;
Note that the algorithm does not guaranty that the target is actually reached

to;

The algorithm does not guarantee that the target is reached
  • Similarly, avoid exclamation marks. So change;
For this, a much harder boundary value problem would have to be solved!

to

 To achieve this, a much harder boundary value problem would have to be solved.
  • Some of that looks like original research though. As a non-expert, I cannot really tell; however, statements such as those in the 'conclusion' are certainly not appropriate, without references. It sounds like opinion, not actual verifiable fact; e.g. the most tedious to implement, may not be worth the effort, turned out to be the easiest.
For actual expert help though, you're better asking on Wikipedia talk:WikiProject Mathematics.
You might also wish to browse Wikipedia:Manual of Style (mathematics). Cheers,  Chzz  ►  23:31, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Simon Levy[edit]

How do I post this page?

Thanks for the help. Have made the reference additions.


Lisa Pelikan (talk) 17:13, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Looks like you managed it; 06:49, 7 October 2010 Lisa Pelikan (moved User:Lisa Pelikan/Simon Levy to Simon Levy)
I removed the 'representation' section; email addresses and telephone numbers are not appropriate.
Lots of it is unreferenced. Remember that anyone can remove unreferenced info. For example, all of "Biography" is unreferenced; where can we check these facts? What happens if another editor changes it - how can we tell who is correct?
Please add references, or remove unverifiable content. Example, Finalist for the PEN Award in Drama.[citation needed] He has also adapted Fitzerald's Tender is the Night and The Last Tycoon.[citation needed] In 2010 he directed the Los Angeles Premiere of Michael Hollinger's Opus[citation needed] ... and is producing the U.S. Premiere of Athol Fugard's latest play The Train Driver.[citation needed] In 2011 he'll direct the West Coast Premiere of Tennessee Williams' last play A House Not Meant to Stand.[citation needed]

 Chzz  ►  23:37, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

http://www.fxstreet.com/search/contributors/authors/author.aspx?id=26493ad0-2d95-496a-a9c2-19eeeda52033[edit]

I think he is a very important and notable man to Iranians around the world as he is the only famous FX & commodity analyst of Iranian origin in the world and has gained a very good reputation in media and expert forums in Iran, so I decided to introduce him to wikipedia as a source to find notable persons. What do you think? do you think I should add up some lines to this article or it is OK with the current version?

Thanks everybody on Wikipedia

Partovi (talk) 17:50, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

I assume you mean S.A Ghafari (Iranian Commodity & FX Analyst).
It needs inline references.
Also, it is not neutral;

...one of the most respected FX & Commodity analysts of Iranian origin.[according to whom?] He was born on 21 September 1980 in Mashhad, Iran[citation needed] from his father, a famous[neutrality is disputed] judge and a house wife mother.[citation needed] He graduated in Mechanical Engineering in 2002 from a highly ranked[according to whom?] public university in Iran.[citation needed] He first introduced to TSE (Tehran Stock Exchange) in early 1998[citation needed] and soon[quantify] became one of the only analysts of its kind in Iran.[citation needed]

Some of it is just plain opinion, and not acceptable, e.g. He is a believer of technical analysis as an easy to use and understandable way to identify profitable market moments. He thinks that nothing can stop a trader from turning a couple of bucks into a million dollar but your misused emotions. He emphasizes the rule of emotions and the way a real trader reacts to them hoping to use them in a right way. S.A Ghafari has a famous philosophy

 Chzz  ►  23:43, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

User:Mbaish/Enter your new article name here[edit]

Hi, I've followed wiki standtards for writting Events articles. I'd like to know if this article complies with it.

Also, I've read and read guidelines but can't figure out how to put the name to the article of have a good layout. The layout of the page seems odd.

Thanks for the help.


Mbaish (talk) 19:21, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

I fixed the formatting with this edit.
A lot of the facts have no reference, for example;

From 1989 to 1995 all editions of the National MBA Games where held at Queen's University.[citation needed] Starting in 1996 rounds where created so different Universities would host the event each year.[citation needed] From 2001 on, the receipient of the previous year's Queen's Cup has the right to host next year's edition.[citation needed] If the Queen's Cup holder was also the host or is not interested on hosting, another interested University is allowed become the host.[citation needed]

Please try to add information from independent sources, for example newspaper articles.
To change the name, or to make it live, you move it - but please don't make it live until everything is verifiable, with inline references.  Chzz  ►  23:51, 7 October 2010 (UTC)


Chzz many thanks for the help answering all my questions. And for your post on how to Thank people who help :) Mbaish (talk) 14:36, 8 October 2010 (UTC)

Mohammed AlSharekh[edit]

Need to what all to do to make the article wikipedia ready.

User: Debolina Sengupta 19:24, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

This has no references at all, and therefore could be deleted. reliable sources are essential. It makes highly opinionated claims, with no proof, for example introduced the Arabic language into computers and technology. To add inline references, see WP:CITE. Please remove any claims that cannot be verified.  Chzz  ►  23:54, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

Stukeley Westcott[edit]

This article is third in a series of early Rhode Island settlers, following William Arnold (settler) and Benedict Arnold (governor)


Sarnold17 (talk) 21:35, 7 October 2010 (UTC)

I've made some minor formatting edits; see page history.
Roger Williams links to a disambiguation page, please fix that.
Please remove links to England - too common a term to link; WP:OVERLINK.
Consider adding an infobox, {{infobox person}}.
Please add {{Persondata}}.
I moved the picture "Original Providence Rhode Island town layout of homesteads" over to the right; it is against guidelines to have an image left-aligned at the start of a section.
I also removed the forced image size (400px) from that picture; unless there is a very very good reason, it's best to leave everything unsized, so that the reader can choose their own thumb size in preferences.
It would be nice to add ALT text to the images.
In "King Philip's War" re. death/will, it says On January 12 1677 [1676/77]... - I'm not sure what that means. Is the date uncertain? It needs explaining, or a footnote or something.
  • Mostly, it looks good. I'll remove the unreviewed that. I suggest you nominate it for 'Did you know...' to appear on the main page, see WP:DYKS. Beyond that, get a peer review and head towards good article status. Best,  Chzz  ►  00:29, 8 October 2010 (UTC)
Yes, looks quite good. Minor point - you state that "King Philip's War which was the outcome of severe friction between the Narragansett Indians and the English settlers". It involved many groups of indigenous people other than just the Narragansett. Some other groups are listed in King Philip's War (and I note that page omits the Massaco, who wiped out a town, but that's an aside I'll try to address later) --SPhilbrickT 23:16, 11 October 2010 (UTC)
@Chzz The original source actually used "12 Jan. 1676/7, aged about 85"
See here but scroll to next page
I'm just speculating, but I've been reading some of the 17th century records of the colony of Connecticut, and I noticed that when they switch to a new year, they often retain the old year for a few weeks. I don't know why this was done, whether it was simply a habit (like with old paper checks) or some other convention, but it does happen quite regularly. On the one hand, I'm fairly certain this means that we would not write 12 Jan 1677, but this is WP:OR, so I'm not quite sure what to do, absent clarify on historical practices.--SPhilbrickT 14:02, 12 October 2010 (UTC)