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The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

No consensus to promote at this time - Anotherclown (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 23:06, 23 October 2015 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list[reply]

John Hoskins (officer)

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Nominator(s): BusterD (talk)

John Hoskins (officer) (edit | talk | history | links | watch | logs)

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I am nominating this article for A-Class review because the page contains an accurate, complete and concise profile of a biographical figure almost unknown to the English-speaking public. The subject's story is inherently compelling. Article contains some of my best work, research and writing, and while more detail may be found, what appears is quite a good framework upon which to build further. Reviewed for B-class and DYK by User:Hawkeye7 yesterday. That editor was highly complimentary of my effort and encouraged me to improve and promote the work further. Another editor who originally looked over my work, User:Zanhe, a frequent DYK reviewer, also very strongly encouraged me to put this forward for further review. I've applied for GA review simultaneously. BTW, I've been editing for over ten years, and this is the first candidate I've ever put forward for A-class review. I hope that when I get more experienced in this process, I'll be able to improve other work to A-class and FA-class. Finally, I want to learn how to review better. Someone of my tenure should feel more comfortable doing reviews of others' work. Even a failing A-class review in this case will help me learn to be a better reviewer. BusterD (talk) 16:50, 29 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments: G'day, Buster, and welcome to Milhist ACR. Overall, I think this looks quite good. I made a few minor edits and have a few comments/suggestions: AustralianRupert (talk) 22:23, 29 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

  • article title: I'm not sure about the disambig of "officer", perhaps "naval officer" would be better? I wouldn't advise changing immediately, though, best to wait and see what other people think (I could well be wrong!)
  • I'd suggest putting his date of birth into the body of the article in the Early life section; Done
  • there is one dab link that should be repointed: "Pacific Fleet"; Done
  • " exit from the navy..." --> " exit from the Navy" (as it refers to a specific navy); Done
  • "Recovering in Naval Hospital Philadelphia..." (this seems like it is missing a word); Done
  • "Essex-class carrier USS Valley Forge..." (move the link for Essex-class to its earlier mention); Done
  • " North Korean army" --> " North Korean Army"; Done
  • watch out for irregular capitalisation: "Promoted Captain in 1944" --> "Promoted captain in 1944" per WP:MILTERMS (there are a couple of examples of this). I also think "Promoted to captain..." might sound better (but maybe this is a US English thing?) Done
  • "Valley Forge spent five days restocking and embarking a new air group..." (I suggest splitting this sentence as it seems to run on a bit); Done
  • watch out for date format consistency: the majority of the article uses one version (e.g. October 22, 1898) but the accessdates use a different version (e.g. 28 August 2015) Done
  • in the References section, "VICE ADMIRAL JOHN M. HOSKINS" --> per the guidance at MOS:ALLCAPS this should be reduced to title or sentence case (I'd go title case, but either is fine apparently) Done
  • the sentence starting "The reviewer especially praised..." seems a bit awkward due to the quotation. There might be a smoother way of inserting that. Done
  • Anyway, that's it from me. Good luck with the review and thanks for your efforts so far. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 22:23, 29 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • G'day, no worries. Not a lot leapt out at me when I took a second look; the only thing I'd note is that you could include details (in the body of the article) about when and where he and his wife, Sue, were married. Also, potentially the birth and death information on her in the infobox might be considered to be uncited. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 02:25, 1 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by MONGO...

  • At some point, though the article is not extremely long as of yet, a third intro paragraph may be needed, or slight expansion of existing into and splitting info three parts.--MONGO 23:11, 30 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • In Early Life section, "Hoskins was born on October 22, 1898 to Thomas Jefferson..." perhaps make it clear that "Jefferson" was his father's middle name by adding Hoskins to his father's name and dropping it from his mother's name?--MONGO 23:14, 30 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • If possible, lets expand on the significant issue of Hoskins getting flight training. I imagine that since this was in the infancy of naval aviation, this must have been a rare opportunity to be awarded...is there any more info about this issue? I've left notes in my edit summaries to help guide this along, and added a few cite needed and question templates which can be removed as you wish.--MONGO 23:31, 30 August 2015 (UTC)[reply]

Comments. As always, feel free to revert my copyediting. - Dank (push to talk)

  • "Classmates remember cadet Hoskins as being "the loudest and most obnoxious snorer", but was saluted by classmates in the Academy yearbook as a ladies' man, "He can convince any femme that she is the best friend he has in the world ... any chaperone that her presence is unnecessary".": These facts might not help us understand the man.
  • "his pragmatic and dogmatic approach": That's contradictory.
  • "His funeral was held ... Hoskins and his wife Sue (née Waters) had two sons and one daughter": If he was survived by them, it would be better to say that.
  • Support on prose per standard disclaimer. These are my edits. - Dank (push to talk) 23:05, 5 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sorry this is taking abut longer than I anticipated. I'm awaiting some books through inter library loan. Will start addressing these comments shortly. BusterD public (talk) 23:25, 15 September 2015 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
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