Template:Did you know nominations/Charles R. Apted

Charles R. Apted

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• ... that in 1915, "Harvard Cop No. 1" Charles Apted (pictured) identified the dynamite-wielding intruder who shot J. P. Morgan, Jr. and bombed the US Senate as a deranged wife-poisoning ex-Harvard German instructor?

• Reviewed: Kenton Grua

Improved to Good Article status by EEng (talk). Self-nominated at 05:53, 9 June 2015 (UTC).

• If run without image then quirky slot, please. EEng (talk) 06:12, 9 June 2015 (UTC)

• · Article was improved to GA on 8 June, nominated for DYK on 9 June. QPQ is done, article is long enough. Hook is sourced and cited. I think he way that you have worded the hook in the article itself is more concise than how you have worded it here, though. I had to re-read a few times to understand what you was saying, partly because you missed out the intruders name here. I think the hook here needs rewording.  — Calvin999 10:31, 12 June 2015 (UTC)
  • ... um, "as a deranged wife-poisoning ex-Harvard German instructor"? - was that just a cunning disguise he had adopted? Martinevans123 (talk) 10:46, 12 June 2015 (UTC) p.s. User:EEng may be a little delayed in responding as he has some unexpected marine invertebrate issues to deal with, I bet.
    • I don't think the hook needs rewording, I think it needs commas. Viriditas (talk) 00:24, 13 June 2015 (UTC)

The problem is that ALT0 was already at the 200-character limit. But I've found a way to squeeze a bit more out:

• ALT1 ... that in 1915, "Harvard Cop No. 1" Charles Apted (pictured) identified the dynamite-wielding intruder who shot J. P. Morgan, Jr., and bombed the US Senate, as a crazed wife-poisoning ex-Harvard German instructor?

EEng (talk) 16:29, 13 June 2015 (UTC)

• I would like to see a comma after "crazed". Otherwise, I read it in Jack Kerouac's voice while bongos play in the background. I also read it differently with commas in different places:

ALT2 ... that in 1915, "Harvard Cop No. 1" Charles Apted (pictured) identified the dynamite-wielding intruder who shot J. P. Morgan, Jr. and bombed the US Senate as a crazed, wife-poisoning ex-Harvard German instructor?

Since this isn't supposed to be beat poetry, I'm looking for the comma after crazed, but you can see I don't read it in the same place that you do. Viriditas (talk) 01:12, 14 June 2015 (UTC)

Well, I think we need the commas around "and bombed the US Senate" because (as Martin so insightfully pointed out) otherwise the as reads like the as in "He attended the party as a pirate." So just for you I'll give up wielding, which I really didn't want to do -- but I get deranged back in the bargain, so that's some solace:

• ALT3 ... that in 1915, "Harvard Cop No. 1" Charles Apted (pictured) identified the dynamite-totting intruder who shot J. P. Morgan, Jr., and bombed the US Senate, as a deranged, wife-poisoning, ex-Harvard, German instructor?

If that's OK with you can you strike ALT2? EEng (talk) 04:33, 14 June 2015 (UTC)

I agree with you. Stricken. Viriditas (talk) 06:20, 14 June 2015 (UTC)

• New reviewer needed to check ALT3 hook. BlueMoonset (talk) 03:14, 11 July 2015 (UTC)

I made a couple of small changes to the hook but not enough to disqualify myself from approving it (if I had arms made from dynamite I expect I'd be a bit deranged too). So good to go with ALT3. Disappointed that you didn't go with that restored pic that I spent so many hours on though, EEng. Belle (talk) 00:52, 15 July 2015 (UTC)