Wikipedia:Requests for feedback

"WP:FEED" redirects here. For the essay on vandalism, see Wikipedia:Deny recognition. For RSS and Atom feeds, see Wikipedia:Syndication. For the page rating system, see Wikipedia:Article Feedback Tool.

Requests for Feedback

This page provides comments and constructive criticism about articles that you have drafted, created, or substantially changed. This is not a general help page. To seek assistance or ask a question, see Wikipedia:Questions. If you are seeking an outside opinion about a dispute, please follow the steps in Wikipedia:Dispute resolution. Please note that this page is patrolled by volunteer editors just like you and it may take several days to review your request.

Before you request feedback

There are certain things which come up again and again so it may help if you deal with them before requesting feedback: Does your article have reliable sources? These are important in terms of both verifiability and notability. Do you have a conflict of interest that may harm your ability to produce a neutral article? If you would like a beginner's guide to these sorts of issues, take a look at the article wizard. If you are unsure about how to edit Wikipedia articles, take a look at this tutorial. For a more general discussion of writing your first article, see "Your first article".

How to post a request

Place a Wikilink, with the title of the page inside [[ and ]] - for example, [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] - in the box below. Click Click To Add Request In the new article, Write a brief summary of your work or what in particular you need help with, but do not post the whole article here. If you have rewritten an existing article, you may wish to provide a diff link from that article's history that shows your changes. Check regularly for responses to your request; they will most often be made here. ↓ Post your request using the box below. Replace "Untitled" with a wikilink to your article - e.g. [[User:Example/Lipsum]] or [[Cats]] ↓

After Receiving Feedback

Check back here often, as you will receive a response here. Respond to the feedback, either with a simple thank you, to ask for help with anything mentioned, or, after you've made some of the improvements, what they think of them. Consider helping out here in the future - anyone can read up on what articles should be like and provide constructive criticism.

Are you providing feedback?

Please consider notifying the user whose article you are providing feedback for by placing a message on their talk page, so they will be able to read it in a timely manner and reply if necessary. You can use.. {{Feedbackreply-sm}} A template asking the user to check back here and consider responding {{Feedbackreply-alt}} A more personal version of the first offering your help with developing, moving to mainspace, etc.

(For help, see Wikipedia:Purge)

The previous few days of requests are transcluded below. The pages for the past 20 days are: ()

• October 12
• October 13
• October 14
• October 15
• October 16
• October 17
• October 18
• October 19
• October 20
• October 21
• October 22
• October 23
• October 24
• October 25
• October 26
• October 27
• October 28
• October 29
• October 30
• October 31

Index of all requests for feedback

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=User:Agvorob/Grigory_Vorobiev

All,

Looking for some comments and suggestions on my first article on Wikipadia.

Thanks, --Agvorob (talk) 18:38, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

• I think you're off to a pretty good start. The key thing that's missing is reliable, third-party sources, for now don't worry about whether they're in English or Russian (although since this is the English Wikipedia, English is preferred when available). I suggest that you could go ahead and move it to articlespace and continue working on it there. cmadler (talk) 19:34, 19 August 2009 (UTC)

Wizard101

Currently a start class Video Game article and often subject to more fan-based content than truly encyclopedic additions, I have recently pruned and reorganized the content starting here and ending here for the time being. I'd appreciate some feedback and tips on how to bring this to C class or better, I'm normally doing mostly gnome-type work. Thanks. MLauba (talk) 23:05, 22 August 2009 (UTC)

• My top criticism of the article as it currently stands is that parts of the storyline and gameplay sections are written from an "in-universe" perspective, which needs to be corrected. These sections are also a bit confusing to someone (like me) who hasn't played the game. Finally, the only mentions I could find of player interaction are in the online safety features section (if this section were removed, and the term "MMORPG" were removed from the lead, a reader would never know that this wasn't a traditional one-player game), but player interaction is ususually a key element of an MMORPG. cmadler (talk) 12:44, 24 August 2009 (UTC)

• Thanks for the feedback. I've started trying to address the in-universe issue, if you would care to have a look and let me know if this makes it clearer for the non-player, I'd be grateful. MLauba (talk) 11:27, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

• It's a bit better. The "Backstory" section doesn't really seem to be backstory but rather the plot of the game, at least near the beginning. (True backstory would be anything that happens before play begins.) That section needs some more work. For example, "The player successfully defeats each demon..." -- really? The player never loses? "The story however unfolds again in the next world, Grizzleheim, leading to new developments" sounds like an advertisement. Also, the comment I made above about player interaction still stands. Keep working on this, it's gradually getting better. cmadler (talk) 12:10, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

• Re the player interaction, absolutely, I haven't even touched this so far. I'm focusing on the in-universe aspect first, and then tackle the rest :) Thanks again for the time. MLauba (talk) 12:29, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Mount Hope Estate

I'm still working on it, but I think it's almost stable. In addition to general feedback and criticism, is there anything noticably missing from this coverage? Are any points unclear? Thanks, cmadler (talk) 18:05, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Looks great to me. I fixed a couple typos, that was it. I'm not a fan of adding a footnote to a heading, but I've done it when I couldn't avoid it, and I don't see it discouraged in wp:cite. Two of the three pictures are almost identical, and the first is visually marred by the building or wall on the right. Consider cropping the first. Consider not having two images so similar.--SPhilbrickT 17:00, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Please review - LMT Communications

Please review this article for posting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Eirinidlm

thanks, Eirinidlm (talk) 15:19, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Sorry, but it comes across as a little too PRish for me.
Some peacock phrasing (Recognizing a strong need).
Listing the goal isn't really appropriate. Rather than

"The goal of the company was to create an business strategies magazine"

be more more straightforward:

"The company publishes a business strategies magazine"

I don't know enough about the industry to know how a circulation of 19k ranks, so I don't know whether this publication is notable.

Please look at wp:cite. You need references in reliable sources, linked to the text. The guideline will help you.--SPhilbrickT 17:14, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Delta Cancris (aka Arkushanangarushashutu) One of the first times I've tried editing - something funny with first quote. Would love a hand here!

G'day folks

I'm a long time user, first time editor here & still learning the ropes. I have just tried to edit the Delta Cancris article. Had something odd happen to the first quote I've included there regarding the historic recorded occultation of Jupiter by Delta Cancris. Have added quite a bit to this article - incl. new references but not sure they've quite worked out. Also got a message about "whitespace" (?) not sure what the issue is there. Not brilliant with computers and going to be busy next few days I'm afraid but still any feedback or help with it would be very much appreciated. Sorry if anything I've done here breeches Wiki netiquette. Can you see my email address & email me about this? Or is that not possible or advisable?

Instead of spacing out the quotes, use blockquote tags: <blockquote>text here</blockquote>. I've also fixed the first quote in the article this way. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 19:17, 26 August 2009 (UTC)

Dada Gujar

I had created an article on Dada Gujar. It was deleted stating that it was a copyright infringement and advertising. Please have a look at the article here: User:Hadapsar/Dada_Gujar and give me some feedback. Please see the talk page of the article to get my exchanges with the editors. Thanks. [[[User:Hadapsar|Hadapsar]] (talk) 04:10, 28 August 2009 (UTC)]

The other editors who left comments on the talk page are correct. In general, anything that anyone has written is copyrighted. (See WP:COPYVIO) Also, it is not written in a manner appropriate for an encyclopedia. (See WP:NPOV) cmadler (talk) 14:14, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

profanity in William Wundt article

Please remove the "masterbating" (sic) sentence several paragraphs from the top in the William Wundt posting.

Thank you. —Preceding unsigned comment added by Myquestforknowledge90210 (talk • contribs) 23:35, 28 August 2009 (UTC)

Kent Plantation House

Hello. I have created the Kent Plantation House article. Right now, I am editing it on my user pages. Please tell me what you think. Click here to go to my article.  Btilm  00:06, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

Could use some better prose but otherwise looks nice. You may want to consider a WP:DYK nom. -- œ^™ 04:14, 29 August 2009 (UTC)

In re: Gill

This is an article about a case currently pending before the Florida Third Circuit Court of Appeal which could overturn Florida's 31-year-old ban on adoption by gay men and lesbians, the only ban of its kind in the U.S. The trial court judge struck down the ban, but the state has appealed. The adoption ban has received wide-spread attention over the years, due to Anita Bryant's original campaign to pass it, Rosie O'Donnell's use of her talk show to try to have it repealed, and its inclusion as a major plot point in the movie Milk.

I'm looking for suggestions both to improve the article and general suggestions on writing better articles on court cases, as I want to expand the number of articles on landmark gay rights cases in Wikipedia. Viciouslies (talk) 16:32, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Someone at WikiProject Law can probably help you with general advice on writing articles about court cases. cmadler (talk) 16:46, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. I haven't found a lot of useful information there (or even a good way to ask for it) but I'll keep looking. Any suggestions for improving this specific article are definitely appreciated. Viciouslies (talk) 03:20, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

Mistress Absolutes Entry

Hello, I've tried to create this entry a few times so have set it up on my user page so that I can iron the details and issues with the article. I am very new to Wiki so sorry for any caused so far.

The page in question is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Malstrome/Mistress_Absolute would it possible for it be reviewed and feedback given? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Malstrome (talk • contribs) 20:33, 31 August 2009 (UTC)

In theory, this is the right place to ask, but this site isn’t staffed as well as I would like. I’ll offer a couple comments, but I don’t want you to conclude that addressing my comments would be sufficient. You should look at some article for similar people to get a sense of style and requirements.

The second sentence “She is well known and revered worldwide’ is problematic. On one hand, it is important to establish notability early on, but on the other hand, it cannot simply be asserted, it needs to be sourced.

A slight complication is that it is desirable to write the opening section (Lead) as a summary of key points listed below. So points made in the lead don’t have to be directly sourced, as long as they are a summary of points made later in the article which are sourced.

Don’t simply say she is well-known. Cite references to support the statement.

Don’t say she is revered, she may be but that’s a conclusion an editor should not be making. if you want to use the word, find a quote from a reliable source.

Please read wp:Cite. While you have included some citations, they are not in the correct format. The guideline will help, and you can look at other articles for examples.

I saw a number of spelling and grammatical errors. One or two I would just correct, but there are quite a few, so I think you should do a read-through first.

I think you deliberately capitalized “Her” and “Herself”. That may be her preference, but it is not encyclopedic style.SPhilbrickT 13:09, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

My user page

Hi,

I'm trying to make a short information about Embedded Artists in the same way as has been made for IAR Systems. What am I doing wrong? —Preceding unsigned comment added by Hallmaria (talk • contribs) 12:28, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

I responded to this user at his/her talk page. ceranthor 13:02, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:AmaruKR/Sandbox David Newman Biography

Hello,

I'm new at Wikipedia and ready to post my first article, on Kirtan artist David Newman.

In the interest of disclosure, the subject is a client of mine (I maintain his website). I am aware of Wikipedia's policies on this so I have tried to maintain a neutral pov but would like to know if anyone sees anything that would be considered non-neutral. I wouldn't write an article about any client, in fact I've refused to do so before, however this particular person has colleagues and contemporaries on Wikipedia as well as a large and growing fan base so I do think he belongs here. Any help getting this article up would be appreciated.

Thank you! —Preceding unsigned comment added by AmaruKR (talk • contribs) 15:59, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

I'd suggest that he doesn't presently meet Wikipedia:Notability (music), though if his new CD is released on Nettwerk, he would then meet criterion 5 for musicians and ensembles. You might want to keep this in userspace until then. Also, since the "Musical Style" section is sourced only to his website, you should probably strengthen the attribution. Try something like "He describes his music as [insert direct quote]." cmadler (talk) 17:35, 1 September 2009 (UTC)

First thank you for creating this in a sandbox instead of creating it in the main space and then insisting that it not be deleted. I would agree with Cmadler, not quite notable enough yet. It could also use some cleanup which I would be happy to help with after we can establish a firmer notability. Tiggerjay (talk) 03:49, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

User:Mhughes2k/WEST (brewery)

Looking for a bit of feedback about an article regarding the WEST Brewery in Glasgow! --Mhughes2k (talk) 11:17, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

I think the awards, plus being the only Reinheitsgebot-compliant brewery in the UK establish notability, but this article needs better sourcing. Find some reviews of their beer, media coverage of the awards, etc. and the article would be much improved. You may want to add an explanation of how the brewery was "founded" in 2003 but didn't open until 2006. A few photos illustrating the outside of the building, the inside, the restaurant, etc. would also help. Thanks, cmadler (talk) 12:58, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

Please provide feedback and formatting suggestions

Hello--

I hope this is the right place/method to get feedback on an article in development. It can be found here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Johncmorley/Camerado

Thanks for any feedback,

Johncmorley (talk) 11:38, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

This article has a number of issues:

• It lacks reliable third-party sources (with the possible exception of IMDb, the reliability of which is debated).
• Much of the article is contradicted by one source (After mentioning a brief stop in Cambodia in 2003, and his arrival in January 2005, Rosette writes, "As I've spent more time in Cambodia, I've se up my own film company called Camerado, which makes documentaries for NGOs that are active in the region.").
• As currently presented in the article, Camerado may not meet Wikipedia's notability guideline. Note that, per WP:MOVIE, "listings in comprehensive film guides such as... the Internet Movie Database" are considered trivial coverage, which can be used to cite facts, but do not establish notability.

Thanks, cmadler (talk) 13:34, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

---

Thanks for the feedback -- that particular ("contradicting") article does appear to contain factual errors though, since the Camerado title "BookWars" can be verifiably referenced to a year 2000 release. The article appears to mis-quote Camerado founder Jason Rosette, attributing an incorrect date to the start of Camerado's operations. So: I assume that source should not be used?

Johncmorley (talk) 04:38, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

PLEASE....... PLEASE AND AGAIN PLEASE TO REMOVE IT

first of all i would like to say hi to every members of wekipedia

As we all Muslims have requesed you before to remove our PROPHET'S PICTURE (PBUH) FROM THIS SITE AND ITS SEEM

THAT NO ONE IS RESPONDING TO OUR REQUEST so we once again reuqest you to remove it as soon as possible . It is a

very serius thing .....please...please and please.

here is the link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Maome.jpghttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Maome.jpg

or

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mcrop.JPGhttp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Mcrop.JPG —Preceding unsigned comment added by 77.31.41.98 (talk) 14:46, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

We understand your concern, and we understand your religious views. However you must understand that Wikipedia is not censored and that not everyone subscribes to your views/faith. You may, if you wish, disable images in your web browser, if you do not want to see the images. Please read the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) near the top of the page here. ƒ(Δ)² 17:46, 4 September 2009 (UTC)

However, I do not understand your concern, and I do not understand your personal religious views. I have read the Qur'an and it does not prohibit depictions of Mohammed. You do have the right to politely ask for removal, but as such removal would be contrary to our principles, I politely decline. However, this is not even the forum to present such a request, it is the forum for feedback on existing articles you have written.--SPhilbrickT 01:07, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

principle of no-work-no-pay (dies non)

I have created this article about unauthorised absence of workers. Kindly send your valuable feedbacks on it.Anandkharebsnl (talk) 11:57, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

• Please look at wp:cite. While you have provided some references, the reference style could be improved.
• You need to establish {wp:n|Notability]]. I did a quick google search which convinced me that the phrase is common, even though I hadn't heard it before. However, whether I had heard of it or not, you need to establish that "no-work-no-pay" is notable - you have emphasized the references to "dies non", you need to add some for "no-work-no-pay".
• In your second section, you assert, without qualification "The doctrine of "no-work-no-pay" is a fundamental axiom in industrial relations." I don't believe this is universally true. Addling references will probably help you determine where and when the statement is valid.
• "When a person is employed, he is expected to carry out the work assigned to him." Please see if this can be written in a gender neutral fashion.
• "Even die-hard trade union leaders respect this principle of equity and natural justice." I don't believe this is universally true. Again, adding proper references will probably help you understand when and where it is true.
• In the fourth section, you are discussing the contents of a book. This is not a book review. It is good to have a reference to support the statements, but the statements should be written as statements about the concept in the banking industry, not statements about a book covering the industry.
• The fifth section just appears to be a cite from a law, not put into context. I can guess why you think it is relevant, but the reader shouldn't have to guess.
• The sixth section is a reference to a judgment, but the reference isn't properly formed, more importantly, there is no hint to the reader what was concluded and why it is relevant to this article.--SPhilbrickT 22:12, 5 September 2009 (UTC)

Re: Sphilbrick's comment about gender-neutral language: I have reworded the sentence (and the following one) so that it is gender-neutral. I agree with the other points Sphilbrick has made, plus would add the following point:

• In several places, the article mentions practises in India - although the lead section does not mention that the article is about India specifically. The references also refer to Indian publications. As Wikipedia is a world-wide encyclopedia, I would suggest that either it is made explicit that this article refers to an Indian legality, or (far more preferable in my opinion) a search for references in other parts of the world (including, by by no means limited to, the UK, the US, the European Union, etc). I have placed a globalize tag on the page with this in mind, and will leave a message on the article's talk page about this. -- PhantomSteve (Contact Me, My Contribs) 21:17, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

About elizabeth II

in the section about elizabeth II 1080's about when she was shot at by blank bullets you forgot to say that canada offerd the queen a home for her family to say so that she could be better protected —Preceding unsigned comment added by 142.177.60.71 (talk) 03:22, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Task Force for International Cooperation on Holocaust Education, Remembrance and Research

Hello, I recently created my first wiki article, Task Force for International Cooperation on Holocaust Education, Remembrance, and Research, and have been gradually trying to improve it. Any feedback would be very useful - in particular in relation to tone, which seems to be a problem. Thanks --Kameyer (talk) 19:54, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Bible translations by language

I just (roughly) completed a merge on this page, and it still needs a significant amount of editing to maintain its B class. Before I start on the detailing though, I would appreciate some high level perspective on the goals and format of this article. Specifically:

• This article was moved from List of Bible translations two years ago. Given its massive scope, it is only possible to provide a very brief treatment of every language in one article and I think it might be better to return to the previous name. Thoughts?
• The lead uses a non standard list format in lieu of a TOC. If this article is being transformed to a true list, should we remove the list from the lede and restore the TOC?
• Is it acceptable to footnote the external links (currently broken up by section) so they all appear in one section?
• What portions of this article's content are good candidates for splitting/deletion to reduce the article's size?
• Finally, there is an old suggestion on the talk page about converting this list into a sortable table. I like the idea. Does anyone have suggestions as to the appropriateness and feasibility of this suggestion? Jminthorne (talk) 21:53, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Small add - as I look back at the page, I was mistaken about the B class statement; it is list class. Jminthorne (talk) 21:56, 7 September 2009 (UTC)

Parent Company Guarantee

Embarrassed when I received a late night text from my boss mentioning a PCG and I had to ask him what it stood for I was forced into my first Wikipedia article. Does it cut the mustard? Improvement welcomed. DrJock (talk) 17:26, 8 September 2009 (UTC)

Okay now to remove the BLP banner on the Robert Conley page?

I added more references to the Robert Conley Wikipedia page. They are primary source material from highly credible sources (The New York Times Archives, NBC News Archives, NPR online, Carnegie Foundation), fully supporting the who what, where, and when of the simple, factual claims made on the page. I think the page looks well referenced and ready for normal treatment. May I ask you to sanction the removal of the "additional references needed" banner?

Also, after one of the redesigns by one of the Wikipedia editors, where he/she collapsed four sections into one, there are four, relic, "section edit" boxes all in a row now, three of which should probably be deleted now, no?

Sincerely, Sinequaoui (talk) 13:53, 9 September 2009 (UTC)