Revision as of 06:34, 28 April 2014

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	This article was accepted on 21 April 2014 by reviewer Nikkimaria (talk · contribs).

Suggestions

You have improved your article from the draft version I previously reviewed. Now that I can see your references, your article holds more merit. Take a moment to review the hard copy I gave you, I have made suggestions for grammar and phrasing improvements.

In the background section, under compulsory measures – what are the exceptions to the one child policy? Household responsibility-lose quotes, paraphrase (see also the propensity to violence section). What are the consequences of not registering baby girls; are they able to go to school, are they able to work, can they obtain visas, is it possible to have them registered after a certain age? I might regroup prevalence of sex work, and potential risk of HIV above abandonment of baby girls, as they seem to all flow together, under the consequences section. From your reaction section, you point to the fact that laws protecting female fetuses have increased, but how are these laws enforced (outside of the experimental zone of Chaohu)? Are they laws in name only? Miss Smithington (talk) 00:28, 22 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Feedback

I think you did a great job on the opening paragraph – it is very strong and encyclopedia-like. You did an excellent job of adding internal links throughout your text. One thing you could change is the long dashes under the “Compulsory measures” subsection under “Background” into one or two dashes instead of 3 or 4. Your article is very readable, well divided and well referenced throughout. One suggestion would be to change “literally” to “translate as” under “Consequences of the phenomenon, Wifeless Men”. Also in that same section I recommend mentioning your references in the last two paragraphs. For example, you have “Some commentators worry…” and “An alternative viewpoint…” which is a great setup for what follows, but I would stick in their names to make it: ”Some commentators like ____ and _____ worry…” and/or “An alternative viewpoint from _____ suggests…”. Also in the paragraph that begins with “Some commentators”, the second sentence needs to have a possessive apostrophe with “mens lives”. Overall a terrific job on making this article from scratch! Nathan.cheever12 (talk) 00:35, 22 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Respond to suggestions and feedbacks

Thanks for all the helpful advices. Based on the suggestions above, I've made some changes on the article: add consequence in non-registration section as Randi suggested; add quotes on "household responsibility system"; introduce what are the exception in terms of one-child policy in the background part; correct the grammar errors and expressions as Nathan said. For other unrevised part based on Randi's suggestions, it's difficult to find English reference on this part, such as how the laws enforced. In terms of the "some commentators" suggestion from Nathan, I think I have link on behind that sentence. If readers are interested in who said about that, I think they can easily find that in the reference list. Again, thank you all for reviewing and these helpful suggestions! Thanks! Yangtana Li (talk) 06:34, 28 April 2014 (UTC)[reply]

@@ Line 11: / Line 11: @@
 ==Feedback==
 I think you did a great job on the opening paragraph – it is very strong and encyclopedia-like.  You did an excellent job of adding internal links throughout your text.  One thing you could change is the long dashes under the “Compulsory measures” subsection under “Background” into one or two dashes instead of 3 or 4.  Your article is very readable, well divided and well referenced throughout.  One suggestion would be to change “literally” to “translate as” under “Consequences of the phenomenon, Wifeless Men”.  Also in that same section I recommend mentioning your references in the last two paragraphs.  For example, you have “Some commentators worry…” and “An alternative viewpoint…” which is a great setup for what follows, but I would stick in their names to make it: ”Some commentators like ____ and _____ worry…” and/or “An alternative viewpoint from _____ suggests…”.  Also in the paragraph that begins with “Some commentators”, the second sentence needs to have a possessive apostrophe with “mens lives”.   Overall a terrific job on making this article from scratch! [[User:Nathan.cheever12|Nathan.cheever12]] ([[User talk:Nathan.cheever12|talk]]) 00:35, 22 April 2014 (UTC)
+==Respond to suggestions and feedbacks==
+Thanks for all the helpful advices. Based on the suggestions above, I've made some changes on the article: add consequence in non-registration section as Randi suggested; add quotes on "household responsibility system"; introduce what are the exception in terms of one-child policy in the background part; correct the grammar errors and expressions as Nathan said. For other unrevised part based on Randi's suggestions, it's difficult to find English reference on this part, such as how the laws enforced. In terms of the "some commentators" suggestion from Nathan, I think I have link on behind that sentence. If readers are interested in who said about that, I think they can easily find that in the reference list. Again, thank you all for reviewing and these helpful suggestions! Thanks! [[User:Yangtana Li|Yangtana Li]] ([[User talk:Yangtana Li|talk]]) 06:34, 28 April 2014 (UTC)