Kevin and Bean

File:KevinBeanLastChristmas.gif

Cover of "Kevin and Bean's Last Christmas"

Kevin and Bean is the morning show on KROQ, an alternative rock-format radio station in Los Angeles, California hosted by Kevin Ryder (real name Kevin Beyeler) and Gene "Bean" Baxter. The show has been on the air for over fifteen years and incorporates traditional radio format with comedy bits, celebrity interviews, listener call-ins and live music performances.

The duo have released a number of charity albums, usually with a Christmas theme. These have included Kevin & Bean's Last Christmas (proceeds to the Starlight Foundation), Kevin and Bean: We've Got Your Yule Logs Hangin', The Year They Recalled Santa Claus, Christmastime in the 909 (a reference to the area code 909 for the oft-ridiculed Inland Empire), and Kevin and Bean's Super Christmas.

Personalities

Personality quirks abound on the show, with Kevin and especially Bean, and their numerous other personalities.

Kevin

Kevin has odd interests and characteristics that are mentioned on the show from time to time:

• Has packages mailed to his home using fake names, such as "The Duke of Tarzana".
• Loves things so bad that they offend people of normal intelligence.
• Loves Miami Vice. He even dressed up as Don Johnson one Halloween.
• Has a 'unique' command of the English language.
• Has a large head which has been known to block the view of concert-goers who sit behind him.
• Is married to Melissa (who calls him "Lamby").
• Has twin daughters.
• Is uncomfortable when his daughters ask him questions about the things that are said on the show.
• Is very particular about his underwear brand and style.
• Was addicted to Vicodine

Bean

Bean has odd interests and knowledge of little known subject matter. In particular Bean:

• Loves the Post Office and visits it frequently. (He even had a poster of the Postmaster general on his wall when he was younger.)
• Loves 7-11 stores.
• Wore a Hello Kitty watch.
• Owns many undeveloped websites, including one pertaining to the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, an American ship that famously sank in the Canadian waters of Lake Superior in 1975. Bean is obsessed with both the ship and the Gordon Lightfoot hit song about it.
• Is obsessed with Clyde Tombaugh, who discovered the dwarf planet Pluto. (He considers himself as a "Pluto enthusiast" and refuses to accept the fact that it is no longer considered a planet.)
• Has a particular fondness for Asian women.
• Claims to have few if any memories from childhood.
• Is fascinated by "jet packs" and longs to own one some day.
• Although Bean has yet to put up a personal website, he did, until recently, have a blog which he updated daily. Bean officially ended his blog on October 31, 2006. Once in a while they have a segment where the cast reads Bean's blog entries.
• Lives in a pink house on Vashon Island, near Seattle, where he raises a host of farm animals including cows, pigs, sheep, and donkeys as family pets.
• Is married to Donna H. (Mendivil) Baxter, who is the island's Mayor, and also a noted fashion designer.
• Has a cell phone that rings with the theme song of the film Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
• Was born and raised in England.
• Longs to serve on a jury and is frustrated to hear callers complain about receiving summons.
• Is a huge Fanilow, that is, a huge Barry Manilow fan.
• Supports the Seattle Mariners and Seattle Seahawks, especially when they play teams from L.A. or the favorite teams of other members of the show.

Other cast members

Also on the show are:

• Ralph Garman — The Man of 1,000 Voices (Bush, Gore, Cruise, Pacino, Michael Jackson, the Pope, Jerry Lewis, Dylan are just some), Ralph covers the regular entertainment news segments and often acts as a substitute when Kevin or Bean is not present. He is also known to unleash hilariously bitter rants aimed at Kevin, Bean, 7-11 coffee lids, random celebrity stupidity, country music, and Joan freakin' Rivers. A recurring joke at Ralph's expense refers to his spending nearly 2 months filming Two for the Money with Al Pacino and Matthew McConaughey, only to have all but a few minutes of screen-time cut from the movie. He is also a Philadelphia native and a rabid Philadelphia Eagles fan. Ralph is a collector of memorabilia from the hit television series Batman, and would display Adam West in a glass case in his home if he could.
• Lisa May — Ostensibly the traffic reporter, Lisa May chimes in during most of the segments, offering a female point of view, and is often the voice of reason. A good sport, she is not above putting her own foibles under the microscope and providing a focal point for the recurring game "Lick Lisa." A recurring joke on the show is that Kevin and Bean often try to offer other hot women the job of traffic reporter, at Lisa's expense. Lisa has appeared on the TV show 'Reba' and has done audio looping for the TV show 'Alias'. She is an avid fan of live theater, and tries to sneak in references on the show to the plays she attends, which Kevin and Bean ignore.
• Psycho Mike — An assistant producer, Mike also is the fearless "man with a microphone" who conducts interviews in such uncomfortable places as the gym shower room and the Magic Johnson Theatres. He is often kidded on the show about his bodybuilding career, ambiguous sexuality and his strange body-image neuroses. His tastes run to the extremes, ranging heavy metal music and the movie American Psycho, to having crushes on feminine men such as Jared Leto. He is also the voice behind the impersonations of Kevin Federline, Brandon Davis, KROQ DJ Jed the Fish, Gene Simmons, and Tom DeLonge.
• Dave Sanchez, a.k.a. "The King of Mexico" — The show's lethargic phone screener, he has set the Guinness World Record for constant TV watching twice, only to have his new record voided each time for inconsistent record keeping. After a station concert or event, stories of Dave's drunken escapades run rampant. He has the taste of a 12 year-old girl, idolizing young female stars such as Mandy Moore and Kristen Bell. Dave is a Los Angeles Clippers fan, even making songs extolling his team. When the Clippers fell short of the playoffs in the 2006-2007 season he took some heat for his boasting, including a mocking song submitted by a listener.
• Doc on the 'ROQ — The surly newsman whose 60-second reports are interspersed throughout the show, his patience is often tested by Kevin & Bean's needling and insults, giving the jokes about Doc "going postal" a certain air of authenticity. Funny moments include a call-in segment called "What's in Doc's Butt?," and the airing of conversations Lisa May secretly recorded when giving Doc a ride to work. His short-lived weekend news program proved that he didn't need Kevin & Bean around in order to fly off the handle. Doc's tenuous relationship with the morning hosts has decreased the amount of on-air interaction between him and the rest of the cast over the years.
• DJ Omar Khan — A man behind the scenes. A running on-air joke told at each of the show's remote events has the on-air guys relating exaggerated tales of Omar's wild behavior only to have Omar interrupt and remind them that he is still back at the studio while everybody else is having fun. Loves Tim Allen movies, hates Rachael Ray.
• Producer Lightning (Jay Tilles) — The long-time producer of the show, he is often the butt of jokes regarding the pitch of his voice, the size of his monster truck, and the dozens of commercials he records. The nickname "Lightning" is supposed to be ironic, and references his annoyingly slow movements. After getting a lightning bolt tattoo, the cast temporarily refused to refer to him as "Lightning" and instead called him "DJ Tweeter", again in reference to the pitch of his voice.
• Assistant Producer Alex — A woman behind the scenes whose on-air contributions are usually limited to voicing "Britney Spears" and occasionally relating her own various sexual experiences, earning her the light-hearted nickname of "Whore" (or "Superwhore" as she is known on Kevin & Bean's Christmas CD Super Christmas).
• Super Steve — The show's rotund man on the street, Super Steve calls in from remote contest events and at times travels to announce contest winners in person. In the past, he has contributed "The Whole Enchilada" segments which put a comic spotlight on issues in the Latin community.
• Rockin' Fig, a.k.a. "The Figster" — The call-in correspondent responsible for the daily "Beach and Ski reports" which, while entertaining, are so heavily laden with lingo that they are completely unintelligible to anyone who is not a hardcore surfer/snowboarder.

Other personalities

Frequent guests of the show include:

• Frank Caliendo — During football season, the stand-up comic calls in as "John Madden" to recap his performance on Monday Night Football and to make other nonsensical comments, often involving his fascination with Brett Favre.
• Dieu To — An eccentric Asian caller, Dieu captured the fascination of Kevin & Bean with his unique speech patterns (he repeatedly interjects the phrase "Kevin and Bean" in conversation), his "f-ed up eye" (which has since been corrected surgically), and his unabiding desire to make it in entertainment. Among his exploits are failed open mic appearances and the tentative changing of his name to "Bob To," due to the fact that he wanted to sound tough, like Bob's Big Boy.
• Sam the Armenian Comedian — A horrible comedian of unlimited confidence, he believes he is incredibly talented regardless of how often he is told otherwise. He is also known to dabble in ventriloquism and heavy metal music, with similarly dismal results. His appearances are often train wrecks of unintentional comedy that only Kevin appreciates. On March 15, 2007, Sam attempted to set the Guinness World Record for most haircuts given in a 24-hour period. The attempt started at 6:00 a.m. and was called off at about 9:30 a.m. by Lightning's wife, Brandee (whose salon was hosting the event) when girls began crying about how Sam had butchered their hair; Brandee offered to fix those whose hair Sam had ruined, which could have been in the hundreds had the event gone to its full conclusion.
• Miss Double-December — A beautiful, busty woman who is selected to serve as a representative of the show at various events throughout the year. Tradition requires that Miss Double-December make out with Lisa May whenever alcohol is served at such events. The current holder of the title is named Lauren.
• Dawan — A mentally challenged listener who occasionally calls in to talk about his love for Drew Barrymore. During the 2005 NFL season, he picked weekly football games as part of the show's demonstration that office pools are entirely random because somebody with no knowledge of football will often get lucky.
• Nick the Sign Holder — An unsophisticated but good natured listener known for his high-pitched voice, his seemingly endless enthusiasm, his job holding signs by the side of the road, and for his unrequited affection for attractive women, especially Assistant Producer Alex. He has also come to be jokingly known as Nick the Window Licker, a term that refers to kids who ride the short bus (which caught on in the wake of Tiger Wood's controversial use of the term "spaz").

Frequent Special Guests

• Petros Papadakis
• Harvey Levin
• Frank Caliendo
• Rich Eisen
• Joe Rogan
• Jean-Sebastien Giguere

Recurring Themes, Characters, & Running Jokes

• "What it do, nephew?" — A daily listener call-in segment during the last 10-20 minutes of each day's program during which the best rant/story earns the caller a prize. Formerly known as "What's Your Deal?", the segment was renamed after a greeting coined by Snoop Dogg and was expanded to include the phrase "what it do, baby boo" to greet Lisa May and female callers.
• "The Hot Bell" — Bean often rings a bell at the mention of an attractive woman's name. The practice extends to when callers specifically greet Lisa May, usually with a suggestive tone. At one point, a children's bicycle bell was used when attractive but underage stars were mentioned, such as the Olsen Twins and Lindsey Lohan. The cowbell is also used for larger women like Oprah Winfrey.
• Kevin and Bean start and end their Friday shows with a cover of "Don't Bogart Me" by Robert Bradley's Blackwater Surprise, sung by the cast. For a while, they opened the Monday show with "The Boys Are Back In Town" by the Bus Boys after it was suggested by a listener.
• "The 909" — The guys often mock the Inland Empire area of southern California, which previously had the area code 909, for being a home to meth labs and trailer trash. On one April Fool's Day, the show staged a fake Blink 182 concert in the area as an "apology", sending many 909ers on a frantic search for the bogus event. (It is also rumored/believed that the 909 area code was "re-numbered" due to Kevin and Bean's constant negative opinion of the area and its inhabitants)
• "Loquecia" — A feisty African-American hairdresser voiced by Ralph who calls in with recaps of whichever reality show is currently running, often pointing out how crazy white people are.
• "Rock Me Amadeus" — Ralph's affinity for the 80's pop song by Falco led to a string of listener-submitted stories that would give Ralph an excuse to play a clip from the song. When that song was eventually "retired", Ralph moved on to classic hits such as "She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby, "Heat of the Moment" by Asia and, on one occasion, Meat Loaf's "Bat out of Hell".
• "Pedro Guerrero" — Riffing on the over-enunciated way that O.J. Simpson said the ballplayer's name on a 911 tape, the guys never pass a chance to repeat the name and will, at times, pronounce similar sounding names in the same way.
• Karl Malone and "Santa" Karl — Reprised each Christmas season by former cast member Jimmy Kimmel, "Santa" Karl has become somewhat of an inside joke for longtime listeners. In this bit, Kimmel takes calls from children, posing as Santa Claus as he might be voiced by basketball player Karl Malone. As the children give him their gift wish lists, "Santa" Karl provides improvised, usually inappropriate responses laced with sexual innuendo and other adult references. This bit originated with Kimmel performing in a traditional Santa Claus voice, but changed during the year he began making fun of Karl Malone's radio program, vowing to perform his entire on-air appearances as an impersonation of Malone.
• "There's always room for J-Lo!" — Although now seldom heard, for several years Ralph made almost daily mentions of Jennifer Lopez in the entertainment news bits, each followed with a lengthy explanation of how, despite the busy schedule and numerous more important stories, they were able to discuss Jennifer as, "there's always room for J-Lo."
• The Kevin and Bean Curse — Soon after being interviewed for the show, local athletes or their teams often encounter bad luck, including injuries and losing streaks. The anotable victim is Dodgers closer Éric Gagné, but with the 2007 winning of the Stanely Cup, Anaheim Ducks goalie Jean-Sébastien Giguere may prove to be the end of the Curse.
• Kevin Breaks Up Bands — Since he reported the break-up of Rage Against the Machine before it was officially announced, Kevin is often blamed for causing the break-up, a trend that continued with Blink 182 and Audioslave.
• Every April 1st the show will broadcast a hoax, usually in an attempt to lure fans to events that do not exist (The Mall of America in Orange, a free Blink 182 concert, Ralph's Bachelor Party). They have also in the past broadcast an entire show of Pirate Radio's Shannon in the Morning (a former LA radio show), as well as running the typical Saturday morning show to throw off listeners.
• "Point for Cake" — A once-recurring bit titled "The Burning Question" featured staffers (usually Ralph and Money) debating a pointless topic while Bean would keep score of who was winning the contest. One such debate, "Which is better, cake or pie?" lead to the catch phrases "point for cake" meaning something good and "point for pie" meaning something bad. Soon after the bit ran, a caller claimed that the phrases were being used on the set of The Shield and that guest star Glenn Close started using them herself.
• "Speecy-Spicy Sausage" — When the gay cowboy movie Brokeback Mountain was making news, a supposed clip from the movie was played in which Psycho Mike voiced both Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal in a moment of passion. Part of the clip, which refers to Ledger's member as a "speecy-spicy sausage", caught on as a catch phrase.
• "AFRO Line" — Kevin and Bean's voicemail line, which is (323) 520-AFRO. Callers dial up this number to leave their rants, jokes, puerile noises, and other commentary, which sometimes makes it on the air.
• "Brit Brit and Federleezee" — An impersonation of Britney Spears and her notorious ex-hubby during which Kevin and Bean would mock the latest mishap in their relationship and K-Fed's supposed rap career. Ironically, the spoof rap songs by Psycho Mike as "Federleezee" were far superior to the actual 'music' made by Federline. Following a caller's suggestion that the impersonation was actual done by Ashton Kutcher, Kevin and Bean often credit Kutcher for the other impersonations that Psycho Mike does.
• The Butterball Hotline — Every Thanksgiving, Kevin and Bean call in to get advice from the turkey company, (much to the chagrin of Kevin) often leading to a disastrous, unintentionally funny bit. Bean plays a farmer attempting to get advice from the turkey company on how to kill a turkey with Ralph in the background voicing the turkey in question.
• Lisa May's Gift from QVC — Every year, for Christmas and Lisa May's birthday, Kevin and Bean call QVC and purchase whatever is being shown on television at the moment for Lisa's gift, regardless of the price or usefulness of the product. The gift is always less than desirable, and the cheaper the price, the happier the boys are. One year, Lisa and Ralph enlisted the services of an actress to play the QVC operator, and tricked Kevin and Bean into thinking they just bought her a high definition TV.
• "Anna?" - A recent, running joke started the day after Anna Nicole Smith was found dead. The joke implies that the "KROQ microphones were there" at the moment of Smith's death, and a recording is played of Smith voicing an intro for the Kevin and Bean Show while walking down a hallway. Suddenly, sounds of Smith falling over are heard, and Producer Lightning, in a deep voice, says, "Anna?" The joke has since been expanded to include Bean's cow("cow?"), Captain America("Captain?"), the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ("Turtle?"), Peter Petrelli calling out the name "Mohinder" from NBC's Heroes, astronaut Buzz Aldrin and others.
• The Month - Forced to give the date multiple times during a broadcast and due to their making fun of that fact that October was coined as "Rocktober", Kevin and Bean have taken to giving each month a funny and sexually suggestive name. Such names include Va-Janury, Febru-areola, Mar-chi-ca-bow-wow (patterned after porn music), Aprilingus, May. ..I see them, Poon (June), Au-Au-Au-AUGUST, Slutember, Rocktober, Blovember, and Double D-cemeber.
• Halloween Spooks - An annual tradition loved by all except Kevin. "Halloween Spooks" is a song performed by 1960's jazz trio, Lambert, Hendricks, & Ross and is loved by the rest of the show except Kevin who complains long and loud about how annoying and stupid the song is. Bean begins October by playing the song in little snippets until Halloween when they will usually play the song in its entirety. The duration of the song will usually include the cast making fun of the odd and unusual vocalizations throughout.

History

• Kevin and Bean debuted on KROQ on December 31, 1989, when they hosted the annual countdown of the year's best songs.
• On June 13, 1990, the show aired a segment called "Confess Your Crime", which included a bogus phone call from fellow DJ Doug "The Slug" Roberts as an anonymous listener claiming to have committed murder. The parents of a missing woman believed the fictional caller to be responsible for their daughter's death leading to an investigation by the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department and coverage in an episode of Unsolved Mysteries. When the truth was revealed, the station was fined by the FCC, billed for the costs of the investigation by the LASD, and sued by the distraught parents. KROQ suspended Kevin, Bean and Roberts for five days without pay, directed each of them to perform 149 hours of community service, and forced them to pay the Sheriff’s bill out of their pockets. The event also became the inspiration behind the 1996 movie Power 98 starring Eric Roberts.
• In March 2003, the show caused international controversy when Ralph made a crank phone call to the office of French president Jacques Chirac while posing as Jerry Lewis. All were surprised when Chirac picked up the phone and began talking to "Jerry". Lewis' lawyers were quick to threaten with lawsuits and the bit has rarely been spoken of since. Though they appear to be under orders not to speak of the matter, Kevin and Bean have made oblique suggestions that Lewis "blackmailed" Kevin and Bean into making a contribution to the Muscular Dystrophy Association, the beneficiary of Lewis' annual Labor Day telethon.
• In January 2004, a Los Angeles man filed a breach of contract suit against the station and Kevin and Bean saying he was cheated out of a free SUV. Though Kevin and Bean do not address specific lawsuits on the air, they often refer to being sued frequently, usually in the context of people not understanding or appeciating their attempts at humor.

Noted former cast members

The show has been the stepping stone for celebrities such as:

• Jimmy Kimmel got his start as their sports announcer. Annually, he returns to the show to reprise his role as "Santa" Karl, an inappropriately crass Santa Claus character who takes calls from children in the voice of basketball player Karl Malone.
• Adam Carolla would do spots as the cranky Mr. Birchum (who later became a character on Comedy Central's Crank Yankers).
• Matt "Money" Smith, Jimmy's replacement, now does pre-game, post-game, and half-time reports for the Los Angeles Lakers on AM570. He also co-hosts a drive time sports talk show with Petros Papidakis, himself a frequent guest of the Kevin and Bean show, titled "The Petros and Money Show (or PMS)" Monday through Friday from 4-7 on AM570.
• The Virgin Kennedy aka Lisa Kennedy Montgomery a morning show intern who became a KROQ disc jockey and later an MTV veejay.

Other personalities no longer with the show include:

• Big Tad — an overweight and incompetent production assistant, he was fired and rehired by Kevin and Bean several times. He would also drive the KROQ van and give out prizes at various public locations. He was later given a job by Jimmy Kimmel and was seen on Jimmy Kimmel Live several times. Tad later worked on Carolla's radio show.
• Michael "The Maintenance Man" Burton — an actual maintenance man in the building where KROQ had its studios, he came to be an active member of the show, performing man-on-the-street interviews and making public appearances. In the fall of 1995, Burton left the show and filed a wrongful-termination suit charging the station along with Kevin and Bean with racial and religious discrimination. The suit was settled in late 1996.
• Paul, The Fifty-Five Year Old Intern (aka Richard Cheese aka Mark Jonathan Davis) — Also known as the World's Oldest Intern, would appear in comedy sketches and was a tireless fan of Frank Sinatra. He sang (badly) in the Sinatra style many times on the show. The gimmick of a middle-aged intern has since been stolen by 91X's Cantore In The Morning, as "Tom, the 47-year-old intern"
• Chet Waterhouse, Sports Reporter — Actually stand-up comedian Paul Cesario. The character of Waterhouse was a stereotypical bombastic sports reporter who spoke in a mealy-mouthed voice and used rickety metaphors. He was replaced by Jimmy Kimmel.
• Producer Frank (Murphy) on the Realistic Plug 'n' Talk. Frank was once challenged by Kevin & Bean to sell 1,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies for his daughter at morning show events.

Television & Film

Over the years, Kevin and Bean have made various forays into other media:

• Kevin and Bean hosted Godzilla Theater on KCAL 9 in Los Angeles in the early 90's. It was on after midnight and showed the various Godzilla movies interlaced with witty banter between Kevin & Bean.
• Kevin and Bean hosted an Addams Family Marathon on KCAL 9 in Los Angeles in 1993. They did on the street interviews between classic Addams Family episodes.
• Kevin and Bean were hired by the Fox Network in the early to mid 90's to do voice-overs in between Fox shows. Their radio banter did not translate well in such short segments, and they soon disappeared from that role.
• Kevin and Bean did a short stint on the E! Entertainment Television channel.
• Kevin and Bean were the announcers for the Grammy Awards of 2005. Kevin returned as the solo announcer in 2006 and 2007.

Availability

KROQ is a notoriously low-powered station and listeners in remote areas, or even in particular buildings, often have a difficult time getting clear reception of the show. As a result, listeners have complained for years that Kevin and Bean were not on the Internet. However this changed on February 6, 2006, when KROQ started streaming online. (KROQ also did not have a web site for many years after the Internet became established.)

Kevin and Bean were also broadcast in Fresno, California for several years, but that station began broadcasting the Adam Carolla Show when it started in January 2006.

The show runs from 5:30 to 10:00, weekday mornings. The early hour will often repeat a comedy segment from the day before; segments from early in the show are often replayed a second time later in the show.

External links

• Kevin and Bean's official webpage on kroq.com
• Kevin Ryder at IMDb
• Gene 'Bean' Baxter at IMDb
• Ralph Garman at IMDb
• Lisa May at IMDb
• Fan site blog that discusses each daily Kevin and Bean show
• Audio of Ralph's call to Jacques Chirac (Scroll to bottom of page)