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This is an old revision of this page, as edited by 95.45.113.179 (talk) at 20:51, 11 March 2015. The present address (URL) is a permanent link to this revision, which may differ significantly from the current revision.

Unofficial suggestions for review

MrMoustacheMM, still interested in doing this?--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 21:32, 29 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Yep, I've got a notepad file open and I've gone through about half the article so far. Busy time right now, so I'm only able to do about a section a night. I think by this weekend I'll have gotten through the rest of the article and post my suggestions. MrMoustacheMM (talk) 17:46, 30 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I know you're anxious to get going on this, so here's what I've got so far. I've only looked at grammar, spelling, wording, etc. I'll post the rest this weekend at some point (or, if you'd prefer, I can post each time I finish a section, let me know). MrMoustacheMM (talk) 00:31, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Megadeth, the band, is a singular noun. Any time the word "they" or "their" appears, it should be changed to "it" or "its" or "the band" or use "Megadeth" if it's been a couple sentences since it was last used. Some sentences can also be rewritten to remove pronouns entirely.

Try to use "Killing Is My Business..." more in the article instead of "the album". Generally, the first mention of the album in each section should name it.

Thanks for helping me pal, honestly the lead and the first two section were the most problematic for me since they were written by someone else. I'll start correcting the issues you've named. And yes, I've looked to avoid using the album's title anywhere possible because it's way too long.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 19:55, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good! I've made a couple of minor edits that were just easier to do myself. Like I say, I'll try to go through the last few sections this weekend, and I'll post them as I finish them. MrMoustacheMM (talk) 21:18, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Added the rest of the article. Some minor stuff, but overall pretty good! MrMoustacheMM (talk) 04:29, 1 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I added "predominantly" instead of "somewhat" because I think the first one sounds more encyclopedic. Just to ask, from a reader point of view, is there anything that needs to be expanded or additionally clarified?--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 15:26, 1 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure "predominantly" works either. Basically I think it shouldn't sound like everyone loved it 100% (because from what is presented, they didn't). It's not quite at "mixed" level, because everyone seemed to like the album to some point, but maybe use the "with some reservations" version I suggested. It's up to you, I just think there needs to be some mention in the first sentence that it wasn't considered an A+ album across the board, and I don't think "predominantly" quite says that.
Other than that, as a reader, as far as I can tell, everything is explained well, and I don't personally see any gaping holes in the information given. I'd say it's pretty much ready for someone to look at for GA status! Good luck! MrMoustacheMM (talk) 17:39, 1 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I think your point over the first sentence in the "Critical reception" is reasonable, but Megadeth's biography in Rolling Stone says the album "garnered mainly positive reviews, even from critics normally hostile to heavy metal" while Allmusic (which I used as a source) stated the record "received strong reviews, not only in metal-oriented publications, but also in mainstream music magazines". This somehow conflicts with the critiques over the production, vocals, riffs, etc. which are written in retrospective. Should I still leave that "somewhat"?--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 20:17, 1 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I like "mainly", that way you can source it to Rolling Stone if needed, and it says "positive" while still saying "not overall A+". MrMoustacheMM (talk) 22:38, 1 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I re-shaped the sentence somehow, using Rolling Stone as a reference instead. Hope it reads well now.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 23:59, 1 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I think it looks good! MrMoustacheMM (talk) 07:10, 2 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

  • Opening sentence: Comma splice - split into two sentences at the comma. "It was released..."
  • Give the full release date: "It was released on June 12, 1985, through Combat Records."
  • I think the specifics of the budget should be kept to the Background section. I'd remove the second sentence ("At the beginning...a further $4000.") and slightly reword the third sentence to "A majority of the album's budget was spent...".
  • "a well-received effort that played essential role in establishing" - "a well-received effort that played an essential role in establishing"
  • "It explores themes of death, violence and occultism, and received strong reviews in various music publications." - another comma splice. I think the last two sentences need to be split into three: "Despite the resulting poor production, the album was a well-received effort that received strong reviews in various music publications. Killing Is My Business played an essential role in establishing thrash metal as an authentic sub-genre of heavy metal music. The album explores themes of death, violence and occultism."
  • "setlist" isn't hyphenated.
checkY I reduced the intro to the point it makes sense to the reader. Kept the third sentence as suggested, cut the second one and re-worded the first one, because I felt it was necessary to stay in order the intro to sound comprehensive.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 19:49, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Background

  • "Two months after being dismissed from his previous band" - I assume "his previous band" is Metallica, from the context of the first 2 sentences. If so, "from his previous band" is redundant and can be cut.
  • "Mustaine later recalled: " - change the colon to a comma
  • "and on the strength of their demo" - "and on the strength of that demo"
  • "budget on drugs, alcohol and food the band was forced" - "budget on drugs, alcohol and food, the band was forced"
 Done everything referring to this section.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 16:15, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Release and promotion

  • "Kerry King of Slayer was playing lead guitar for a short period" - "Kerry King of Slayer played lead guitar for a short period"
  • "In the summer of 1985" - per WP:SEASON, don't use seasons. "In mid-1985"
  • Again, give the full release date
  • Comma splice - split the first two sentences of the third paragraph at the first comma (remove the word "and" and the second sentence will be fine)
  • "A limited edition of the album" - since this directly follows the mention of a different album, use "A limited edition of Killing Is My Business" to avoid ambiguity
  • "The CD itself is made to look like a mini LP and is pressed on black plastic with grooves on the top to imitate a LP, this version has the original cover which was lost, and the song "These Boots..." was removed." - Several changes: The first part has some redundancy, remove "is made to look like a mini LP" so that it reads "The CD itself is pressed on black...imitate an LP" (an LP, not a LP, since you pronounce it "an ell-pee"). Split into two sentences after LP, and some rewriting: "This version's cover is redesigned to match Mustaine's original sketch, and the song "These Boots" was removed." (I also removed the "..." from "These Boots", as both track listings don't show any ...).
 Done everything referring to this section.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 18:33, 31 January 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Music and lyrics

  • Looks good!

Songs

  • "is an instrumental segue featuring piano intro." - "featuring a piano intro."
  • "an online request to a radio station to play the tune saying it was" - Comma: "an online request to a radio station to play the tune, saying it was"
  • "under suspicion of commencing potential shooting spree." - "under suspicion of commencing a potential shooting spree."
  • "The song tells about Jesus Christ using religious metaphors and imagery." - I'm going to assume by the context that this means that the song uses religious metaphors and imagery. If so, it needs a comma: "The song tells about Jesus Christ, using religious metaphors and imagery." (Otherwise it sounds like the song is about how Jesus used religious metaphors and imagery).
 Done everything referring to this section.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 15:09, 1 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Critical reception

  • "gaining favorable reviews from the mainstream press, not just metal-oriented magazines." - This is a judgment call, but I might rewrite this as "gaining favorable reviews not just from metal-oriented magazines, but from the mainstream press too." or something to that effect. I think it reads a little better the second way, but again, your call.
  • "showed their great potential through the angry and passionate musicianship" - "showed their great potential through the angry and passionate musicianship" > "showed great potential through angry and passionate musicianship"
  • "in the early 80s." - "in the early 1980s."
  • "masterful" is spelled with one "l", both regularly and in the source.
  • Piero Scaruffi is not a reliable source for reviews per this discussion.
  • I'm not 100% sold from what is said in the section that the album "was widely acclaimed" and gained entirely "favorable reviews". A lot of the reviews given seem to like the album overall, but had specific-but-important issues (the production, the riffs and compositions not being fully developed, the "amateur" vocals, still "finding their way"). I might put a qualifier in front of "favorable reviews", like "somewhat favorable reviews" or "favorable reviews, with some reservations".
 Done everything referring to this section.--Вик Ретлхед (talk) 15:26, 1 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

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Reviewing
This review is transcluded from Talk:Killing Is My Business... and Business Is Good!/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Buffbills7701 (talk · contribs) 14:25, 2 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Needing Citations

  • "Instead, a majority of the budget was spent on drugs, alcohol, and food, forcing the band to fire their original producer and produce the record themselves."
  • "...the cover artwork properly reproduced from a sketch given to them by Mustaine of a picture of Megadeth mascot Vic Rattlehead on the cover."

Other

  • "However, this proved to not be enough and so the band were given a further $4,000." Shouldn't "were" become was?
    • Technically, "were" could be correct, as in some contexts a band (or any group) can be treated as a collection of individuals rather than a single entity in and of itself. More common in British English though, I believe. Changed in any case.--L1A1 FAL (talk) 15:22, 2 February 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • The "Track listing" section has 2 different names for the first song: "Last Rites/Loved to Death" on the original version, and "Last Rites/Loved to Deth" on the 2002 reissue. A spelling mistake on one, or a different title between the 2 albums?

Verdict

"Chosen Ones" song description

'"Chosen Ones" was partially inspired by Tim the Enchanter from the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail and features humorous lyrics'. I don't feel that this statement is true. Yes, the majority of Megadeth fans know what the song is about, but, as for the song featuring humorous lyrics, it doesn't. Going to remove this statement. 95.45.113.179 (talk) 20:51, 11 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]

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