Megan Phelps-Roper

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Megan Phelps-Roper
Megan Phelps-Roper giving a TED Talk in January 2017 in New York City.
Born (1986-01-31) January 31, 1986 (age 38)
Topeka, Kansas, U.S.
Alma materWashburn University
Known forLeaving and publicly criticizing the Westboro Baptist Church
SpouseChad Fjelland (m. 2016)
Children1
RelativesShirley Phelps-Roper (mother)
Nathan Phelps (uncle)
Fred Phelps (grandfather)
Websitewww.meganphelpsroper.com

Megan Phelps-Roper (born January 31, 1986) is a former member and spokesperson of the Westboro Baptist Church. Her mother is Shirley Phelps-Roper and her grandfather is the church's founder Fred Phelps. She grew up in Topeka, Kansas in a compound with other members of the church. She was taught the Westboro Baptist Church doctrine and at the age of 13, she was baptized as a member of the church.

Phelps-Roper participated in the church's protests against homosexuality and other perceived sins. She picketed various events including the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks and the funerals of soldiers who died in the War in Afghanistan and the War in Iraq. In 2009 she became an active member on Twitter to preach the church's doctrine. Phelps-Roper began to doubt her beliefs when Twitter users pointed out contradictions in Westboro Baptist Church's doctrine and a nine-person council became the church's decision-making process. She also disagreed with church elders that pressured her into posting doctored photos church picketing events such as the British Royal Wedding and the funeral of Whitney Houston.

Phelps-Roper left the church in 2012 after she was unable to reconcile her doubts with her beliefs. Following her departure, Phelps-Roper became a prominent critic of the group's philosophy and practices. She travels around the world to speak about her experience in the church and advocates dialogue between groups with conflicting views. She is a member of Twitter's Trust and Safety Council and works with law enforcement agencies to combat extremist groups. In 2019, she released her memoir Unfollow: A Journey from Hatred to Hope, leaving the Westboro Baptist Church.

Biography

Early life

Megan Phelps-Roper was born in Topeka, Kansas, on January 31, 1986, and is the eldest daughter of Shirley Phelps-Roper and Brent Roper.[1][2] Her grandfather is Fred Phelps who founded the Westboro Baptist Church.[3][4] She was raised in the church, and lived in a compound that included the church building, houses for members, adjoining backyards, a trampoline, running track, playground and swimming pool, all surrounded by a tall fence.[1]

Phelps-Roper was raised in the Westboro Baptist Church. Pictured here is their church sign in Topeka, Kansas.
Megan Phelps-Roper was raised in the Westboro Baptist Church. The church sign is pictured here.

Every Sunday, Phelps-Roper's family attended her grandfather's service and listened to him preach what he claimed was a strict interpretation of Calvinist doctrine.[1][4] Church elders encouraged the children to memorize Bible passages that the church used to justify the group's protests and provide counter-arguments to people who disagreed with them.[5] Phelps-Roper stated that the church's strict beliefs were reinforced through this training and that, "as a child, it is physically beaten into you".[6][7] Despite describing herself as an obedient child who worked hard to win the approval of her parents, she was regularly spanked during her childhood and teenage years.[1][8] During her youth, Phelps-Roper felt happy being close to her extended family members, both in her relationships and her physical proximity to them. She also felt a sense of purpose and comfort from having a supposedly scriptural solution to every problem.[8]

Within the Westboro Baptist Church

At age 13, Phelps-Roper was baptized into the Westboro Baptist Church by her grandfather. The ceremony included a profession of faith and concluded with Phelps-Roper becoming a full member of the church. It took place in the compound's swimming pool.[3]

In middle school, Phelps-Roper made friends that were not part of the WBC group and participated in extracurricular activities including running track,[1] volleyball and musical theatre.[9] When she was profiled as an adult, she was described as having acquaintances outside of the church, but no real friends.[3] Her parents forbade her from having romantic relationships with non-members of the church and Phelps-Roper believed she would never be married because she was related to most church members.[1]

Phelps-Roper graduated from Washburn University and worked at Phelps Chartered, her family's law firm, as a business administrator. She also appeared as a regular guest on a Kansas City morning show, "Afentra's Big Fat Morning Buzz".[3] In 2011, Phelps-Roper appeared in Louis Theroux’s documentary America's Most Hated Family in Crisis which included Phelps-Roper's explanation of her contact with four Dutch filmmakers. After watching the documentary, her father insisted that she block the Dutch filmmakers on Twitter and limit her time on the platform. She complied, reasoning that removing her focus from earthly matters would increase her spirituality. During this period, Phelp's-Roper's mother was accused of not following church doctrine and Phelps-Roper replaced her as the scheduler for the church's picketing demonstrations.[1]

Doubting Westboro Baptist Church doctrine

While attending public school Phelps-Roper was exposed to pop culture and ideas which contradicted her beliefs.[1] At her baptism, Phelps-Roper began doubting Westboro Baptist Church's theology. The friendships she made at her local public school caused her to believe that her fellow students were not evil, as the church claimed.[9] In 2009 her family celebrated the death of Brittany Murphy while Phelps-Roper felt an emotion closer to sadness, increasing her doubts about her church's doctrine. She did not release a celebratory post on Twitter, as she had done with other celebrity deaths, and disagreed with the church's happiness over celebrity deaths and other events that seemed tragic to people outside their group. A person with the alias C.G. would discuss these events with Phelps-Roper online and asked her to consider a deceased family's response to her church's joy. In 2011, Phelps-Roper burst into tears after seeing a photograph of a malnourished child living through the Somalia famine. Her mother created a blog post praising God for the drought and Phelps-Roper believed that was the incorrect response.[1]

As an adult, Phelps-Roper continued doubting the church's doctrine and discovered contradictions within the church's beliefs. The first inconsistency was outlined by David Abitbol, a Jewish Twitter user whom Phelps-Roper publicly contacted to encourage him to repent of his sins.[1] Phelps-Roper’s mother was not married to her first son's father when the child was born. This is considered a sin in the Westboro Baptist Church and they believed the appropriate punishment is the death penalty. Church elders stated Shirley repented for her sins and was forgiven by God, but Abitbol pointed out that she could not repent for her sins if she was punished with death.[9] Phelps-Roper stopped carrying signs which called for the death penalty for sins but stopped communicating with Abitbol so he could not further challenge her beliefs.[1]

Another point of contention for Phelps-Roper was how decision-making within the church changed.[6] Previously, the church employed a consensus decision-making model and women had influential roles in this process. In 2011 a council of nine male church elders met separately from other members and decided to make church decisions by themselves. Later a member was asked to leave the church by a majority vote instead of unanimous consent. Phelps-Roper felt both events violated the church's interpretation of scripture and went against the group's concept of leadership.[10][1] Female members were encouraged to submit to their husbands and fathers, and Phelps-Roper was barred from wearing colorful nail polish and clothing that her brother or father considered immodest. She rebelled against these changes because other members were given more leeway in their clothing choices by their fathers or husbands.[1]

Church members Photoshopped images and falsely claimed that they protested the Royal Wedding in the United Kingdom and Whitney Houston’s funeral. Phelps-Roper did not want to post these images on her Twitter feed but was pressured to do so by church elders. When Twitter users discovered the doctored photos she agreed that church members committed the sin of bearing false witness.[10] She thought that if church members lied about these protests, they could also be wrong about their church's doctrine[6] and that God was not guiding the church.[5]

Leaving the Westboro Baptist Church

Phelps-Roper considered leaving the church in April 2012 when the song "Just One" by Blind Pilot played on her stereo. She was reminded of her conversations with C.G. and the chorus's lyrics caused her to question the church's preaching tactics. She disclosed her thoughts to her sister Grace, who convinced her to stay in the group. They shared their beliefs and doubts with each other and continued discussing plans for leaving the church. Phelps-Roper withdrew from picketing and speaking to reporters, fearing her doubts would be revealed.[1]

She contemplated staying in the church and pretending to follow their beliefs, but quickly rejected this idea.[6] In November 2012 Brent Roper confronted Grace about a relationship she was having with another church member. During this discussion, Phelps-Roper encouraged her sister to leave the church with her, and they announced their intention to their parents. The two sisters stayed one night in Topeka in the basement of a former teacher before moving into their cousin's home in Lawrence, Kansas.[1] She publicly announced that she had left the church after discovering the church's planned protest of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. She stated she did not want others to believe that her lack of response to the protest was a tacit agreement of the church’s actions.[8][11]

Life after leaving Westboro Baptist Church

When Abitbol discovered they left the church he invited Phelps-Roper and her sister to visit Los Angeles. They stayed at the home of a Hasidic rabbi and his family and discussed theology with them.[12] They moved to South Dakota after visiting the Black Hills.[1]

Phelps-Roper has limited contact with family members that are still part of the Westboro Baptist Church. She reaches out to relatives through Twitter but does not receive responses. She also uses Twitter to monitor changes in the church's beliefs and to learn new information about her family's personal lives.[6] Phelps-Roper also leaves cards and notes for her family at their home when she is in Topeka.[13]

She is married to Chad Fjelland, an attorney whom she met through Twitter while advocating for the Westboro Baptist Church.[14][5] She kept her maiden name to, as she describes, “reform the legacy of the name.”[13] Her daughter, Sølvi Lynne, was born in 2018.[5][15]

In 2019, Phelps-Roper appeared in Louis Theroux's third documentary about the Westboro Baptist Church Surviving America's Most Hated Family. During the taping, Theroux told Phelps-Roper that two of her siblings were engaged to be married which caused her to be upset. Theroux was criticised for including this in the documentary, with one reviewer stating the revelation exploited Phelps-Roper's emotions and was uncomfortable to watch.[16] Phelps-Roper defended Theroux's inclusion of the footage, stating she wanted her family members to see her unfiltered reaction to this information.[17]

In October 2019, Phelps-Roper released the book Unfollow: A Journey from Hatred to Hope, leaving the Westboro Baptist Church. This memoir details her upbringing in the Westboro Baptist Church and her decision to leave her community and family.[8][13][6] The book started as an essay she wrote to her husband, detailing her childhood and how the two of them met. She sent the essay to a friend who encouraged her to write the book.[18]

Activism

Within Westboro Baptist Church

Members of the Westboro Baptist Church protesting a Jewish Community Centre. Phelps-Roper would join her church members at protests similar to this one.
Megan Phelps-Roper protested with the Westboro Baptist, employing similar tactics to church members in this image.

Phelps-Roper participated in the church's protests against homosexuality when she was 5 years old before she could read the signs she carried.[19] Early pickets took place in Gage Park, Topeka as part of her grandfather’s campaign to stop homosexuals from allegedly engaging in sexual intercourse at the park.[1] She protested major historical events like the funeral of Matthew Shepard, the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks and the AIDS pandemic.[13] She also picketted her public school during lunchtime[20] and local sporting events.[19]

Members of the Westboro Baptist Church posing with Howard Stern at their appearance on his show.
Megan Phelps-Roper appeared with her family on the Howard Stern Show, pictured here in 2004.

At 11, Phelps-Roper gave her first live interview to radio DJs who called her house, wanting to interview her mother. When interviewers wanted the perspective of a younger member of the church, her mother would often have them interview Phelps-Roper.[1] She participated in interviews with local news stations, documentary filmmakers and national talk shows like The Howard Stern Show.[21] Reporters and documentary filmmakers also came to her home to speak with her.[10] At 13, Phelps-Roper was debating Westboro Baptist Church sceptics in the church’s chat rooms[8] and was an active member of the church’s logistical and legal operations.[2]

In 2008, Phelps-Roper joined Twitter but became an active member in 2009 after someone asked if the church was using the service.[1] Phelps-Roper preached the church's doctrine to celebrities and prominent users of the platform.[9] She liked using Twitter because it allowed her to share theology directly to people, instead of through a reporter.[1] She used a softer tone on the platform than she did during interviews because she wanted to avoid ending conversations after insulting the other user or having the conversation side-tracked by angry responses.[22] Her strategy on Twitter was to counter angry responses with Bible verses, pop culture references and emojis. Then, she would engage in civil conversation to understand the other's viewpoint and explain her own.[21] She justified this change in tone with the proverb, “By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone.”[1]

In the late 2000s, Phelps-Roper sent messages to prominent Jewish Twitter users, calling for them to repent and stop their Jewish rituals before they were sent to hell. David Abitbol responded by asking questions about her beliefs and engaging in theological discussions.[6] This led them to have regular conversations online and to exchange gifts at events that Abitbol was attending and Phelps-Roper was protesting.[21]

In 2010, Phelps-Roper filed a lawsuit claiming that Nebraska's law against desecrating the American flag infringed on her free speech rights.[23] A federal judge overturned the law, and Phelps-Roper was awarded $8000 for her attorney fees, paid by the state of Nebraska.[24]

Phelps-Roper and her family created parodies of pop-culture songs to spread Westboro Baptist Church's theology. One of their most popular parodies was Ever Burn based on the Lady Gaga song Telephone.[25] The parody, sung by Phelps-Roper, changed the lyrics to claim that God will not listen to Lady Gaga's prayers and that she will be sent to hell.[26]

Post-Westboro activism

Since leaving the Westboro Baptist Church, Phelps-Roper has reconnected with Abitbol who convinced her to atone for, and fix, her mistakes in a Jewish concept called tikkun olam. She is now committed to reaching out to people that she affected during her time with the group, including Jewish communities, homosexuals and the families of soldiers.[6] Phelps-Roper has travelled around the United States to speak with groups she previously protested.[9] She spoke at the Jewlicious Festival in Long Beach, California at the invitation of David Abitbol[1] and accepted a one-month engagement with the Jewish community in Montreal in 2013[27] where she visited religious studies classes at Concordia University and spoke at a Jewish cultural festival.[28] In October 2015 she spoke at the Anti-Defamation League's Youth Leadership Conference.[29]

Phelps-Roper has appeared in various media formats to promote her new values and beliefs. In January 2017 she presented a TED talk discussing her experiences growing up within the church and her journey towards her decision to leave.[21] In June 2017, she appeared on The Joe Rogan Experience podcast[30] and in 2018 appeared in the first episode of I Love You, America with Sarah Silverman.[31] She is a member of Twitter's Trust and Safety Council and advocates overcoming disagreements between political and religious groups.[10] She works with law enforcement agencies to give her perspective on deradicalizing members of extremist organisations and counterterrorism.[5][32]

Personal beliefs

Phelps-Roper believes the Bible is not written by people under God's inspiration. Instead, she thinks it is a document of people trying to understand how to be good and that other philosophies were developed with the same goals.[5] She stated that she is a “believer in humanity” and in that way still classifies herself as a believer.[6]

Phelps-Roper avoids using the word "cult" to describe the Westboro Baptist Church. She acknowledges that cutting off contact with former members and a belief of an imminent end to the world are cultish beliefs. However, she believes that being allowed to leave the group and her parents' help to pack her belongings are examples of non-cultlike actions of the group.[25]

Phelps-Roper encourages Twitter to remove bots and posts which advocate harm to others. She does not believe the platform is toxic but that some users bring toxicity into Twitter conversations.[13] She wants people to choose who they receive messages from and what posts appear on their feeds. However, she opposes social media companies that block users and remove their ideas from their platform, and she wants companies to hold public debates on controversial ideas so users can learn about them and decide the best arguments for themselves.[30] She also credits the platform with changing her views on the Westboro Baptist Church and allowing her to engage in dialogue with others.[13]

See also

References

  1. ^ a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v Chen, Adrian (November 23, 2015). "Conversion via Twitter". The New Yorker. Retrieved July 20, 2020.
  2. ^ a b Tuttle, Kate (October 9, 2019). "Granddaughter Of Westboro Baptist Church Founder Chronicles Leaving In 'Unfollow'". NPR. Retrieved July 30, 2020.
  3. ^ a b c d Arnett, Dugan (November 19, 2011). "Megan Phelps-Roper of Westboro Baptist Church: An heir to hate". The Kansas City Star. Retrieved August 5, 2020.
  4. ^ a b Robert Lewis (September 4, 2017). "Westboro Baptist Church". Brittanica. Encyclopædia Britannica. Retrieved January 11, 2021.
  5. ^ a b c d e f Terry Gross (October 10, 2019). "How Twitter Helped Change The Mind Of A Westboro Baptist Church Member". Fresh Air (Podcast). WHYY-FM. Retrieved August 4, 2020.
  6. ^ a b c d e f g h i Martin, Michel (November 7, 2019). "Megan Phelps-Roper on Leaving the Westboro Baptist Church". Amanpour & Company. Retrieved August 5, 2020.
  7. ^ "Inside the Westboro Baptist Church". Southern Poverty Law Center. Retrieved August 6, 2020.
  8. ^ a b c d e Padawer, Ruth (October 8, 2019). "At 5, She Protested Homosexuality. Now She Protests the Church That Made Her Do It". The New York Times. Retrieved August 5, 2020.
  9. ^ a b c d e Burns, Sarah (March 30, 2015). "Why Fred Phelps' granddaughter left Westboro Baptist Church". LasVegasSun.com. Retrieved August 5, 2020.
  10. ^ a b c d Leon, Harmon (April 12, 2019). "No Longer a Hater: The Long, Strange Journey of Megan Phelps-Roper". Observer. Observer Media. Retrieved August 1, 2020.
  11. ^ Batty, David (February 7, 2013). "Westboro Baptist church key member Megan Phelps-Roper leaves". The Guardian. Retrieved October 16, 2015.
  12. ^ Phelps-Roper, Megan. "Transcript of "I grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church. Here's why I left"". www.ted.com. Retrieved January 12, 2021.
  13. ^ a b c d e f Wieberg, Steve (October 24, 2019). "Megan Phelps-Roper, coming to KC, left her Westboro family but still craves their love". The Kansas City Star. Retrieved August 5, 2020.
  14. ^ Dodd, Johnny (October 3, 2019). "Westboro Church Founder's Granddaughter Who Defected: I 'Still' Love My Family 'So Much'". People.com. Meredith Corporation. Retrieved July 31, 2020.
  15. ^ Dodd, Johnny (October 14, 2019). "Megan Phelps-Roper Choosing to Leave Hatred Behind". People Magazine. Vol. 92, no. 16. p. 59.
  16. ^ Mangan, Lucy (July 14, 2019). "Louis Theroux: Surviving America's Most Hated Family review – a deeply uncomfortable watch". the Guardian. Retrieved August 7, 2020.
  17. ^ @meganphelps (July 15, 2019). "Louis's choice to tell me this on camera doesn't just make for a dramatic scene. He's showing my family—who have cut me out of their lives, but who will surely watch this documentary—my candid reaction to this news" (Tweet) – via Twitter.
  18. ^ Childers, Brianna (October 8, 2019). "Megan Phelps-Roper returns to Topeka to launch book 'Unfollow'". The Garden City Telegram. Retrieved August 5, 2020.
  19. ^ a b Guy Raz (October 27, 2017). "Megan Phelps-Roper: If You're Raised To Hate, Can You Reverse It?". NPR.org (Podcast). NPR. Retrieved July 31, 2020.
  20. ^ Kembrey, Melanie (October 18, 2019). "'I was a monster': Why Megan Phelps-Roper left the extreme Westboro". The Sydney Morning Herald. Retrieved July 29, 2020.
  21. ^ a b c d "Megan Phelps-Roper: I grew up in the Westboro Baptist Church. Here's why I left | TED Talk". TED.com. Retrieved August 1, 2020.
  22. ^ Shaitly, Shahesta (April 10, 2016). "Losing my religion: life after extreme belief". The Observer. Retrieved August 8, 2020.
  23. ^ Gibson, Megan (September 4, 2010). "Mutilating the American Flag: Now O.K. in Nebraska". Time. Time USA LLC. Retrieved July 29, 2020.
  24. ^ "Westboro Baptist Church". Anti-Defamation League. Retrieved July 29, 2020.
  25. ^ a b Balcazar, Dahlia (December 19, 2019). "How One Woman Left the Hate Group She Grew Up In". The Cut. Retrieved August 6, 2020.
  26. ^ "Lady Gaga Is 'Devil Spawn' in Westboro Baptist Church 'Telephone' Parody". Billboard. June 1, 2010. Retrieved August 6, 2020.
  27. ^ "'We Hurt A Lot Of People,' Westboro Pastor's Granddaughter Says : The Two-Way : NPR". December 20, 2017. Archived from the original on December 20, 2017.{{cite web}}: CS1 maint: bot: original URL status unknown (link)
  28. ^ Hays, Matthew (October 28, 2013). "Granddaughters of an infamous homophobic U.S. pastor find grace in Montreal". The Globe and Mail. Phillip Crawley. Retrieved July 30, 2020.
  29. ^ Blum, Dani (October 20, 2015). "Granddaughters of Westboro Baptist's founder recall fleeing the church". The Philadelphia Inquirer. Retrieved October 10, 2020.
  30. ^ a b Joe Rogan (June 8, 2017). "JRE #974 - Megan Phelps-Roper". The Joe Rogan Experience (Podcast). Event occurs at 58:30. Retrieved August 4, 2020.
  31. ^ Shoemaker, Allison. "I Love You, America is chock full of empathy and naked people". The A.V. Club. Retrieved August 8, 2020.
  32. ^ Pritchett, Hannah (August 2, 2019). "Long Time Leaving: PW Talks with Megan Phelps-Roper". Publishers Weekly. Retrieved October 10, 2020.

External links

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