Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading

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"Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading"
Father Ted episode
Episode no. Series 2
Episode 8
Directed by Declan Lowney
Written by
Produced by Lissa Evans
Featured music The Divine Comedy
Cinematography by Chris Owen
Editing by
  • Mykola Pawluk
  • Tim Waddell
Original air date 26 April 1996 (1996-04-26)
Guest appearance(s)
  • Maurice O'Donoghue as Father Dick Byrne
  • Patrick Drury as John
  • Rynagh O'Grady as Mary
  • Irene Warren as Singing Nun
  • Nuala Walsh Sister Mary Gondola
  • Rosemary Henderson as Sister Assumpta
  • Tony Guilfoyle as Father Larry Duff
  • Don Wycherley as Father Cyril MacDuff
  • Chris Curran as Father Jim Johnson
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Rock a Hula Ted"
Next →
"New Jack City"
List of Father Ted episodes

"Cigarettes and Alcohol and Rollerblading" is the eighth episode of the second series of Channel 4 sitcom Father Ted and the fourteenth episode overall. Its name references the Oasis song "Cigarettes & Alcohol".


With Lent approaching, Ted learns that his rival, Father Dick Byrne, and his fellow priests on Rugged Island will be giving up their vices. Ted insists to his Craggy Island priests that they must do the same: Ted will give up smoking, Jack his drinking, and Dougal his rollerblading. When Ted finds that they have all snuck out on the first night of Lent to partake in their vice, he decides they need help. With Mrs Doyle on a brief leave over Lent and unable to help, he calls up the Church-run addition service, who says they will send someone to the island the next day. Jack, having become sober for the first time in years, panics when he finds he is still on that "feckin' island".

Sister Assumpta, a nun Ted and Dougal have met before, arrives the next day. She learns what their situation is and promises to help. Jack, upon seeing the nun, flees into the countryside. The next day, she wakes the priests at 5 a.m. and puts them through a grueling ordeal, which include being dragged behind a tractor, having objects thrown at them, and being nearly fired at by her. By the time they go to bed, they discover Assumpta has even replaced their mattresses with bricks. Ted believes their only option is to escape Craggy Island, and go that night to Rugged Island to see about staying with Dick. However, outside the Rugged Island parochial house, Ted and Dougal observe Dick and his priests readily engaging in the activities they said they were giving up for Lent, having lied to Ted before.

They return to the Craggy Island parochial house to find that Assumpta had discovered a basket of chocolate eggs and ate most of them overnight. Knowing that she should not have done that as part of her Lent observance, Ted offers her a deal, for her to go to the Rugged Island house and oversee the priests' Lent activities there, and he'll forget about her indulgence. She agrees, and later is shown giving Dick and his priests even more grueling punishments. By the time Mrs Doyle returns, she finds Ted, Dougal, and Jack overindulging in their vices.


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