Falling in love
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In romantic relationships, falling in love is the concept of moving from a feeling of neutrality towards a person to one of love.
Terminology
The use of the term "fall" comes from a common metaphor that equates becoming in love with the act of falling. The metaphor emphasis that the process is in some way uncontrollable and risky - as in the phrases "to fall ill" or "to fall into a trap" - and that it leaves the lover in a state of vulnerability.[citation needed]
It may also reflect the importance of the lower brain centers in the process,[1] which can lead the rational, accounting brain to conclude (in John Cleese's words) that "this falling in love routine is very bizarre....It borders on the occult".[2]
Factors: mental and chemical
Mental
"Factors known to contribute strongly to falling in love include proximity, similarity, reciprocity, and physical attractiveness",[3] while at the same time, the process involves a re-activation of old childhood patterns of attachment.[4] Deep-set psychological parallels between two people may also underpin their pairing-bonding,[5] which can thus border on mere narcissistic identification".[6]
Jungians view the process of falling in love as one of projecting the anima or animus onto the other person, with all the potential for misunderstanding that can involve.[7]
Chemical
Two chemical reactions associated with falling in love are increases in oxytocin and vasopressin;[8] and Elisabeth Young-Bruehl has suggested that "when we fall in love we are falling into a stream of naturally occurring amphetamines running through the emotional centres of our very own brains".[9] With regard to sociobiology, it is stressed that mate selection cannot be left to the head alone[10] and must require complex neurochemical support.[11]
Critics of such Neo-Darwinism point out that over-simplistic physical arguments obscure the way sexual passion often leads not to secure attachment but to attachments thwarted, as well as the sheer frightening difficulties of all falling in love.[12]
Biologist Jeremy Griffith suggests that people fall in love in order to abandon themselves to the dream of an ideal state (being one free of the human condition).[citation needed]
Timing
Stendhal charted the timing of falling in love in terms of what he called crystallization - a first period of crystallization (of some six weeks)[13] which often involves obsessive brooding and the idealisation of the other via a coating of desire;[14] a period of doubt; and then a final crystallization of love.[15]
Empirical studies suggest that men fall in love earlier than women and women are quicker to fall out of love than men.[16]
Spiritual value
While some consider falling in love to be the nearest approach to a spiritual experience possible for the non-religious,[17] others say its loss of ego boundaries is merely a temporary phenomenon which has little to do with, or may even block, spiritual development.[18]
See also
References
- ^ Desmond Morris, The Naked Ape Trilogy p. 387
- ^ R. Skinner/J. Cleese, Families and how to survive them (1994) p. 13
- ^ R. Crooks/K. Baur, Our Sexuality (2010) p. 223
- ^ Robert M. Gordon, An Expert Looks at Love, Intimacy and Personal Growth (2008) p. xiv-v
- ^ Robin Skynner/John Cleese, Families and how to survive them (London 1994) p. 14
- ^ Elizabeth Young-Bruehl, Where Do We Fall When We Fall in Love? (2003) p. 20
- ^ Carl Jung, Man and his Symbols (1964) p. 191
- ^ S. Kuchinskas, The Chemistry of Connection (2009) p. 88-9
- ^ Elizabeth Young-Bruehl, Where Do We Fall When We Fall in Love? (2003) p. 20
- ^ Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence (London 1996) p. 4
- ^ R. Crooks/K. Baur, Our Sexuality (2010) p. 186
- ^ Elizabeth Young-Bruehl, Where Do We Fall When We Fall in Love? (2003) p. 5
- ^ Eric Berne, Transactional Analysis in Psychotherapy (1961) p. 245
- ^ R. J. Sternberg/K. Weiss, A New Psychology of Love (2013) p. 125-8
- ^ I. A. Mabergoj, Reality and Truth in Literature (2013) p. 174
- ^ E. R. Smith/D. M. Mackie, Social Psychology (2007) p. 420
- ^ J. Bailey/J. V. Bailey, Slowing Down to the Speed of Love (2004) p. 50
- ^ M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Travelled (London 1990) p. 94-5
Further reading
- Robert J Sternberg and Karen Sternberg, editors. The New Psychology of Love. Yale University Press, 2008.
- Denis de Rougemont, Love in the Western World. Pantheon Books, 1956.
- Eric Fromm, The Art of Loving (1956)
- Francesco Alberoni, Falling in Love (New York, Random House, 1983)
- Roland Barthes, A Lover's Discourse (1990)
- Claire Battye, Falling in love