Talk:Campus of University of the Philippines Los Baños/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Racepacket (talk) 23:09, 23 April 2011 (UTC) Thank you for nominating this article. I enjoyed it.[reply]

GA review (see here for criteria)

Please fix the following disamb. links: Citronella, National Economic Council and Riverbank No invalid external links.

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
Thank you for moving the page to its current title. It is much better.

You link to land grant, but that use of the word does not match what you are describing in your article. Please remove the link and explain what you mean by "land grant."

"Recent efforts have been put into renovation and beautification of existing structures" - avoid relative terms such a recent. How about, "Since 2000, the university has made efforts to renovate and beautify its existing structures"

"The upper campus, located on Mount Makiling, hosts the College of Forestry and Natural Resources, College of Public Affairs, National Arts Center,[16] Philippine High School for the Arts,[17] the site of the National Jamboree of the Boy Scouts of the Philippines (BSP),[18] and the entire 4,347-hectare[2] Makiling Forest Reserve (MFR), which serves as a ."->"The College of Forestry and Natural Resources, College of Public Affairs, National Arts Center,[16] Philippine High School for the Arts,[17] the site of the National Jamboree of the Boy Scouts of the Philippines (BSP),[18] are on the upper campus, which is located on Mount Makiling. The upper campus includes the entire 4,347-hectare[2] Makiling Forest Reserve (MFR), which serves as a teaching forest."

You need to define UP, BSP, and UPLB the first time each is used.

"most UPLB units and hosted entities"->"most UPLB units and affiliated entities"

"Molawin River,"->"The Molawin River,"

Please reword: "Majority of the current buildings at UPLB were built between 1965 to 1975. Prior to this, most buildings were made of hardwood.[38]" You are confusing building materials with architectural styles. Are the post 1965 buildings not made of hardwood? Where most of the pre-1965 buildings removed?

"non-traditional carillons" - how do you define a non-traditional carillon? May not be relevant to the typical reader.

"Other structures that were built"->"Other campus art that was built" ???

Since the three items in the see also section are already linked in the article, you should remove the see also section.

Please reword: "It has since become the identifying landmark for every UP constituent."
"A land grant is a gift of real estate – land or its privileges – made by a government or other authority as a reward for services to an individual, especially in return for military service." I think its the appropriate term for it since the "land grants" were provided to UPLB through legislation. Or do you want me to explain how UPLB acquired it through legislation (similar to UPLB#Land grants.

Well the Locsin buildings were made of concrete mostly (he's a brutalist). However that is not stated in the source. How about removing the two sentences all together?

A non-traditional carillon is an electronically operated carillon. It's defined in the source and in the Wikipedia list of carillons. Would you like me to define in the article what is a non-traditional carillon or remove "non-traditional"?

"Other campus art"? That might imply that the previously mentioned structures are art.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
Fn 5, the Consolidated Annual Audit Report, does not work for me.
If the problem is the link is not working (as it is to me now), that is a perennial problem of government websites. Even UPLB's website is sometimes down and I have to use google cache to read the content. If that's not the case, the file is a zip file containing several documents. I think it was a excel file entitled FS_something*** where I got the info for the government subsidy.

"will transfer jurisdiction of the MFR"->"would have transfer jurisdiction of the MFR" - use subjunctive. It did not happen. Has anything happened since 2008?
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
What is the Laguna Land Grant used for? There is some development. Is it farms?

What about sustainability efforts? Energy conservation?

Transportation to the campus? Parking?

Athletics or recreational facilities? Dinning facilities?

Is there an artificial lake on campus?

Is there a tourist visitor's center?

Although you were correct to remove the movie trivia list, could you add a statement with a reference source saying "Several television shows and motion pictures have used the campus as a shooting location."

What is the distance between the upper campus and the lower campus?
Ok I'll research about the energy and the Laguna grant. I remember the chancellor circulating a memo regarding energy conservation. Transportation? I know the public transportation routes in the campus. However, I failed to find reliable sources about it (I only found blogs). The only info on public transportation that was published in reliable sources that I know of is the case on rerouting the jeep, and routes of IRRI buses running through the campus. I can add and cite the info on the IRRI buses but I am not sure about the jeep rerouting since no info about the actual route was mentioned. Only the student and jeepney drivers demonstrations were featured.

Where do I insert the conservation info? A new section? In the lead? In the history? I'll put it in the history for now.

The upper campus is directly connected to the lower campus so there's really no distance.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
No edit wars.
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Please explain why "File:UPLB Campus map.png" is your "own work." Did the University hire you to draw it? If so, it is not your own work, even if you drew it. It looks very professional, so I must respectfully question how you drew it.
Oh. I'm so flattered. Rest assured, I did it in Inkscape. I have the svg with me. It's based on Google Maps (satellite images). You can see previous discussions in the development of the map in its upload history, commons:File Talk:UPLB Campus map.png and Talk:University of the Philippines Los Baños#Campus map. I previously intended on uploading the svg and using it instead (its only 300+kb unlike the image which is over 1MB). If you would like to see the svg, I can request its un-deletion at commons (I previously had it deleted because the fonts were not displaying properly for some reason). I cannot upload it myself though, at least for the next few days. The laptop I'm using for the svg is crashed.
No further action is required. I assume good faith as to your explanation, but it was my duty to ask you. Racepacket (talk) 14:32, 24 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Overall:
Pass/Fail:
I am placing the article on hold so that you may address the above noted concerns. Racepacket (talk) 00:19, 24 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
As for the other concerns, I have addressed them. Thanks for the review. Moray An Par (talk) 03:45, 24 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I have some hesitations regarding the movie production info. Is it really worth mentioning? And where (what section) do I put them in? Moray An Par (talk) 14:59, 24 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I don't have strong feelings about it. You could put the sentence in the History discussion. Thanks, Racepacket (talk) 13:49, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Ok. I'll find RS on it. What are your opinions on the other issues above (on my replies)? Moray An Par (talk) 18:06, 25 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Could we reword, "The Oblation has since become the identifying landmark for every UP constituent."->"A replica of the Oblation has been installed as an identifying landmark on each of the major UP campuses." or something similar. I am not sure that you are conveying to the reader your intended meaning. I dont understand the phrase "UP contituent", and you must make clear that there is more than one replica of the original statue. Thanks, Racepacket (talk) 13:44, 28 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Would "A replica of the Oblation can be found on each of the major UP campuses, and has since become the campuses' identifying landmark." do? Moray An Par (talk) 08:19, 29 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

That would solve the concern. Thanks, Racepacket (talk) 11:00, 29 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Congratulations on your good article. Racepacket (talk) 11:09, 29 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks! Moray An Par (talk) 13:51, 29 April 2011 (UTC)[reply]