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GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:55, 5 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Will review this soon. Cheers, Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:55, 5 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Here are my comments. Pinging Atsme too as she seems to be interested in this. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 18:03, 6 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

General
  • The article should follow British English. This script can help. [1]
  • Possible paraphrasing [2]

History

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  • Green tickY During the reign of the British Raj "British Raj" refers to the rule of the British, so "reign of" is redundant
  • Green tickYthe city Lyallpur was named in honor What was the original name and where was/is the city? When exactly was it renamed? You will have to say "the then Lieutenant Governor of Punjab"
  • Green tickY a forestation environment I have not heard anything like this before, do you mean "forest"?
  • Green tickYShahdara to Shorekot and Sangla Hill to Toba Tek Singh any wikilinks possible?
  • Green tickY I don't think "colonialiazation" needs to be linked.
  • Green tickY In 1880, Poham Young C.I.E...Lyall was developed. Source?
  • Green tickY What is "C.I.E"?
  • Green tickY built by the British Seems evident by now, can be omitted.
  • Green tickY "Muslim" should be linked at first mention
  • Green tickY In 1977, the name of the city was changed to "Faisalabad" By whom? And why?
Knocked off some of the above by special:diff/724253892 YBG (talk) 02:32, 8 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Got the rest of it done. On to the next batch. Atsme📞📧 01:30, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Government and public services

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  • Green tickY comprising seven departments, including Agriculture,... I think this looks better: ...departments – Agriculture,...
  • Green tickYThe district coordination officer Faisalabad "of" Faisalabad?
  • Green tickYEach of the seven departments...their respective departments. Source?
  • Green tickYThe intention of the city district government I think it should be "aim", not "intention"
  • Green tickYcity district government—Faisalabad The endash is not proper here, put Faisalabad in brackets or say "of Faisalabad"
  • Green tickY1976 to regulate Comma after 1976. Actually I think it is better to say "(1976)"
  • Green tickYThe FDA works with WASA So far we do not know what WASA means. It would be better to shift this line to the section where we deal with WASA
  • Green tickYHealth care services are provided "Healthcare"Fixed the prose but left the title in cited source as is.
  • Green tickY government run hospitals "government-run"
  • Green tickYThe City District Government...parts of the district. Source?
  • Green tickY Police Formations Why not "formations"?
  • Green tickY and emergency medical care by Edhi Ambulances and Rescue 1122. Source? eliminated it all together as it appeared to be promotional of private sector services
  • Green tickYIt is estimated that WASA provides... Estimated by whom, and when?
  • Green tickY Wikilink Chenab river
@Atsme: Mentioning the services of the Edhi Foundation is not "promotional of private sector services" as the foundation is in the non-profit sector, comparable to St. John's Ambulance in many countries. That doesn't eliminate the need for WP:RS. YBG (talk) 05:52, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
YBG my concern is that it's non-governmental, lacks WP:RS, and doesn't exactly fit in the law enforcement section. It's better suited for the Healthcare section. I also don't think it would prove helpful if we started listing all the non-governmental services that are offered in the city. SCDG Faisalabad-Health oversees community health needs, and provides free emergency treatment, preventative care, ambulance services, etc. Atsme📞📧 06:42, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
Atsme fair enough, I just wanted to note that 'private' didn't apply. YBG (talk) 07:16, 9 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Geography

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  • Green tickYFrom similar articles I have read, I think "Location" is a more common name for a section than "Scope".
  • Green tickY between longitude 73°74 East, latitude 30°31.5 North Here you had better use Template:Coord. <---I have -0- experience with that, so could someone please assist?
  • Green tickYWikilink Ravi river/River Ravi (say any one) at first mention
  • Green tickYThe Chenab river flows about 30 km to the northwest, and the Ravi river meanders 40 km to the southeast Convert templates.
  • Green tickYThe scalloped interfluves are believed...River Ravi and Chenab. Source?
  • Not sure The alluvial deposits are typically over a thousand feet thick Could this be more precise?<--Not quite sure what you mean so please expand it to be as precise as you need.
  • Green tickYWhat is an "interfluve"? Added wikilink to define
  • Green tickYWikilink Holocene
  • Green tickYThe soil consists of young stratified silt loams or very fine sand loams I see some technical terms here, wikilinks possible?
  • Green tickY"Kanker" may not be understood by all.
  • Green tickYwhich gave the subsoil a very weak structure "give"?
  • Green tickYThe climate of the district can see extremes...in December, January and February. Source?
  • Green tickY Last para of "Climate" needs some convert templates
Necessary modifications were made for various reasons. Atsme📞📧 18:49, 10 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Demographics

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  • Green tickYcovering an area of 3 sq. kilometres Convert template
  • Green tickY Population sizes vary by district...in castes and languages. Source?
  • Green tickYPunjabi is the dominant language...various ethnic groups. Is ref. 4 the source for this as well? Put it at the end of this line then.

Economy

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  • Green tickYFaisalabad contributes over 20% toward Pakistan's annual GDP
  • Green tickYare still a major trading zone in the city today I think "remain a major trading zone in the city" sounds better
  • Green tickYselling certain goods; I think it should be a colon, not a semicolon
  • Green tickYA detailed breakdown by The Faisalabad Chamber of Commerce and Industries When?
  • Green tickYFaisalabad also has large industries...carpets, rugs, and lace. Source?
  • Within the banking sector, ... Jubilee Insurance and AIG Insurance. Source?
  • As the economy has shown signs...growing needs of the population. Source?
  • Within the banking sector, there are 45 commercial banks... As of when?

Transportation

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  • Green tickY There are many ways to get in and around Faisalabad I think it would be more encyclopedic to say "Faisalabad is well-connected by rail, road and air" if that is what it is intended to mean.
  • Green tickY An international airport on the outskirts of the city Name?
  • Sources for "Important roads in Faisalabad"?
  • The majority of roads are under...for freight companies. Source?
  • the city is well connected by several coach companies "well-connected"
  • The Faisalabad railway station...assistant operation officer (AOO). Source?
    Cleaned-up this entire section, added sources and removed promotional material. Atsme📞📧 19:50, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Culture

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  • Green tickY Faisalabad Arts Council...its museum in 2011 Source?
  • The government services including the police, fire and ambulance services usually hold a motorcade through the city on the same day. Source?
  • Green tickY The building was designed...Headed by Resident Director. This part is a bit improperly written and ends in an external link
  • Green tickY number of writers and poets who migrated to India add "from Faisalabad"
  • Green tickY Why are the names of food items written in title case?

Recreation

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  • Green tickY and home to Faisalabad's...1996 Cricket World Cup. Source?
  • Green tickY The stadium's maximum capacity can accommodate 36,000 spectators Better say "The stadium can accommodate up to 36,000 spectators".
  • Green tickY Which sport is being wikilinked and which not?

Education

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  • Green tickY The population of Faisalabad has a literacy rate... When is this data of?
  • Membership is open to all – with 500 rupees joining fee and one proof of identification. Source? And when is this data of?

Media

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  • Green tickY Sources for the first para and last line of "Television and radio"?
  • Stage shows ... entertainment value. Source?
  • Green tickY government owned organisation "government-owned"
  • 92newsHD was the first high-definition television station launched in the city. When was it launched?

References

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  • Needs considerable work, the references are not written in a proper format. They need to follow a specific citation style, such as the use of Template:Cite.

@Atsme: I see that the nominator, SRandaall, is away since April 2016. I have sought help for this at WP:WikiProject Pakistan. You too may wish to help here. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:14, 7 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Ok, Sainsf you can count me in but please give me a day to wrap-up some loose ends on a BLP I just created. Atsme📞📧 08:23, 7 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
No hurry, the review can remain open as long as activity is going on. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 08:39, 7 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • While formatting references, I came across many sources that are either unreliable or fail verification. I am going to tag them accordingly for now, so editors working on the article can replace those, otherwise they need to be removed immediately. --SMS Talk 09:02, 7 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sainsf the unsourced material that I've removed so far was not essential to the article, and actually read more like what we see in a tourist brochure than an encyclopedic article. I have a few more sections to go before I recruit a citation expert to help clean-up that portion of the review. Thank you for your detailed review so far. Atsme📞📧 22:07, 12 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Sainsf, I've cleaned-up everything I am physically able to see at this point in the review. Atsme📞📧 14:42, 18 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Final comments

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Thanks for all your hard work Atsme. On to the last round: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:41, 19 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

  • Will check for paraphrasing when I can access the Earwig tool...
  • The lead is not expected to have citations unless something potentially controversial is mentioned. The lead is to be a subset of the main article, and all information has to be supported by citations there itself.
  • I actually felt that all citations in the lead of this article were necessary based on my experiences editing & reviewing Middle Eastern and South Asian articles. They seem to be magnets for doubters which can result in frequent IP changes. Per MOS:LEAD, Complex, current, or controversial subjects may require many citations; others, few or none. The presence of citations in the introduction is neither required in every article nor prohibited in any article. While the citations in the lead of this article are repeated at least once in the body, I have removed a few from statements that would be least controversial, but left others. My advice is to leave the citations that still remain in the lead because of (1) the length of the article, (2) how far down in the article the citations may occur, and the fact that lead statements summarize what's in the body; therefore, some statements may be considered controversial. Atsme📞📧 16:00, 19 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]
  • The first line of an article is generally in an "X is Y" format, which does not seem to be the case here.
  • Each of the seven departments...respective departments. Appears unsourced ("Civic administration")
  • I went ahead and added a citation, although it wasn't really necessary. The main source which lists each department with links to each was cited in the preceding sentence. Atsme📞📧
  • There is some trouble with the accessdate in ref. 49
  • Saw that - it's fixed. Actually, since I'm the only editor working with you in this review, it would be helpful and very much appreciated if you would go ahead and fix the small issues as you see them. Per Step 3 in reviewing, ....if the problems are easy to resolve, you may be bold and fix them yourself. yes Atsme📞📧
  • Unless you are sure the sources do support what they are expected to support, we will have to perform spot-checks.

Great job Atsme, thanks for clearing those final doubts I had. I'm sure we can promote this now, we have seen some splendid volunteering from you here! Sainsf (talk · contribs) 07:38, 20 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, Sainsf. You were very thorough, and I'd be honored to work with you reviewing FACs. ;-) Atsme📞📧 10:52, 20 June 2016 (UTC)[reply]