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Talk:Locked Out of Heaven/GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk · contribs) 20:33, 30 May 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Prose
Lead
  • "It was released as the lead single from the album on October 1, 2012 and serviced to mainstream radio in the United States by Atlantic Records on the same date" is rather lengthy. Try simplifying it to "It was released as the lead single from the album on October 1, 2012."
Background
  • "After his smash 2010 debut album, Doo-Wops & Hooligans, which produced two Billboard Hot 100 number-one singles, "Just the Way You Are" and "Grenade," and was certified double-platinum by RIAA," is quite a mouthful. Simplify this to something like "After his 2010 debut album Doo-Wops & Hooligans, which produced the singles "Just the Way You Are" and "Grenade""
  • "Mars says confidently" → "Mars said confidently"
  • "It was during his last two years of worldwide concerts and TV shows that Mars realized his second album needed to reflect his raucously energetic stage show." simply doesn't belong
  • "To achieve a fuller sound on the new release, he recruited some of his favorite producers, including Mark Ronson, Jeff Bhasker, Emile Haynie, Diplo, and the Supa Dups." is lengthy. Who he produced the song with would be better for a "Composition" or "Production" section, anyway.
  • Per MOS:QUOTEMARKS, ″ should be ", ′ should be '. There are several instances of this that need to be addressed within this section.
  • "The Smeezingtons, who co-wrote and co-produced all of the tracks, also serve as the album's executive producers"..... again, let's just focus on this track. Have something like "The Smeezingtons also co-wrote and co-produced the track".
  • "Despite all these work, Mars confessed that it took a long time to create the song and that"..... doesn't read very well and the first bit is grammatically incorrect. Try something like "Mars mentioned that it took a long time to create the song, commenting"
Release
  • "On the following year, date January the 21, four remixes were released as a purchasable download and a CD single in UK." reads rather poorly. Try something like "On January 21, 2013, four remixes were released for download and a CD single in the UK".
Composition and influences
  • ""Locked Out of Heaven" was written by Bruno Mars, Philip Lawrence, Ari Levine, while production was handled by the latter three production-team The Smeezingtons, Mark Ronson, Jeff Bhasker, and Emile Haynie."..... doesn't read very well. Try something like "Mars co-wrote "Locked Out of Heaven" with Philip Lawrence and Ari Levine of The Smeezingtons. The three co-produced the song with Mark Ronson, Jeff Bhasker, and Emile Haynie.
  • More MOS:QUOTEMARKS issues to address
  • "Ari Levine, one of The Smeezingtons said that on 'Locked Out of Heaven' some part in the song are not even instruments." → "Levine said that on 'Locked Out of Heaven' some part in the song are not even instruments."
  • In "Tim Sendra of Allmusic", the "m" for AllMusic should be capitalized
  • New York Times → The New York Times
Critical reception
Commercial performance
North America
  • Merge the Canada chartings into the second paragraph- stubby paragraphs should be avoided
Cover versions and remixes
  • "46th position of Billboard's Social 50 Artists" → "46th position of the Billboard Social 50 Artists"
  • "British singer Amelia Lily" → "English singer Amelia Lily", be more specific here
  • "British band Peace" → "English band Peace", again be more specific
Sourcing
  • Many inconsistencies and instances of incorrect formatting. As a general note, make sure all references from the same source (i.e. multiple MTV sources or multiple Entertainment Weekly sources) are formatted the same way, and all are consistent with either including or not including publishers. When using multiple articles from a same source, link the work/publisher only in the first instance the ref is used. If you'd like to include the publishers, they are as follows:
  • Bad/questionable references:
  • crunchyroll (ref#75)
  • PopCrush (ref#79)
  • 4-traders.com (ref#94)
Coverage
  • If available, I'd add another paragraph's worth of reviews for the music video
Neutrality
Background
  • The "smash" in "After his smash 2010 debut album" sounds biased
  • "Despite all these work" is borderline POV, and if anything would've read better as "Despite all the work"
Stability
  • The most recent edits within this past week have been just going back and forth, all within a three-day period. To be stable, I recommend a period of at least one week without any going back and forth between revisions or edit warring.
GA Result
  • Prose could use some tweaking. The references are a mess. Article also needs more time to recover stability. Failing as a result. Spend some time working on the prose and reference formatting. Also make sure there are no ongoing edit wars, back-and-forth revisions, or massive additions/removals of content before renominating.
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