Talk:Talkin' Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues

Talkin' Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues has been listed as one of the Music good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it.
Review: May 23, 2022. (Reviewed version).

A fact from Talkin' Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 9 June 2021 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:

Did you know... that "Talkin' Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues", a humorous account of a real-life event in which more than 20 people were injured on a boat trip, was one of Bob Dylan's first popular songs?

A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2021/June. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/Talkin' Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues.

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Did you know nomination

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Desertarun (talk) 08:46, 4 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

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Comment or view
Article history

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... that "Talkin' Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues", a humorous account of a real-life event where over 20 people were injured on a boat trip, was one of the first popular songs by Bob Dylan? Source: Heylin, Clinton (1995). Revolution in the Air – the songs of Bob Dylan Vol.1 1957–73, page 59: "Far more than "Song to Woody," "Talkin' Bear Mountain" was the song that got him noticed in the months preceding his fateful meeting with Columbia producer John Hammond"

Reviewed: Sindee Simon
Comment: Very open to any suggestions for ALT hooks. Dylan will be 80 on 24 May.

Created by BennyOnTheLoose (talk). Self-nominated at 00:52, 17 May 2021 (UTC).[reply]

Looks good. Length and age are OK, prose is good quality, neutral and well cited, no indications of any close paraphrasing or copyright issues, and the hook is good (close to the length limit, but hard to avoid with this title). Really enjoyed this one - I knew the song but I hadn't realised it was so popular at the time! Andrew Gray (talk) 21:26, 22 May 2021 (UTC)[reply]

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GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Talkin' Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Premeditated Chaos (talk · contribs) 11:51, 14 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Staking my claim on this one. I usually review within 7-10 days, but ping me if I let it get past that. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 11:51, 14 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I am the kind of reviewer who makes lots of comments, FA-style, but I don't necessarily expect you'll agree with every single one. I am happy to discuss any you disagree with or don't want implemented, and obviously as this isn't FA, I won't fail the article for anything that's outside of the GA criteria.

I made a tweak to the lead to remove passive voice and restore a missing word
Who are Clinton Heylin and Paul Williams and why does the reader care about their opinion?
I think "song-writing" should be just "songwriting"?
Stookey, who was a stand-up comic... - although not a run-on, this sentence goes on for four lines including a quote. Can it be split up somewhere? (Alternate suggestion: the bit about Stookey joining Peter Paul and Mary could be removed, as it isn't really relevant to the song)
Who's Howard Sounes? (I'm going to ask this question of every person who gets introduced without context)
Stookey gave Dylan... - this feels like a restatement of the first sentence in the section. That being said it also feels like the whole paragraph would need rewriting in order to not have this, so I won't die on this hill.

Not amended. Sorry I couldn't put it better! BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 23:53, 21 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

"is reputed to have" - "reputedly" is tighter
Who's Izzy Young?
You need to reintroduce Clinton Heylin outside the lead, since the lead is meant to summarize what's in the body, not replace it
Might be worth saying that "Talkin' Bear" didn't appear on Bob Dylan (seems obvious, but right now the reader has to follow the album link or infer from context)

Added that it was not released until 1991. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 23:53, 21 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I think it might be better placed in the paragraph that starts "The recordings for Dylan's debut...". Right now the reader learns that a version of the song was recorded for an album, leading to the assumption that it would be on that album, and doesn't get the "not till 1991" context until quite a ways later. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 02:17, 23 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

What does "record an insert" mean in this context, and why would it piss Dylan off?

Expanded on this. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 12:32, 22 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

50th Anniversary should be in italics, and it might be worth clarifying that it was to extend the copyright in Europe
Who's Trager? We don't even get a full name.
Who's Andy Greene?
The sentence that starts "The Sunday News reviewer..." should probably be split into two, since it turns into a bit of a run-on with the length of Atkinson's quote.

Sourcing checks out, article is stable, Earwig hits are the article title/album titles, and no other major concerns. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 07:38, 21 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

Many thanks, Premeditated Chaos. I've acted on all of the comments except the one about the restructuring of a particular paragraph. Let me know if anything else is required. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk)

Just the one remaining nitpick for clarity, and then we're good to go here, BennyOnTheLoose. Everything else is either addressed or reasonably argued not to be. ♠PMC♠ (talk) 02:18, 23 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

I've moved that, Premeditated Chaos. Thanks and regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 11:59, 23 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]

And we're go for the green circle! :) Cheers! ♠PMC♠ (talk) 20:14, 23 May 2022 (UTC)[reply]