User talk:Samanthaherr
Welcome
[edit]Hello, Samanthaherr and welcome to Wikipedia! It appears you are participating in a class project. If you haven't done so already, we encourage you to go through our training for students.
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Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Samanthaherr, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:32, 21 September 2017 (UTC)
Jacob Miller's Peer Review
[edit]Hey, Samantha,
Great article! A few things you do well: the lead paragraph does a great job of summarizing what the rest of your article will be about. You remain rather impartial throughout, and for the most part you clearly reference the value statements you make. The pictures also help in making the article come alive!
Here's a few ideas of some things to work on for improving your article:
- To begin with, it appears that you have published this article already; I don't think that's a bad thing, but it may be something to run by Robert just to check on.
- If you're going to include references in your lead paragraph (that is, not really expound much further on points you make in this section), then you should cite the second sentence of your lead paragraph. How do you/we know that it was excavated by Tsountas?
- Also regarding your lead, perhaps avoid the phrase "two of the main [archaeological] sites;" this sounds like a value statement. I would remove the word "main" or include a brief, cited sentence on what makes these sites so important. However, with the second option, it would get a little bit away from what the point of your article is.
- In your first section, there aren't any dates for the sites. You reference that Dimini is later than Sesklo, but more exact, referenced dates would be helpful in placing these sites in a broader historical timeline.
- Under the "Baffle Gates" subheading: You should add "...of this time period in Greece" to the end of "...a classic characteristic of other fortified sites" to clarify a little more. Perhaps also a link here to the Lion Gate at Mycenae would be good for those looking for examples of other fortified sites of this period.
- Regarding your headings and subheadings: first, I think that it would be clearer to start out with the heading "Locations" or "Sites" rather than "Description." (That's just my two cents, and is probably ridiculously nit-picky.) Secondly, though, the amount of subheadings you have compared to the amount of text under each, while clear in layout, makes the article exceptionally disjointed and in places creates repetition as you try to fill out enough material under each. Many of these subheadings can be merged together as they share basic themes and would allow for a clearer flow; for example, "Need for Protection" and "Presence and Decision to Build" can easily be merged and some of the repetition in the latter eliminated. "Weapons" could also even be merged with these subheadings as it speaks to how they protected their valuables/themselves. In general, fewer subheadings and the use of some transitional signal phrases will allow for a clearer and more well-flowing article overall. (I might even go so far as to say that your article may not need subheadings, save maybe one at the start of each broader heading for greater clarity).
- Lastly, you heavily rely on two sources. While I'm sure that these are both valuable sources, a few more will add solidity to your article. I recommend searching JSTOR for further articles.
Again, overall, a great job, just mostly formatting issues and finding a few more sources.
All the best!
Jacob. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Millerja95 (talk • contribs) 20:16, 5 November 2017 (UTC)
File copyright problem with File:Late Neolithic Sesklo Plan.gif
[edit]
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