Wikipedia:Peer review/Discovery of the tomb of Tutankhamun/archive1

Discovery of the tomb of Tutankhamun

I've listed this article for peer review because I'm hoping to send it to FAC. Some aspects of the tomb clearance were politically controversial at the time, and their treatment in the sources is changing as academia reassesses the impact of colonialism (I've put some more information about that on the talk page), so I'd like to have as much input as possible to make sure the article meets NPOV.

Thanks, A. Parrot (talk) 00:04, 30 May 2022 (UTC)

STANDARD NOTE: I have added this PR to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar to get quicker and more responses. When this PR is closed, please remove it from the list. Also, consider adding the sidebar to your userpage to help others discover pre-FAC PRs, and please review other articles in that template. Thanks, Z1720 (talk) 02:44, 8 June 2022 (UTC)

Query by Z1720

@A. Parrot: This PR has been open for over a month but has not received comments. Are you still interested in receiving feedback? If so, I suggest advertising this PR on the Wikiprojects that this article is attached to. If not, can you close this PR? Thanks, Z1720 (talk) 01:58, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

I have already advertised it on the relevant Wikiprojects, but nobody seems to be interested. I suppose I should close it. A. Parrot (talk) 02:05, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

Can ye hold tough for a while; will try and take a look over weekend. Ceoil (talk) 13:19, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

Thank you very much, Ceoil! A. Parrot (talk) 13:44, 15 July 2022 (UTC)

Ceoil

The article is absorbing, on a topic that is endless facinating . A few quibbles, mostly copy edits until I get up to speed

Lead:

• Avoid the phase "had been", its a weird tense, and overused here
• "The tomb was uncovered on 4 November 1922 during an effort by Carter and his patron" - don't like "an effort" - dig or excavation
• "fad for ancient Egyptian-inspired design motifs in the Western public.." - drop either designs or motifs as are the same thing
• "prompting" is bit glib, leading to or something
• "subsequent seasons" jarring alliteration - later or following. Don't like "fell away", maybe public interest wained
• also helped stimulate stimulated
• Overall, the article is over punctuated, eg Since the discovery, the Egyptian government

• The use of force by Egyptians against Europeans caused a scandal leading to Carter's resignation.[1] In 1907 he found employment with George Herbert, 5th Earl of Carnarvon, a collector of Egyptian antiquities, as both an advisor for Carnarvon's purchases of artefacts and as an excavator. Carnarvon dug at several sites in Egypt, then bought the concession for the Valley of the Kings when Davis relinquished it in 1914 - From "in 1907" on, this should be a foot note as best; for continuity retain "continued to dig at several sites in Egypt"
• Don't like "fruitless", and have removed some "proved to be/was proved"
• Its all very good. Ceoil (talk) 00:03, 28 July 2022 (UTC)

I have shortened the passage you quoted.

Just to clarify: do you have any concerns about NPOV or any other non-prose issues? Do you think the article might be ready for FAC? A. Parrot (talk) 20:48, 29 July 2022 (UTC)

I have no concerns about NPOV. I think it is ready for FAC. Ceoil (talk) 15:39, 31 July 2022 (UTC)

That's encouraging to hear. Thank you very much for all your help. A. Parrot (talk) 17:15, 31 July 2022 (UTC)