Ménage à trois

Postcard, c. 1910

Ménage à trois is the French term describing a relationship or domestic arrangement in which three people, often a married couple and another lover, share a sexual relationship, although the relationship might or might not involve all three persons having sexual relations with each other. The French phrase literally translates as "household of three".

It is also used to refer to an arrangement where three people share sexual relations, and this has become the predominant definition. Some also use it to describe any sex act involving three people, otherwise known as a threesome. Ménage à trois, two women with one man, has become more common, perhaps due to its presentation in porn films. There are ménage à trois arrangements involving two men and one woman, and these are also becoming more common.

Sometimes ménage à trois is called Hot Wives, referring to a married woman who has sex with men other than her spouse, with the husband's consent. In most cases the husbands take a vicarious pleasure in their wives' enjoyment, or enjoy watching, hearing, or knowing about their wives' adventures. Husbands may also take part by engaging in threesomes, or arranging dates for their wives.

In fiction

The ménage à trois is a recurring theme in fiction and has been the subject of a number of books, plays, films and songs. Some notable examples which have this as a core theme include:

• Design for Living (1933) play by Noel Coward
• Jules et Jim by Henri-Pierre Roché, adapted and filmed in 1961 by François Truffaut.
• David Crosby's song about ménage à trois, "Triad" was recorded by Jefferson Airplane and released on their album Crown of Creation in 1968. It was later released on Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young's 1970 concert recording Four Way Street
• Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)
• Paint Your Wagon (1969) — in the film version (which is very different from the stage play) Ben (Lee Marvin) marries Elizabeth (Jean Seberg), but she falls in love with Partner (Clint Eastwood). The three decide that if a Mormon man can have two wives, then a wife can have two husbands.
• Sunday Bloody Sunday (1971), directed by John Schlesinger, a movie about a threesome with a homosexual man, a heterosexual woman, and a bisexual man.
• Cabaret (film) (1972), directed by Bob Fosse, a movie about a threesome with a heterosexual woman played by Liza Minnelli , and two men.
• Summer Lovers (1982), a film with Peter Gallagher and Daryl Hannah, in which a vacation in Greece leads to a female-male-female relationship that is both emotional and sexual.
• Three of Hearts (1993), directed by Yurek Bogayevicz.
• Threesome (1994), about a love triangle of three college roommates, two men and a woman: the woman loves/lusts after the gay man, who loves/lusts after the straight man, who loves/lusts after the woman. The movie explores the complications of real friendship, jealousies and sexual relationships among students still discovering their own identities.
• Seinfeld (1995), in an episode titled "The Switch," Jerry (Seinfeld) wants to date his girlfriend's roommate. George encourages Jerry to suggest to his girlfriend that they participate in a threesome with her roommate to effect the plan. She agrees, but then Jerry decides he cannot go through with it. Another episode called "The Label Maker" sees George propose a ménage à trois to exit his relationship, but the plan backfires when the girlfriend's male roommate agrees to it.
• Frasier, in an episode, Niles and Daphne offer Roz Doyle a fruit salad melange, which she confuses as a menage. Niles and Daphne tease her for the entire episode about her confusion.
• Kiss the Sky (1999). Aging married friends try to form a threesome while building an island retirement refuge. Though failing in both endeavours, they learn to accept their situation with the help of a western Buddhist monk.
• Y tu mamá también (2001), a somewhat controversial Mexican coming-of-age movie that focuses heavily on the sexual lives of the three characters, played by Maribel Verdú, Diego Luna, and Gael García Bernal. Features mixed jealousy, hedonism, and repressed bisexuality as major themes.
• Politics, a novel about a ménage à trois ("the socialist utopia of sex").
• Battlestar Galactica (2006), there is a ménage à trois between Dr. Gaius Baltar and the humanoid Cylons Number Three and Number Six, beginning in "Hero" and apparently ending in "The Eye of Jupiter".
• In "Bandits", the characters Joe Blake (Bruce Willis), and Terry Collins (Billy Bob Thornton) fight over Kate Weller (Cate Blanchett) throughout the movie, until, in the end they settle on a ménage à trois.
• The Dreamers - a film staring Eva Green shows a beautiful and functional ménage à trois with a very unfortunate end.
• Cabaret (film) - Takes place in pre-WW2 Germany. Three characters— Max, Sally, and Brian — become involved.
• Cold showers (2005)
• In the Kevin Smith film Chasing Amy, Holden (Ben Affleck) suggests that he, Banky (Jason Lee), and Alyssa (Joey Lauren Adams) solve their differences with a ménage à trois, at which time Alyssa tearfully rejects the offer stating that a ménage à trois will not solve their problems, but only make them worse.
• 1, 2, 3 (You, Her and Me) is a Rick James song on his Cold Blooded album, where he tries to entice a woman into a ménage à trois relationship. The song ends with the Lady Marmalade suggestion along with his addition, Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir, mademoiselle, ménage à trois?
• In the Drew Carey Show episode Two Girls for Every Boy, Drew falls for a bisexual woman who was also interested in a lesbian woman. They suggest that Drew join them, but Drew takes too much medicine and falls asleep before it happens. When he awakes, the two women have gone on without him and fell in love.
• In the film Shortbus (2006) James and Jamie meet a young ex-model and aspiring singer named Ceth and the three begin a sexual relationship
• In the 2007 television series Californication (TV series), the manager of protagonist Hank Moody abruptly regrets his decision to engage in ménage à trois with his wife and younger secretary, when his right nipple is damaged by the sudden misapplication of a chain piercing.
• Punk/Metal outfit Quarantine released a song entitled 'Menage A Trois' on their debut EP Hiding In Containers.

See also

• Polyamory
• Polygamy
• Polyandry
• Swinging

Further reading

• Barbara Foster, Michael Foster, Letha Hadady. Three in Love: Ménages à trois from Ancient to Modern Times. ISBN 0595008070
• Vicki Vantoch. The Threesome Handbook: A Practical Guide to sleeping with three. ISBN 1568583338