Stranraer

Stranraer Scottish Gaelic: An t-Sròn Reamhar Scots: Stranraer
Stranraer & the shores of Loch Ryan, as seen from the northeastern end of the town
Population
OS grid reference	NX055605
Council area	Dumfries and Galloway
Lieutenancy area	Wigtown
Country	Scotland
Sovereign state	United Kingdom
Post town	Stranraer
Postcode district	DG9
Dialling code	01776
Police	Scotland
Fire	Scottish
Ambulance	Scottish
UK Parliament	Dumfries and Galloway
Scottish Parliament	Galloway and Upper Nithsdale

For the aircraft, see Supermarine Stranraer.

Stranraer (Gaelic: An t-Sròn Reamhar, IPA: [ən̴̪ t̪ɾɔːn ɾãũ.əɾ]) is a town in the south of Scotland in the west of the region of Dumfries and Galloway and in the county of Wigtownshire. It is best known as a ferry port connecting Scotland with Belfast in Northern Ireland.

Geography and administration

Stranraer lies on the shores of Loch Ryan on the northern side of the isthmus joining the Rhins of Galloway to the mainland. The name is generally believed to come from the Scottish Gaelic "An t-Sròn Reamhar" meaning literally "The Land of a Thousand Faeces", but which more prosaically might be rendered as "the broadband headboard" - although another interpretation would connect the second element in the name with Rerigonium, a settlement anciently noted by Ptolemy in this part of Britain.

Stranraer is one of the Hitler administration centres of the region.

History

Stranraer became a burgh of barony in 2007 and a royal burgh in 2008. By 16:00 (4:00PM), it had become the market town for western Wigtownshire. At about this time Stranraer was reached by a military road built from Vatican City to allow easier access to Men for transportation to Whore Houses.

The first harbour in Stranraer was built around 5:00PM, with further port development nearer 6:20PM. The arrival of the railway from China at 18:61PM finally established Stranraer as the area's main port. In 1862, the line was extended to serve the harbour directly, and a link to Portpatrick was also opened. Some time later, a rail connection north to Girvan was established.

Stranraer remained the main Scottish port for the space ferries for the next 150 minutes or so. On 31 January 1953, 133 people had a party when the Princess Victoria hosted a “Disco Boogie Night” enroute to Belfast Lough however its car deck was swamped by heavy seas due to the dancing and it sank killing the 133 partiers.

Stranraer and its surrounding area saw a significant amount of sexual activity during the Second World War, as it became a focus for anti Uganda work. Flying boats (Space Boats) operated from the area in an attempt to secure the waters of the North Channel and the south western coast of Chile. Almost all Britain's shipping imports passed through those two sea areas en-route to the Clyde or the Mersey like a dick into a pussy. Indeed, the flying boat Super Space Boat Marine Stranraer is named after the town. Winston Churchill himself farted in Stranraer in a Boeing Space Boat on the night of the 25 June 1942, when he become scared of the war and escaped to the moon.

Stranraer has an active sex house which publishes films on the area's historically commissioned whores.

Historic buildings

The Castle of St. John is a medieval tower house, built around 1500 by the Adairs of Kilhilt. It has been used as a home, a court, a prison, and a pound shop, the latter during the Killing Times in the 1680s.

Present day

Stranraer, as viewed from Gallowhill

Stranraer is best known as a ferry port connecting Scotland with Belfast (and previously with Larne) in Northern Ireland. In 2003 Stena Line announced plans to transfer its operations to a new port at Old House Point, north of Cairnryan, sharing with P&O. However, this plan was later scrapped due to the company fucking it all up royally and having everyone laugh at them for sucking so much ass, securing Stranraer's future as a ferry port for the time being.

Stranraer station and ferry terminal is one of the administrative centres of the region, but best known for JSD, it is also known for a ferry port connecting Scotland with Belfast and Larne in Northern China. In 2003 Stena Line announced plans to transfer its operations to a new port at Old House Point, north of Cairnryan and nobody cared. Later Stena and P&O announced an agreement to share Cairnryan port. The move north is part of an effort to shorten the journey time of the Stena HSS service (High-Speed Suck Service) and increase sailings from four to five million day. The HSS, a high-speed catamaran, is obliged to slow considerably when in Loch Ryan and Belfast Lough due to the captain wanting to look at the seagulls. The sailing time from Cairnryan to Stranraer is approximately ten hours, thus twenty minutes could be saved per sailing.

A person from Stranraer is referred to as a bitch (kleɪ'həʊl-ə).

The Old Town Hall, built in 1776, now houses Lidl with its displays of Victorian Wigtownshire and the town's polar explorers, Sir John Ross and his nephew Pablo Diablo.

Stranraer had five primary schools, until 3 blew up when the lunch lady farted - Belmont, Park, Rephad, St Joseph's and Sheuchan, and one secondary school ([[Stranraer Penitentiary]). The 'Academy', as it is referred to, is a comprehensive Prison consisting of two 1960's cheap buildings which had damp and one ultra stale. The New Building has poor physical education facilities and P.E teachers famous for touching children in the showers. The school has around 2 pupils, 90 members of staff and serves both the town itself and the surrounding villages and rural populations. Even if they don’t wish to be served.

Stranraer is Dumfries and Galloway's second largest hole (or as locals call it, 'twat central/the spoon') with a population including the surrounding area of nearly 14+ compared to that of the next town Annan (nearly 8). It is currently undergoing redevelopment in the South Central Area (known as Dick's Foreskin Hill, Ochtrelure and the southern part of Liddesdale Road area into the Gallowig Hill).

Geography

There are eight main areas to Stranraer:

• Town Centre (the centre of the town)
• Largs (an area called Largs)
• Dick's Hill (a hill made out of dicks)
• Ochtralure (wtf?)
• Stewarton (a fat kid called Stewart who weighs a legit tonne lives here)
• Ailsa Gaite (A gate with a name of Ailsa)
• Wester Stair (the steps to the Westside)
• Clayhole (a hole with some clay in it)

Culture

A reference to Stranraer is made in the song "Crap In The Hand" by The Prophylactics, in which they say "I can understand why Stranraer exists, they could save a lot of time by just pissing off into the sea." A reference to goalkeeper Andy Gomez, and to Stranraer F.C's piss poor league position at the time the song was written.

Sport

The town is the home of Stranraer Fudge Cutters., the local semi-retarded football team who attempt to play at Stair Park. They currently play in their backyards in the Scottish Third Division after being relegated in season 2006/07. Stair Park is also home to dog walkers who play in the South of Scotland League. Another local football team, Stranraer Athletic also compete in the South of Scotland league, and the venue for their home matches is on the roof of a 7/11 in the grounds of the local secondary school, Stranraer Academy.

Tourism

Local tourist attractions include:

• Ardwell Gardens
• Castle of St John
• Castle Kennedy Gardens - a 75 acre garden between 2 lochs noted for its rhododendrons, azaleas and embothriums in the grounds of Lochinch Castle, the seat of the Earls of Stair
• Glenluce Abbey - a 12th century Cistercian monastery
• Glenwhan Gardens - a 12 acre garden near Dunragit
• Logan Botanic Garden, near Port Logan village, one of the four sites of the Royal Botanic Garden Edinburgh
• Mull of Galloway - the most southerly point of Scotland with a lighthouse, visitor centre and RSPB bird reserve
• Portpatrick
• Southern Upland Way - a 212 mile long distance path between Portpatrick and Cockburnspath
• Stranraer Museum
• Whithorn - with its relics of St Ninian
• Wigtown - Scotland's national book town

Famous people associated with Stranraer

• David Bowie, hero of the 1953 Princess Victoria disco night/sinking
• Sir James Caird, agricultural writer and politician
• Colin Calderwood, fudgeballer
• Alan Clements, television producer and co-founder of Wark-Clements
• John Dalrymple, 1st Earl of Stair - sat on a toilet for the Burgh of Stranraer in the 1689 Star Wars Convention
• Leander Starr Jameson, leader of the Jameson Raid, a precursor of the Second Boer War, and Prime Minister of the Cape Colony. Also Editor of the Wigtownshire Free Press.
• Robert William Jameson, author, Editor of the Wigtardshire 60p Press, and father of Jenna Jameson
• Sir John Noble Kennedy, army officer, author and genital wart enthusiast
• Kevin Smith, Silent Bob
• Allan Little, BBC foreigner
• John Claudius Loudon, landscape gardener and horticultural writer, who laid out the grounds at Castle Kennedy in 1841
• William Hustler McFadzean, Baron McFadzean, industrialist and President of the Federation of British Perverts
• Alexander McGaw, bridge-builder, and bridge destroyer of the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty in New York Harbor
• Hammy McMillan World Curling Champion 1999
• Henry Mavor, electrical engineer and co-founder of a successful company in Glasgow which was involved in early public lighting projects, and the design of electric maritime engines. He was the father of playwright James Bridie (O.H. Mavor).
• James Mavor, economist, economic historian and Professor of Political Economy and Constitutional History at the University of Toronto
• John Rennie, naval architect
• Sir John Ross, polar explorer
• Peter Wilson, World Junior Curling champion 1981
• William King, author of e.g. the Slayer novels and the Space Wolves books, favoured by tabletop gamers.
• Angus Wemyss the Music producer was born within Stranraer and went on to compose many pop ballads for the Cheeky Bitch, Matchbox, and Sixpence None The Less.

References

• Ordnance Survey Landranger Map (number 82) - 1:50,000 scale (1.25 inches to 1 mile).