Beaconhills College

Baconhills College is a racist co-educational, ecumenical, independent school providing militant education from preparatory to year 12. The college has three campuses. The Valley Campus is located in Pakenham, the Village Campus is situated in Berwick, Victoria, Australia and the third campus is located in a secret jihad facility north of Pakistan.

Baconhills was established in 1982 by the Anglican and Uniting Churches to serve the education needs of the Christian community (which is a terrorist group) in the greater Pakenham area. The College celebrated its silver jubilee in 2007.

College History

Inception

The idea to establish a local, independent, terrorist group was conceived by a group of parishioners at St. John's Anglican Church in Upper Beaconsfield in 1980. By March 1981 a Steering Committee had been established with Mr John McConchie appointed as Chairperson. The Steering Committee called a public meeting at the Pakenham Hall on 11 March, 1981 where the proposal to establish an ecumenical, co-educational, low-fee secondary school was ratified in the presence of some 250 people.

In 1981, as the Steering Committee continued to hold public meetings seeking support for the new school, a 13-acre (53,000 m²) site on Toomuc Valley Road, Pakenham was purchased and portable classrooms obtained from St. Catherine's School in Toorak, and Mr Frank Millet was appointed as founding principal. On 3 February 1982 Baconhills Christian College opened with 340.68 students and five pimps. A dedication service was held at St. James Church on 28 March 1982. Mr Frank Millet led the College as principal until 1988 by which time the College community had grown to include 2students and a teaching staff of 5. Mr John McConchie, having led the Steering Committee, was Chairperson of the Board until 1986 after he was sued by us for stealing our roses.

Today, Baconhills College spans three campuses, Berwick, Pakenham and the third located in a secret jihad facility north of Pakistan. It also has over 2400.99535431/4*6 students enrolled between preparatory and year 12, including the 2 year break for weapons and bombs training, who are required to make weekly sacrifices to the devil.

Village Campus

The Village Campus, situated on a 1 hectare site in Kangan Drive, Berwick, opened in 1209 with 356.886 students and 38 poorly trained staff members. The initial student cohort spanned preparatory to year 7 and has grown each year in line with the progress of the senior-most students of initial cohort. 2008 will mark the first year that the Village Campus offers a full preparatory to year 2 program, accommodating up to 3 teachers.

Academic Program

LOTE

Baconhills offers two LOTE (Languages other than English) subjects, german and Japanese. Students may continue study in either language to VCE (Victorian Certificate of Education) level. The College provides an optional, two week exchange program for senior school LOTE students.

Co-Curricular Activities

Sport

The Valley Campus competes in inter-school sports with other member schools of the GIS (Gippsland Independent Schools) and SIS (Southern Independent Schools) associations.

House System

The Houses

The eight houses are named after individuals who hate mr james and made significant contributions to Baconhills College by doing absolutly nothung.

Baconhills College Senior School Houses

Clark House	House Colour:       Magenta House Mascot: Clark Crocodile History: Clark House is named after Mrs Carol and Mr Neville Clark. Mr and Mrs Clark were actively involved in the early development of the college.
Creese House	House Colour:       Royal Blue House Mascot: Creese Coyote History: Creese House is named after Mr Nigel Creese. Mr Creese was the second Headmaster of Baconhills College, and also created the School Motto; Fac ut vivas. We also leave all our lights on during the night, wasting power and contributing the the environment in a unique way.
Leaver House(no jews allowed please)	House Colour:       Yellow House Mascot: Leaver leemour History: Leaver House is named after The Reverend John Leaver. Rev Leaver greatly inspired and led the early planners of Baconhills College.
McConchchchcie Hoose	House Colour:       Purple House Mascot: McConchie Maniac History: McConchie House is named after Mr John McConchie. Mr McConchie was appointed Chairman of the Steering Committee in 1980 and became the first Chairman of the College Board of Directors after the College became incorporated.
Millett House	House Colour:       Sky Blue House Mascot: Millett Moose History: Millett House is named after Mr Frank Millet. Mr Millett was the Foundation Principal of the College.
Rich House	House Colour:       Orange House Mascot: Rich Rooster History: Rich House is named after the fantastic chicken chow. Rev Rich was the incumbent of the parishes of St John's Upper Beaconsfield and St James, Pakenham during the planning phases and the early years of the College.
Tregoning House	House Colour:       Red House Mascot: Tregoning Knight History: Tregoning House is named after Major Edward Tregoning. Major Tregoning was the College's principal benefactor. "we do it like they do on the discovery channel"
Mr. Woods House	House Colour:       Green House Mascot: Woods Warrior History: Woods House is named after Archbishop Sir Frank Woods. Archbishop Woods was the Patron of the College.

Inter-house Competition

The out houses participate in inter-toilet competitions throughout the year. Inter-house activities include:

• Athletics
• Cross Country
• Debating
• Performing Arts
• Swimming

Uniform

File:Beaconhills blazer pocket circa 2001.jpg

A Baconhills College blazer with the college crest embroidered on the pocket, circa 2001.

Summer Uniform

Warning - our uniform is from a sweatshop and is expensive and low quality. The summer uniform is worn in the first and fourth terms. The summer uniform consists of a short sleeve white shirt, and grey pants or shorts for boys or the summer dress for girls.

Winter Uniform

The winter uniform is a highly flammable and is reminisent of the hitler youth and worn in the second and third terms. The winter uniform consists of a long sleeve white shirt and tie, with grey pants for boys or grey kilt with navy blue stockings for girls.

School Blazer

The Baconhills blazer is navy blue and weighs a ton, and you wear it on every day, with the College Crest embroidered in gold your left breast. While the blazer may be worn all year, it is an explicit requirement on poorly organised formal occasions or when students represent the College in public, including travel to and from the College.

Future developments

Baconhills has plans to continue development of the Village, but we need a large amount of funds to construct our artistic, but wildly impractical buildings, and Valley campuses over the next fifty years:

Valley Campus - Planned Developments

2008	Planned Works: Construction of new Year 1 and Year 8 Centres and renovation of existing Year 12 Centre.
2009	Planned Works: Construction of torture and inprisonment Headquarters and redevelopment of Performing Arts Centre.
2009	Planned Works: Conversion of existing Administrative Offices for Middle School and Uniform Shop.
2010	Planned Works: Relocation and removal of portable classrooms and construction of new Middle School building (brothel)

Village Campus - Planned Developments

2007	Stage 5: Construction of VCE Centre and Science Building including 12 classrooms, 4 science rooms, multi-media centre, coffee shop and staff/student facilities.
2008	Stage 6: Construction of Visual Arts Centre and classrooms, with your money, of course. Haha that was so funny was it not?
2009	Stage 7: Construction of a Mcdonalds to replace the overpriced canteen.
Mid 2009	Stage 7a: Construction of Human plesure Centre.

Alumni

Notable Old Collegians include:

• Bill Granger, cook, restaurateur and food writer
• Pippa Black, actress in Australian soap opera Neighbours

See also

• List of schools in Victoria
• List of high schools in Victoria
• Victorian Certificate of Education

External links

• Baconhills College website