Waylon Smithers

Template:Simpsons character Waylon J. Smithers, Jr. (age 43) is a fictional character voiced by Harry Shearer on The Simpsons. He is the self-proclaimed best friend and personal assistant of Mr. Burns and serves as assistant administrator at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. He is often referred to as Smithers.

A joke central to this character is that he is obviously homosexual, but is insecure and closeted, and thus never actually 'comes out' as such.

The correct spelling of Smithers' name is Waylon and not Wayland, as some captioners of Simpsons episodes have typed it.

Personal life

Smithers is divorced and lives in an apartment (numbered 19 in the episode "Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy") with a Yorkshire terrier named Hercules. He is an alumnus of a college fraternity. His father, Waylon Sr, worked for Burns until he died saving Springfield from a potential nuclear meltdown ("The Blunder Years").

Early in the series there was much speculation about Smithers' sexual orientation. Eventually revealed as gay, he is still officially "in the closet". Smithers' father, Waylon Smithers Sr. was assistant to Charles Montgomery Burns at the nuclear power plant. Burns told young Smithers that his father was killed by a tribe of Amazonian women -- which is implied to explain his homosexuality. In reality, his father died a hero, sacrificing himself to save the city from a nuclear accident.

In many ways Smithers represents the stereotype of the closeted gay man, and numerous allusions to his sexuality are made. He has many gay friends and hangs out at Springfield's gay village, and goes on a vacation to a men-only resort. But he remains uncomfortable with his sexuality, denying it when questioned. In "Secrets of a Successful Marriage," we see a flashback -- a Cat on a Hot Tin Roof meets A Streetcar Named Desire parody -- in which we learn that his brief marriage failed due to his rejection of his wife's affections. Although he might be regarded as bisexual, he has shown little or no interest in women since. He visited the "Maison Derriere" burlesque house, but claims this was only because his parents insisted he give it a try, implying that they might not accept his sexual orientation. (That Smithers has living parents represents an inconsistency, as Smithers was raised by Mr. Burns after Smithers Sr died preventing a nuclear meltdown according to another episode). In "A Hunka Hunka Burns in Love", he shields his eyes in disgust from the thrusting female dancers in a strip club. The episode "C.E. D'oh" drops another hint when Burns tells Homer that Smithers was sentenced to 80 years in a Turkish prison for opium possession, and says, "He's doing eighty years on an opium bust. I never saw a man take to a Turkish prison so quickly." In "Fear of Flying", Homer's favourite record It's Raining Men is ripped and thrown out of the jukebox in Moe's Tavern. The record lands in Smithers' car, much to Smithers' pleasant surprise. When Bret "The Hitman" Hart shouts "Eww! This place has got old man stink!" in "The Old Man and the Lisa", Smithers comforts Burns by saying "Don't mind him, sir. You have an enchanting musk." In a 'Treehouse of Horror' episode, Smithers says that "women and seamen don't mix", a double-entendre playing on the identical pronunciations of "seamen" and "semen". Burns sarcastically replies to this by saying "Yes, we all know what you think."

In the episode "Jaws Wired Shut" he is in a gay pride parade float 'staying in the closet' along with Patty Bouvier. In "Homer's Phobia", he confronts John (guest-voiced by John Waters) after realizing that John lied to get out of a date, and in "See Homer Run" he was caught "car pooling" with Dewey Largo, the music teacher at Springfield Elementary. But Smithers' great love remains Burns. His orientation has been characterized by the writers of the show as "Burnsasexual". Smithers has occasional fantasies about Burns; in a fantasy sequence in the episode "Rosebud", Burns pops nude out of a birthday cake and sings "Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers" (a parody of Marilyn Monroe's singing the song to John F. Kennedy). When Smithers' computer is turned on, it shows a nude Burns saying: "Hello Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on" in Burns' edited-together voice clips. He has openly declared his love for Burns at least twice, most dramatically in "Lisa the Skeptic", when, believing the world is ending, Smithers says "Oh, what the hell!" and kisses Burns on the lips, later explaining it to him as "merely a sign of my respect." Burns gets suspicious, but chooses ultimately to dismiss the whole episode. Perhaps because of the large generation gap between the two men (Burns still defines "gay" as "happy"), Burns has remained largely ignorant of Smithers' subtle advances, much to Smithers' frustration, even when Smithers says "I love you". (In more recent episodes Burns appears to have some wariness of these gestures). Smithers has a tattoo of himself and Burns on his chest, with the caption 'Boss of My Heart'. Smithers also considers Burns his best friend. Burns, for his part, mainly seems to view Smithers as a lackey, referring to him as "my lickspittle", albeit one highly valued for his competence and toadying. He has "rewarded" Smithers' devotion with the future "honor" of being buried alive with him after he dies (see below).

His catch-phrase can be heard whenever Burns almost dies in various accidents; he sobs "Oh Mr. Burns! You were too beautiful for this world!". However, Burns never hears him say that because he's always unconscious or M.I.A. at the time.

For all his sycophantic devotion to Mr. Burns, Smithers has been willing to challenge him on at least two occasions, most significantly in the "Who Shot Mr. Burns" episodes, when his opposition to his employer's various schemes and 'the extreme decline in the quality and quantity of [his] toadying' saw him being fired (see below). He also covertly resisted his employer's machinations in having 'Sideshow' Bob Terwilliger elected mayor of Springfield in 'Sideshow Bob Roberts', acting as a 'Deep Throat' figure in Bart and Lisa's investigations -- his reasons for this were that Bob, a member of the Republican party, possessed ultraconservative right-wing views that conflicted with Smithers' "choice of lifestyle."

Smithers is supposedly lethally allergic to bee stings. In one episode he is stung by a bee while out for a bike ride with Mr Burns and his body reacts badly, yet in another episode when Mr Burns is beekeeping, Smithers says, "We should go sir, several bees are stinging me", and is perfectly fine. (But this can be attributed to writing inconsistencies). He needs to take thyroxine due to a thyroid problem.

Smithers has the world's largest collection of Malibu Stacy dolls, is president of the Malibu Stacy Fan Club, and staged 'Malibu Stacy, The Musical', with himself in the role of a Ken look-alike.

In the episode "We're on the Road to D'ohwhere", Smithers was seen purchasing estrogen.

In the 16th season episode "Future-Drama" -- which takes place 8 years into the future -- Smithers is shown as being on a date with a woman, explaining that he injects anti-gay drugs into his arm every 10 minutes, and exclaiming, "I love boobies!"

Work life

Smithers' official job at the power plant appears to be that of executive assistant, responsible for monitoring employee attendance, and is often a disciplinarian. Smithers seems to be one of the few truly competent employees at the plant, given that he has won dozens of Employee of the Month awards, an impressive streak broken only twice - once by Homer Simpson, and an implied previous time by the Carbon Rod. He has often hinted at wanting to be promoted to the position of executive vice president, but Burns has repeatedly squashed this dream, while whimsically bestowing the vice presidency on Homer, a dog and a monkey. Apparently, Burns informally promised Smithers the veep position so he could get his stem cells. Burns has refused to make Smithers his heir, insisting that it would be a far greater honor for him to be buried alive in the same casket after he dies.

His role in the series is often that as Burns' comic foil or straight man. Patient and calm, he often tactfully attempts to talk Burns out of his more outrageous schemes. Burns routinely takes his anger out on Smithers and rarely praises him, a fact which Smithers just views as a sign he is not working hard enough.

Smithers' job is actually consists of about 2800 odd jobs. Though he often does Burns' dirty work, such as kidnapping Tom Jones or lying to Congress, Smithers cannot be regarded as a truly evil character (except in The Simpsons Arcade Game), as he is merely a loyal patsy. His various duties include moistening Burns' eye balls, preparing Burns' breakfast, driving Burns' car, assisting with his chewing and swallowing, tucking him in at night, and doing some light typing. Burns seems to have a seemingly childlike dependence on Smithers. On the other hand, Smithers has an almost psychological need to serve Burns-when he was fired by Burns for voicing his opposition to one of Burns' most outrageous schemes in the 'Who Shot Mr. Burns?' episode, he ended up spending all his days drinking cheap scotch and watching Comedy Central.

Another example of Smithers' dependence on serving Burns occurs in the episode "Homer the Smithers", after Homer becomes his temporary replacement while Smithers goes on a much-needed vacation. After Homer punches Burns in anger and frustration, Burns becomes afraid to go near him. With no one to help him, Burns learns how to do practically everything himself. When he returns, Smithers is enraged that Homer's incompetence forced Burns to learn independence, and to no longer need Smithers' services, but is later rehired when Burns is accidentally incapacitated during a violent fight between Smithers and Homer (who ruins Smithers' plan to save Burns from a call to his mother and therefore prove his worth). All is forgiven when the fight knocks Burns out of a three-story window, putting him in traction and forcing him to be waited on by Smithers. Burns orders Smithers to give Homer Simpson "exactly what he deserves", and Smithers complies by sending Homer a large basket of fruit with a tag that says "Thank You".

Smithers is intensely jealous of others who gain Burns' favor and threatens his position as lackey-in-chief. In the episode "Simpson and Delilah", Smithers goes to great lengths to uncover Homer's embezzlement from the company and takes steps to discredit him in front of Burns.

Smithers is apparantely paid very well in return for his service - in the episode The Regina Monologues, Smithers tells Burns he has spotted him over $100,000 that year, implying Smithers makes well over that amount.

Allusions to Smithers' homosexuality

• When Mr. Burns is overcome with emotion, he tells Smithers that he loves him. Smithers replies, "The feeling is more than mutual, sir." ("The Telltale Head")
• During the nuclear meltdown scare, Smithers makes Burns' last few moments on earth socially awkward by confessing his love for the old man, when the plant is about to suffer catastrophic meltdown. Burns remarks "I guess there's nothing left but to kiss my sorry ass good-bye." Smithers asks, "May I do it, sir?" To which Mr. Burns replies with a disgusted, "Ewww." ("Homer Defined")
• Mr. Burns informs Smithers that he named his queen bee after him (Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk)
• When Mr. Burns asks Smithers what he thought if he started sniffing his crotch and slobbering all over him. Smithers replies, "If you did it, sir?" ("Dog of Death").
• When Mr. Burns asks Smithers what he thought about hiring Marge, Smithers says, "I think women and sea-men don't mix." Burns replies, "We know what you think!" ("Treehouse of Horror III")
• When Mr. Burns fantasizes about Marge, he asks Smithers about that dream where you're in bed and they fly in through the window. Smithers groans with pleasure, imagining Burns himself flying through his bedroom window. Smithers says, "You've been reading my wishbook, sir." ("Marge Gets a Job").
• Smithers imagines a naked Mr. Burns jumping out of a cake and singing "Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers" (an allusion to Marilyn Monroe's singing of Happy Birthday to You to President John F. Kennedy). Later, in trying to cheer-up Burns, Smithers dresses up in a bear suit and asks Burns to hug him, squeeze him and tug at his fur. ("Rosebud")
• When Burns and Smithers attend the ballet, Burns says, "Bah! Far too much dancing, not nearly enough prancing!", to which Smithers replies, "A little mincing would be nice." ("Marge on the Lam")
• At the "Do What You Feel" Festival, Smithers confesses his love to Mr. Burns, but hastily notes that it is the colour of his clothing that he loves. Afterwards, Smithers quitely says, "Oh, who am I kidding? The boathouse was the time!" ("Bart's Inner Child")
• When Lisa seeks Smithers for help in contacting the inventor of Malibu Stacey, Smithers gets the information from his home computer. When he turns the computer on, the computer screen shows a nude Burns that utters in broken English: "Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at turning me on." ("Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy")
• In a flashback, Smithers explains why he "couldn't keep his marriage together." ("Secrets of a Successful Marriage")
• In this episode, Smithers basically shows a lot of resentment towards Burns courting Marge's mother. When Burns asks for help in composing a love letter, Smithers recites "Darling one, read my words and hear my heart speak of a love soft and undying: a love that will be with you always. Sincerely, yatta, yatta, yatta". Burns asks how he thought it up so fast. Smithers cries, "I sent it to you on your birthday! [sob] Excuse me, I have something in my eye!" ("Lady Bouvier's Lover")
• Smithers makes a comment that Sideshow Bob's ultra-conservative views conflict with his "choice of lifestyle." ("Sideshow Bob Roberts")
• When a record thrown by Moe hits Smithers in the head, Smithers appears to get excited when he sees the record's title "It's raining Men." (Fear of Flying)
• During his confession, Smithers mentions he once tried to march in the St. Patrick's Day parade. Some cities in the US have managed to ban homosexual groups from marching in the parade. ("Who Shot Mr. Burns? - Part Two")
• When Mr. Burns and the police arrive at the Simpsons house, Burns discovers Smithers had recorded over his tape of "Ride of the Valkyries" with a recording of ABBA's "Waterloo". (Mother Simpson)
• Smithers goes on vacation to a resort where "taking pictures" is forbidden.
  Here is a list about his trip:
  - He calls Mr. Burns from a bar where men are visibly dancing with other men.
  - He heads a conga line composed of only men.
  - He drives a speedboat, pulling a pyramid of men in Speedos. ("Homer the Smithers")
• Smithers mentions that he is partial to Jolly Ranchers. "Jolly," of course, is a synonym for the traditional meaning of "gay..." ("Bart on the Road")
• Smithers tells Burns that he is "familiar with Grampa's physical state". ("The Curse of the Flying Hellfish")
• Smithers is offered a job featuring insurance coverage for him and his "life partner", although it is not clear whether this is a stint on Smithers' homosexuality or a joke on corporate politically correct lingo, since the same offer is made to Homer Simpson. ("You Only Move Twice")
• When the Simpsons family is talking with John (who is a homosexual) in a diner in a gay community, Smithers appears giving the unpleasant remark, "So this is your sick mother?" where John replies, "Don't do this to me Waylon." ("Homer's Phobia")
• In "Three Gays of the Condo", Homer is in a gay community renting an apartment with two gay men, where he meets Smithers on roller blades. Smithers tries to convince Homer that he's never been in the community before when two gay men start shouting from the window, asking "who's the bear" and greeting Smithers. When they ask if whether Homer was the "Mr. Burns you're always talking about," Smithers quickly tells them to shut up.

In Burns baby burns Mr. burns asked Smithers to take off his belt he replies "with pleasure sir".

Continuity errors

"Black Smithers"

• In his first appearance, in the episode "Homer's Odyssey", Smithers was mistakenly made African-American by the production team in Korea. The studios have claimed that Smithers was intended to be yellow, and that his first appearance should be considered suntanned.
• It could be assumed Smithers was born around 1954, as in "The Old Man and the Lisa" he says the Wall Street Crash of 1929 happened 25 years before he was born. But in several episodes, he is younger than Homer Simpson, once as a baby when Homer was a young boy in "The Blunder Years" and perhaps as an underclassman to Homer in high school. Because the character only resembles Smithers and it not referred to by name one can't be sure if it actually is Smithers. The show exists on a sliding timescale according to the producers (meaning that Bart's birth year would currently be 1996 in order to keep the characters from aging).
• Smithers is the sub-boss of the final level of Simpsons arcade game. Here, he sports a cape holding an infinite amount of bombs at his disposal, has blue hair instead of brown, and is an evil supervillain. The final battle with Mr. Burns (who is inside a robotic tank contraption) occurs after Smithers is defeated.
• It is stated that his parents are dead. After being photographed leaving a gentleman's club, he states that his parents insisted he give it a try, which was originally meant to be a hint that his parents did not approve of his sexual orientation. (This mixup occurred because the episode where Smithers is featured as a patron of the club was produced several years before the episode that revealed the fate of his father.)

Cultural references

• According to the DVD commentary for the episode "I Married Marge", he is named after puppeteer Wayland Flowers, but there is still speculation that his name may also derive from Wayland Smith, a similarly harassed but indispensable employee. Weyland was the Anglo-Saxon god of blacksmithing (also see Wayland's Smithy).
• The town of Smithers, West Virginia, lies directly across the Kanawha River from the town of Montgomery, West Virginia (as in "Montgomery Burns"). The remote town of Smithers, British Columbia is just down the Yellowhead Highway from the community of Burns Lake, British Columbia.
• In the Quebec French-dubbed version, Julien Bessette, who voiced Smithers before he died, was gay.

Miscellanea

• Smithers supposedly has a steel rod in place of his spine, as seen in "Homer the Smithers", and stands between 6' and 6' 1".
• It is often implied that Smithers is much like a dog to Burns. Smithers is shown to be in a cybernetic canine body in an episode that depicts him and Burns in the year 1,000,000 A.D. On another occasion, he is shown curled up at Burns' feet while asleep, mumbling and kicking his foot in his sleep.

Template:Simpsons characters

External links

• "The Old Man and the Lisa (Containing Smithers' Age) Episode Capsule