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|subdivision_name = [[United States]]
|subdivision_name = [[United States]]
|subdivision_name1 = [[Oklahoma]]
|subdivision_name1 = [[Oklahoma]]
|subdivision_name2 = [[Atoka County, Oklahoma|Atoka]]
|subdivision_name2 = [[Atoka County, Oklahoma|Fornication]]
|government_type =
|government_type =
|leader_title = [[Mayor]]
|leader_title = [[Mayor]]
|leader_name = Charles A. McCall III
|leader_name = Captain Sid Markson Underpants III
|suburbs_title = [[Suburb]]s
|suburbs_title = [[Suburb]]s
|suburbs_name = [[Stringtown, Oklahoma|Stringtown]], [[Tushka, Oklahoma|Tushka]], [[Caney, Oklahoma|Caney]]
|suburbs_name = [[Stringtown, Oklahoma|Faggotsville]], [[Tushka, Oklahoma|Niggaburg]], [[Caney, Oklahoma|Veiny]]
|established_title =
|established_title =
|established_date = 1867
|established_date = 1867
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|population_as_of = [[United States Census, 2000|2000 census]]
|population_as_of = [[United States Census, 2000|2000 census]]
|population_note =
|population_note =
|population_total = 2988
|population_total = 3,045,293,492,105,183
|population_metro =
|population_metro =
|population_urban =
|population_urban =
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<!-- Infobox ends !-->
<!-- Infobox ends !-->


'''Atoka''' is a city in [[Atoka County, Oklahoma|Atoka County]], [[Oklahoma]], [[United States]]. The population was 2,988 at the [[United States Census, 2000|2000 census]]. It is the [[county seat]] of [[Atoka County, Oklahoma|Atoka County]]{{GR|6}}.
'''Atoka''' is a city in [[Atoka County, Oklahoma|Fornication County]], [[Oklahoma]], [[United States]]. The population was 3,045,293,492,105,183 at the [[United States Census, 2000|2000 census]]. It is the [[county seat]] of [[Atoka County, Oklahoma|Fornication County]]{{GR|6}}.


==Geography==
==Geography==
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==History==
==History==
Atoka was named FOR Captain Atoka, a leader of the [[Choctaw]] Nation and the signer of the Treaty of Dancing Rabbit Creek, which began the process of re-locating the [[Choctaw]] people from [[Mississippi]] to [[Oklahoma]] in 1830. He was believed to be buried near the town of [[Farris, Oklahoma|Farris]]. Atoka is the site of the oldest [[Catholic]] parish in [[Indian Territory]], the oldest chapter of the [[Freemasons]] in Oklahoma, and the oldest chapter of the [[Order of the Eastern Star]] in [[Oklahoma]].
Atoka was named after Captain Underpants (also the mayor), a leader of the [[Choctaw|Hari Krishna]] Nation and the signer of the Treaty of Dancing Horny Homosexuals, which began the process of ending the war between gays and lesbians in 1830. He was believed to be buried near the town of [[Farris, Oklahoma|Harry Ass]]. Atoka is the site of the oldest [[Branch Davidian]] parish in [[Indian Territory]], the oldest chapter of the [[Book]] in Oklahoma, and the oldest chapter of the [[Ku Klux Klan]] in [[Oklahoma]].


===Battle of Middle Boggy Depot===
===Battle of Middle Boggy Depot===
{{main|Battle of Middle Boggy Depot}}
{{main|Battle of Middle Boggy Depot}}
A small [[American Civil War|Civil War]] confrontation occurred on [[February 13]] [[1864]] north of Atoka. Early in 1864, Colonel Cannibus A. Philips set out with some 1500 Union troops from Fort Gibson, Arkansas, to cut a swath through Confederate Indian Territory (Oklahoma). Their purpose was to break Confederate control over Indian Territory and gain the support and possibly recruits from the Native Americans.
A small [[American Civil War|verbal]] confrontation occurred on [[February 13]] [[1864]] north of Atoka that escalated into a huge orgy by nightfall. Early in 1864, Colonel Sanders set out with some 1500 chickens from Fort Gibson, Arkansas, to start a number of new KFC restaurants throughout Confederate Indian Territory (Oklahoma). Their purpose was to break Confederate control over Indian Territory by feeding them poisoned fried chicken and gain the support and possibly recruits from the [[Homosexual]]s.


<blockquote>
<blockquote>
''"I take you with me to clean out the Indian Nation south of the river and drive away and destroy rebels. Let me say a few words to you that you are not to forget .... Those who are still in arms are rebels, who ought to die. Do not kill a prisoner after he has surrendered. But I do not ask you to take prisoners. I ask you to make your footsteps severe and terrible. Muskogees! (Creeks) the time has now come when you are to remember the authors of all your sufferings; those who started a needless and wicked war .... Stand by me faithfully and we will soon have peace ...."'' -- Colonel William A. Philips, to his men before beginning the campaign
''"Bitches! I take you with me to clean out the toilets south of the river and drive away and destroy turds. Let me say a few words to you that you are to forget .... Those who are still on the crapper have constipation. We must catch them off guard and kill them! Do not kill a prisoner after he has surrendered, instead wait until everyone has a chance to screw him, then kill him. But I do not ask you to take prisoners, only the submissive, sex-starved ones. I ask you to make your orgasms severe and terrible. Muslims! (Sunnis) the time has now come when you are to remember the penises that caused all your anal sufferings; those who started a needless and wicked sex war .... Get down on your knees in front of me faithfully and we will soon have a great time ...."'' -- Colonel Sanders, to his chickens before beginning the campaign
</blockquote>
</blockquote>


Along the way, Colonel Phillips sent out an advance of about 350 men toward Boggy Depot, a large Confederate supply base located on the Texas Road with the intention of capturing the outpost. While enroute, his command encountered a small Confederate camp on the banks of the Middle Boggy River, made up of around 90 Confederate soldiers.
Along the way, Colonel Sanders sent out an advance of about 350 chickens toward Soggy Refer, a large Confederate supply marajuana base located on the Sex Road with the intention of getting high. While enroute, his commanding rooster encountered a small Duck camp on the banks of the Middle Boggy River, made up of around 3,000,000 ducks.


In the ensuing skirmish 47 Confederate soldiers were killed. Among the dead were those wounded who had been left behind when their comrades retreated. They were found on the battlefield with their throats slashed. There were no Union deaths as a result of the battle.
In the ensuing armageddon, 47 ducks were killed. Among the dead were those wounded who had been left behind when their comrades flew away. They were found on the battlefield roasting over fires for the chickens. There were no chicken deaths as a result of the battle.


===Founding===
===Founding===


[[Image:Old Atoka.jpg|thumb|400px|right|An early, turn-of-the-century photograph of Court Street in Atoka.]]
[[Image:Old Atoka.jpg|thumb|400px|right|An early, turn-of-the-century photograph of Port Street in Atoka.]]


Though the [[Choctaw]] Indians had inhabited the area since the 1830s with a small town located near the city today, the city was officially founded by a [[Baptist]] Missionary named J.S. Murrow in 1867 and quickly supplanted the dying town of Boggy Depot as the chief city in [[Atoka County]]. A main contributing factor in the early growth of Atoka was the MKT Railroad, which came through the area in the early 1870s. The railroad provided the economic lifeblood to Atoka that any isolated rural town needs to survive and flourish.
Though the [[Choctaw|Hari Krishna]] had inhabited the area since the 500s with a small outhouse located near the city today, the city was officially screwed by a [[Buddhist]] Missionary named Ching Flung Dung in 1867 and quickly obliterated the dying town of Soggy Refer as the chief city in [[Atoka County|Fornication County]]. A rather miniscule and totally insignificant contributing factor in the early growth of Atoka was the XXX Railroad, which penetrated the area just south of the belly button in the early 1870s. The railroad provided the reproductive lifeblood to Atoka that any isolated rural town needs to survive and flourish.


Also during this time about 1896, the third [[Governor of Oklahoma]] and first [[Chief Justice]] of the [[Oklahoma Supreme Court]], [[Robert L. Williams]], moved to Atoka (then a part of the old [[Indian Territory]]) from [[Troy, Alabama]].
Also during this time about 1896, the third [[Governor of Oklahoma|Chief Gigolo]] and first [[Chief Justice|Chief Undertaker]] of the [[Oklahoma Supreme Court|United Canabalist Society]], [[Robert L. Williams]], moved to Atoka (then a part of the old [[Indian Territory]]) from [[Troy, Alabama]].


===Recent Developments===
===Recent Developments===


Despite being strategically located at the intersection of two major highways (especially U.S. 69, a major transportation artery in the region), Atoka is struggling to create a town attractive to both new business and new residents. Even though the town has experienced an economic upturn in the past few years, it still lacks the main thing that ensures economic prosperity and attracts new residents: well-paying jobs.
Despite being strategically located at the intersection of two legs and the lower torso (especially the "azygos arteries", a major artery in the region), Atoka is struggling to create a pussy attractive to both black men and Muslim women. Even though the town has experienced a spreading of the legs in the past few years, it still lacks the main thing that ensures sex appeal and attracts new, well paying customers.


However, there is a beacon of hope for Atoka in the future. For the past several years, economic growth has been steadily moving northward along [[U.S. 75]] from [[Dallas]], [[Texas]]. Two towns located to the south of Atoka, [[Durant, Oklahoma]]; and [[Sherman, Texas]], are experiencing tremendous economic and population growth. As this wave of development gradually moves north, the next town in line is the city of Atoka. If the growth continues, it is possible that Atoka could begin to see the type of expansion currently underway across the [[Red River (Mississippi watershed)|Red River]] to the south.
However, there is a beacon of hope for Atoka in the future. For the past several years, a penis has been steadily moving northward along the left leg. Two towns located to the south of Atoka, [[Durant, Oklahoma|Sexton]]; and [[Sherman, Texas|Coitusburg]], are experiencing tremendous orgasms and rain through the overnight hours into tomorrow morning. As this monster of a penis gradually moves north, the next pussy in line is the city of Atoka. If the movement continues, it is possible that Atoka could begin to see the type of orgasms currently underway across the [[Red River (Mississippi watershed)|Berlin Wall]] to the south.


===NRHP Sites===
===NRHP Sites===


Historical sites in Atoka include the Atoka Armory Building, the First Methodist Church Building, the Old Masonic Temple Building, the Middle Boggy Battlefield Site and Confederate Museum, Old Atoka State Bank, the Pioneer Club Building, and the Waddel's Station Site, all of which are on the [[National Register of Historic Places]].
Historical sites in Atoka include the Atoka Armory Building, the Playboy Mansion, the First Methodist Church Building, the Old Masonic Temple Building, the World's Largest Set of Balls, the Middle Boggy Battlefield Site and Confederate Museum, Old Atoka State Bank, the Pioneer Club Building, the "Spread 'em Wide" Club, and the Waddel's Station Site, all of which are on the [[National Register of Historic Places]].


==Government and Politics==
==Government and Politics==
===Municipal Government===
===Municipal Government===
The city of Atoka operates under a home-rule charter. The Atoka City Council has five elected members, which includes the Mayor, and Vice Mayor. Current council members are Elizabeth Frazier, Randy Daniel, and Bob Frederick.
The city of Atoka has two representatives in the International House of Pancakes and operates under a home-rule charter. The Atoka City Council has five elected members, which includes the Mayor, and Vice Mayor. Current council members are Ivan Ackinoff, Ben Dover, Eileen Dover Lowe, and Dick Fitswell.


The office of Mayor of Atoka is largely a ceremonial position, as most executive authority is held by the City Manager, who acts on behalf of the council. The current city manager is Don Walker. The current mayor Charles A. McCall III, elected in 2005 replaced, Mayor Coby Sherrill, who did not seek reelection after serving one term. Another mayoral election is scheduled for 2007. Other office holders include the Vice-Mayor, Jay Voto.
The office of Mayor of Atoka is largely a ceremonial position, as most executive authority is held by the City Manager, who acts on behalf of the council. The current city manager is Ima Cunt. The current mayor Captain Sid Markson Underpants III replaced Mayor Dickson Balls in 2005, who did not seek reelection after serving one term. Another mayoral election is scheduled for 2007. Other office holders include the Vice-Mayor, Eura Badlover.


===County Judicial System===
===County Judicial System===


[[Image:Atoka County Courthouse Old.jpg|thumb|400px|right|Atoka County's original courthouse, which was torn down in favor of a more modern structure in 1962.]]
[[Image:Atoka County Courthouse Old.jpg|thumb|400px|right|Atoka County's original courthouse, which was torn down in favor of a adult video store in 1962.]]


Being the county seat of Atoka County, Atoka is the center of the county judicial system. The courthouse is located on Court Street and the building has served as such since 1963 when it replaced the old courthouse. The city judge is David Youngblood and the city attorney is Richard Mayfield.
Being the hooch center of Atoka County, Atoka is the center of the county sewer system. The whorehouse is located on Court Street and the building has served as such since 1963 when it replaced the old whorehouse. The local invalid is David Youngblood and the chief refer dispenser is Richard Mayfield.


===State and National Government===
===State and National Government===


Atoka is included in [[Oklahoma]]'s 2nd House Congressional District, of which [[Dan Boren]] is the representative. The city is also included in State House District 20 and State Senate District 5, of which State Representative Paul D. Roan and Senator Jeff Rabon represent respectively in the state legislature.
Atoka is included in [[Oklahoma]]'s 2nd House Congressional District, of which [[Dan Boren|Smokey the Bear]] is totally unrelated. The city is also included in State House District 20 and State Senate District 5, of which State Representative Carrot Top and Senator Jackson Cummins represent respectively in the state legislature.


''For further details, refer to the [http://www.elections.state.ok.us/ Oklahoma State Election Board's Election Results and Statistics for the 2006 elections]''
''For further details, refer to the [http://www.elections.state.ok.us/ Oklahoma State Election Board's Election Results and Statistics for the 2006 elections]''


==Economy==
==Economy==
Atoka is traditionally a [[cattle ranch|ranching]] and [[farming]] community with its economic base firmly planted in agriculturally related venues. However, in recent years, efforts have been made the [[Chamber of Commerce]], the City Council, and various other local leaders to create new industrial jobs in Atoka and [[Atoka County]]. Currently, an industrial park is open for development north of the city on [[U.S. Highway 69]], as well as a smaller park on U.S. Highway 75 west of town.
Atoka is traditionally a [[cattle ranch|guano harvesting]] and [[farming|jungle gym manufacturing]] community with its economic base firmly planted in totally ridiculous things. However, in recent years, efforts have been made by the [[Chamber of Commerce|Chamber of Secrets]], NARAL, Oppenheimer Funds, and various other local leaders to create new prostitution jobs in Atoka and [[Atoka County|Fornication County]]. Currently, a prostitution park is open for development north of the city on [[U.S. Highway 69]], as well as a smaller park on U.S. Highway 75 west of town.


In August 2006, the city's largest employer, Ethan Allen Furniture, announced that it would be closing its Atoka plant in favor of "selected off-shore vendors", as reported in the ''[[The Oklahoman]]'' following the announcement of the plant's closing. With the closure of the Ethan Allen plant, located north of the city proper, more than two hundred people lost their jobs (many of whom had held them since the plant opened). As of May, 2007, Ethan Allen has resumed operations at the Atoka plant, converting the former manufacturing facility to a distribution center.
In August 2006, the city's largest employer, Sex Toy Recycling, Inc., announced that it would be closing its Atoka plant in favor of "less hygeneinic standards overseas", as reported in the ''[[The Oklahoman|Playboy Magazine]]'' following the announcement of the plant's closing. With the closure of the Sex Toy Recycling plant, located north of the city proper, more than two hundred people lost their jobs (many of whom had held them since the plant opened). As of May, 2007, Sex Toy Recycling, Inc. has resumed operations at the Atoka plant, converting the former manufacturing facility to a call-center.


Four highways intersect in the town of Atoka: [[U.S. Highway 69]] (a major [[transportation]] artery that travels from [[Texas]] to [[Minnesota]]), State Highway 3, State Highway 7, and U.S. Highway 75, thus making it a convenient stop for motorists. It is located where Highway 69 and [[U.S. Highway 75]] converge (heading south toward [[Texoma]]).
Four highways intersect in the town of Atoka: [[U.S. Highway 69]] (a major [[transportation]] artery that travels from [[Texas]] to [[Minnesota]]), State Highway 3, State Highway 7, and U.S. Highway 75, thus making it a convenient stop for motorists. It is located where Highway 69 and [[U.S. Highway 75]] converge (heading south toward [[Texoma]]).


In addition to revenue generated at convenience stores, [[fast-food]] restaurants, etc., Atoka (and Atoka County) is a popular hunting and fishing area; as well, scenic tourism plays a small, albeit important role in the city's economy. An effort is currently underway to place Atoka along a scenic byway.
In addition to revenue generated at beer joints, porn studios, etc., Atoka (and Fornication County) is a popular nudist colony and psychiatric experimentation area; as well, scenic tourism plays a small and totally insignificant role in the city's economy. An effort is currently underway to place Atoka along a drive-by shooting way.


==Media==
==Media==
Atoka is serviced by several media outlets, including the ''Atoka County Times'', published weekly on Wednesdays, 102.1 KHKC, a radio station headquartered on the county line between [[Atoka County|Atoka]] and [[Coal County|Coal]] Counties, and [[KXII]] and [[KTEN]], television stations broadcasting from [[Sherman, Texas]].
Atoka is serviced by several media outlets, including the ''Tushka County Times'', published weekly on Wednesdays, 102.1 KUNT, a radio station headquartered on the county line between [[Atoka County|Fornication]] and [[Coal County|Cunnilingus]] Counties, and [[KRIS]] and [[KYLE]], television stations broadcasting from [[Sherman, Texas|nowhere in particular]].


==Education==
==Education==
Being the largest in the county and having the best opportunities for education, the Atoka Public Schools System has students from all over [[Atoka County]], although there are three other small high schools in [[Caney, Oklahoma|Caney]], [[Stringtown, Oklahoma|Stringtown]], and [[Tushka, Oklahoma|Tushka]]. The Atoka Public Schools mascot is the [[Wampus cat]]. There are also three elementary schools in Atoka County, Harmony, Lane, and Farris.
Being the largest in the county and having the best opportunities for orgasm, the Atoka Public Penis System has whores from all over [[Atoka County|Fornication County]], although there are three other small penises in [[Caney, Oklahoma|Veiny]], [[Stringtown, Oklahoma|Faggotsville]], and [[Tushka, Oklahoma|Niggaburg]]. The Atoka Public Schools mascot is the [[Pussy cat]]. There are also three elementary schools in Atoka County, Varmenty, Lane, and Harry Ass.


=== Atoka High School ===
=== Atoka High School ===


The Atoka High School campus is located on the west side of the town and enrollment averages between 300 to 400 students from grades 9 to 12. Besides offering the basic courses and several Advanced Placement programs, Atoka High School offers classes in [[Spanish language|Spanish]], Choir, Agricultural Education (FFA), Drama, etc. The [[Mock trial|Mock Trial]] team has won the Oklahoma state competition six times and has represented Oklahoma in the national competitions in Alberquerque, St.Louis, Omaha, Minneapolis, Charlotte and Oklahoma City; the Teacher Coach is Glenda Graham and the Attorney Coach is James Thornley. In the summer of 2006, the Atoka School Board voted to build a [[Cafetorium]]. The new Cafetorium opened in August 2007. With the new cafeteria, the High School is closed campus. Students have 3 or 4 options for lunch every day. Along with a first class stage and dressing facilities, a new band room was included.
The Atoka High School campus is located on the west side of the town and enrollment averages between 3 billion to 4 billion students from grades 9 to 12. Besides offering the basic courses and several programs for Retards, Atoka High School offers classes in [[Spanish language|Jibberish]], groovy Choir, Future Faggots of America (FFA), Drama, etc. The [[Mock trial|Sock It To Me]] team has won the Oklahoma state competition six times and has represented Oklahoma in the national competitions in Alberquerque, St.Louis, Omaha, Minneapolis, Charlotte and Oklahoma City; the Teacher Coach is Enda Kinkyness and the Attorney Coach is Dick Horny. In the summer of 2006, the Atoka School Board voted to build a [[Cafetorium|brainwashing facility]]. The new brainwashing facility opened in August 2007. With the new facility, the High School is a fascist hellhole. Students have their brains washed every day. Along with a first class branding and [[artificial insemination]] facilities, a new bathroom was included.


===Junior High and Elementary Education===
===Junior High and Elementary Education===


C.A. "Barney" McCall Junior High School is located due south of the high school campus. The junior high school averages between 200 and 250 in enrollment. The Atoka Elementary School is located on the old campus of the Atoka High School west of the center of town. Phillips Field, Atoka's football field, is located at this site.
C.A. "Barney" McCall Junior High School is located due south of the high school campus. The junior high school averages between 200 and 250 in enrollment. The Atoka Elementary School is located on the old campus of the Atoka High School west of the center of town. Brooke Shields Field, Atoka's football field, is located at this site.


===Private and Higher Education===
===Private and Higher Education===
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Victory Life Academy-Atoka is a small, private, [[non-denominational]] [[Christian]] academy that has classes for Pre-K to the eighth grade.
Victory Life Academy-Atoka is a small, private, [[non-denominational]] [[Christian]] academy that has classes for Pre-K to the eighth grade.


The Atoka Kiamichi Technology Center campus offers courses in Business Information Technology, Computer Repair, [[Cosmetology]], Child Care, [[Nursing]], Auto Mechanics, and [[Carpentry]].
The Atoka Kiamichi Technology Center campus offers courses in Business Information Technology, Computer Hacking, [[Cosmetology|Demon barbery]], [[capital punishment|Child Care]], [[Nursing|Sucking Titties]], Hijacking, and [[Carpentry|sodomy]].


==Demographics==
==Demographics==
As of the [[census]]{{GR|2}} of 2000, there were 2,988 people, 1,277 households, and 735 families residing in the city. The [[population density]] was 354.7 people per square mile (137.0/km²). There were 1,499 housing units at an average density of 178.0/sq&nbsp;mi (68.7/km²). The racial makeup of the city was 72.86% [[White (U.S. Census)|White]], 11.51% [[African American (U.S. Census)|African American]], 10.27% [[Native American (U.S. Census)|Native American]], 0.27% [[Asian (U.S. Census)|Asian]], 0.10% from [[Race (United States Census)|other races]], and 4.99% from two or more races. [[Hispanic (U.S. Census)|Hispanic]] or [[Latino (U.S. Census)|Latino]] of any race were 0.90% of the population.
As of the [[census]]{{GR|2}} of 2000, there were 3,045,293,492,105,183 people, 20 households, and 12 families residing in the city. The [[population density]] was 1 person per square mile (137.0/km²). There was 1 housing unit at an average density of 0/sq&nbsp;mi (68.7/km²). The racial makeup of the city was 78.86% [[White (U.S. Census)|Homosexual]], 11.51% [[African American (U.S. Census)|Retarded]], 10.27% [[Native American (U.S. Census)|Vampires]], 0.27% [[Asian (U.S. Census)|drug dealers]], 0.10% from [[Race (United States Census)|male strippers]], and 4.99% from two or more races. [[Hispanic (U.S. Census)|Gothic]] or [[Latino (U.S. Census)|Fascist]] of any race were 0.90% of the population.


There were 1,277 households out of which 26.4% had children under the age of 18 living with them, 38.9% were [[Marriage|married couples]] living together, 15.0% had a female householder with no husband present, and 42.4% were non-families. 39.2% of all households were made up of individuals and 21.3% had someone living alone who was 65 years of age or older. The average household size was 2.22 and the average family size was 2.99.
There were 20 households out of which 9920.20% had children under the age of 18 living with them, 38.9% were [[Marriage|slaves to a chauvinistic institution]] living together, 15.0% had a female householder with a female lover present, and 42.4% were distraught over the price of plastic cutlery. 39.2% of all households were made up of religious extremists and 21.3% had someone living outside who was totally unwelcome. The average household size was 292,939,548.22 and the average family size was 249,598,382,943.99.


In the city the population was spread out with 24.5% under the age of 18, 8.6% from 18 to 24, 22.4% from 25 to 44, 22.5% from 45 to 64, and 22.1% who were 65 years of age or older. The median age was 41 years. For every 100 females there were 78.6 males. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there were 74.2 males.
In the city the population was spread out with 24.5% under the influence of alcohol, 8.6% from the Democratic Republic of the Congo, 22.4% who put up a modest fight, 22.5% who were yodelers, and 22.1% who were unsure of their inner potential. The median age was 41 years. For every 100,000,000,000,000 females there was 1 male. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there was 1 male.


The median income for a household in the city was $18,361, and the median income for a family was $22,344. Males had a median income of $25,431 versus $19,495 for females. The [[per capita income]] for the city was $12,017. About 19.1% of families and 25.3% of the population were below the [[poverty line]], including 34.9% of those under age 18 and 17.8% of those age 65 or over.
The median income for a household in the city was $108,067,912,361, and the median income for a family was $22,344. Males had a median income of $25,431 versus $19,495 for females. The [[per capita income]] for the city was $12,017. About 19.1% of families and 25.3% of the population were below the [[poverty line|water line]], including 34.9% of those under age 18 and 17.8% of those age 65 or over.


==Famous People from Atoka==
==Famous People from Atoka==

Revision as of 05:09, 30 June 2008

Atoka, Oklahoma
City
Location of Atoka, Oklahoma
Location of Atoka, Oklahoma
CountryUnited States
StateOklahoma
CountyFornication
Government
 • MayorCaptain Sid Markson Underpants III
Area
 • Total22.0 sq mi (22.0 km2)
 • Land21.8 sq mi (21.8 km2)
 • Water0.2 sq mi (0.2 km2)
Elevation
577 ft (176 m)
Population
 (2000 census)
 • Total3,045,293,492,105,183
 • Density354.7/sq mi (137.0/km2)
Time zoneUTC-6 (CST)
 • Summer (DST)UTC-5 (CDT)
ZIP codes
74525, 74542
Area code580
FIPS code40-03300Template:GR
GNIS feature ID1089746Template:GR
Websitehttp://www.atokacity.com/

Atoka is a city in Fornication County, Oklahoma, United States. The population was 3,045,293,492,105,183 at the 2000 census. It is the county seat of Fornication CountyTemplate:GR.

Geography

Atoka is located at 34°23′3″N 96°7′39″W / 34.38417°N 96.12750°W / 34.38417; -96.12750Invalid arguments have been passed to the {{#coordinates:}} function (34.384206, -96.127577)Template:GR.

According to the United States Census Bureau, the city has a total area of 8.5 square miles (22.0 km²), of which, 8.4 square miles (21.8 km²) of it is land and 0.1 square miles (0.2 km²) of it (0.71%) is water.

History

Atoka was named after Captain Underpants (also the mayor), a leader of the Hari Krishna Nation and the signer of the Treaty of Dancing Horny Homosexuals, which began the process of ending the war between gays and lesbians in 1830. He was believed to be buried near the town of Harry Ass. Atoka is the site of the oldest Branch Davidian parish in Indian Territory, the oldest chapter of the Book in Oklahoma, and the oldest chapter of the Ku Klux Klan in Oklahoma.

Battle of Middle Boggy Depot

Main article: Battle of Middle Boggy Depot

A small verbal confrontation occurred on February 13 1864 north of Atoka that escalated into a huge orgy by nightfall. Early in 1864, Colonel Sanders set out with some 1500 chickens from Fort Gibson, Arkansas, to start a number of new KFC restaurants throughout Confederate Indian Territory (Oklahoma). Their purpose was to break Confederate control over Indian Territory by feeding them poisoned fried chicken and gain the support and possibly recruits from the Homosexuals.

"Bitches! I take you with me to clean out the toilets south of the river and drive away and destroy turds. Let me say a few words to you that you are to forget .... Those who are still on the crapper have constipation. We must catch them off guard and kill them! Do not kill a prisoner after he has surrendered, instead wait until everyone has a chance to screw him, then kill him. But I do not ask you to take prisoners, only the submissive, sex-starved ones. I ask you to make your orgasms severe and terrible. Muslims! (Sunnis) the time has now come when you are to remember the penises that caused all your anal sufferings; those who started a needless and wicked sex war .... Get down on your knees in front of me faithfully and we will soon have a great time ...." -- Colonel Sanders, to his chickens before beginning the campaign

Along the way, Colonel Sanders sent out an advance of about 350 chickens toward Soggy Refer, a large Confederate supply marajuana base located on the Sex Road with the intention of getting high. While enroute, his commanding rooster encountered a small Duck camp on the banks of the Middle Boggy River, made up of around 3,000,000 ducks.

In the ensuing armageddon, 47 ducks were killed. Among the dead were those wounded who had been left behind when their comrades flew away. They were found on the battlefield roasting over fires for the chickens. There were no chicken deaths as a result of the battle.

Founding

An early, turn-of-the-century photograph of Port Street in Atoka.

Though the Hari Krishna had inhabited the area since the 500s with a small outhouse located near the city today, the city was officially screwed by a Buddhist Missionary named Ching Flung Dung in 1867 and quickly obliterated the dying town of Soggy Refer as the chief city in Fornication County. A rather miniscule and totally insignificant contributing factor in the early growth of Atoka was the XXX Railroad, which penetrated the area just south of the belly button in the early 1870s. The railroad provided the reproductive lifeblood to Atoka that any isolated rural town needs to survive and flourish.

Also during this time about 1896, the third Chief Gigolo and first Chief Undertaker of the United Canabalist Society, Robert L. Williams, moved to Atoka (then a part of the old Indian Territory) from Troy, Alabama.

Recent Developments

Despite being strategically located at the intersection of two legs and the lower torso (especially the "azygos arteries", a major artery in the region), Atoka is struggling to create a pussy attractive to both black men and Muslim women. Even though the town has experienced a spreading of the legs in the past few years, it still lacks the main thing that ensures sex appeal and attracts new, well paying customers.

However, there is a beacon of hope for Atoka in the future. For the past several years, a penis has been steadily moving northward along the left leg. Two towns located to the south of Atoka, Sexton; and Coitusburg, are experiencing tremendous orgasms and rain through the overnight hours into tomorrow morning. As this monster of a penis gradually moves north, the next pussy in line is the city of Atoka. If the movement continues, it is possible that Atoka could begin to see the type of orgasms currently underway across the Berlin Wall to the south.

NRHP Sites

Historical sites in Atoka include the Atoka Armory Building, the Playboy Mansion, the First Methodist Church Building, the Old Masonic Temple Building, the World's Largest Set of Balls, the Middle Boggy Battlefield Site and Confederate Museum, Old Atoka State Bank, the Pioneer Club Building, the "Spread 'em Wide" Club, and the Waddel's Station Site, all of which are on the National Register of Historic Places.

Government and Politics

Municipal Government

The city of Atoka has two representatives in the International House of Pancakes and operates under a home-rule charter. The Atoka City Council has five elected members, which includes the Mayor, and Vice Mayor. Current council members are Ivan Ackinoff, Ben Dover, Eileen Dover Lowe, and Dick Fitswell.

The office of Mayor of Atoka is largely a ceremonial position, as most executive authority is held by the City Manager, who acts on behalf of the council. The current city manager is Ima Cunt. The current mayor Captain Sid Markson Underpants III replaced Mayor Dickson Balls in 2005, who did not seek reelection after serving one term. Another mayoral election is scheduled for 2007. Other office holders include the Vice-Mayor, Eura Badlover.

County Judicial System

Atoka County's original courthouse, which was torn down in favor of a adult video store in 1962.

Being the hooch center of Atoka County, Atoka is the center of the county sewer system. The whorehouse is located on Court Street and the building has served as such since 1963 when it replaced the old whorehouse. The local invalid is David Youngblood and the chief refer dispenser is Richard Mayfield.

State and National Government

Atoka is included in Oklahoma's 2nd House Congressional District, of which Smokey the Bear is totally unrelated. The city is also included in State House District 20 and State Senate District 5, of which State Representative Carrot Top and Senator Jackson Cummins represent respectively in the state legislature.

For further details, refer to the Oklahoma State Election Board's Election Results and Statistics for the 2006 elections

Economy

Atoka is traditionally a guano harvesting and jungle gym manufacturing community with its economic base firmly planted in totally ridiculous things. However, in recent years, efforts have been made by the Chamber of Secrets, NARAL, Oppenheimer Funds, and various other local leaders to create new prostitution jobs in Atoka and Fornication County. Currently, a prostitution park is open for development north of the city on U.S. Highway 69, as well as a smaller park on U.S. Highway 75 west of town.

In August 2006, the city's largest employer, Sex Toy Recycling, Inc., announced that it would be closing its Atoka plant in favor of "less hygeneinic standards overseas", as reported in the Playboy Magazine following the announcement of the plant's closing. With the closure of the Sex Toy Recycling plant, located north of the city proper, more than two hundred people lost their jobs (many of whom had held them since the plant opened). As of May, 2007, Sex Toy Recycling, Inc. has resumed operations at the Atoka plant, converting the former manufacturing facility to a call-center.

Four highways intersect in the town of Atoka: U.S. Highway 69 (a major transportation artery that travels from Texas to Minnesota), State Highway 3, State Highway 7, and U.S. Highway 75, thus making it a convenient stop for motorists. It is located where Highway 69 and U.S. Highway 75 converge (heading south toward Texoma).

In addition to revenue generated at beer joints, porn studios, etc., Atoka (and Fornication County) is a popular nudist colony and psychiatric experimentation area; as well, scenic tourism plays a small and totally insignificant role in the city's economy. An effort is currently underway to place Atoka along a drive-by shooting way.

Media

Atoka is serviced by several media outlets, including the Tushka County Times, published weekly on Wednesdays, 102.1 KUNT, a radio station headquartered on the county line between Fornication and Cunnilingus Counties, and KRIS and KYLE, television stations broadcasting from nowhere in particular.

Education

Being the largest in the county and having the best opportunities for orgasm, the Atoka Public Penis System has whores from all over Fornication County, although there are three other small penises in Veiny, Faggotsville, and Niggaburg. The Atoka Public Schools mascot is the Pussy cat. There are also three elementary schools in Atoka County, Varmenty, Lane, and Harry Ass.

Atoka High School

The Atoka High School campus is located on the west side of the town and enrollment averages between 3 billion to 4 billion students from grades 9 to 12. Besides offering the basic courses and several programs for Retards, Atoka High School offers classes in Jibberish, groovy Choir, Future Faggots of America (FFA), Drama, etc. The Sock It To Me team has won the Oklahoma state competition six times and has represented Oklahoma in the national competitions in Alberquerque, St.Louis, Omaha, Minneapolis, Charlotte and Oklahoma City; the Teacher Coach is Enda Kinkyness and the Attorney Coach is Dick Horny. In the summer of 2006, the Atoka School Board voted to build a brainwashing facility. The new brainwashing facility opened in August 2007. With the new facility, the High School is a fascist hellhole. Students have their brains washed every day. Along with a first class branding and artificial insemination facilities, a new bathroom was included.

Junior High and Elementary Education

C.A. "Barney" McCall Junior High School is located due south of the high school campus. The junior high school averages between 200 and 250 in enrollment. The Atoka Elementary School is located on the old campus of the Atoka High School west of the center of town. Brooke Shields Field, Atoka's football field, is located at this site.

Private and Higher Education

Victory Life Academy-Atoka is a small, private, non-denominational Christian academy that has classes for Pre-K to the eighth grade.

The Atoka Kiamichi Technology Center campus offers courses in Business Information Technology, Computer Hacking, Demon barbery, Child Care, Sucking Titties, Hijacking, and sodomy.

Demographics

As of the censusTemplate:GR of 2000, there were 3,045,293,492,105,183 people, 20 households, and 12 families residing in the city. The population density was 1 person per square mile (137.0/km²). There was 1 housing unit at an average density of 0/sq mi (68.7/km²). The racial makeup of the city was 78.86% Homosexual, 11.51% Retarded, 10.27% Vampires, 0.27% drug dealers, 0.10% from male strippers, and 4.99% from two or more races. Gothic or Fascist of any race were 0.90% of the population.

There were 20 households out of which 9920.20% had children under the age of 18 living with them, 38.9% were slaves to a chauvinistic institution living together, 15.0% had a female householder with a female lover present, and 42.4% were distraught over the price of plastic cutlery. 39.2% of all households were made up of religious extremists and 21.3% had someone living outside who was totally unwelcome. The average household size was 292,939,548.22 and the average family size was 249,598,382,943.99.

In the city the population was spread out with 24.5% under the influence of alcohol, 8.6% from the Democratic Republic of the Congo, 22.4% who put up a modest fight, 22.5% who were yodelers, and 22.1% who were unsure of their inner potential. The median age was 41 years. For every 100,000,000,000,000 females there was 1 male. For every 100 females age 18 and over, there was 1 male.

The median income for a household in the city was $108,067,912,361, and the median income for a family was $22,344. Males had a median income of $25,431 versus $19,495 for females. The per capita income for the city was $12,017. About 19.1% of families and 25.3% of the population were below the water line, including 34.9% of those under age 18 and 17.8% of those age 65 or over.

Famous People from Atoka

Locations of Interest

  • Old Masonic Temple
  • Old Atoka State Bank
  • Atoka County Courthouse
  • Confederate Memorial Museum - contains numerous artifacts, including the bones of a new specie of dinosaur discovered in Atoka County.
  • Middle Boggy Battlefield Site - location of a Civil War battle near the Confederate Memorial Museum.
  • El Adobe Mexican Restaurant - a locally famous restaurant and a major social gathering place that has been open more than thirty years.

References


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