Talk:Haifa bint Muhammad Al Saud
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Suggested additions and updates – userspace draft
[edit]![]() | This edit request by an editor with a conflict of interest was declined. The COI editor is asked to provide the requested changes here on the talk page, rather than their own userspace. |
Hi, There is additional information about Princess Haifa, her roles, and her initiatives as Vice Minister that can be added to improve the quality of the article.
For ease, I have prepared a userspace draft – see here (diff) for the proposed additions in detail (which include some copyediting).
To summarize these suggested updates:
- Infobox - Change of type from royalty to officeholder to better the role she is best known for, plus correction of 'Deputy Minister' to 'Vice Minister'
- Career - Have suggested the addition of new details since the last major update to this article.
- Memberships & Positions - Brief lists have been added for simplicity and to align with the BLP standards
- General - Additional citations to strengthen the article and improve the quality, and have added some copy edits and corrections.
If someone could review these proposed additions and transfer them to the mainspace (if in agreement) it would be appreciated. If there are any questions at all, please ping me here or on my talk page. Thank you. Turaif10 (talk) 18:58, 12 October 2023 (UTC)
- The requested text needs to be placed here on the talk page, as a permanent record of the changes that are sought. Placing the desired text on a draft page that the COI editor ultimately controls would not provide that permanence. To that end, the COI editor is asked to place the entire request here on the talk page. Please note that both the requested text to be added and the requested text to be deleted needs to be provided here on the talk page (rather than just a diff of the changes). If length is an issue, the
{{collapsed}}
and{{fake heading}}
templates are available for your use. Regards, Spintendo 19:06, 12 October 2023 (UTC)
Edit request 25-OCT-2023
[edit]![]() | This edit request by an editor with a conflict of interest was declined. The reviewer has asked the COI editor to make changes to the request before submitting again for review. |
- Hi User:Spintendo, appreciate your reply and support. Following your advice I'm submitting my suggested edits to the article as an edit request below.
Edit request 25-OCT-2023
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References
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- If there are any questions at all, please ping me here or on my talk page. Thank you. Turaif10 (talk) 14:35, 25 October 2023 (UTC)
Reply 26-OCT-2023
[edit]- It's a good idea where instances in the proposed revisions that see more than one reference being placed at the end of a sentence, these ideally should be consolidated. If more than one source verifies the same information, then only one source really needs to be used. In circumstances where the references are actually verifying different aspects of the same sentence, then WP:INTEGRITY can to be followed.
- When writing "vice minister of tourism" as a common noun, it should be lower case. When addressed as a title or position in and of itself it's placed in upper case, but only if it's not preceded by a modifier (including a definite or indefinite article) and is not a reworded description. (See MOS:OFFICE.) Both examples below would be correct based on their wording:
- Haifa bint Muhammad Al Saud became Vice Minister of Tourism in 2012. — upper case
- Haifa bint Muhammad Al Saud is the vice minister of tourism. — lower case.
On 3 July 2022 she was appointed Vice Minister of Tourism where she had been serving as an Assistant Minister
This is not clear. If she were appointed "vice minister", readers may wonder why is she serving as "assistant minister". Are these two labels describing the same office? (similar to how prime minister and premier are often used interchangeably). Only one title should be used for consistency.- The following paragraph is problematic
Princess Haifa plays an instrumental role in advancing the Kingdom’s tourism sector under Vision 2030, with the aim of growing the sector’s GDP contribution from 3% in 2018 to 10% by 2030. She has confirmed that Saudi Arabia was the third largest investor in the travel and tourism sector worldwide in 2021 according to World Travel and Tourism Council records and announced plans to attract four million Chinese tourists by 2030
.- The paragraph uses vague phrasing which should be avoided:
Princess Haifa plays an instrumental role
(See MOS:AWW.) - Is unclear on the subject (
"due to their important role in the Kingdom’s tourism strategy"
) Who is their? - Contains statements which are a reflection of an anticipated future event
and announced plans to attract four million Chinese tourists by 2030.
(See WP:CRYSTALBALL.) - One of the references in this section is to a video which is not in English, which makes verification difficult ("نائب وزير السياحة السعودي عن المنافسة مع الدول المجاورة: نحن أقوى معًا". CNN Arabic. 16 January 2023. Retrieved 12 October 2023.). Please provide an English translation if possible. (See WP:RSUE.)
- The paragraph uses vague phrasing which should be avoided:
- The items contained in the list proposed for the Memberships and Previous positions sections are all missing their Wikilinks. Please provide these links. (See MOS:EMBED.)
Kindly open a new edit request incorporating the requested clarifications below this reply post at your earliest convenience. Thank you!
Regards, Spintendo 03:28, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
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