Talk:Jon Kempin

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GA Review[edit]

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This review is transcluded from Talk:Jon Kempin/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Kosack (talk · contribs) 12:25, 5 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]


I'll have a look at this one, will post review as soon as possible. Kosack (talk) 12:25, 5 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Initial review

Infobox[edit]

  • In the image caption, use Sporting Kansas City rather SKC. The reader won't find out what SKC stands for until further on.
 Done, replaced.
  • Need a source for his full name and height.
 Done, added references for both (sourced through articles that were already ref'd in the article.

Lead[edit]

  • Place (MLS) and (SKC) after the first uses of Major League Soccer and Sporting Kansas City so we know what future uses are referring to.
 Done. placed both in the opening paragraph (let me know if it would be better to move these further into the article).
That should be fine, there are uses of the abbreviations in the lead so they are covered. Kosack (talk) 08:56, 7 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He iconically took part in the "Double Post" game", iconically is a big word here and possibly a questionable NPOV.
 Done, Changed the sentence to read "He took part in the iconic "Double Post" game against Portland Timbers in the 2015 MLS Cup Playoffs" (news sources here and here to reflect the iconic-ness), although I would be fine with taking it out if you think the NPOV still is threatened.
This game doesn't appear to be mentioned in the main body. Not by the "Double Post" moniker anyway. I would include a mention there if it's going in the lead also. Kosack (talk) 08:56, 7 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
 Done, added a mention of the "Double Post" moniker and a reference for such to the body. 21.colinthompson (talk) 22:30, 7 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Early life[edit]

  • The final sentence here could probably be merged into the paragraph to avoid a single sentence out on its own. Ref 4 could be moved to the end of the sentence to tidy it up also.
 Done, made both recommended adjustments.

Early career[edit]

  • Try to avoid ending paragraphs without a source as it appears as though the information is unsourced. Even for basic stats, a Soccerway profile or similar will be sufficient.
 Done for both paragraphs in this section.

2014 – Loan to OKC[edit]

  • End of both paragraphs are seemingly unsourced
 Done, sourced through his Soccerway profile (same as the Early career section).

2015 – Loan to San Antonio[edit]

  • Is the image of him taking the decisive penalty in the playoffs? If so, I would go with that as a caption rather than the relatively unrelated number of appearances.
 Done, changed to "Kempin missed the decisive penalty in the 2015 MLS Cup Playoffs against Portland Timbers" – let me know if that wording still needs work.

2016 – Loan to Swope Park[edit]

  • End of the first paragraph needs a source.
 Done, sourced through his Soccerway profile.
  • "bouncing between", bit of an informal turn of phrase. Simply moving between would be sufficient perhaps?
 Done, changed to read "spent the early part of August moving between Sporting KC and Swope Park".

Loan to LA Galaxy II[edit]

  • More of a query really, but is it actually considered a loan in the US when the player moves to the team's reserve side, i.e. LA Galaxy > LA Galaxy II?
Because of the franchise system, it is, yeah. There's absolutely no negotiation or compensation involved with these loan spells, but for official purposes they are loans. Most of them are "on a match-by-match basis", so the player can be recalled and sent back down throughout the course of the season without issue.
Ok, no worries. Kosack (talk) 08:56, 7 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Columbus Crew SC[edit]

  • Columbus Crew is linked two paragraphs previously. Repeat links should be avoided per WP:OVERLINK.
 Done, removed the link.

Loan to Hartford[edit]

  • Jimmy Nielsen repeat linked.
 Done, removed the link.

Senior career[edit]

  • Again, seemingly no source for the last part of the paragraph.
 Done, added references for both of the games in this camp.

References[edit]

  • The USSoccer.com sources appear to have expired and just direct to a news menu screen. Can these be recovered?
 Done, recovered all six sources. The USSF just revamped its website, apparently they wiped out all of their old stories unfortunately.

That's all I have, nothing major to worry about. Placed on hold for the time being until the above issues are addressed. Kosack (talk) 19:11, 5 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Just about addressed all of your concerns, just one or two points where you still might need to look at the wording of things. Thanks for yet another review of one of my nominations! 21.colinthompson (talk) 00:03, 7 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
One further point on the Double Post game to look at. Other than that I think we're pretty much there. Kosack (talk) 08:56, 7 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Unless you have any further concerns about the "Double Post" wording, I think I've got everything covered. Thanks again for the review. 21.colinthompson (talk) 22:30, 7 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
No more concerns, I think this meets the relevant GA criteria. Nice work, promoting. Kosack (talk) 16:24, 8 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
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