Template:Did you know nominations/Jayanti

The following is an archived discussion of the DYK nomination of the article below. Please do not modify this page. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page (such as this nomination's talk page, the article's talk page or Wikipedia talk:Did you know), unless there is consensus to re-open the discussion at this page. No further edits should be made to this page.

The result was: promoted by Montanabw^(talk) 21:48, 12 July 2014 (UTC)

Jayanti (Hinduism)

(

)

... that Jayanti is said to have asked the god Shukra (pictured) to create a haze to shield their lovemaking from the world for ten years?

Reviewed: Hrithik Roshan filmography

Created by Redtigerxyz (talk). Self nominated at 07:12, 27 June 2014 (UTC).

Length, age, sourcing OK. No apparent copyvio issues. However, there's a substantial deficiency that prevents me from clearing the article for the main page: the prose is so deficient that the article is, in places, incomprehensible. For example, I can't figure out what "and their refuge Shukra's mother Kavyamata" means; "casts a shell of magic" probably should refer to a "spell"; in the lead, "Jayanti is daughter" leaves open whether she is "the" or "a" daughter; "Shukra perform severe tapas (austerities)" mislinks to a Spanish dish and austerity doesn't mean what the author seems to thinks it means, and so forth. This article requires substantial copyediting. Sandstein 20:06, 27 June 2014 (UTC)

User:Sandstein, While I agree the "the" was missed and there may more minor grammarical issues, but all other words are accurate.

refuge is "any place, person, action, or thing that offers or appears to offer protection, help, or relief"
tapas (now linked correctly) is often translated as austerities [1]. Austerities in English mean "the trait of great self-denial (especially refraining from worldly pleasures)"; "asceticism as a form of religious life; usually conducted in a community under a common rule and characterized by celibacy and poverty and obedience" [2]
"shell of magic" is also accurate. It means an outer protective cover of magic. Other uses: [3] "cast" means "To give a form to; arrange".Redtigerxyz ^Talk 05:49, 28 June 2014 (UTC)

OK, thanks. The words chosen may be technically accurate, but they may confuse readers, e.g. because "cast a shell" reads very similar to the more common "casts a spell". I still recommend copyediting the article to make it more clear. However, these are not DYK issues, so it's good to go, I suppose. Sandstein 07:14, 28 June 2014 (UTC)

I did some more copyediting to conform with English grammar. However, I don't understand who Indra is. Could you say something about him, and why he wants to thwart Shukra, in the first paragraph in which he is introduced? Thanks, Yoninah (talk) 23:14, 10 July 2014 (UTC)

Yoninah, the lead says "Jayanti is the daughter of Indra, the king of the devas (gods) and ruler of Svarga (heaven), and his consort Shachi. She is described as the wife of Shukra, the god of the planet Venus and the guru of the asuras (demons). " Should I repeat his designation in the Legends part? Redtigerxyz ^Talk 05:05, 11 July 2014 (UTC)

Thanks for pointing that out; I missed it amid all the blue links in the lead. Yes, I added a brief description next to his name in the second paragraph. Copyediting issues resolved. I changed "requested" to "asked" in the hook. Offline hook ref AGF and cited inline. QPQ done. Image is pd. Good to go. Yoninah (talk) 18:49, 12 July 2014 (UTC)