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Childhood Domestic Violence refers to children growing up in a home with domestic violence, an event that is shown to be damaging to children’s emotional and psychological development. The term “childhood domestic violence” was used to refer to the experience of growing up in a home with domestic violence by British researchers Hague, Harvey, and Willis in their 2012 book Understanding Adult Survivors of Domestic Violence in Childhood: Still Forgotten, Still Hurting. The violence can be physical or nonphysical. Statistics indicate that domestic violence affects more than 15 million children a year in the U.S. alone. UNICEF estimated in 2006 that 275 million children around the world have been exposed to violence in the home. This number has increased considerably since then, although in some countries, including North Africa and Southeastern Asia, no records or data exist at all.

Overview

Studies described in this article have shown that the trauma associated with witnessing one parent repeatedly assaulting another carries a profound and lifelong impact for most of these children. It can negatively impact their life in all key areas: their beliefs about themselves, physical health, emotional health, behavior, and relationships.

According to The United States Department of Justice, as quoted in The Brooklyn Reader, domestic violence is “… a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.”

Growing up in a home where domestic violence takes place and witnessing such violence regularly can have significant, far-reaching effects. Violence of any kind produces a temporary state of shock for the observer, even those trained to deal with it. Fear dominates perception, and physiologically this pushes people into a primitive and reactive state, causing increased heart rate, accelerated breathing, and a fight-or-flight stimulus that serves as a survival mechanism. Children may feel trapped and locked into the behavior of their parents, and have no way of rationally processing what is happening or countering the negative impact. Every child who grows up in a home where domestic violence occurs learns to believe that feeling emotion signals a threat to their existence.

Normal emotions are actually short-lived products of automatic and chemical responses in the body. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor in her book My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey has cited the scientific fact that physiologically our emotions—fear, happiness, love, hate, humiliation, rage, joy—all last about 90 seconds. The only reason they will last longer is if they get replayed over and over in the mind, triggering the physiological response repeatedly. If the emotion is one of joy and love, there is no problem. If it is fear, or anxiety, it means there is no relief from the fight-or-flight state. It is this state that becomes the constant for children of domestic violence, and that can influence every facet of their lives.

In one study, it was revealed that many parents who currently engage in domestic violence believe their children are unaware it is happening. But by asking the children, it was determined that 80-90% of them actually do know what is going on and can provide detailed accounts of the violence they have witnessed.

Impact

Impact on a child’s development

Formative research by stem cell biologist Dr. Bruce Lipton, described in his book Spontaneous Evolution, shows that in the first six years of life, our brains operate most often at the theta wavelength:

The most influential perceptual programming of the subconscious mind occurs from birth through age six. During that time, the child’s brain is recording all sensory experiences as well as learning complex motor programs for speech, crawling, standing, and advanced activities like running and jumping. Simultaneously, the child’s sensory systems are fully engaged, downloading massive amounts of information about the world and how it works. By observing the behavioral patterns of people in their immediate environment—primarily parents, siblings, and relatives—children learn to distinguish acceptable and unacceptable social behaviors. It’s important to realize that perceptions acquired before the age of six become the fundamental subconscious programs that shape the character of an individual’s life.

For a child caught in the turbulence of domestic violence, the “fundamental subconscious programs” that are being created are negative ones. Children will absorb what they see and hear as the truth. If what they experience is frequent violence between their parents, who are the most formative people in children’s lives, then they will take that violence as a truth about the world, something they expect to see repeated.

Such experiences will negatively impact a developing brain and create negative feelings and beliefs that often last into adulthood—such as that they are guilty, alone, worthless, full of fear, and unloved.

Children will also believe life is never stable, that eruptions of violence can occur at any time without apparent cause. This will for them become the normal belief system and expectation. They will also perceive, if no one has come to help or change the situation, that they have no support.

Short-term effects

There are many short-term effects of witnessing violence at home in childhood, which can manifest on emotional, physical, social, and behavioral levels, although outcomes often differ by age and developmental stage.

Children six years old and under are the ones who absorb the effects of the trauma most of all, as Dr. Bruce Lipton describes. Elementary school children respond with physical symptoms most often, and retreat into silence. Some of the short-term effects children can experience include incessant headaches or stomach-aches, bed-wetting, sadness, sleeplessness, nightmares, phobias, difficulty concentrating, irritability, anger, increased aggression, social isolation, poor academic performance, anxiety and regressive behaviors such as baby-talk, wanting bottles or dummies, and being clingy and whiney.

Generally, the age of the child has an influence on the way in which the domestic violence impacts the welfare and development of the child. The National Child Traumatic Stress Network outlines possible reactions/symptoms according to the age of the child as follows:

• Age Birth to 5—A child that experiences domestic violence within this age may exhibit sleep disruptions, eating disruptions, withdrawal/lack of responsiveness, Intense/pronounced separation anxiety, inconsolable crying, developmental regression, loss of acquired skills, intense anxiety, worries, increased aggression and impulsive behavior.

• Age 6 to 11—A child that experiences domestic violence within this age is likely to experience nightmares, sleep disruptions, aggression and difficulty with peer relationships in school, difficulty with concentration and task completion in school, withdrawal and/or emotional numbing, school avoidance and/or truancy.

• Age 12 to 18—A child that experiences domestic violence within this age is likely to showcase antisocial behavior, school failure, impulsive and/or reckless behavior (e.g., school truancy, substance abuse, running away, involvement in violent or abusive dating relationships, depression, anxiety, and withdrawal).

The behavioral responses of children who witness domestic violence at any age may also include an anxiousness to please and a desire to be invisible, to make no waves. Young children may experience developmental delays in speech, motor or cognitive skills. Children may also resort to self-injury like cutting, because it gives them a feeling of control over their own sensations.

Long-term effects

Some of the long-term effects include physical health problems (e.g., chronic inflammation that can trigger diseases such as stroke, heart disease, and cancer later in life), behavioral problems (e.g., alcohol and substance abuse, aggressive acts—use of violence to relieve stress or exert control in situations or relationships), and emotional difficulties (e.g., depression, anxiety disorders, low self-esteem and inability to build and maintain healthy relationships in adulthood.

Impact on physical health

Research has documented the extent to which toxic stress in early childhood—particularly exposure to household dysfunction—is associated with physical health problems that last into adulthood. This is because early childhood stress alters the immune functions of the body and increases inflammatory markers that drive poor health outcomes. This can lead to a heightened risk for cardiovascular disease, viral hepatitis, liver cancer, asthma, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, autoimmune disease, and poor dental health in those impacted. There is also a heightened risk for chronic lung disease and skeletal fractures. The impact of adverse childhood experiences on adult health is “strong and cumulative.”

Impact on emotional well-being

The greatest amount of research and data on the impact of domestic violence on children is in the area of emotional well-being. Many studies have discovered that witnessing domestic violence in childhood leads children to exhibit fear and inhibited behaviors and to show lower social competence than other children. These children also have more anxiety, self-esteem, depression, and anger issues, and they are also less capable of understanding and empathizing with how others feel, or seeing a situation from another’s point of view.

These children are also often burdened by a sense of loss or profound guilt because they mistakenly believe they should have been able to stop the violence or that it was somehow their fault. They are consumed by a guilt that they failed in what they believe was their job—to protect their parents or siblings from harm—and sometimes even wish they could take the place of the family member who was hurt, “even if that means being horribly injured or killed themselves.” Many of these children also live in constant terror that if the violence escalates, they may lose the abused parent to the violence, or if anyone finds out, they may lose the abusive parent, who may be taken away and incarcerated.

The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs National Center for PTSD observes that such children and adolescents are also suffering from a form of PTSD because of the domestic violence they witness. Measuring the toll this takes on the child is essential for any kind of healing to occur.

Overall, most studies consistently show that children who witness domestic violence have a broad range of emotional problems. These problems often persist into adulthood and these children are at high risk for severe and potentially life-long issues with mental health. They “bring a deep sense of uncertainty and fear, as well as grief, anger, and shame into all of their important relationships for the rest of their lives, if not helped to heal and recover.”

Impact on relationships

Everyone has self-doubt, worry, anxiety, periods of low self-esteem. But for most people these are temporary. For children of domestic violence, they can often be permanent. Their social relationships will be affected, and getting close to other people will be difficult, not only because they are fearful, but because they cannot easily trust anyone.

Relationships for children of domestic violence often follow predictable patterns. The worst case occurs when the child grows up and adopts the same violent behavior as his violent parent, and this is something that can go back several generations—the result of a pathological history for the family. A different path can be one in which the child grows up to become the victim of domestic violence, choosing a partner who helps them live out the pattern they absorbed watching their parent being assaulted. The best predictor of becoming a victim or perpetrator of domestic violence as an adult is whether or not a person grew up living with domestic violence in their childhood home. Another child may grow up without resorting to being violent or victimized, but always hesitant to enjoy relationships or time spent with people. Joy and being at ease are not familiar states, and they are less inclined to believe affection is real.

Impact on behavior

Children who grow up in a violent home are not able to make judgments about behavior with confidence. Because they often believe that they are to blame, they experience a lack of self-worth. They often have trouble setting boundaries about what is right and wrong, which is combined with a deep but unacknowledged desire to belong. Such children are likely candidates for substance abuse as an escape from the memories they have lived with since childhood. These individuals are also more likely to engage in other harmful behaviors such as eating disorders or suicide attempts. They are 6 times more likely to commit suicide, 50 times more likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, and 74 times more likely to commit a violent crime. In addition, high-risk sexual practices, including unprotected sex, more sexual partners, and having consensual sex at an earlier age, are also more common.

Remedial assistance for children who experience childhood domestic violence

Getting help for children of domestic violence is only now beginning to receive some national attention. It is an all-too-common belief that interfering in what is going on in a family is not acceptable. People hesitate to protect the child because they fear the parent’s wrath, as well. It is also a fact that in society the popular belief is that what parents do is their business, no one else’s—that it is a private matter. This attitude in the end can also leave the children at risk.

Solutions

Creation of awareness

As with any other social issue, overall awareness and being able to talk about it openly is key. Talking about it is one of the most effective ways to overcome the impact.

Another very effective way to help children become aware that they are not alone, that they have someone supporting them, happens through the assistance of adults, some of whom themselves experienced domestic violence as children. According to the journal Pediatrics:

Central to the notion of positive stress is the availability of a caring and responsive adult who helps the child cope with the stressor, thereby providing a protective effect that facilitates the return of the stress response systems back to baseline…When buffered by an environment of stable and supportive relationships, positive stress responses are a growth-promoting element of normal development. As such, they provide important opportunities to observe, learn, and practice healthy, adaptive responses to adverse experiences…Thus, the essential characteristic that makes this form of stress response tolerable is the extent to which protective adult relationships facilitate the child's adaptive coping and a sense of control.

Those who did and have found a way to move past it or at the very least, to not let it rule their lives, are role models for others. High-profile individuals, like celebrities and athletes who experienced it as children, are in a strong position to turn the spotlight on the problem, because they can garner a vast audience for the issues. Some well-known figures who have experienced childhood domestic violence include President Bill Clinton, Halle Berry, Christina Aguilera, Curtis Martin, and Patrick Stewart.

A more holistic approach

Children who are exposed to domestic violence need support services. These services need to be comprehensive and holistic, and should consider the array of effects as well as the individual needs of each child. These children must have safe, supportive places to go.

In addition, the parents have to be made part of the equation. Studies indicate that “providing interventions to abused mothers can also have benefits to children, especially when these efforts take into account the specific needs of children.” Providing services and counseling to parents who are victims of domestic violence to help them protect and care for children can have a positive impact, even after the violence has stopped.

These children and parents can benefit from relationships-based interventions that allow them to talk about the violence they endured with one another. This is an opportunity for the children to express to their parents how frightening the experience is for them, which helps parents understand what their children are going through and feeling, as well as learn ways to cope better with their own emotional stress. With this help and resources, the parents can fare much better in providing the emotional security their children need and supporting their healthy development after living with domestic violence at home.

A number of different organizations nationally and locally are working to build awareness and develop resources to address the impact of domestic violence on children specifically. Some of these include: Futures Without Violence, Mariska Hargitay’s Joyful Heart Foundation, No More, the Childhood Domestic Violence Association, and the National Child Trauma Stress Network.

See also

• Domestic violence

• Effects of domestic violence on children

• Child abuse