Wikipedia:Peer review/Zaian War/archive1

Zaian War

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to take this to WP:MilHist A class review at some point. However it has been almost 4 years since I last put an article through A class (and then FAC) so I am probably a little out of touch with current requirements. User:Hchc2009 kindly provided a comprehensive review of this article for its GAN but I would like to request a further check, particularly of the prose and style, before I take this further.

Many thanks - Dumelow (talk) 10:06, 18 November 2012 (UTC)

Comments from Nikkimaria

• Some of your reflinks aren't working - try using Ucucha's script to see the errors

Thanks for showing me that tool, very useful. I have fixed all the reflinks - Dumelow (talk) 17:15, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• File:General_Lyautey-Pirou-img_3150.jpg, File:SenegalSoldats1914.jpg need US PD tags

Fixed - Dumelow (talk) 16:36, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• File:030Arab.jpg is tagged as lacking author info - if author is unknown, just put in "unknown"

Fixed - Dumelow (talk) 16:44, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• "three pincered attack" - is this correct, or do you mean "three-pronged pincer attack"?

I have replaced with "three-pronged" - Dumelow (talk) 16:44, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• "his removal of Abdelhafid from power and his replacement by his brother Yusef" - not clear who the final "his" refers to

Reworded this passage to avoid ambiguity (hopefully) - Dumelow (talk) 16:44, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• "joined them on the 12 June"

Done - Dumelow (talk) 16:44, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• Spying a few missing hyphens, for example in "four battalion strong"

I have never really got the hang of doing that. I have fixed this instance and had a quick scan through for others, if I have missed any would you be kind enough to point them out? Cheers - Dumelow (talk) 17:33, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• As far as I can tell, the Guigou River (redlinked in this article) is actually the same as the Sebou River

Nice work. I have redirected the link and added some info to the Sebou article - Dumelow (talk) 16:36, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• goumiers or Goumiers or Goums?

I have decapitalised all instances. goumier is the term for individual soldiers, a goum is the name of a unit (company) of around 200 such men - Dumelow (talk) 17:33, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• Provide imperial values for metric measures, possibly by {{convert}}

Done - Dumelow (talk) 17:33, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• "Lyautey became disillusioned with French tactics in Europe and the disunity between the allies and engineered his own downfall and resignation in March 1917 and returned to Morocco by the end of May" - too many "ands"

Crikey, just a few! Split this sentence - Dumelow (talk) 17:33, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• "though the Summer of 1918" - why the caps?

Fixed - Dumelow (talk) 16:44, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

• Be consistent in whether you include locations for books. Nikkimaria (talk) 23:46, 1 December 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for your review, I have added a couple of locations. I have left some because when I was taught academic referencing I was told to avoid things like "Oxford: Oxford University Press" - Dumelow (talk) 16:36, 2 December 2012 (UTC)

Comments - Dank (push to talk)

• "held onto": held on to. "onto" implies movement, per Chicago (Chapter 5, which generally warns of differences from BritEng usage); "he jumped onto the platform".

Switched with retained - Dumelow (talk) 20:01, 3 December 2012 (UTC)

• "Almost immediately upon taking up his post": Consider whether "Upon taking up his post" or "Immediately upon taking up his post" would work for you.

Done - Dumelow (talk) 20:01, 3 December 2012 (UTC)

• "Mangin's men were highly successful, rescuing the captives and inflicting heavy casualties on vastly superior numbers of tribesmen for the loss of two men killed and 23 wounded. Many tribes, however, remained opposed to French rule.": We've had some opposes over liberal use of "however" recently at FAC. I'm not sure what the "however" means here ... it makes sense to me that the tribes were opposed to French rule, under the circumstances.

Indeed, I have expanded on this point and made clear the fate of al-Hiba - Dumelow (talk) 20:01, 3 December 2012 (UTC)

• "Said was an old man who was held in good standing by tribesmen across the region and had formerly been a caïd for the Moroccan government, even serving in the army of Sultan Abdelaziz against a pretender at Taza in 1904, despite initially being open to negotiations with the French pressure from pro-war chiefs had dissuaded him.": ?
  • Perhaps a full stop after 1904 and a comma after French? - Dank (push to talk)

That was a hell of a sentence wasn't it? I have done as you suggested - Dumelow (talk) 21:03, 3 December 2012 (UTC)

• "being described by French officer": described by French officer

Done - Dumelow (talk) 20:18, 4 December 2012 (UTC)

• For the next two, WP:PLUSING may be helpful:
• "with little success, the majority of the tribes in the confederation remaining opposed to French rule.": with little success, and the majority of the tribes in the confederation remained opposed to French rule.

Done - Dumelow (talk) 20:18, 4 December 2012 (UTC)

• "with Said raiding the French outpost": after Said raided ...

Done - Dumelow (talk) 20:18, 4 December 2012 (UTC)

• "This resulted": Generally, look for ways to rewrite "this resulted". If the thing immediately preceding was the cause, then "resulting" usually works; if it wasn't the cause, then "this" is a dangler; see WP:Checklist#danglers.

I have reworded this bit (and merged with part of the preceding sentence) as it felt like it was just padded out for no reason - Dumelow (talk) 20:25, 4 December 2012 (UTC)

• "Having failed to make any impression on the Zaian through negotiation in May 1914 Lyautey": comma before "Lyautey"

Done - Dumelow (talk) 20:25, 4 December 2012 (UTC)

• I got down to Zaian War#Khenifra campaign. - Dank (push to talk) 01:58, 3 December 2012 (UTC)