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"Denial, Anger, Acceptance" is the third episode of the HBO original series The Sopranos. It was written by Mark Saraceni, directed by Nick Gomez and originally aired on January 24, 1999.

Starring

James Gandolfini as Tony Soprano
Lorraine Bracco as Dr. Jennifer Melfi
Edie Falco as Carmela Soprano
Michael Imperioli as Christopher Moltisanti
Dominic Chianese as Corrado Soprano, Jr.
Vincent Pastore as Pussy Bonpensiero *
Steven Van Zandt as Silvio Dante
Tony Sirico as Paulie Gualtieri
Robert Iler as Anthony Soprano, Jr. *
Jamie-Lynn Sigler as Meadow Soprano
and Nancy Marchand as Livia Soprano

* = credit only

Guest Starring

Also Guest Starring

Sasha Nesterov as Russian Man
Bernadette Penotti as Nurse
Slava Schoot as Russian Man
Angelica Torn as Woman at Party
Joseph Tudisco as Trucker
Jennifer Wiltsie as Miss Marris

Title reference

Denial, anger, and acceptance are the first, second, and fifth stages, respectively, described in the Kübler-Ross model. These stages pertain to people suffering from terminal illness (such as Jackie Aprile); they also apply to any form of catastrophic personal loss, which many other characters face in this and other episodes.

Episode recap

Christopher and Brendan Filone return the stolen truck to Comley Trucking, but Junior Soprano is not satisfied. Junior and Mikey Palmice discuss their options for dealing with the two guys and Tony, and Junior begins to agree with Mikey through his frustration.

Silvio Dante approaches Tony on behalf of hotel owner Shlomo Teittleman, a Hasidic Jew, and a friend of Silvio Dante's. The man agrees to turn over 25% of his business to Tony if he is able to force the man's son-in-law into agreeing to a divorce with no compensation. This is because the son-in-law wants 50% and the government has put an end to the "self-policing" Hasidics previously available to the hotel owner. However, Tony's Jewish friend, Hesh Rabkin, warns Tony not to get involved with the Hasidic Jews. Paulie Gualtieri and Silvio accost Ariel, the son-in-law, but are unable to convince him to walk away from the marriage and the hotel with nothing. During a second encounter, wherein they kidnap him and fail to break him after a long fight wherein Ariel proves adept at defending himself and not submitting to their demands, they seek help from Tony. Ariel challenges the men to kill him, believing his murder will bring spiritual harm to the Teittleman family, as well as to Paulie and Silvio. He references Masada, site of a long siege between a small number of Jews and legions of Roman soldiers that ended in the mass suicide of the Jews who chose death over enslavement. Paulie and Silvio can't crack him so they call Tony away from time with his comáre Irina to help them. Tony, angered by having to be dragged away from his fling, asks Ariel why in the world he is being so stubborn about this, especially since most men would be glad to be rid of a nagging wife. Ariel states that he has put up with his father-in-law for years, as well as providing for his wife by paying medical bills and vacations to Israel, and that he cannot accept a penniless divorce. Tony cannot intimidate Ariel either, so he is forced to swallow his pride and call Hesh in the late night hours, admitting he refused Hesh's advice not to get involved. After taking Hesh's suggestion that the threat of castration is worse than death, Tony is able to get Ariel to agree to the divorce on their terms. Shlomo then refuses to give Tony his share, instead offering cash, because he believes he negotiated the solution through violence and threats, and he would offer Ariel 15% ownership of the motel. When Tony insists on the original 25% arrangement Shlomo says he has created a golem; when Tony asks what that means, he calls him a Frankenstein.

In therapy, Tony discusses the cancer diagnosis of acting boss, Jackie Aprile, Sr. Dr. Melfi tries to use it as an example to show Tony he is trapped in negative thinking. Tony becomes angry and storms out because he thinks psychiatrists try to manipulate people into feeling certain things. The crew visit Jackie in hospital where he is being cared for by his wife, Rosalie. Tony later returns with a dancer from the Bada Bing to give Jackie a private party. On a third visit, Jackie's condition seems to have worsened and he is too preoccupied with his illness to talk business. Tony discusses Jackie's downturn and the insult from Shlomo with Dr. Melfi. She asks him if he feels like a monster, i.e., lacking in feelings.

Carmela organizes a silent auction at the Soprano home to raise money for a pediatric hospital. She recruits Charmaine and Artie Bucco to cater the event while visiting their new home. Tony and Artie have a good natured food fight after Tony tells Artie to stop whining about the fire in his restaurant and start looking towards the future. Carmela offends Charmaine by treating her like a servant by using the same hand gesture she uses when calling her Polish servant. Later, to avenge the insult and to respond to Carmela's constant reassurance that Artie and she will be back on their feet, Charmaine reveals that she and Tony once slept together before they were married, and that she is happy with the choice she made by marrying Artie.

Meadow and Hunter are exhausted. The SATs and their choir recital fall on the same day, and they don’t have enough time to practice and study. They decide the best solution is to get some speed from Christopher and Brendan. Christopher rationalizes that it's better they get it from him than from street dealers on Jefferson Avenue and agrees to give it to Meadow "just this once".

Junior visits Livia at Green Grove and discusses the Christopher and Brendan situation. Livia points out that both she and Tony love Christopher like a son (her affection earned one year when Christopher put up her storm windows). She suggests that Junior only give Tony's hot-tempered nephew a "talking to", but says that she "doesn't know" about Brendan. Junior compliments Livia on her wise decision-making. She scoffs, sarcastically remarking that she must be "a babbling idiot" for Tony to put her in a nursing home.

The "talking to" given to Christopher manifests as a mock execution at the hands of Russian goons. Brendan's punishment is a bullet through the eye via the gun of Junior's trigger man, Mikey Palmice. Both scenes are inter-cut with Meadow's recital, allowing her choir's version of the lullaby "All Through the Night" to decorate the violence. This scene is similar to the baptism in The Godfather, in which a peaceful event unfolds at the same time as mob violence.

First appearance

Rosalie Aprile: wife of acting boss, Jackie Aprile, and friend of Carmela Soprano.
Hillel Teittleman: co-owner of the Fly Away Motel.

Deceased

Brendan Filone: shot through the eye by Mikey Palmice on orders of Uncle Junior.

Connections to future episodes

With Tony as a co-owner, the Teitlemann hotel is seen many times throughout the series. A suite is used to host poker games, prostitutes use the rooms to service their clients, and Murmur collects credit card information from the front desk.
Chris tells Meadow he will sell her drugs to keep her from going to street dealers because they would rob her and leave her on the side of the road. This is exactly what happens to Chris while out trying to buy drugs in season four.

Music

The song played over the end credits is "Complicated Shadows" by Elvis Costello.

External links

Denial, Anger, Acceptance at IMDb

@@ Line 64: / Line 64: @@
 [[Christopher Moltisanti|Christopher]] and [[Brendan Filone]] return the stolen truck to Comley Trucking, but [[Junior Soprano]] is not satisfied. Junior and [[Mikey Palmice]] discuss their options for dealing with the two guys and [[Tony Soprano|Tony]], and Junior begins to agree with Mikey through his frustration.
-[[Silvio Dante]] approaches Tony on behalf of hotel owner [[List of characters from The Sopranos in the Soprano crime family#Shlomo Teittleman|Shlomo Teittleman]], a [[Hasidic Jew]], and a friend of Silvio Dante's. The man agrees to turn over 25% of his business to Tony if he is able to force the man's son-in-law into agreeing to a divorce with no compensation. This is because the son-in-law wants 50% and the government has put an end to the "self-policing" Hasidics previously available to the hotel owner. However, Tony's Jewish friend, [[Hesh Rabkin]], warns Tony not to get involved with the Hasidic Jews. [[Paulie Gualtieri]] and Silvio accost Ariel, the son-in-law, but are unable to convince him to walk away from the marriage and the hotel with nothing. During a second encounter, wherein they kidnap him and fail to break him after a long fight wherein Ariel proves adept at defending himself and not submitting to their demands, they seek help from Tony. Ariel challenges the men to kill him, believing his murder will bring spiritual harm to the Teittleman family, as well as to Paulie and Silvio. He references [[Masada]], site of a long siege between a small number of Jews and legions of Roman soldiers that ended in the mass suicide of the Jews who chose death over enslavement. Paulie and Silvio can't crack him so they call Tony away from time with his [[Mistress (lover)|comáre]] Irina to help them. Tony, angered by having to be dragged away from his fling, asks Ariel why in the world he is being so stubborn about this, especially since most men would be glad to be rid of a nagging wife. Ariel states that he has put up with his father-in-law for years, as well as providing for his wife by paying medical bills and vacations to [[Israel]], and that he cannot accept a penniless divorce. Tony cannot intimidate Ariel either, so he is forced to swallow his pride and call Hesh in the late night hours, admitting he refused Hesh's advice not to get involved. After taking Hesh's suggestion that the threat of [[castration]] is worse than death, Tony is able to get Ariel to agree to the divorce on their terms. Shlomo then refuses to give Tony his share, instead offering cash, because he believes he negotiated the solution through violence and threats, and he would offer Ariel 15% ownership of the motel. When Tony insists on the original 25% arrangement Shlomo says he has created a [[golem]]; when Tony asks what that means, he calls him a [[Frankenstein]].
+[[Silvio Dante]] approaches Tony on behalf of hotel owner [[List of characters from The Sopranos in the Soprano crime family#Shlomo Teittleman|Shlomo Teittleman]], a [[Hasidic Jew]], and a friend of Silvio Dante's. The man agrees to turn over 25% of his business to Tony if he is able to force the man's son-in-law into agreeing to a divorce with no compensation. This is because the son-in-law wants 50% and the government has put an end to the "self-policing" Hasidics previously available to the hotel owner. However, Tony's Jewish friend, [[Hesh Rabkin]], warns Tony not to get involved with the Hasidic Jews. [[Paulie Gualtieri]] and Silvio accost Ariel, the son-in-law, but are unable to convince him to walk away from the marriage and the hotel with nothing. During a second encounter, wherein they kidnap him and fail to break him after a long fight wherein Ariel proves adept at defending himself and not submitting to their demands, they seek help from Tony. Ariel challenges the men to kill him, believing his murder will bring spiritual harm to the Teittleman family, as well as to Paulie and Silvio. He references [[Masada]], site of a long siege between a small number of Jews and legions of Roman soldiers that ended in the mass suicide of the Jews who chose death over enslavement. Paulie and Silvio can't crack him so they call Tony away from time with his [[Mistress (lover)|comáre]] Irina to help them. Tony, angered by having to be dragged away from his fling, asks Ariel why in the world he is being so stubborn about this, especially since most men would be glad to be rid of a nagging wife. Ariel states that he has put up with his father-in-law for years, as well as providing for his wife by paying medical bills and vacations to [[Israel]], and that he cannot accept a penniless divorce. Tony cannot intimidate Ariel either, so he is forced to swallow his pride and call Hesh in the late night hours, admitting he refused Hesh's advice not to get involved. After taking Hesh's suggestion that the threat of [[castration]] is worse than death, Tony is able to get Ariel to agree to the divorce on their terms. Shlomo then refuses to give Tony his share, instead offering cash, because he believes he negotiated the solution through violence and threats, and he would offer Ariel 15% ownership of the motel. When Tony insists on the original 25% arrangement Shlomo says he has created a [[golem]]; when Tony asks what that means, he calls him a [[Frankenstein's monster|Frankenstein]].
 In therapy, Tony discusses the cancer diagnosis of acting boss, [[Jackie Aprile, Sr.]]  [[Jennifer Melfi|Dr. Melfi]] tries to use it as an example to show Tony he is trapped in negative thinking. Tony becomes angry and storms out because he thinks psychiatrists try to manipulate people into feeling certain things. The crew visit Jackie in hospital where he is being cared for by his wife, Rosalie. Tony later returns with a dancer from the [[Bada Bing]] to give Jackie a private party. On a third visit, Jackie's condition seems to have worsened and he is too preoccupied with his illness to talk business. Tony discusses Jackie's downturn and the insult from Shlomo with Dr. Melfi. She asks him if he feels like a monster, i.e., lacking in feelings.