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Epic Movie

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Epic Movie
Promotional movie poster for Epic Movie.
Directed byJason Friedberg
Aaron Seltzer
Written byJason Friedberg
Aaron Seltzer
Produced byPaul Schiff
StarringKal Penn
Jennifer Coolidge
Adam Campbell
Faune A. Chambers
Jayma Mays
Fred Willard
Tim Lockwood
David Lehre
Distributed byRegency
Release dates
January 26, 2007
Running time
89 mins
CountryUSA
LanguageEnglish
Budget$20 million
For the film genre see Epic film.

Epic Movie is an American 2007 parody film that was directed and written by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer and produced by Paul Schiff. The film mainly spoofs some of the high-box-office-grossing epic films of 2005 and 2006: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, the Harry Potter film series, The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, X-Men: The Last Stand, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Nacho Libre, Snakes on a Plane, Talladega Nights, Casino Royale, The Da Vinci Code, Mission Impossible 3, Superman Returns, the Star Wars series, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, Shrek, Click, and Borat. It was made in a similar style to Not Another Teen Movie, Date Movie, and the Scary Movie series.


Plot

Lucy (Jayma Mays), one of the four orphans, is an employee at a museum and witnessed the death of Jacques Saunière, in homage to The Da Vinci Code. Lucy is desperate to get "the code" from the dying Saunière, but is unable to understand him. Saunière then breaks out in dance, spelling out Da Vinci for Lucy. She then runs to the Mona Lisa, and finds a ridiculous clue ("So lame the hair of Tom", in reference to the painting of Tom Hanks with crazy hair, that she sees). Through all this, Silas (Kevin Hart) is in the middle of chasing Lucy (hired by the White Bitch as her former henchman), preparing to attack her. However, a chocolate bar falls out of the vending machine, her high heel shoe breaks, and she bends over to pick up her heel before Silas is able to get her. He crashes into the vending machine. Lucy discovers that the chocolate bar is from the Willy factory, and obtains a Golden Ticket inviting her to go on an "epic adventure".

Another orphan, Edward (Kal Penn), works at a Mexican monastery/orphanage, in a homage to Nacho Libre. Edward is the oldest one at the monastery and decides he’s going to become a wrestler after declaring he is better than the rest of the orphans. He insults Nacho's (Jareb Dauplaise) cooking and then gets beaten up by Chanchito (Rico Rodriguez), to "teach him a lesson", and is thrown down a table. As he is sliding along, he notices a monk pulling a Golden Ticket from a Willy chocolate bar and grabs it. Edward ends up crashing through the window.

The next orphan, Susan (Faune A. Chambers), is in the middle of a flight on her way to her new adoptive parents, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. She requests a glass of water from her flight attendant. The attendant pours a pitcher into a plastic glass, but instead of water, a snake falls in (Snakes on a Plane), and before long, the plane is full of snakes. A Samuel L Jackson-like figure (James Walker Sr.) shows up saying "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane" (in the theatrical version, "goddamn" is used in place of "motherfucking") over and over again because he said the people love it on the internet, and after a brief argument, picks up Susan, and tosses her out of the plane. On the ground, for some unknown reason Paris Hilton (Alla Petrou) is seen walking out of a store proclaiming her own hotness. Susan lands on Paris, crushing her, and taking the Golden Ticket from Paris' purse.

The last orphan, Peter (Adam Campbell), is a mutant, homaging the X-Men series. He is attracted to Mystique (Carmen Electra) and asks her to be his date to the homecoming dance. She declines the offer, as Wolverine (Vince Vieluf), Storm (Kahshanna Evans), Rogue (Lindsey Kraft), and Cyclops (Tad Hilgenbrink) show up to tell Peter off. Wolverine draws his metal claws and begins to approach Peter. Peter panics and begins to take off his upper clothing, preparing to show his mutant ability. Suddenly, small chicken wings burst out of Peter's back. The other mutants burst out laughing at him. Magneto (Jim Piddock), the headmaster, breaks up the fight and shoos Peter off. However, Magneto uses his abilities to open a locker, smashing Peter right in the face. All the X-Men laugh and leave the scene. A Willy Wonka bar falls on Peter, and he recovers a Golden Ticket.

File:Epicmoviewillywonka.jpg
The orphans and Willy Wonka

The four orphans meet at the Willy Chocolate Factory (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). Willy (Crispin Glover) tells the orphans that the secret ingredient in his chocolate is human parts (possibly a homage to Soylent Green, Motel Hell, or Consuming Passions), and he plans to keep the orphans in his factory to use them for his chocolate. He succeeds in getting the ingredients (Lucy's sweet "heart", Edward's "peanuts", Peter's "surprise" tooth, and Susan's lemon "head", and while pulling it out to the tune of, "Fergalicious"), he then brands Peter's ass, and is now holding the orphans captive.

All four of them are locked in a room together. They are discouraged because of the fact they're all orphans. Willy is heard approaching, calling for the orphans to go to him. Everyone panics, trying to find a place to hide. Lucy wanders out of the room and finds a wardrobe (The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe) in another room down the hall. She opens it, and after a massive pile of clutter lands on top of her and a naked blonde runs out, she climbs inside to meet Mr. Tumnus (Héctor Jiménez). He welcomes Lucy to "Gnarnia", and warns her of the grave danger she's in, by showing her his home as a parody of, Cribs.

Edward follows Lucy to Gnarnia and meets the White Bitch (Jennifer Coolidge) who Edward describes as a MILF as he stares at her cleavage. She sucks Edward's index finger suggestively and says that he shall be king and shows him her castle and gets him to agree to get the other orphans in the same place. Susan and Peter arrive in Gnarnia and find Lucy and Edward. Edward tries to get everyone to stay put, but it doesn't work. Everyone makes their way to Mr. Tumnus' house; a reluctant Edward tags along. There they find it is destroyed, a talking beaver introduces himself as Mr. Tumnus' life partner, Harry Beaver (Katt Williams), after Lucy kicks him. Harry tells the orphans that the White Bitch arrested Mr. Tumnus for protecting Lucy and that they are all heroes especially Peter who then has a daydream referencing Superman Returns. Also, he tell the orphans that "the clues are all around you". Edward leaves just as the others are looking around the house. A painting of The Last Supper hangs on the wall. After examining it, the orphans discover that they are all related to one another, and that the White Bitch killed their parents.

Meanwhile, Edward goes to see the White Bitch at her castle he notices that all she cares about are the other orphans. He realizes that she is evil, and refuses to tell her where the other orphans are. Unfortunately, the White Bitch flashes him her chest, and Edward, transfixed, gives her the information unhesitatingly. He is then Punk'd, and locked in the castle prison.

File:Epicmovienarnia.jpg
The orphans meet the beaver.

Because the White Bitch knows where they are located, Lucy, Susan, and Peter have to leave Mr. Tumnus' house. When they leave, they run into Mr. Tumnus. He and Harry Beaver share a passionate kiss. Harry Beaver gets a message on his PDA showing that the White Bitch has acquired a WMD, which will go off in 24 hours. Silas then appears and is after Mr. Tumnus, and he gets everyone to leave before Silas arrives. Lucy and Susan don't want to leave him, but Peter, being a coward, leads them off. As they distance themselves from Mr. Tumnus, Silas arrives and shoots him in the chest with his handgun ten times. He cries for help from the others, but Peter assures the girls that he's testing them. They then leave the scene deciding Mr. Tumnus is really okay.

Harry Beaver sends Lucy, Susan, and Peter out of the winter scenery and into the woods to train for the war. They end up meeting a graying Harry Potter (Kevin McDonald), along with a balding Ron (George Alvarez), and a pregnant Hermione (Crista Flanagan). They all help Lucy, Susan, and Peter train for the war.

Back at the White Bitch's castle she explains her plot to use the WMD to set off a series of earthquakes and create a new continent. As her assistant points out, this is basically the plot line of Superman Returns. Her assistant hands her a computer with her MySpace on the screen with an IM from Silas saying that the kids have escaped.

Edward tries to find ways to break out of prison. He meets the very eccentric (and very drunk) Captain Jack Swallows (Pirates of the Caribbean series) (Darrell Hammond), who is difficult to understand, but manages to come up with a plan to get out of the prison cell. He whips out a knife, stabs Edward in the stomach, and cries out "man down!". When the guards come, Swallows picks up Edward and uses his body to knock down the guards, giving them enough time to escape.

Jack leads Edward to his ship and Edward asks Jack what it is like to be a pirate. Swallows and his crew break into song and dance. Edward tells Jack that his family members are on their way to meet Aslo. Jack Swallows sells Edward to the White Bitch and reveals that the ship they are on is an amusement park ride. The White Bitch traps Edward in a prison and then kills Jack Swallows. Edwards grabs the WMD from her but accidentally drops it into the water.

Upon finishing their training, Lucy, Susan, and Peter head to the camp of Aslo. There they encounter James Bond, Chewbacca, and Borat. They finally meet Aslo, the wise but horny 1/2 man-1/2 lion. He agrees to help them rescue Edward, in return for Group sex. They rescue Edward from prison, killing Silas in the process. Aslo is then killed by the White Bitch.

Harry Beaver tells the orphans that Aslo is dead, and the orphans feel alone. However, the entire camp will help them fight the White Bitch's army, including Lord of the Rings characters and Peter's X-Men classmates. Peter announces, "Tomorrow we fight... so tonight.... WE PARTY!" Susan, Edward, and Lucy get drunk in a beer drinking contest. Meanwhile, Peter has sex with Mystique after she shape shifts into Peter's requests: Big boobs,a Ghetto butt, (in the 1st two of Peter's choices she is Sexual delighted in Peter's Taste, that is until Peter spoke his last two wishes), a Unibrow, and Big flabby grandma arms, Her eyes go completely Yellow in disgust, as Peter has sex with her.

File:Epicmoviepirates.jpg
Edward and Jack Swallows.

Upon facing the White Bitch's army, the foursome realize that they are outnumbered because nobody came to help them after Susan vomited all over them. Peter's wings flap and he starts to run away then turn backs to fight with "the strength of family." They are distracted for a time as Jack Swallows attempts to gain revenge by running over the White Bitch with a giant water wheel. The White Bitch uses her Davy Jones mask to redirect him away from the battle. As the army begins to charge, a few Imperial stormtroopers join in. They heroically charge and all but Peter are fatally wounded in the process. As Peter is about to be struck down, he grabs a remote (Click) off the ground, which he uses to pause time. He heals the injuries of his comrades, and the orphans proceed to kill the army as it is paused. Susan uses her bow and arrow, Lucy uses her magic wand, and Edward wrestles the White Bitch's assistant to the ground.

When the army is destroyed, an earthquake starts and Edward uses the remote's TiVo menu to erase the White Bitch's pussy.

All that is left is the White Bitch. As the other orphans go to strike her down, Peter stops them, and gives a lecture about how Gnarnia will be a democracy, and that she will be given a fair trial. This lecture is interrupted as the White Bitch is flattened by Jack Swallows. The orphans then become kings and queens of Gnarnia, Peter the Heroic, Susan the Just, Edward the Loyal, and Lucy the Dumb-Shit. In their old age they discover the wardrobe again, in walking through it they become young again, and encounter Borat (Danny Jacobs). Borat pointlessly appears and congratulates them for having a happy ending. As Jack Swallows, still rolling on his cart wheel, flattens them, and then Borat says, "NOT"! The credits then start rolling.

Parodies

Movies

Television

  • The Love Boat: The initial scene in Jack Swallows's boat.
  • MTV Cribs: Mr. Tumnus' house tour.
  • Punk'd: when the White Bitch shows Edward her breasts to get information out of him and Ashton Kutcher shows up and starts screaming, "You just got Punk'd!" and tells Edward to say "I just got Punk'd".
  • American Idol: A picture of Fantasia American Idol shows up during "lazy pirate day"
  • Gilligan's Island: A Gilligan photo appears during the "Lazy Pirate Day" song.
  • Family Guy: Peter Griffin has a photo appearance during the "Lazy Pirate Day" song.
  • Laguna Beach: A sign says "This way to Laguna Beach".
  • Batman: A sign says "This way to Gotham City".

People

  • Paris Hilton, a Paris Hilton look-a-like gets crushed by Susan when she falls off a plane.
  • Puff Daddy, the rapper Faun in Mr. Tumnus's house is a Faun version of Puff Daddy.
  • Kanye West During Lucy's briefing through a disposable camera, the look-a-like shows up and says "The White Bitch does not care about black people"
  • Nicole Richie, Peter makes a pee drawing of Nicole Ritchie in the snow (although the drawing doesn't look like Nicole, Peter just says she is).
  • Kevin Federline, Silas the monk tells Lucy in the museum that he's going to "Drop her faster than K-Fed".
  • Samuel L. Jackson, a Samuel L. Jackson says "Enough is enough. I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane" several times before he tosses Susan out of the plane as the internet "Bloggers" love it when he says that phrase.
  • 50 Cent, Edward accidentally gets a "50 Cent" tattoo on his back while trying to get a White Bitch tattoo.
  • Ashton Kutcher During the Punk'd sequence
  • Flavor Flav In Lazy Pirate Day
  • Mel Gibson in unrated version in jail.

Songs

Factory Original Soundtrack

Brands & companies

Actor references

  • Two references are made to Kal Penn's film Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle:
    • The White Bitch talks about her White Castle, and a White Castle restaurant is shown, causing Edward (Played by Kal Penn) to quip "I think I've been there before."
    • When The White Bitch's assistant stabs Edward in the stomach, Edward's character is referred to as 'Kumar'.
  • When the White Bitch (Jennifer Coolidge) is first seen by Edward, he exclaims "Wow, Stiflers mom!", alluding to her role in the American Pie films.
  • The Samuel L. Jackson impersonation is somewhat based on Dave Chappelle, who impersonated Jackson's most famous roles on Chapelle's Show. David Chapelle's line "I'm Rick James, bitch!", by Silas, was also referenced.
  • When Lucy sees Jacques Sauniére's death, the cut says "THUG LIFE" which is one of Tupac Shakur's tattoos.
  • Superman Returns is referenced when The White Bitch spoofs Lex Luthor's plot involving the green crystal, and Edward's (Kal Penn) reacts, saying "Had it with the Superman plot". In fact, Penn did appear in Superman Returns as one of Lex Luthor's henchmen, although he did not have any lines in the film.
  • When Captain Jack Swallows sings the Lazy Pirate Rap, a Finding Nemo blanket, pillow, and bedsheet is seen in the background.
  • Singer Kevin Federline is referenced in the battle between Silas and Jacques Sauniére with Silas saying "I'm going to drop you like K-Fed!"

Alternate Endings

In the Unrated DVD Version a a special extra feature an alternate ending was added instead of the Borat ending. It goes like this:

Unrated Version

  • In the Snakes on a Plane scene, the Samuel L. Jackson spoof says "I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane" multiple times, but in the PG-13 version, "motherfucking" becomes "goddamn".
  • A nude girl with large breasts runs out of the wardrobe after all the toys fall on Lucy.
  • Another nude girl is seen walking away from Aslo, because she and Aslo had sex.
  • In the Nacho Libre parody, when Nacho yells "Nacho!" It is extendend quite a few seconds more.
  • The White Bitch has a "Weapon of Mass Destruction" to start a series of earthquakes over Gnarnia spoofing Superman Returns.
  • In the Harry Potter scene, Harry, Ron and Hermoine are referenced as "being too old for this shit". This is actually a vague reference to Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint being older than their characters.[citation needed]
  • During the Click scene, after Peter presses the slow button, it cuts from the female jogger, to the fat, hairy jogger. But in the unrated version, it cuts from the fat jogger to a well-built male jogger in loose-fitting athletic shorts as his comically large penis bobs up and down.

Cast

Actor/Actress Role/Parody of
Kal Penn Edward
Jennifer Coolidge The White Bitch of Gnarnia
Adam Campbell Peter
Faune A. Chambers Susan
Jayma Mays Lucy
Kevin Hart Silas
Fred Willard Aslo
Carmen Electra Mystique
Tony Cox Bob
Héctor Jiménez Mr Tumnus
Katt Williams Harry Beaver
Danny Jacobs Borat
David Lehre Ashton Kutcher
Scott L. Schwartz Hagrid
Kevin McDonald Harry Potter
Crista Flanagan Hermione Granger
George Alvarez Ron Weasley
Michelle Misty Lang Blonde Girl
Lauren Conrad Herself
Crispin Glover Willy Wonka
Darrell Hammond Captain Jack Swallows
Jim Piddock Magneto
Dia Bromwellih Helen Slayton-Hughes

Box office

  • Epic Movie debuted at #1 at the box office with a gross of $18.6 million over the opening weekend. [1] As of May 8, 2007 the film has grossed $83,583,785, with $39,739,367 of that amount earned domestically, making the film another hit in the (genre) Movie films, despite negative reviews from critics.[2]

The budget is an estimated $20 million, the same as Date Movie.

Critical reception

Despite the movie's initial commercial success, reviews toward the film were overwhelmingly negative. Mick LaSalle of The San Francisco Chronicle stated: "Only a complete idiot could think this is remotely funny." The film was the recipient of a 2% "Rotten" rating from Rotten Tomatoes. Recently, it was also ranked as the 13th worst movie ever reviewed on Rotten Tomatoes. As of June 25, 2007, the movie is ranked #59 on the IMDB's Bottom 100 list.

See also

Wikiquote has quotations related to Epic Movie.

Template:Box Office Leaders USA

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