List of Little Britain characters

A

Alan

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 3
Alan works for the Donkey Hospice in the town of Achingballs. After contributors give him some money, he blatently places stickers on embarrasing body parts, such as the genital region or breasts.

Peter Andre

Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, episodes 4 and 5
Peter Andre is a royal BBC correspondent who gets the sack after first making bizarre and inaccurate claims about the Royal Family (such as Prince Charles having magical powers, describing The Queen as "The Main One"), and declaring his love for Princess Anne through song. The character's name is a reference to the singer.

Anne

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Starting in Series 1
Catchphrase: "Eh-eh-ehhh!"
Anne is a mentally-challenged inmate in an institute (a Steven Spielberg hospital in Flatly), where she's being trained for integration into society. Her main verbal form of communication is "Eh-eh-eh." The tone varies with the situation (such as "Eh eh ehhh!?" when shocked). Unfortunately for the institute's director, Dr. Lawrence, she often displays poor progress when being presented to visitors of the institute, such as licking them, touching their face or performing inappropriate gestures. Anne is particularly apt to lift up her dress to reveal her crotch to various males. She's often seen on the phone, where she acts and speaks "normal" but as soon as she hangs up, seems mentally challenged again. Also, in "Very Little Britain" and in Little Britain Live, Anne appears on Stars In Their Eyes, singing as Celine Dion in "Very Little Britain", and as Whitney Houston in Little Britain Live. Anne speaks normally when giving clues about who she'll be, but sings "Eh-eh-ehhh" in the song that she's sings, and then she seems even more mentally challenged by dropping the mic and wrecking what's on the stage. In Little Britain Live, Anne also does extremely rude gestures, both on-stage and right in front of the audience. However, the audience does not get to come onto the stage to participate in anything.

B

Carol Beer

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Starting in Series 2
Catchphrase: "Computer says no... (coughs)", as well as offering surreal substitutes to requests
Carol Beer worked at a bank in Series Two and had a very close relationship with her computer. When asked by customers if they can take a loan or open up an account, she will type into her computer and usually answer "computer says no" in an unemotional tone, or for a change (upon being invited to a dinner with colleagues), "Computer says 'Will Melanie be there?'". She is unwilling to use any human initiative to help customers and will cough in their faces to make them go away. She has a crush on one of her co-workers who enters her office in one sketch. By Series 3, she has changed jobs and now works as a travel agent in the fictional town of SpongeBob SquarePants, still working very closely with her computer and answering to very reasonable requests with her catchphrase, and she takes many opportunities to cough (such as coughing into their envelope before giving. Carol often offers strange or surreal replacements the customer is unlikely to agree to, such as "I've got a flight to Guildford" (when the client asked for a flight to Orlando) or "There is one place left. Would one of you be okay swimming alongside?" (when asked for a boat ride for two people). Occasionally she would simply respond "Computer says no" without typing anything. When her clients point this out, she will stick up one finger (usually the middle one) and tap one key on the keyboard before repeating herself. In the final episode of Series 3, she is dismayed to find that "computer says yes" to a more difficult request, a very inexpensive (£700) round-the-world first-class cruise lasting six months, before her customer coughs in her face instead.
Carol has shown no emotion throughout the series, except during her appearance on Little Britain Abroad, where she cried uncontrollably; however, we quickly find out that she was being insincere and was merely trying to manipulate her clients.

Letty Bell

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 3
Letty appears in only one sketch, in which she appears have an obsession for frogs (froggies) as her house is full of frog novelties and innuendo, plus she loudly admits it. However, her obsession stops at Cartoon frogs - when she is presented with a real frog for her birthday, she strangely reacts with fear and bludgeons it to death with a rolling pin.

Maggie Blackamoor and Judy Pike

Appearances: Starting in Series 2
Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Catchphrase: None; Instead, Maggie vomits excessively on people and objects surrounding her
Maggie and Judy are two ladies from the Women's Institute who work at different voluntary or charitable events in the village of Pox. They keenly partake in refreshments provided by their hosts, but when informed that anyone involved in its preparation is either from a non-white ethnic background, has no home or is not entirely heterosexual, Maggie proceeds to vomit copiously, often on someone else, as Judy looks on, horrified. Because of this habit, Maggie is quite cautious when eating some things. These displays of racism/homophobia etc. however, are contradicted when Maggie and Judy holiday together and Maggie suggests that they kiss. This suggestion causes Judy to take on Maggie's role of vomiting. The National Federation of Women's Institutes objected to this depiction and the BBC agreed to replace the Women's Institute logo and change the dialogue in subsequent showings of the programme. Series 3 showed them in a variety of different locations instead of the usual village fairs or church events, such as Maggie visiting Judy at home and Maggie recovering in hospital after a kidney transplant (and vomiting after learning that the donor was called "Mrs. Banaji"). In Little Britain Abroad, they travel to Italy and return to their hotel room after Maggie had given a tour to Judy (though Maggie had spent a lot of the tour talking about Mussolini rather than the rest of Italy).

C

Sir Bernard Chumley

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 3, 5 and 7
Sir Bernard Chumley is a faded actor living in 'Sandy Toksvig House' who looks after his sister Kitty, who is disabled after an accident. Bernard is adamant that he isn't responsible for her disability, often telling guests of his innocence even though no-one asks. In the first sketch that he appears in, Bernard invites a young actor over to his flat, who has written to him. He then attempts to seduce him, implying that he is a homosexual. This is supported by the fact that he has many photographs of young male actors stuck to his wall. Throughout this sketch, he offers the young man various foods. He also says that he found the incident in which his sister lost the use of her legs amusing, and insists that he didn't cause the accident. In one sketch, he is visited by meals on wheels, who are bringing Kitty her dinner, and after being asked questions about how Kitty liked the food, he replies in the first person before adding: "Kitty said" or "she added". Then we see him eating the food that had been left for Kitty. The character of Chumley is probably the oldest Little Britain character, having appeared in a live-stage show in the early 90s, his own six-part television series in the late 90s, and a cameo in Shooting Stars. In his final sketch, some pallbearers come to his door with a coffin to take Kitty, who has apparently died, away from a tearful Bernard. However, they then discover she is not really dead and he begs them to "take her anyway."

Mr. Cleeves

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 1
Mr. Cleaves is a traditional-looking yet bizarre teacher at Kelsey Grammar School (a reference to actor Kelsey Grammer). Mr. Cleaves sets the pupils strange tasks such as finding "the square root of Popeye" and "dividing Henry VIII by Edward II". He also asks for complete silence during a test, which is later revealed to be a test on crisps, but then he does various loud things himself, like playing the saxophone, hoovering the classroom and setting off fireworks. He also has trouble with reading and very blatantly throws books at his pupils. He also introduces strange new pupils into his class such as a dog, 13th century boy and an adult. The school itself is bizarre as it arranges trips to the moon and pilches millions of pounds during small jumble sales.

Kenny Craig

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Starting in Series 1
Catchphrase: "Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, NOT above the eyes, NOT around the eyes, look into my eyes (snaps fingers) you're under." (After dialogue relating to situation), "3, 2, 1... (snaps fingers) you're back in the room"
Kenny Craig is a stage hypnotist who often uses his powers for silly and trivial reasons, such as beating his mother in a game of Scrabble by playing a non-existent word (cupboardy, which, according to him, meant "cupboard-like") and hypnotising her into believing it is a real word. In most of the early series, Kenny Craig sketches are based on him hypnotising one or more people into doing things or accepting as fact a ridiculous premise, some of whom aren't really hypnotised, but were merely playing along, or simply getting out of a sticky situation (such as hypnotising everyone present when he accidentally destroys a man's car). His powers appear to improve as the series progresses, however; in later episodes he manages feats such as putting on a hypnosis show - in which he does nothing but hypnotise the audience into believing they have actually witnessed an incredible hypnosis show before sitting back to read a book for an hour (Andy McNab's Bravo Two Zero); finally taking them out of their trance at the timetabled end of the show. He can also be a miser; sometimes hypnotising his girlfriend to stop her from buying very expensive items or an expensive dish from a restaurant (though he often buys what she wants for himself afterwards). In Little Britain Abroad, while holidaying in Portugal, he is hypnotised by Paul McKenna into losing his powers of hypnosis, living on the street and digging through dustbins to find a half-eaten box of KFC chicken.

D

Marjorie Dawes

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Starting in Series 1
Catchphrase: "Oh man I love the cake!", "Dust? Anybody? No? Dust?", "Oh, man, you is fat!","'ave we got any neeew members?"

Marjorie Dawes is a woman who runs a weight loss club called 'Fat Fighters' (a group similar to real-life Weight Watchers), despite weighing 15 stone (210 lbs or 95 kg) herself. She is known for being extremely rude to the members of Fat Fighters, sometimes in a sweet voice and is rarely nice to anyone. Her sketches featured guest appearances from Vanessa Feltz and Derek Martin in Series Two and Three respectively. Sometimes, however, her members tease her (for instance, when she came back from a holiday in the Season 3 premiere, the members teased her about her orange suntan by alluding to food with orange in it (such as "Fizzy Drinks. Paul: What, like Tango?")). The regular members include Pat, Paul, Ian, the oldest member Tania and an Indian woman called Meera. In Season 2, Pat and Paul start a relationship and the two get married. A running gag throughout the series is that Marjorie pretends not to hear or understand what Meera says (due to her foreign accent) and after asking her to repeat herself several times, another member will explain what she said or Marjorie will interpret it as something else. It is also implied in a Series 1 episode that Marjorie had had a brief sexual encounter with Paul, after which she berates him for it. She also avoids the subject of her own weight by shouting at her superior from the Head Office, even running away from her high-fat shopping when Meera happens to be the cashier. Another of her trademark actions is to eat copious amounts almost very obviously, such as under the table at a Christmas party after depriving the other members of a decent meal, or behind a projector screen (which shows her actions clearly). In the final sketch of Series Three, the Fat Fighters members left the group en masse after finally growing tired of Marjorie's constant vindictive comments, especially after learning that she cannot even apologise properly. Marjorie appeared in Little Britain Abroad, where she went on an exchange to America and attended a meeting in Miami. A new member of the group was the local sheriff, who was less tolerant of Marjorie's rudeness and, after being pushed too far, she arrested her. Meanwhile, Marjorie's Texan counterpart, Blanche Tuckatuck (portrayed by David Walliams) went to take Marjorie's group in the UK. Although she was politer and kinder than Marjorie, she had one serious flaw - she was a member of the Klan. Marjorie first appeared on TV with Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer as the mother of Shooting Stars resident drummer, George Dawes.

Bubbles DeVere

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Starting in Series 2
Catchphrase: "Hello Dahling!", "Call me Bubbles, dahling, everybody does!" and "Champagne!, champagne for everyone!"
Bubbles is an overweight, middle-aged woman who lives at a health spa despite constantly being harassed for her payment by Mr. Hutton (Walliams). The sketches are based on the shock factor, as Bubbles is the first character to go full-frontal (which is Lucas in a latex costume of an obese woman) in the hope of managing to seduce Hutton into waiving her bill. She claims that her husband's Monte Carlo telephone number is 123 456 789. The accompanying Series 2 script book shows her bill, which runs to more than five hundred pages, and gives her real name as Mavis DeVere. She is believed to be an ex-Olympic Gymnast. Her sketches in Series 2 revolve around Bubbles avoiding Mr Hutton's demands, going so far as to singeing herself severely in a sun bed. Series 3 concerns her efforts to break up Desiree and Roman, unsuccessfully.

Desiree DeVere

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 3
Catchphrase: "Baby" (as opposed to Bubbles' "Dahling" and usually pronounced "bebby" or "babby")
Desiree is the rival of Bubbles and the new wife of Bubbles' ex-husband, Roman. Desiree, like Bubbles, is an obese woman (larger even than Bubbles) who frequently appears naked, wears only a small silver dress and is bald (though, like Bubbles, she wears a wig), but is a lot ruder than Bubbles. Roman enjoys watching the two of them wrestling. He divorced Bubbles because she lost an amount of weight. She is believed to be former Miss Botswana and an ex-Olympic Showjumper.

Roman DeVere

Played by: Rob Brydon
Appearances: Since Series 3

See Desiree DeVere, above

Michael Dinner

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 2, Episodes 4 and 5
Michael Dinner (also known as The Posh Diner) is a man who is always seen in a restaurant. In each of his sketches he is approached by a waiter and gruffly orders posh dishes, before ordering something basic or mass-market (such as Um Bongo, Hubba Bubba or Monster Munch) as the waiter walks away. Michael also appeared on the Comic Relief episode and in the deleted scenes of the second series.

His name is revealed in the Little Britain top trump cards.

Don

See Pat and Don, below

E

Mrs. Emery

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 3
Catchphrase: "Oh, 'ello dear!" as well as urinating uncontrollably
Mrs. Emery is a kind old lady who is never one to back out of a nice long chat. However, while conversing she starts urinating and seems oblivious to the mess she leaves behind. Her sketches attracted controversy soon after the launch of the third series, when they were criticised by the UK incontinence charity, Incontact.

F

Linda Flint

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 2
Catchphrase: "Martin, it's Linda", "How can I describe him/her?", "That's right, (insulting epithet)"
Linda is a university counsellor who always has a student in her office asking for something, usually course-related. Linda calls a man named Martin (unseen and unheard to the audience) to grant the request and is asked to describe the student in question. While she often begins with complimentary or basic descriptions (such as the colour of the hair or skin, good personalities or what they're wearing), despite the leftist Paraphernalia filling her office, she uses descriptions that mock the student's culture or appearance, such as "big fat lesbian," "ching-chong Chinaman," "Ali Bongo," "Fatty Fatty Boom Boom," "the Oompa Loompa," "Magnum P.I.," and "BALDY!" after the kinder words fail, much to the shock of the students in question. In the last episode of Series 3, all of the students she had insulted in Series 2 and 3 came to tell her they wanted to place a formal complaint about her, but when she called Martin to sort it out, she referred to them as "the whole cast of Fraggle Rock". It should be noted that, in Little Britain Live, she talks with a loud, cheerful voice, whereas she usually talks in a quiet, soft voice.

Sir Norman Fry

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 3
Catchphrase: "As far as I'm concerned, that is the end of the matter. Thank you."
Sir Norman Fry is a Conservative MP who seems to be respectable, and has a wife (Camilla, played by Matt Lucas) and two children. He is always issuing statements to the press regarding compromising situations in which he has been apparently caught. His statements are written and delivered in a futile attempt to make his escapades sound wholly innocent and justifiable, using phrases such as "on entering the room, my clothes accidentally fell off" or "I followed the gentlemen into the toilet cubicle to discuss foreign policy", and to cover up his apparent homosexual tendencies, since most of his statements refer to encounters with other men.

G

Gary and Jason

Played by: Matt Lucas and David Walliams, respectively
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 1, 2, 7 and 8
Gary and Jason are two friends who always visit Gary's grandmother, on whom Jason has a crush. Jason always tries to play on to Gary's grandmother, by wiping her spillings and sucking her toes, the latter of which angers Gary to the point of ordering him out of her house. When Jason later visited Gary's grandmother, he was aroused to see her kissing her sister, which was further enhanced by her offering a sandwich, which he interpreted as the sex position. A sketch is included in the deleted scenes on the Series 2 DVD, where Jason is having sex with Gary's grandmother. This sketch was originally planned for the TV series, but Matt and David have self-censored themselves by not showing it.

Edward and Samantha Grant

Played by: David Walliams and Helen Coker respectively
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 5 and 7
Edward Grant is a schoolteacher married to his ex-pupil Samantha. He claims that they share an ordinary marriage just like any other, but he often treats her like a school pupil, such as "the bell is a signal for me, not for you" upon the doorbell ringing and "you copied Nigella Lawson's work!" upon Samantha's revelation that she used a Nigella Lawson sorbet recipe.

H

Emily Howard

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 1
Catchphrase: "I'm a lady! That's what I am, a lady!" and sometimes ending long statements with “... and shit.”
"Emily", real name Eddie Howard, is an awkward and blatantly obvious transvestite in denial. Rather than trying to look like a modern woman "Emily" prefers the outdated frocks of Victorian times, which only enhances 'her maleness'. Most sketches involving "Emily" revolve around the performing of stereotypically male behaviour (such as fixing a car or playing football) in spite of 'her' appearance, or exaggerated attempts to persuade others that 'she' is a woman and to allow her to perform exclusively female behaviour (e.g. entering a women's changing room). From the second series onwards "Emily" has best friend "Florence" as a companion and is teaching 'her' how to pretend to be like a lady.

I

Ian and Ian, The Record Breakers

Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 1

At the end of each show in Series 1, they try to set a world record but end up not meeting the requirements or not having essential things. For example, they want to set the record for the world’s tallest man, but then realise that wearing an excessively tall top hat doesn’t count. Another example would be that they want to set the record for the largest baked bean bath, but then realise they need more than one tin of baked beans to fill the bath. Each attempt usually takes place in an empty auditorium.

J

Jason

See Gary and Jason, above.

K

Des Kaye

Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Wicky Woo!", "Top of the morning, where's me breakfast?"
Appearances: Series 1, and Little Britain Live
Des Kaye is a rejected children's TV host who works in a DIY store. He is often seen annoying the other members of staff with his puppet (called Croc-O-Dile) and his frequent sayings of "wicky woo". The Series 1 DVD contains a deleted scene showing Des visiting a children's hospital and accidentally unplugging a patient's life support machine while trying to play some cheerful music on a tape recorder. He appears on the radio series and in the Little Britain live stage show. According to the Radio series, he was sacked from his "Fun Bus" show because of gross indecency (saying "Are you telling me you've never had a wank in the toilet?")

L

Dr. Lawrence

Dr. Lawrence is the Doctor in charge of Anne's progress.

For more info see Anne, above

Leonard

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 3, episodes 2 and 6
Leonard is a man who works in a retirement home. He goes to great lengths to ensure comfort for certain inhabitants, namely himself.

Officer Lindsay

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 1
Officer Lindsay appears only once in Series 1. He is a retired police officer in the town of Scoffage, who gives driving lessons. After persuading them to drive at law-breaking speeds, he promptly turns and berates them as if he were still a policeman.

Liz and Clive

Played By: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 2, 4 and 8
Liz and Clive are a middle-aged couple who spend a lot of time eating in their local Chinese restaurant. Liz frequently claims (often very loudly, so that other diners around them can hear) that she was a bridesmaid for Mollie Sugden, which irritates Clive. In the final sketch involving these characters, Mollie Sugden comes to the restaurant and denies any knowledge of Liz, claiming that her friend Helen was the only bridesmaid at her wedding. Liz then throws a knife in her back.

Sebastian Love

Played by: David Walliams
Catchphrase: "Whateva’", “Whaaaat!?”, "Bitch!"
Appearances: Since Series 1
Aide to the Prime Minister, Sebastian holds a badly-concealed homosexual crush on his boss. Wildly jealous of anyone who takes the attention of the PM, Sebastian does everything in his power to bring the attention back to himself. He often “accidentally” finds himself in sexually suggestive positions with his boss, who is usually very tolerant of his advances. He is also very defensive of his boss when he comes under fire from the press or general public (for instance, when some people present a petition saying that they want the PM to resign, he tears it up and throws it in their faces). In the finale of Season 2, he tries to kiss the P.M. but is at first unsuccessful and weeps. When questioned if he has a crush on his boss, he denies it, then kisses his boss. In Little Britain Abroad, it is shown that the PM might in fact be genuinely gay, as it is implied that he had a homosexual relationship with the president of the United States.

M

Ting Tong Macadangdang and Dudley Punt

Played by: Matt Lucas and David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 3
Catchphrase: Ting Tong: "Pwease Mr. Dudwey!"
"My name Ting Tong, Ting Tong Macadangdang"

Dudley ordered a Thai bride from a magazine. However, Ting Tong Macadangdang is quite the opposite of the slim, beautiful bride Dudley was expecting. He is not very happy about this, but for sex, he lets her stay "for one more night". Dudley is very sarcastic and has a cockney accent. Ting Tong, on the other hand, is very loud and claims not to be able to understand Dudley a lot of the time. The sketches generally involve Dudley and Ting Tong's relationship blossoming, only for Ting Tong to reveal a secret. Dudley would then order her out. She would then try and convince him through various methods to let her stay, to which he always gives in. Ting Tong has many secrets: her real name is Tong Ting Macadangdang, and it was revealed she is a lady-boy. She admitted that she comes from Tooting in London, not from a remote Thai village called Pong Pong, as she'd originally claimed. Ting Tong eventually invited her entire family to live in Dudley's home, turned it into a Thai restaurant and, as a result, caused him to leave the home. Later, in Little Britain Abroad, after finally getting married, they go on a honeymoon.

Ting Tong in fact means 'crazy' or 'nuts' in Thai.

Mr. Mann

File:Mrmann.jpg

Mr. Mann and his purchase, a painting of a displeased owl.

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Since Series 1
Mr. Mann is a customer who shops in a store (which varies in the merchandise it sells from episode to episode) run by Roy. He will ask for ridiculously specific items in the shop (such as 'a painting of a disappointed horse' in Season 3 Episode 2) or a particularly vague or general item (such as "books" in a bookshop, then saying "I'll take them"; actually implying he will buy ALL of them). Roy's wife Margaret is always in the back room and never seen. Mr. Mann appeared in only one episode in the first series, but was a regular character in the second and third series. These sketches are some of the more traditional in the series, relying upon wordplay and surrealism. Early versions of the sketch feature Roy being unable to provide Mann with his request due to it being too specific. In later sketches, Roy became accustomed to his requests and was sometimes able to provide them. It should be noted that Mr. Mann can be in the shop for a very long time, either due to how specific his request is, how long it takes him to describe it or simply waiting in the shop for his request to become available, and he seems joyous by the length of time he is in the shop. Thus, it could be noted that he may have an interest in Roy, which is somewhat confirmed in his final sketch of Series 2, in which he goes in and asks for a very specific record, but is forced to leave when the exact record is given to him, to his dismay. Mr. Mann himself does not have any catchphrase (while Roy and Margaret do) and often delivers comedic content by making surreal suggestions to resolve a problem (such as questioning whether a long-dead writer could re-write his book and cut out all the "o's" to make it shorter). Often, he will give Roy one detail of what he wants, but as soon as Roy has presented it to him, he will add another detail (for instance, while asking for a birthday card, he says it's for a man "who's turning sixty...(Roy presents him a card saying "Happy 60th Birthday" on it)...five). In Little Britain Abroad, he visits a shop in Morocco with a Morrocan counterpart of Roy and asks for Pirate Memory Games, which was the first thing he ever asked for at Roy's shop back in the UK.

Margaret

Voiced by: Stirling Gallacher
Appearances: Margaret is always off-screen, but she has been included since Series 1
Catchphrase: See Roy below
Margaret and her husband, Roy, own a shop frequented by Mr. Mann. She is unseen throughout all the series and helps Roy when he calls to her from the sales floor. One episode reveals that she is unseen because she has no arms or legs.

Dame Sally Markham

Played by: Matt Lucas
Apperances: Series 1

Dame Sally Markham is a romantic novel author who does not actually do her writing or typing herself, but instead, whilst lying on a sofa eating sweets and stroking her pet poodle, dictates her story to her secretary who is typing. Her stories typically fall well short of the required length, and she will try to lengthen it by having her secretary type up some extended onomatopoeias (such as "Yahoooooooooooo"), integrate excerpts from the radio, read parts from another book or having the entire Bible being typed into her novel.

Ray McCooney

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 1 and Little Britain Live
Catchphrase: "Yeeeees!", "Ye know too much!"
Scottish owner of a hotel who speaks and acts like an Elizabethan fantasy character. He answers questions from customers in a diffident manner using riddles, "spells", and a (intentionally badly dubbed) flute, which he refers to as a 'piccalillo'. He also refers strangely to ordinary objects, such as "talking noisy box" for a radio. His bizarre behaviour often confuses and irritates his guests but two officers from the Inland Revenue once used it against him, tricking Ray into making overdue payments. His hotel is opposite IKEA.

In the pilot episode, this character’s name was "Roy."

Denver Mills

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 3, 5 and 6
Denver Mills is a former silver medalist in the 400 metres at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics, who now acts as a guest speaker. His speeches are always politically incorrect and often offensive, such as his speech at a police dinner "...maybe being an Olympic athlete isn't so different from being a police officer. First of all, we both get a lot of practise running after black guys". In a typical sketch, he will be on his way to his speech, but upon learning a detail in his speech is considered offensive or is in fact not correct, he will proceed to throw a page of his speech away, until he is left with his greeting and dismissal. Once, he was so reluctant to make his speech that he threw himself out of the car.

The Minstrels

Played By: David Walliams and Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 1, Episodes 1 and 3
The Minstrels are two minstrels who are constant targets of quasi-racial discrimination. They are refused a room at a Bed and Breakfast, and are criticized by in radio broadcast by a government official. One of the cut sketches shows the Minstrel played by David Walliams being denied a job to which he replies, "Is it because I'm a minstrel?"

Myfanwy

Played by: Ruth Jones
Appearances: Since Series 1, in Daffyd Thomas sketch
Myfanwy (pronounced Mif-an-wi) is the barmaid of a local pub and friend to Daffyd Thomas and often sells him Bacardi and Coke. She is very keen to help him find a gay partner, even going as far as to close her bar so he can have a gay night (which she promptly regrets because he orders all the gays who turn up to leave). In later episodes, we learn that she is in a lesbian relationship and about to get married. In Little Britain Abroad, Myfanwy opens a gay bar on Mykonos Island but it does not fare well because Daffyd does not hand out flyers to the locals. It is also revealed in Little Britain Abroad that she speaks almost perfect Greek. At the end of series 3 she is seen holding hands with Daffyd and she cries when he tries to leave to London.

N

Narrator

Played by: Tom Baker
Appearances: Unseen. Narrates every episode
Catchphrase: Opens every episode with "Britain, Britain, Britain!" and closes every episode with a mispronounced "goodbye"
The narrator opens and closes every episode and provides a voice-over between sketches to introduce the upcoming characters, announcing the time in a ridiculous manner, such as 'nought o'clock', or replacing the hour with a person's name, such as 'five past Ming the Merciless, and also fictitious names for locations around Britain, such as villages called "Bruise" and the "Mike McShane Estate'. The narrator delivers comedic content in many voice-overs by making nonsense claims about Britain, its people or its history (such as "we invented the cat") or by breaking the fourth wall, such as saying Anthony Head is not the real Prime Minister, he's "that guy out of Buffy". He will also make ironic statements (such as in Little Britain Abroad: "I went to Mykonos once. I loathed it...Too many gays! My boyfriend and I got the first flight home!")

P

Pat and Don

Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas respectively
Appearances: Series 3, episodes 2 and 3
Pat and Don are a couple who eat at a local Indian restaurant, but whenever Don finds the food a little too hot for his tastes, it causes him to spout catchphrases from a variety of 1970s TV shows. Pat clearly only likes mild food.

Sandra and Ralph Patterson

Played by: David Walliams and Adam Donkin
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 4, 6 and 7
Sandra Patterson is a stage mother who is determined for her son Ralph (which she pronounces as "Raif", a reference to Ralph Fiennes) to get into acting. She is very boastful and rude to the parents waiting with her, is a sore loser (in one instance, she scratches the child who got the part he was auditioning for across the face) and is cruel and abusive to him every time he fails to get the part he auditions for (which happens in every single sketch). They appeared in the radio series under the names of Sandra and Olivier Laurence, a play on the name of the actor Laurence Olivier. She goes to such lengths to get him parts, that she pretends it's his birthday, that he's dying, and even threatening to "tell 'em you touched him!"

Sid Pegg

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 3, episodes 4 and 5
Catchphrases: “Wife [name of food], go!”, "Britain fights back (fist in air)"
Sid Pegg is a nosey and mean-spirited Neighbourhood Watch leader who takes his job a little too seriously. As there is no real crime in his area, his meetings can be about anything from the Gypsy Kings to the fact that a gang of yobs have kicked an empty can of lilt down the road. He will frequently call out commands to his wife preparing dinner, in the format of "Wife, [name of food], go!". When asking for assistance from other members of the watch, he always chooses Lloyd, a short man who appeared on The Weakest Link (a fact Sid continually mentions).

Piano Player

Played by: David Walliams
Episodes: Series 1, episodes 1, 3, 6 and 8
The Piano Player is an unnamed man who plays at the Uncle Albert Hall. He pauses in his recitals to say or do mindless things, such as checking where his shopping bag is, to read a text message and to tell someone that he forgot to set the video and ask when Sainsbury's closes, before resuming the recital as if nothing had happened.

Judy Pike

See Maggie Blackamoor, above.

Harvey Pincher

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 2
Catchphrase: "I want bitty!" or simply "Bitty!"
Harvey Pincher is a 30-year-old upper-class mummy's boy who insists on "bitty" (breast milk) from his mother (played by Geraldine James) even though he is an adult, much to the dismay of his prospective wife and her parents. The sketches follow his engagement to Jane, through to their wedding day.

Andy Pipkin

See Lou Todd and Andy Pipkin, below.

Vicky Pollard

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Starting in Series 1
Catchphrases: "Yeah, but, no, but... (and sometimes repeats this a few times)", "... or summing or nuffing", "SHUT up!", "Don't be giving me evils!", "Oh my God! I sooo can't believe you said that!" as well as coming up with gossip unrelated to her situation.
A teenage girl who is intended to be a parody of chavs living in the West Country at the time Matt Lucas was studying at the University of Bristol. When challenged about something, she comes up with gossip that has nothing whatsoever to do with whatever predicament she is in at the time, although she claims to be "getting there." Her place of residence throughout the series was a fictitious town called Darkley Noone, although there are several obvious signs that point to her being a Bristolian. For instance, she refers to places within the Bristol area, such as Fishponds, the Broadmead Shopping Centre and Wookey Hole (which is actually just outside Wells, but is a short drive from Bristol. She also speaks with an obviously Bristolian accent. Vicky Pollard went to school in the first and second series. In the first series, she was accused of shoplifting, became pregnant (and swapped the baby for a Westlife CD) and was sentenced to borstal where she bit someone called Jackie (a counterpart of Vicky played by Walliams). In the second series, she stole from a supermarket and smoked on a bus. In the last series, she was hired to babysit and had a wild party in the house while the parents were away and tried to get money from a fake lottery ticket. In Little Britain Abroad she was shut in a Thai prison for smuggling drugs and her mother, Shelly Pollard (played by Dawn French), made an appearance in court saying that Vicky got into a bad crowd at the age of three. Vicky was sentenced to 10 years, and her mother 20 (despite not being involved) for this offence. In Comic Relief does Little Britain Live, supermodel Kate Moss played Vicky's twin sister 'Katie Pollard', declared that Vicky was the 'pretty one' and Katie was the 'easy one'.

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Jeremy Rent

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Since Series 1
Jeremy is Dennis Waterman’s theatrical agent who, while on the phone, at the slightest hint of disagreement, shouts the last word and hangs up the phone.

Florence Rose

Played by: Matt Lucas
"Florence Rose" is a wannabe transvestite and companion of "Emily". He is even more unconvincing than "Emily" in that he deliberately sports a moustache; at one point being referred to as "a short fat bloke with a moustache" whilst attempting to purchase a dress. Emily is teaching "Florence" how to be a lady in the second series, during which "she" always makes mistakes. In the last episode of Series 3 it is revealed that he is married and his real name is Fred.

Roy

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Since Series 1, in every sketch with Mr. Mann
Catchphrase: Roy’s catchphrase is a conversation with his wife:

Roy: (Following Mr. Mann’s request) “Oh, I’m not sure, Margaret will know. (turns to the back of the store) Margaret! Margaret!”

Margaret: (after a long pause) “Yes?”

Roy: “There’s a gentleman here looking for (then repeats Mr. Mann’s request, often verbatim.)”

These lines are often followed with Margaret suggesting a product which Roy may have in stock, much to his own surprise, and which Mr. Mann may then refuse for some trivial reason.

Roy owns a store (that sells different items each episode) where Mr. Mann always shops. His wife Margaret helps run the store but is never seen. He has, on at least one occasion, stated that he hates Mr. Mann because of his specific requests.

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Michael Stevens

Played by: Anthony Head
Appearances: Since Series 1, in every skit with Sebastian Love
Prime Minister of Britain, and the object of Sebastian’s affection. He "retires" at the end of Season 3, to Sebastian's horror."

David Walliams states that Anthony Head got the role because "next to Steve Martin, he's the only man I'll ever turn gay for."

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Daffyd Thomas

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Starting in Series 1
Catchphrases: "Everybody knows I’m the only gay in the village”, "Homophobe!" "Bacardi and Coke please, Myfanwy," "I don't think so."
Daffyd (Template:PronEng) Thomas, who lives in the fictional Welsh mining village of Llandewi Breffi (based on the real Welsh village of Llanddewi Brefi), is a self-proclaimed gay man who dresses in a vast variety of tight PVC and latex rubber clothing items and proudly proclaims that he is the only gay in the village. In fact, there is a huge gay community in his village and the surrounding area, but he utterly refuses to associate with them. As such, it is most likely that Daffyd is in fact not gay at all, but is merely pretending to be in order to stand out as unique and get attention, as he has never actually had a homosexual experience and, when presented with the chance to have one, he simply reacts with shock and fear, and all his known relationships were with women. He longs to be victimised for his supposed homosexuality and often brands anyone who speaks to him as homophobic (even if all they said was "Hello"). When forced to admit that he is not the only gay in the village, he orders a large brandy. He spends most of his time in the village pub talking to (and ordering Bacardi & Coke from) the barmaid and his best friend, Myfanwy. Myfanwy (who is a lesbian herself) is eager to help him with his apparent loneliness, and encourages him to meet other gay men or groups, all of whom he rejects or insults. Despite often accusing others of homophobia, he often makes anti-lesbian comments, and when faced with other homosexual men he usually either claims they are not genuinely gay (no matter how blatantly they indicate that they are), or outright insults them. He has a mother and father who are not bothered by his homosexuality (in Little Britain Abroad, he is horrified to learn from Myfanwy that his mother had a sexual encounter with her aunt), and a genuinely gay brother. In the final episode of Series 3, he decides to leave Llandewi Brefi for London because he felt he was an "out gay" man. However, he decided not to go, because he learnt from Myfanwy (who is shown at this point to be very fond of him) what a gay man could do in London. In Little Britain Abroad, he ruins the opening night of Myfanwy's gay bar because he hands out fliers to a 5-year-old tourist girl and a Greek nun instead of to other gays (though the nun later reveals herself to be a lesbian).

Lou Todd and Andy Pipkin

Main article: Lou and Andy

Played by: David Walliams and Matt Lucas, respectively
Appearances: Since Series 1
Catchphrase:

Lou: “Oh, what a kerfuffle”, as well as paraphrasing off-screen insightful comments from Andy

Andy: "I want that one!", "I don't like it!", “Yeah, I know”, as well as getting off his wheelchair and running around when Lou is not watching

Andy is in a wheelchair, and Lou, his care-giver, looks after him with great devotion. However, Andy is not really disabled at all; he is only pretending to be so that he doesn't have to do anything other than what he likes to do. Lou and Andy sketches follow two common patterns: Andy has Lou go through some great hassle for him (such as carrying his wheelchair up flights of steps), and then Lou is required to leave for a few moments, during which time Andy gets out of his chair and does something that a disabled person would be unable to do. The second pattern is that Andy makes an arbitrary decision about something, in spite of Lou's best advice that it's a bad choice, then after Lou has committed to the decision Andy changes his mind. Lou also often repeats eloquent views on various things supposedly by said Andy (i.e. "I thought you said that cosmetic enhancements was symbolic of an image worshipping soceity and those his previous request. In Series Three Lou went to his mother's funeral in the Isle of Wight, and a strict careworker called Mrs. Mead played by Imelda Staunton came to look after him. His tricks no longer worked on her, so (at the end of the series) Andy pushes her off a cliff in order to get Lou back. In the end of the series it is shown that Andy does care for Lou as a friend.

Viv Tudor

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 2, episodes 3 and 5
Catchphrase: "Oh, he was gaaawwgeous!"
Viv is a jewellery shop owner who has been robbed, however she has a huge crush on the robbers and describes them by saying, "Oh, he was gaaawgeous! Phowarr!" Viv was heard much more frequently on the radio series, most notably visiting a zoo and saying that all the animals were similarly attractive. "Look at that thorax! Oh baby, what an abdomen!" In her last appearance, she said no to the men she didn't like the look of for the only time. She, however, does not find Jesus Christ gorgeous.

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Warren

Played by: Matt Lucas
Appearances: Series 3
Warren appears in a hospital, apparently on his deathbed. However as the family begin to mourn, he speaks to reveal himself as still alive. Towards the end of the sketch, he appears to die but then ably gets up to go to the toilet.

Matthew Waterhouse

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 1, episodes 4, 5, 6 and 7
Catchphrase: "Got another one!" and (slaps his hand on the desk) "How’s that for starters?"
Matthew Waterhouse is an inventor who comes up with very silly and crazy ideas for musicals, board games, impersonators and cereals, with a sketch on each subject. An example of one of his ideas is "Sugar Poofs: Real gay men frosted with sugar." or "John McCarthy-a-gram: I come in, handcuff myself to the radiator and talk about my time as a hostage in the Lebanon!" The character's name is a reference to the actor Matthew Waterhouse who played the character of Adric in the television science-fiction series Doctor Who in the early 1980s.

Dennis Waterman

Played by: David Walliams
Appearances: Series 1 and 2 and Little Britain Live
Catchphrase: "So they want me to star in it, write the feem toon (i.e. “theme tune”), sing the feem toon..."
Dennis Waterman is a minute actor who, unfortunately, never gets a part because he insists he should "write the feem toon, sing the feem toon" in every part he gets, much to the dismay of his theatrical agent, Jeremy. Also, when he is offered to reprise a role in a tv series in which he indeed gets to "write the feem toon, sing the feem toon," if he accepts, he mutters "no thanks, I've moved on." He is very short, as seen when Jeremy hands him something (which fits in his palm) which is bigger than Dennis.

He bears little resemblance to the real Dennis Waterman, except that his 'feem toons' are based on the Minder theme tune that Waterman did write and sing himself (among others). The real Dennis Waterman has been quoted as saying "I did watch it, but I never saw that bit. I just saw a lot of some bloke dressed up as a woman".

The Little Britain Live stage show included a mock ad-lib sequence in which Lucas and Walliams question the logic of their caricature, which in fact bears little resemblance to Waterman. In a recent special recording of the sketch for Comic Relief 2007, Waterman himself appears on stage and confronts the two, forcing them to admit that in voice and appearance, there is no resemblance. He is forced to concede that he has often written and sung the "feem toon" of programmes in which he has appeared.