Infidelity

Infidelity can be defined as any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, and is a breach of faith in an inter-personal relationship.

Sexual infidelity in marriage is sometimes called adultery, philandery or an affair and in other inter-personal relationships it is sometimes called cheating. A man whose wife has committed adultery is referred to as a cuckold, but no equivalent word exists for a woman whose partner has cheated.^[1]

Infidelity is not inherently sexual nature, although certain acts of infidelity could be sexual.

What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures and depends also on the type of relationship that exists between people. Even within an open relationship, infidelity may arise if a partner to the relationship acts outside of the understood boundaries of the relationship. (See Blumstein.)

Incidence of infidelity

Some authorities (for example Frank Pittman in 'Grow Up' Golden Books) observe infidelity is involved in 90% of first time divorces. A 1997 study with Kristina Gordon found 'more than half of the marriages that experience infidelity ended in divorce'. By contrast John Gottman with his 35 years of research into marriage,^[2] is reported as saying "Only 20 percent of divorces are caused by an affair.^[3] Most marriages die with a whimper, as people turn away from one another, slowly growing apart." Fifty United Kingdom divorce lawyers were asked to name the most common causes of their cases in 2003. Of those who cited extramarital affairs, 55% said it was usually the husbands and 45% said that it was the wives who cheated.^[4]

In addition between 10-15% of children are conceived as a result of an affair.^[5]

Infidelity that does not involve sex or conception may be referred to as a romantic friendship or an emotional affair. Some people consider virtual sex, which is an impersonal on-line relationship, as infidelity.

Infidelity at work

An office romance, work romance, or corporate affair is a romance that occurs between two people who work together in the same office, work location, or business.

Though office romances are generally considered to be unhelpful to business and work relationships, inter-personal relationships at work are common. These relationships are usually discouraged as part of company policy, and at times even prohibited.

The suspicion that an advantage is gained by 'sleeping with the boss' in a competitive environment ensures that these relationships occur by stealth.

A selection of infidelity in film and theatre

Infidelity has been a theme in many films and in the theatre, including -

A selection of infidelity in song

References

^ Cuckhold definition, The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000.
^ Gottman's Sound Marital House Model
^ Rescuing Marriages Before They Begin
^ John Elliott and Rachel Dobson Straying wives match men as marital cheats The Times October 26 2003.
^ If how and when to tell children conceived or witnesses in an affair

For Your Marriage, The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops
NORC at the University of Chicago
Moultrup, David J. (1990). Husbands, Wives & Lovers . New York: Guilford Press.
Glass, S. P., & Wright, T. L. (1992). Justifications for extramarital relationships: The association between attitudes, behaviors, and gender. Journal of Sex Research 29, 361-387.
Pittman, F. (1989). Private Lies . New York: W. W. Norton Co.
Rubin, A. M., & Adams, J. R. (1986). Outcomes of sexually open marriages. Journal of Sex Research, 22, 311-319.
Vaughan, P. (1989). The Monogamy Myth. New York: New Market Press.
Blow, Adrian J. (2005). "Infidelity in Committed Relationships II: A Substantive Review". Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. 31 (2). Washington, D.C.: American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. ISSN 0194-472x. {{cite journal}}: Check |issn= value (help); Unknown parameter |coauthors= ignored (|author= suggested) (help); Unknown parameter |month= ignored (help)
Blow, Adrian J. (2005). "Infidelity in Committed Relationships I: A Methodological Review". Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. 31 (2). Washington, D.C.: American Associaton for Marriage and Family Therapy. ISSN 0194-472x. {{cite journal}}: Check |issn= value (help); Unknown parameter |coauthors= ignored (|author= suggested) (help); Unknown parameter |month= ignored (help)
Beyond Betrayal: Life After Infidelity
Adult attachment and patterns of extradyadic involvement Family Process, Dec 2004 by Elizabeth S. Allen, Donald H. Baucom
AN INTEGRATIVE INTERVENTION FOR PROMOTING RECOVERY FROM EXTRAMARITAL AFFAIRS Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, April 2004 by Gordon, Kristina Coop, Baucom, Donald H, Snyder, Douglas K
Treating infidelity: Therapeutic dilemmas and effective strategies Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, October 2004 by Ward, David B
Managing Infidelity: A Cross-Cultural Perspective by Anne Buckmaster, William Jankowiak, M. Diane Nell; Ethnology, Vol. 41, PART 1, pages 85-100 2002
Extensive summary linked to detail articles on impact of affairs of all types
The late Shirley Glass' web site with free article and quizzes
ANTICIPATION OF MARITAL DISSOLUTION AS A CONSEQUENCE OF SPOUSAL INFIDELITY
Infidelity: The Lessons Children Learn by Jennifer Harley Chalmers, Ph.D.
Professor Kristina Gordon's research into infidelity and betrayal
Fidelity versus infidelity defined in a research project
Cybersex and Infidelity Online: Implications for Evaluation and Treatment by Kimberly S. Young, Alvin Cooper, Eric Griffiths-Shelley, James O'Mara, and Jennifer Buchanan Paper Published in Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, 7(10, 59-74, 2000

[1] Cuckhold definition, The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language: Fourth Edition. 2000.

[2] Gottman's Sound Marital House Model

[3] Rescuing Marriages Before They Begin

[4] John Elliott and Rachel Dobson Straying wives match men as marital cheats The Times October 26 2003.

[5] If how and when to tell children conceived or witnesses in an affair

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[2]

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Incidence of infidelity

Infidelity at work

A selection of infidelity in film and theatre

A selection of infidelity in song

References

Further reading